Notes: spoilers for asylum.
Doctor Sanford Ellicott possessed you and with the doctor in total control you told me so, many things. You claimed I obeyed our dad without question. I know that I obey every order dad gives me, but there is a reason for that. When I was ripped out of heaven the first person I saw was dad. Dad stopped ever attempt I made to kill myself. He didn't leave my side for three weeks. I couldn't even take a piss without dad watching me. After those three weeks I was deemed fit enough to rejoin the hunt. Dad no longer watched my every move. He made every effort to distance himself from me. For those three weeks he was by my side I felt a burning hatred for what he had done to me. So Many times I wanted to tell him what a selfish bastard he had been to rip me out of heaven. For those three weeks I couldn't speak a single word. When I could speak I still didn't tell dad how I felt.
When dad began to distance himself me all I could be was grateful. I couldn't stand to be so close to dad not after what he had done to me. Then dad couldn't even look me in the eye. The only words he spoke to me were orders. Those orders became the only way we interacted. It's another reason I follow dads orders. It the only time he speaks to me.
When you shot me with that rock salt it hurt. I gave you my gun, a gun that wasn't loaded and dared you to shoot me. I was hoping that you could defeat Ellicott's control over you. You pulled the trigger and once again I had undeniable proof that hope is never something I can have. After you had tried to shoot me again I punched you unconscious. After that destroying Ellicott's bones was easy. When you apologized for what you did to me, I know you really didn't mean it, but like the good solider I am I accepted the apology.
Thing is Sam its getting harder to live another day. I look at you and even though I know my death would kill you its not enough to keep me going. I still keep looking for ways to die. I don't pay any real attention to my safety. I've had enough of living in hell when I should still be in heaven.
