"How have you been?"
How have I been? Had he really asked me something so simple after we hadn't spoken for seven years?
I couldn't find any words so I studied him for a moment instead. He looked like he did the day he left for Chicago. Same green eyes, same beautiful wavy blond hair, same cocky grin – like he knew something you didn't. I couldn't stand that grin. He no longer had any right to look at me that way.
"I've been wonderful," I answered, proud that my voice managed to clip the words enough to sound condescending. I had never felt more awkward than I did standing there, staring at his ridiculous smile. I wanted to lick his face half as much as I wanted to slap it. "Umm… I should get Maggie home. It's been a long day."
"Of course, sweetie." My mother rushed forward to rescue me from my own private hell. "You have to take some cookies with you, though."
She led me into the kitchen, where I slumped into a chair and put my head in my hands. "Oh my God, what is he doing here?"
Renee rubbed my back, and then packed a couple dozen cookies into a bag. "I know. I had a feeling this would happen. Apparently he decided to come in a couple days early, and wasted no time at all trying to find you."
I looked up at her from between my fingers and groaned. "Why would he do something like that?"
"I have no idea, dear, but it seems like he hasn't let go of your past anymore than you have."
"I have completely let it go," I said. It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the truth either. "I need to get Maggie home and in bed. I don't want to sit here and discuss anybody's past with anybody else."
I grabbed the cookies and hurried toward the living room. I took my daughter's hand and waited while she said goodbye to everyone. I refused to even glance at the insanely sexy man sitting a few feet away. He infuriated me. It should have been illegal for him to look as good as he did. Especially when he wasn't mine anymore.
Maggie glared at me the entire way to the truck and even crossed her arms over her chest when I buckled her in. She was mad at me for the way we rushed out, but I needed to clear my head.
She was silent for half the ride home, and honestly, it put me on edge. Maggie wasn't a naturally quiet child. She was outgoing and friendly, and could talk for hours about nothing.
"You know my BFF, too." I looked in the rearview mirror when she finally spoke to see her glaring daggers at me. I sighed. I had a lot of explaining to do.
"Yes," I answered.
"How come no one said?"
I didn't even know how to answer that without inviting more questions, but I figured the honest approach would be best. "I don't know, sweetheart. I didn't think he would be there. It surprised me to see him. That's all."
"But why, Mommy?" Some of her anger had worn off and she sounded more curious than anything.
"Because I haven't seen him since before you were born."
"How do you know him?"
By this time I had pulled in our driveway and turned off the engine. "He used to be my BFF," I told her while I helped her out of the truck.
Her eyes went as wide as saucers and a large grin split her face. "Really? Oh my gosh, Mommy, that's so cool. And now he's my BFF, but it's okay, maybe I'll share him with you."
I would have laughed if I hadn't been trying not to cry.
"Come on, baby. Let's get you to bed. You've had a long, busy day."
"But I'm not tired." She punctuated her statement with a yawn.
"Yeah right you're not tired. Come on. We need to get you a bath before you go to sleep."
After reading her a story and making sure she was asleep, I walked in a daze to my bedroom and collapsed on the bed.
Why was he here early? I thought I had time to prepare myself for facing him again, but obviously not. Walking into my parents' house had been like walking back in time. So much of him was the same. I felt like I had been transported back to the time when we had been young and stupid, and in love. I always lost my ability to think in his presence and right now that was dangerous. I needed a clear head to deal with the mess I had made.
I sighed and rolled over. One thing was for sure. I wasn't getting any sleep as long as he kept invading my thoughts.
.
"It isn't funny."
"Actually, yes, it is a little funny."
I rested my elbows on the counter, still holding the phone to my ear. "Bella, this is serious. He completely threw me off my game yesterday."
"Threw you off your game? When did you get so hip?"
"Bella!"
"Alright, alright. So he showed up a couple days early? Big deal. Frankly, I'm thrilled. It gets Edward out of my hair for a few days. You're just mad because you had no warning and didn't want to admit you weren't ready to see him."
"Well, of course I wasn't ready to see him. It's been seven years."
"You were going to have to face him sometime. His friends are here and his family is still in the area. He was bound to make it back eventually."
"But he was supposed to come on Monday," I whined. "Not yesterday. Why can't he stick to the schedule like a good best man?"
She laughed. "Just because having an extra two days fit your schedule better doesn't mean it fit everybody else's. It was probably easier for him to fly out over the weekend. It gives him more time with his friends. Besides, it's not like you'll even have to be around him. I'm sure Edward and Emmett will keep him busy. You'll only see him at the wedding."
Yeah, right. My luck was never that good. "I'll only see him at the wedding where I'll have to walk out on his arm. Yeah, that'll be awesome."
I could almost hear her throwing her hand in the air. "You wanted to be my maid of honor. My only bridesmaid, in fact. I asked you over and over and over again if it was still cool since Carlisle was standing up with Edward. You assured me you were fine. Don't start having second thoughts now. I know I said Alice could do it, but we are short on time for a dress and yours would fall off her tiny frame."
"I'm not second guessing anything. I'm just freaking out, that's all."
"Yeah, that's pretty obvious. You're acting younger than Maggie right now. You and Carlisle are not teenagers anymore. I think you can stand being in a room together without any insanity."
"Well, this would be a complete non-issue if he had stuck to the original plan and flown in tomorrow!"
"An extra day wouldn't have helped you. Let's be honest."
"Okay, you know what? This conversation is going in circles, and my child needs fed. I'll talk to you later."
"You can run but you can't hide, Esme."
I made a face at the phone. Stupid know-it-all siblings. Once we hung up I turned to see Maggie walking into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes.
"Morning, sleepy head. Are you in the mood for waffles this morning?"
Her face perked up at the mention of waffles. She climbed up onto the bar stool and leaned as far over the island as she could. "Waffles?"
"They're almost ready, baby. Why don't you grab those two plates over there?" I motioned toward the end of the counter, and Maggie reached over and dragged the plates along the granite. Well, at least they didn't break, and she got bonus points for creativity, but it wasn't quite what I had in mind.
"What do you want to do today?" I asked.
"I don't know, Mommy. You pick."
"Well, it's supposed to rain this morning. We could make a fort in the living room and watch movies if you want."
"Really? Oh, can we? Can we, please? I want to make a fort!"
"After breakfast," I told her. "You need to eat first, and then we can do whatever you want."
She all but inhaled her waffles in record time the moment I put them on her plate.
"Slow down, Maggie Lynn! You have all day."
"No I don't. I have to build a fort."
Always with the straight answer. I rolled my eyes and took her plate to wash it once she was done eating. She watched me work while she sipped her strawberry milk.
"Mommy, why do you drink that gross coffee stuff?" she asked when I picked up my mug and took a sip.
Because the sexiest man in the universe surprised the hell out of me yesterday, and I didn't get any sleep because I spent all night alternating between wanting to kill him and wanting to jump him.
"Because it's delicious."
She made a face and backed away from the counter. "But I tried some of Grandpa Charlie's and it was gross!"
"You drank coffee?"
She nodded, but was smart enough to look ashamed. "Don't tell him, please. I wanted to see what it was like. Everyone drinks it all the time, but I don't know why. It was bad."
I smiled. "That's because your grandpa doesn't put anything in it to improve the taste. Now, why are we talking about coffee when I thought we had a fort to build?"
Her eyes widened as if she just remembered and she jumped off the stool in a hurry. She ran toward the living shouting, "Hurry, you have to help me!"
I picked up the two bar stools and carried them to where she was. She loved to drape the blankets over them to make her forts as tall as they could be. By the time I went for a dining room chair and made it back to the living room Maggie had pulled all the couch cushions out and was arranging everything on the floor.
"You go get all the blankets, Mommy. All of them."
"Yes, ma'am, my little builder."
Once I returned with all the spare blankets plus my comforter, Maggie arranged everything while I held blankets in place and anchored them down. Once she was done, she shoved my comforter inside the fort and arranged it as a carpet. I knew she would do that. She loved the satin feel of it and the texture. A few footprints on it were a small price to pay for her happiness.
I crawled inside after her. It was definitely big enough for the two of us. "Maybe someday my BFF can build a fort with me," she said. "I bet he builds good ones."
I smiled, remembering all the times Carlisle and I used to do this in my house growing up. We were children then. Our first kiss was in one of those forts. We were five years old.
"I bet he does. I bet he builds the best forts you'll ever see."
"How come you guys aren't BFF's anymore?"
I sighed. I should have expected all these questions eventually. No one was more curious about the people around her than my Maggie. "Because sometimes people drift apart, baby. He moved away and we didn't keep in touch."
She nodded, but her brow creased in confusion anyway. "Why not?"
"I don't know," I told her, even though I did. What I didn't know was how to explain the complexities of adult relationships to a child. "But you know what? I'm glad he's your BFF now. Maybe you can teach him to be a little less boring."
She giggled and rolled around on the floor. "My BFF is not boring, Mommy! He played all the games I wanted with me, and he promised anytime I wanted to play I just had to ask."
I nodded. "Good. As long as you don't forget about your poor lonely mom."
She jumped into my arms and kissed my cheek. "I won't, Mommy. I love you too much."
"I love you too, Maggie, but… umm… I think we forgot something when we made this fort," I whispered.
"What?"
"We can't see the TV, and I thought we were going to watch movies too."
"Mom, why didn't you say so?"
It wasn't every day she called me 'mom'. I was in trouble with a six-year-old. We separated the blankets on the side that faced the TV, and I spaced the chairs further apart while Maggie chose a movie to watch.
She handed over Despicable Me and I put it in the DVD player with a smile. It was a definite favorite in our house. Maggie was especially proud that her "uncle" Emmett could recite every line and even do the voices.
I grabbed two pillows from the couch so we could lie down in the tent that was now more of a canopy. It was still raining somewhat, but not as hard as it had been. "When the movie's over you want to go out and grab some lunch?"
"Pizza," was the only response I received. Not what I had in mind, but she knew the rule. She would be having a salad with her dinner. If she was fine with that she could have pizza for lunch.
Twice during the movie I thought she was on the verge of sleep, but then she would laugh and roll over, still watching. I spent more time watching my daughter than the film. I had no idea what I had done to deserve such a wonderful child, but I was eternally grateful I had her.
We struggled for sure with it being just the two of us, but she had a large extended family and every adult in town wrapped around her finger. She knew it too, but thankfully it didn't go to her head. And as long as I had her I didn't need anything else.
My mind wandered to my ex's perfect face. Why now? Granted I knew this day was coming from the moment Edward finally proposed to Bella, but I still wasn't ready. I had grown so accustomed to the life I had built with my daughter. I had dated a lot if I was being honest, and even had one serious relationship since he left.
I had moved on.
Then he had to come back in and throw my emotions into a tailspin.
I didn't even know where to start with how confused I was.
On my own I could have dealt with any remaining feelings for him, but it wasn't just me anymore. I had a daughter. One who had already attached herself to someone I had a long history with – good and bad. I had to protect Maggie from getting hurt more than I needed to protect myself.
"Momma." Maggie poked my shoulder.
"Yes, ma'am?"
"The movie's over."
Was she serious? I looked up and sure enough there was a little minion getting blown out of a canon. I had been lost in my own world for a while.
"Food now?"
I laughed while attempting to crawl out of the tent. Playing on this child's level made me feel old. I could barely stand up from the floor without needing her to push me.
"Yes, Maggie. Go use the restroom and put your shoes on. We'll put the living room back together when we get back."
"Aww. But I want to keep my fort forever!"
"And I want my pretty living room back."
She pouted. "Pizza," I reminded her. That got her attention. She took off down the hall and was back in record time, ready to go.
.
Fifteen minutes later food was ordered and we were sitting at a table at Pacific Pizza.
"Can we go to the playground?" she asked after the waitress dropped off our large pan pizza.
"When you finish your food."
She started eating like there was no tomorrow.
"When you finish your food slowly."
She pouted before dramatically slowing down her every bite. I wanted to tell her to stop being a goofball, but it was too cute.
Once we finished eating and visited with one of my dad's friends for a minute, we drove the short distance to her favorite park.
The minute I stopped the truck, she jumped out and opened my door. She grabbed my hand and tried to pull me out, too. "Come on, Mommy, I want to go on the slide!" We walked over to the playground and I sat on a bench where I could keep an eye on my daughter without, as she put it, "being in her way."
That was Maggie speak for not wanting me to embarrass her.
"Is that my favorite little girl in the world?" a booming voice shouted from the parking lot.
I dropped my head and sighed. Emmett's presence could only mean one thing and I was terrified to turn around and find out if I was right. Emmett winked at me as he passed and made his way to the slide where Maggie was bouncing on the balls of her feet, waiting for him to catch her when she slid down.
I took a deep breath when I heard leaves crunching behind me, and I turned around. Edward and Carlisle were walking from the parking lot toward my bench.
"Hey, Esme," Edward said, bending to give me a hug. "How are you?" He made the words sound light – two friends catching up, but I felt the added weight behind them. He had been worried about me the entire time my sister was planning their wedding. Not even I could know what my reaction to having my ex around would be, and it had everyone on edge for weeks.
"I'm fine," I told him. "That monster over there insisted on coming to play right after eating lunch."
He grinned and looked to where Emmett was now pushing Maggie on the swings. "Pizza?"
I nodded. As much as I hated to admit it, Maggie was a sucker for pizza. Edward knew that only too well, since the day he tried teaching her to make it ended in disaster, meaning Edward ended up covered in sauce.
"Let me guess, she's driving you crazy with her excitement over my wedding?"
"Something like that. She can't wait to wear her dress more than anything."
He laughed. "I'm sure Bella would trade her. She's developed this insane fear of tripping over it."
"That probably has more to do with those shoes Alice is making her wear."
"I warned Alice about those, but does anyone ever listen to me about these things? No."
"Alice doesn't listen to anyone. You know that."
"Yeah," he agreed. "That's for damn sure. I'm going to go play with those knuckleheads, I think. Emmett can't hog all the fun."
"Better watch out," I said with a laugh. "He's protective of his time with her."
"Nah. He can't scare me. Besides, I think Maggie will convince him."
"Whatever you say, Edward. Whatever you say."
I watched him make his way to the playground and push Emmett out of the way so he could give Maggie a hug. After a few moments I heard the crunch of leaves behind me, and nearly jumped. I had almost forgotten Carlisle was here.
"Hi, Esme," he said as he sat down on the other side of the bench, looking as awkward as I felt.
"Hello."
I refused to even look at him. I was sure my cold, aloof act was fooling no one, but if I looked at him I would break. It was better to appear distant than to start crying in the middle of a public park. Besides, I had every right to hate him. I didn't. But I had every right to.
"You're not even going to talk to me, are you?"
His voice sounded defeated – like he was hoping for something he knew wouldn't happen and had just been knocked back to earth. I did that to him. In that moment, I felt horrible. I didn't want to hurt him. I only needed to control the situation enough so that he wouldn't hurt me. Again.
"I don't know what you want me to say."
I didn't think he did either. He had no answer for me, so we sat in silence for several minutes – the only sounds came from the playground nearby, where those two idiots I called my friends had engaged my child in a game of tag. I raised my eyebrow at them but didn't say anything. They knew they would get the full force of my wrath if anything happened to her.
I glanced at Carlisle out of the corner of my eye. He was staring at the ground in front of him with his hands folded in his lap. Something about it angered me. It was obvious he wanted to say something, but was holding back. Bella accused me of acting childish, but right now he wasn't acting any better.
I looked back to my daughter and tried to speak, but I had nothing to say. I felt like I should apologize, but I had no idea what I had done. If I gave him a broad, general apology that would only open a huge can of worms. I didn't want any worms. Worms were bad.
"Esme?" It took everything I had not to look at him when I said my name. "Can we at least talk?"
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked. I was getting annoyed with this. "The weather? It's bright out today, don't you think? I hope it stays sunny for a while."
"Is it that upsetting to you that I'm here?"
"I'm not upset at all. I'm glad you're here. You're Edward's best friend. If you weren't here… well, that would say a lot about your character, now wouldn't it?"
He sighed. "You're still mad at me about something, though."
My voice softened. "Carlisle, I'm not mad. I'm just not sure I was prepared for you." I wasn't sure when I decided to tell him the truth, but it felt good. I wasn't going to take the conversation any further, however.
"I don't know if I was either," he admitted.
Several more minutes of silence went by before he spoke again. "So, what now?"
My eyebrows knit together, and against my better judgment I looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"I know you don't think we need to talk, but I have things I need to say. Will you at least agree to hear me out?"
Could I agree to that? I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what he had to say. Everything between us had been so long ago. It was dead and buried and I didn't want to drag it up again. But then why was I freaking out so much over his presence if I thought it was truly over and done with?
We never did talk anything out when he left. It was messy – so messy. There had been a lot of yelling, a lot of screaming, and I might have even thrown something, but no real talking.
Maybe we did need a real talk. I didn't want to do it, and I thought he was causing more problems than he was solving by asking, but if he needed any kind of closure I had to let him have it.
I was sure it was written all over my face that I had given in, because he sounded much more confident when he spoke again. "Will you meet me at the Starbucks in Port Angeles at ten tomorrow?"
I looked at him warily. I sure as hell wasn't going on any kind of a date with him. But maybe he figured in a public place I wouldn't yell at him. Also, going all the way to Port Angeles meant we were less likely to be seen by any of Forks' finest gossipers.
Well played, Cullen. Well played.
"Okay," I agreed, even while half my brain screamed that this was a bad idea. "I'll hear you out."
