Disclaimer: I own nothing of Twilight. SM does, I just swim a few laps in her pool

AN: Now we get down to business. Edward finds out the why, some truth and a whole lot more.

The Diary and Missing Links

But if i knew then, what i know now,
I'd fall in love...

(chorus)
'Cuz love only comes,
once in awhile...
knocks on your door,
and throws you a smile...
takes every breathe,
leaves every scar...
it speaks to your soul,
and sings to your heart...

But if i knew then, what i know now,
id fall in love...- Lady Antebellum- If I Knew Then

EPOV

August,12 2010

Dear Diary,

Today was the greatest! Alice, Rose & I will be juniors this year and we are ready to move up the food chain. I mean, with Tanya leaving for college that leaves only Jessica and Lauren as my self-appointed tormentors. I might even get to make through an entire day without someone ruining my clothes or dumping food in my hair! I'm taking all AP courses this year so if I skip lunch and they don't have my gym class…Yeah! Only point of sadness…Edward and the guys are shipping off to boot camp in San Diego. I won't get to see them until at least Christmas I'll miss them so much…especially my Edward. He is so sweet to me. Today, I slipped on a wet spot, and when he caught me, I swear he almost kissed me! I mean I've always dreamed of it, but I could see something in his eyes and our faces came so close…it was like fireworks and electric energy were charging the space between us. I think tomorrow is going to be the day. I'm going to have Alice help me dress super sexy and I'm going to just come out and tell him…but what if he doesn't like me like that? What am I going to do? I'll just die if he…oh if he would just kiss me! Sigh. I wish I could just get him to notice me. He is so gorgeous! I want to just melt into his arms and hear him say "I've always been in love with you Bella Swan. Those other girls are nothing compared to you. Marry me." I know it's just a dream, but Isabella Marie Cullen. Wouldn't that be nice? Well, at least my braces came off last week, so maybe he might at least kiss me. My Edward.

"What! She liked me? How come she never told me…" I wondered as I paused before the next entry.

August 13, 2010

Dear Diary,

I hate my life! I can't believe I was so stupid! Edward will never like me! I have never felt so horrible! I went over to ask him and there she was…Tanya! That fucking bitch! She tripped me into a mud puddle and then she actually kissed him! In front of me! "Eddie doesn't go for dogs little Belly! Now be a good little bitch and fetch yourself a clue." She said that to me right as Edward came around the corner. I tried to run before the tears fell, but then she grabbed him and.. POW! She kissed him. He never even bothered to see me run! I cried for an hour. Fuck you, Edward! I love you and this is what I get. Well, I hope you have a nice life! We're through! Well, maybe not through, but…oh well…I guess I'll see you at Christmas. I'll get you to notice me then! You just wait! You'll have to ask me to marry you then, because you'll have seen what it's like to be without me! I can't wait! You'll be so jealous of my new boyfriend! Well, okay. I may not have one, yet, but if you can kiss her, then I can date someone.

"Huh? She saw that? I remember Tanya trying to jam her tongue down my throat and gagging! No wonder Bella was sick that ! I never knew…."

Sept. 14, 2010

Dear Diary,

I met this guy today. He was so cool! He may not be my Edward, but wow! He's sweet and quiet. He seems the troubled brooding type. His name is James Spencer. He just moved here from Portland. He lives with his uncle Felix. Felix is a cargo-ship captain. He is gone quite a bit, so James has the house all to himself. Party central! He also has a motorcycle! His eyes are so mysterious. I think he likes me because he kept staring at me until I finally asked him his name. He was so shy! It was cute.

I got a letter from Edward today! He said he misses watching scary movies and talking about our latest novels to read. I hope he's ok. I sent him a picture along with my letter. I hope he likes the new and improved Bella. Will Christmas come already? Tanya got caught DWI and Charlie was the one who busted her! She got thrown into lock-up! I know that is petty of me to delight in her misfortune but…So fucking what! HA! Suck it, BITCH! Lauren and Jess were with her at some frat party at UW. They had some drugs on them too, so it looks like the bitch club is out!

I reached inside my pocket and pulled out the weathered old wallet sized photo. Tears welled in my eyes as I looked at her warm smile and chocolate brown eyes. My poor Bella would never smile at me again…FUCK!

Oct. 15, 2010

Dear Diary,

I'm a little drunk…ha! James kissed me tonight! It was amazing! MMMM. Maybe I should have let him feel me up too. But it still isn't Edward…well a bird in the hand! The party was great! James got in trouble though, so I won't see him for a couple of weeks. Alice and Rose say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe Edward will be so jealous, that he'll take me with him after the New Year! Maybe James and I should cool it, though. I mean I don't want to lead him on. Edward and I are destined to be together! He wrote me again and told me his training is getting harder. He says even football training before the school year isn't as hard I wish I could see him, his green eyes and his sexy smile…well I'm having a hard time. James has a sexy smile and he is really sweet… Okay. Fine I'll wait.

"Sexy smile, huh? Christmas 2010…Oh fuck! I didn't come home, because we got into SEAL training!"

Nov. 10, 2010

Dear Diary,

Oh my GOD! I, Bella Swan, am officially a girlfriend! James asked me to be his girlfriend! I have a boyfriend and not in the fantasy world of Edward Cullen and I…

Well, Edward. I think we should just be friends. My BOYFRIEND may not like it much if we got too involved. HA! I mean I love you, Edward, but I think we both know you were never going to ask me out. I will cherish what we might have had, but I really do think it would be best. I'll never forget you.

James wanted to ask me over, but his uncle had some out-of-town guests over and he thinks it best if I stay away. Odd. He called me tonight to wish me sweet dreams! Ah James… The only thing that was weird was I heard someone mention a word "Volturi?" in the background. Then James hung up.

"Ahhh. So Felix is the connection. She's dating him?"

Dec. 20, 2010

Dear Diary,

Edward isn't coming home. He made it into Navy SEAL School. I should be thrilled but I'm not…

OH MY FUCKING GOD! James and I did it! It hurt a little at first, but-

"No! I am not reading that shit!"

Flip. "Okay. Let's see my homecoming after the discharge."

Dec. 20, 2015

Dear Diary,

I know I'm getting a little old for diaries, but I can't help it. Edward Cullen is back for good. It was so good to see him again. I mean he was of course even more amazing than ever! He is a god! I'd love to build a shrine to him and practice fertility rituals! I mean I had a school girl crush on him, but he is certifiable Grade A! His lips, his hair, those eyes, that sexy smile, and of course the body! SPLASH!! I want to drag him off into the woods and ride him like a cowgirl in the rodeo! Talk about rode hard and put away wet! No girl to get in my way! But, no I'm still with James and I can't just ruin it for a fantasy. Besides I'm lucky. James is handsome enough. I know I'm just a plain Jane. Why or how could Edward or any guy want me like that?

Felix has young girls parading around in and out all of the time, so I am lucky that a guy like James hasn't found someone hotter. Edward is still my friend. I think I'll go put on that bra and panty set that Alice gave me for my birthday and go-

"No more sex, Bells."

"No. I can't believe it. So Felix is a part of the shipping operation. Hmmm.

Sept. 14, 2020

Dear Diary,

You think you know me, Cullen? HA! THINK AGAIN! SHE"S MINE!!!!!!!!

"OH FUCK!" IT'S A TRA-" And it all went black!

AN: Sorry for the cliffie! Will post again soon. Please Review.