Kou was the first one to burst into the most spacious room upstairs. "Mine!" he called triumphantly, doing a little jig.
Ayato came in next. "No way! Ore-sama chooses this room for himself," he snapped, glaring at Kou. "Ore-sama always gets first pick."
"Sorry Ayato-kun, but not today." Kou wagged a finger at Ayato teasingly. "First come, first served. I got here before you fair and square. Don't worry, there's a nice-sized one down the hall."
"I don't want that! Ore-sama gets the absolute best," insisted Ayato arrogantly, "so you can go ahead and take a hike."
"That 'Ore-sama' might work on your brothers, but not me. Not everyone is going to hand you what you want on a silver platter. That's not how life works."
"That's exactly how my life works. All underlings like you submit to Ore-sama. Whatever I want I get. You Mukamis would be wise to realize that."
Laito suddenly yanked Yui into the room. "Did we miss anything?" he asked in a creepy giggle, letting go of Yui's wrist. He looked around. "Wow, this is nice. Whose is it?"
"Mine," said Kou and Ayato simultaneously. "Kou, you better stop lying," warned Ayato, "it's mine. M-I-N-E. Ore-sama's."
"No way! I got in here first. Just quit being a sore loser already."
"Oh no. Looks like you two can't agree. How about I take the room instead~?"
"Get out of here," Ayato snapped at his younger.
"Yeah, it's already been decided. I'm getting the room," insisted Kou with a wink.
"No, Ore-sama!"
"M Neko-chan! You have more sense than Ayato-kun. Isn't the rule first come, first served?"
"W-well, I guess that's how they usually decide things," stammered Yui, looking down at her feet.
"Shut up, Chichinashi. You don't know anything."
Kanato appeared next. "What are you fools doing up here?!" he demanded. He looked around. "In my room."
"Your room?" repeated Kou and Ayato in unison, whirling around and staring at Kanato.
"Oh, hi, Kanato-kun!" Laito gave his brother a wave. "We're not doing much. Ayato and Kou are just going at each other's throats. Nothing new~"
"And what do you mean 'your' room? What's wrong with you nutcases? This all belongs to Ore-sama! Do you not know who Ore-sama is? It's me! Meee."
"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Kou glanced over at Ayato. "I've already taught myself to tune you out. Nothing personal. I'm just tired of your yapping already."
"What the—what did you just say to me?" demanded Ayato.
"Wait, I thought we agreed this was my room~" giggled Laito.
"Didn't I tell you to get out of here?!"
Kanato wrinkled his nose, holding his stuffed animal close. "This is Teddy's and I's room."
"You better get of here too before I burn that thing," warned Ayato, hissing at Teddy.
"Wait, I wanna get burned too." Azusa was the next to appear. "Please don't leave me out."
"Oh, I'll do more than that. I'll burn this whole m-effer down," assured Ayato with a harsh laugh, "if you all don't get out of my damn room."
"Wait, this is your room, Ayato-kun? Lucky. It's so big…Too bad I'm so slow. I want this room too. But I guess it's yours fair and square. Justin and I will have to go somewhere else…"
"Actually, Azusa-kun, this is my room," corrected Kou, "I claimed it first. Ayato-kun's just jealous~"
"I'm confused…"
"Like hell I'm not! Why would be jealous of you when this room belongs to me?"
"What are you worms talking about? Teddy and I claim this room for ourselves!"
"Oh great. Now that everyone wants it, so do Justin and me…."
"Oi, what's all the damn racket?" Yuma showed himself next. He looked around. "Whoa. This is sweet."
"And it's all mine," said Kou, pointing to himself.
"Not anymore. I'm taking this."
"Now hold the fuck up! This all belongs to Ore-sama!"
"But I was here first!"
"Too bad. I'm biggest, I should the biggest room," insisted Yuma.
"What should you have?" demanded Subaru, appearing next. "Shit, this place's huge. I want it."
"Too late. We already decided it's mine," said Yuma harshly.
"What? No we didn't!" said Kou and Ayato simultaneously.
"Oh boy. This looks like a problem…" said Azusa. "How are we going to settle this?"
"How about rock-paper-scissors?" suggested Laito playfully.
"Fool, there's too many of us. The game only goes two ways," spat Yuma.
"Nuh-huh. We could have a little tournament. We could play in pairs and everyone who wins will make it to the next round and pair up again. It can keep going like that until only two people are left," pointed out Laito.
"You children are major pains in the ass." Shuu was on the floor sitting against the wall. "It's a room. Just give it to whoever got up here first."
"Thank you!" Kou threw his hands up. Everyone else ignored him and Shuu.
"I should get this room," insisted Subaru stubbornly, "nothing good ever happens to me because of you dumbasses. Plus, since I'm the one who has to put with you guys the most, this is the least I deserve."
Yuma laughed harshly. "Naïve, this guy. Open up your eyes, Subaru. You aren't in a worse position than any of us. In case you haven't noticed, I have to deal with the same nut jobs too. You and Ayato's stupid asses alone is too much, but the rest of my brothers plus yours? I'm probably not gonna have any hair by the end of the damn month! I deserve this shithole more than you!"
Ayato rolled his eyes dramatically. "Why are you even involved in this, Subaru? You don't need all this space. You don't have shit."
"Gee, I wonder why," said Subaru sarcastically, "and sorry for keeping it simple. I have the necessities, unlike you. Who really needs an iron maiden in their room?" Subaru's hard gaze landed on Kou. "And you! I saw a karaoke machine downstairs. Don't lie and say that isn't yours."
"My iron maiden is a necessity!" insisted Ayato stubbornly. "What if I gotta torture a bitch on short notice? Bam! Convenient torture device."
"The fuck do you mean 'torture a bitch'? You know damn well you don't have any girls in your room and you're not shoving Eve in there. And you're definitely not pushing my ass in there. I'll fucking destroy you," snapped Yuma.
"You probably wouldn't fit in there anyway," pointed out Azusa faint-heartedly, "you're too big."
"You wanna fight, beast? Bring it on!" Ayato started bouncing on his toes. "We'll settle things right here and now."
"Wait, please don't fight," begged Yui, stepping forward to get in between them.
However, Laito grabbed her shoulders and pulled her over to him. "It's too late now, Bitch-chan. Why don't we just watch from here? If we're lucky, they'll get rid of each other. Two less problems for us~"
"Kick ass, Ayato," smirked Subaru as he and everyone else got out of the way, giving Yuma and Ayato some space.
"Actions speak louder than words, right? In that case, you'd have to punch me pretty damn hard," jeered Yuma, rolling up his sleeves.
"I don't have a problem with that at all," smirked Ayato. They lunged at each other at the same time. Ayato landed a punch on Yuma's face but Yuma retaliated quickly, swept out a leg and knocked Ayato off his feet. While Ayato was falling in that split second, Yuma grabbed Ayato's leg, held him high, and then slammed him onto the ground.
Yui screamed.
Before Yuma could do it again, Ayato kicked him away with his free leg. Yuma staggered back a bit and Ayato slashed him across the face with his foot. They continued to fight, both parties aggressively landing punches on and swearing at each other. They both got so desperate to win they started pulling each other's hair and tried prying their eyes out.
"Get him, Yuma-kun!" cheered Kou, clapping his hands.
"The fuck, Ayato? You should've won by now," barked Subaru.
"No! Please stop!" cried out Yui as Yuma socked Ayato in the jaw.
Shuu shook his head. "Dramatic, these guys," he said casually as if his brother and ex-friend weren't fighting to the death before his very eyes.
"Shut up! I'm just toying with him," Ayato hissed at Subaru after putting some distance between him and Yuma.
"Toying? Stop lying. You're fighting for real," said Yuma between heavy breaths, ignorant to the fact he was starting to bleed.
Ayato wasn't in a better condition. "You think so?" he scoffed, "I've been going easy on you the whole time because you're weak. But I'm getting tired of your petty punches. I'll stop playing games and show you my true strength. You'll be dead in a second!" And with those words, Ayato leapt into the air with enhanced speed.
He got halfway to Yuma before a dark blur flashed in the room. It swiped Yuma and Ayato once and the two instantly dropped to the ground. Yui blinked in disbelief at the two fallen vampires. What just happened? One second Yuma and Ayato were having an all-out brawl and then within a blink of an eye they were both down.
"That's enough," announced Ruki calmly, closing his book as he landed lightly on the carpet in between Yuma's and Ayato's distorted bodies.
"Aww, it was just getting good," pouted Laito with unfaltering smile.
"Wait. That was Ruki?" asked Yui, truly astonished. "How did he do that so fast? He wasn't even here a second ago…"
"Dammit, Ruki," groaned Yuma, picking himself off the floor. He held his head. "That hurt…"
"You're….gonna regret hitting Ore-sama," growled Ayato, stiffly sitting up. He winced and held his arm. "Shit…that stings…"
"I'm disappointed. It hasn't even been an hour and you're already at each other's throats." Ruki shook his head, tucking his book underneath his arm. "Remember what Karlheinz-sama said? No killing each other. I will make sure his rule is honored."
"What's this about, anyway?" Reiji appeared by the window, his arms folded across his chest and mouth set in his usual Reiji does not approve frown.
"It's the room," said Shuu half-heartedly, adjusting the earbud in his right ear. "They're fighting over it because it's the biggest."
"We wouldn't be going through this if Ayato just would've let me have it!" insisted Kou, "I got in here first but because he's so selfish he had to start a ruckus."
"Don't blame this shit on me! You know damn well this belongs to Ore-sama."
"No, it's mine! I never get anything over you people!" Subaru stomped his foot.
Reiji glanced at Subaru. "Honestly, Subaru, you're the second to last person who needs all this space—"
"That's what I said!" exclaimed Ayato.
"—because you hardly own anything. But again, better you have it than Shuu." Reiji shot a glare at Shuu. "That'd really be a waste."
"I never said I wanted the room, Reiji," yawned Shuu, "but now that you've said something, I change my mind."
"Holy fuck, NEET! You know damn well you don't need all of this." Yuma gestured around the room. "You're just barely worthy of a coat closet, much less this."
"Last time I checked, I'm older than you all," reminded Shuu, his unmotivated blue eyes landing up on Yuma. "So I technically get to choose first."
"Says who?" demanded Yuma, "you're too lazy to choose a damn pair of socks. Who do you really think you're kidding?"
"Actually, now that you've brought it to my attention, I'm the one who needs this much room for my experiments. This would be perfect for my laboratory."
"Well, good damn! Does everyone want this room?" snorted Yuma.
"How about we just let Eve have it?" suggested Azusa, who was paying more attention to the scars on his arm than the fight erupting between the household. "They always say women need their space…"
"Women? What about me?" Subaru looked so frustrated it wasn't even funny.
"Yeah! Where's my karaoke machine gonna go?" Kou blinked innocently. "And my lotion collection! And my mini-fridge? And my—"
"Shut up! We don't care about your damn mini-fridge or your other pointless shit!" exploded Subaru.
"Hmph. Then don't come running to me when you want a soda in the middle of the night…"
"Who even needs you when you can just go downstairs and get a soda from the kitchen?!" Subaru's eye twitched.
"So it's apparent that everyone wants this room, correct?" Ruki looked around at his roommates. "Then we'll just use a selection method that will give everyone a fair chance."
"We're not doing rock-paper-scissors," spat Yuma just as Laito was opening his mouth to make a suggestion.
"How about we all draw straws instead?" suggested Reiji, pushing his glasses up his nose. "It doesn't get fairer or simpler than that."
"But we don't have straws," said Azusa lowly.
"Don't worry. We have an alternative," assured Ruki. He looked down at Yui. "Livestock, I need you to go downstairs and find the box that's labeled 'Yuma's snacks'."
A Few Minutes Later…
Yui came back into the room, clutching a handful of thick pretzel sticks with both hands. She held them so that they all looked the same length, though Ruki had specifically told her to choose different sizes.
"Everyone will simply choose a pretzel and whoever has the longest one will get the master bedroom," explained Ruki, "we'll go one at a time."Everyone, excluding Shuu, stood around Yui.
"Go ahead, Ayato. Why don't you draw since you're always insisting you need to be first?" Kou smirked at Ayato.
"I do! Just not in this situation."
"You're a hypocrite and an idiot," Yuma insulted Ayato, "this is a complete game of chance. It doesn't matter who goes first. You just have to make a good draw."
"Then why don't you go first?" countered Ayato.
"No way in fuck."
"Good gracious. We're going to need another selecting method just to see who draws first." Reiji looked legit distressed.
"How about this: we'll go in order of height. We'll go from tallest to shortest," suggested Ruki, "and whoever's the same height draws at the same time."
Ayato smirked. "I guess that makes you first, eh Yuma?"
"Shut up," grumbled Yuma. After taking a good look at his options, Yuma drew a decent-sized stick. "Bitch," he said to Ayato before stepping out of the circle with his straw.
"That makes me next," announced Reiji. He studied the rest of the pretzels in Yui's hand. "Hmm. Let's see…" He drew a pretzel far away from where Yuma's had been. He probably should've chosen closer because his stick was small as heck. "Oh my…how unlucky…"
"I guess that means you're out of the running," smirked Yuma as Reiji joined him on the sidelines.
"Don't patronize me."
"Wait, Ruki-kun. How tall are you?" Yui glanced between the Mukami and Shuu, who was still sitting against the wall. "I think you and Shuu-san might be around the same height."
"I'm approximately one hundred-eighty centimeters," replied Ruki.
"How tall are you, Shuu-san?"
"How should I know?"
Reiji and Yuma both let out snorts of disgusts. "He's also one hundred-eighty centimeters," said Ruki, glaring at Shuu. "Honestly, what kind of simple-minded fool doesn't even have a clue of how tall he is? You're going to have to stand up so you can draw with Ruki."
Shuu sighed. "You children are so bothersome." He held out an arm. "Someone help me up then."
"No, how about you use your damn legs for once?" Yuma fired back.
"I don't feel like it."
"You need some milk for those weak-ass bones of yours, NEET."
"Coffee's more like it," corrected Ayato.
"Just leave him be. At least that's one person out of the running," said Reiji distastefully.
Shuu sighed louder. "Wait. Just give me a second. I'm getting up." A few moments passed but Shuu didn't move a muscle.
"Uh, Shuu-kun? Anytime now," giggled Kou with slight irritation.
"Wait. I said give me a second."
"It isn't hard, Shuu! Just get up off your ass!" said Subaru impatiently, "don't keep the rest of us waiting."
Shuu snorted. "Why are you in such a hurry? You don't have anything to do."
"I don't mean to sound smart or anything, but we have two whole mansions to unpack," pointed out Azusa slowly, "everyone's stuff is still in boxes."
"Exactly! At least someone here's not entirely stupid," murmured Subaru.
"Fine, fine." Shuu slowly rose to his feet. He trudged over beside Ruki. The two of them drew a pretzel at the same time. "Are you happy now?"
"Ooh, me next! I've been waiting for this moment," said Kou, reaching out for the pretzels.
Subaru grabbed Kou's wrist. "Hold it. I'm taller than you."
"Nuh-uh, Subaru-kun. I'm taller."
Reiji pinched his forehead. "Just stand back-to-back, please."
"Actually, Kou, Subaru looks taller," observed Ruki once Subaru and Kou stood with their backs against each other. "Not by much, but he is."
"Told you so." Subaru chose a pretzel and Kou did the same afterward.
It then went Ayato and Laito and then Azusa and Kanato. Once all the drawing was out of the way, it was time to compare the sizes of their sticks. Everyone held up their pretzels.
"How unfortunate. Looks like I'm out," said Reiji, noticing how his was the absolute smallest. It looked too little to even be a stick.
"Me too…" trailed off Azusa, who had second smallest. "Oh well. I didn't want the room that much anyway."
"I have the biggest," declared Ayato.
"Not so fast, Ayato-kun~" Laito held his pretzel stick up to Ayato's. "Mine is longer than yours. You're out too~"
"Ore-sama demands a redraw! You all cheated!"
"Heh. My pretzel's bigger than yours, Kou." For once, Subaru looked pleased. "Yours too, Laito."
Meanwhile, Kou looked uncharacteristically upset. "No fair. I was cheated. I should've gotten this room in the first place since I called dibs."
"Would you shut up with that already? It doesn't matter at this point," deadpanned Shuu.
"Don't worry, Kou. I'm a loser too," giggled Laito, munching on his pretzel.
"Glad you dumbasses know it," chuckled Yuma, "mines looks biggest."
"Wait, hold on." Shuu held his stick up. It was the same length as Yuma's.
"I think mine is around that length too," said Ruki, studying his own.
"So is mine," added Subaru.
Kanato burst into tears. "This was all fixed," he insisted through tears, holding up his smaller stick in his trembling fist.
"So we have a four-way tie. You're all going to have to draw from the remaining pretzels," said Reiji, annoyed. "And for the love of principality, will someone please draw better than Shuu."
"I should get an extra point since these are my freakin' pretzels," insisted Yuma.
"No, Yuma. We'll have a fair redraw. Besides, I was the one who purchased the bag," reminded Ruki.
"Why are you even doing this? I thought you didn't care about the room." Subaru set his hard gaze on Ruki.
"I don't. I'm just testing my luck. If I'm fortunate enough, maybe I'll end up with it."
"There are only three left. Just enough for each of you" said Yui, holding out the pretzels to Yuma. He, Subaru, Shuu, and Ruki drew again.
"Shit!" hissed Subaru, realizing he chose smallest this time.
Yuma hadn't drawn any better. "Fuck," he grumbled after comparing his to Ruki's.
"It looks like we have the same sizes again, Shuu," said Ruki thoughtfully.
"Since we're out of pretzels, how are we going to decide who gets the room?" asked Azusa.
"Hold that thought." Reiji squinted his eyes at Ruki's and Shuu's pretzels. "I think there's a difference in size."
"Are you just saying that because you don't want me to win?" asked Shuu bluntly.
"Why don't we measure them?" suggested Laito, holding up a random green ruler.
"What the…? Did you have that on you this whole time?" Subaru eyed Laito oddly.
"That's not important."
Everyone gathered around as Reiji measured the two pretzels. "It appears Ruki's is about 5.20 inches while Shuu's is….5.25."
"Wait, how can you tell?" Ayato furrowed his eyebrows.
"Because I can read a ruler."
"You gotta be kidding me," groaned Yuma, facepalming.
"Congratulations, Shuu-kun. You're so lucky," said Azusa.
Shuu sat back down on the floor. "I don't want it. Kou can have it."
Kou perked up. "What? Really? Thanks so much, Shuu-kun! You're so nice!"
"Whatever. Just leave me alone…"
"I'm gonna go get my stuff now," said Kou, skipping out of the room as he hummed loudly.
"Damn retard," mumbled Subaru.
"Well, this was a complete waste of my time," announced Reiji, "now if you'd excuse me, I have more relevant things to do."
"As do I. We all still have a lot of work to get done. By the way, I was meaning to ask you something…" Ruki and Reiji left the room deep in conversation.
"So what do we do now?" asked Subaru, slightly annoyed.
"Dibs on second largest room!" shouted Ayato, running for the door.
The others exchanged glances. And they bolted after him.
