The second time had been during Ishbal.
Roy saw war for what it was: morally corrupt, inhumane, and basically... hell. Every aspect of it was miserable: the environment, his duties as a soldier, and the people who joined him. Well, most of them.
"Look Roy! Can you believe it?!" gushed Maes. "My Gracia wrote me back already! I'm the luckiest man in the world! And she sent me a picture of her new hair cut! It was only a few inches but I think she just gets more beautiful everyday, what do you think?"
"I think you're an idiot Maes,"
"Oh, you're just jealous," he replied as he added the new photo to his collection. "Don't you have someone special back home you can write to? Besides your mother, that is."
"No one who would write me back,"
"Well how do you know if you don't try?" asked Hughes. "I can tell you've got some lucky little lady in mind, don't deny it. A tiny distraction couldn't hurt ya Roy. Take your mind off things for a few minutes at least. I could ask one of Gracia's friends to write you! You just need something to look forward to after the war."
Roy knew exactly what Maes had in mind, everyone did. It was all the damned fool talked about. As soon as he left this dreaded place, his beloved and loyal girl would be waiting there with opened arms. He'd grab her, spin her around and kiss her like there was no tomorrow. Then they'd walk into the sunset to their happily ever after.
That wasn't an option for Roy. The only girl on his mind wasn't exactly the touchy feely type, so he entertained no thoughts of such a homecoming. Although, if he ever did allow the thought to cross his mind, well... it wasn't too unappealing.
But he could barely admit to himself what he was doing, forget about telling her about it. He didn't know what Riza thought of him, but he was sure he preferred it to what she'd think if she knew how he was using her father's alchemy.
But he promised he'd try: half to shut up Maes and half to shut up the voice in his head that always brought her up.
Riza,
Just writing you in hopes that you're doing well. It must be nice and quiet out there without me, huh? War is everything you'd expect it to be. One of my fellow soldiers, this delusional fellow named Maes, keeps pestering me to wrote to you. He's got it implanted in his head that we're star crossed lovers or out and have some fun for me, okay?
-Roy
A part of him didn't expect her to write back, but another, much louder part of him wanted nothing more than that. He wanted to know how she was doing, if she was thinking of him, if she hated him.
"Oh looks like someone's got a love letter!" exclaimed Hughes, far too loudly. "Mustang you, dog! You've been holding out on me!"
"Oh come off it Hughes, it's not like that!" he insisted as he examined the letter, secretly thrilled. She had responded so quickly. "She's just a friend."
"A friend who scented the envelope in perfume," noted Maes. Roy glared at him, silently telling him to back off. "Fine, fine. Have it your way. I'm just so happy for you Roy! You've finally found your Gracia!"
Roy had to practically pry himself away from Maes, who was so interested to know what the letter said. Roy assured him he'd fill him in... if it wasn't too private. That last bit set Maes off on an excited tangent Roy new would last for the next few days.
Finally, he was able to read the letter in peace.
Roy,
I hope your friend doesn't tamper with the mail. Maes will have to find some other way to entertain himself. I personally, would never enclose such personal information in a letter. Seeing as how easily things can be lost and whatnot. Secrecy is important. Young people can be so careless about such things. Our letters will continue to be short, I'm afraid. Unless something interesting happens around here, there's not much else to say.
-Riza
He smiled for the first time since he'd come to this forsaken place. It wasn't much in terms of content, but it was everything to him. He read it over and over until he had it memorized. He understood Maes' crazy antics then.
Classic Riza: to anyone else, it seemed like some boring letter. But Roy knew better. It was on of the codes they had developed when he studied under her father, hidden in the first letter of each sentence.
They continued writing this way back and forth for weeks. Other soldiers would sneakily read the letters, hoping for something juicy and think him crazy for getting excited over what seemed to be nothing, but Roy didn't care. Even Maes admitted to thinking they could share more in their writing, but they said it all. The told secrets, and stories and inside jokes but in a way that was only and always their own. She was the one bright thing amongst the smoke and rubble and even though she was miles away from him, her light never grew dull.
Maybe it was the madness of war finally getting to him. Maybe it was Maes' constant chattering about love. Maybe it was just destiny. Whatever it was, it controlled his hand as he wrote that last letter:
Riza,
My, it's been so long since I've written. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?. Riza, in all honestly, thinking about you is what gets me through all those sleepless night. Reading your letters is like having you here with me. You have no idea how much I miss the sound of your voice. Maes tells me I should be writing more interesting things to you. Every day I try to come up with the right thing to say, but I've never been good at these things now have I?
Looking forward to your answer,
Roy
He wanted to send it before he lost his nerve. In all his life, he had never been so terrified and excited, and all because of a sheet of paper! He wouldn't give Maes the satisfaction of admitting it, but writing Riza made him believe that this war would eventually come to an end. It had to: he had something to live for.
At least, he hoped he did.
As he went to send it, holding it close to him as to not risk losing it to the wind, he promised himself he'd ask her in person when he saw her. It'd be a grand gesture. She wasn't used to those kinds of things, but dammit she deserved that much. Well if she even said yes. He was so overcome with excitement for this moment in time, there was no room for doubt in his mind.
He could picture her face so vividly: her stern, observant brown eyes that seemed to look right through him. They way they softened when she said his name. Her pale completion and her golden hair that framed her head like a halo. It was almost too vivid, this image of her... as if she no longer miles away from him but rather a few feet.
"Hello Mr. Mustang," she said gently, as if they had been reunited by happier circumstances.
He was speechless. He thought her to be ghost. But he knew better than that.
He could see her beautiful brown eyes now had bags under them. She had seen so much knew now that she was here for him, because of him. He had lead her to this hell. She held a gun,
He ripped the letter up behind his back and it joined the ashes that covered the ground. He couldn't do it anymore, not now.
She didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve her.
