Dear Journal, 3 Days Past,
Shinji and I are finally moved into the school. I feel light now without all of my hair. Its cut above my shoulders. I guess it isn't that bad but its definitely not preferred though I guess if I wanted to stay at the academy it had to be done so no complaints. Shinji is taking a shower right now so I should be 'safe' to write in you for awhile. It also feels empty now. Like there's something missing but I cant place what it is. Classes start tomorrow though so maybe I should be focused on that. Even better, maybe I could find a club or something to join to make my life a little less repetitive. Though personally I wouldn't want to join if Shinji didn't. Probably because hes the only one I know so far so that might change in the future but we have similar interests so it shouldn't be too hard to find something fun in the first place. Well I guess I should leave since I just heard the water turn off.
Dear Journal, Next Day,
Two words; Digital Photography. Shinji and I joined the only club that seemed innocent and easy enough as a starter club. I guess its where you take a picture and then use the computer to change it, digitalize it. Something of the sort. I'm not too good with technology. Shinji is though so I guess its going to be one of those things where I do one thing (take the picture) and he does the other (digitalize it). Hopefully it will be easy but I noticed something. Were the only two guys in that class. 14 other girls have joined. What a coincidence. I'M not sure if that's good or bad yet but I thought at least some guys would like digital photography. I guess we'll see how it goes first.
Dear Journal, 4 Days Past,
Its officially the weekend now and Shinji is yet again taking a shower. I find this the best time to write in you since I know when hes going to come out. School is actually pretty fun. I mean classes are far more interesting that my old ones and there is actually more than 3 people to communicate with all together. The girls in the digital photography class are nice. Everyone says they're nerds but in reality it just means 'nicer and smarter people'. Well that's what it means in my opinion. By looks me and Shinji are in the popular clique and my god, they're harsh over there. Always backstabbing one another...why cant we all be 'nerds'? It would probably make a better world. I shouldn't judge the preps though, I mean I need someone to serve me fries at a fast food place when I grow up.
Dear Journal, 3 Days,
Shinji was sick today so I had to go to the club alone. As much as those girls are nice it was kind of freaky. I mean I don't dislike girls, I'm a guy. How couldn't I like girls? ....but on the other hand... yeah, it was still weird. It took me the whole couple hours of the club to try and modify a picture on the computer. I suck at that kind of stuff. Did I mention its Shinji's birthday tomorrow? He never tells anyone about that. He made his dad write down that his birthday was in the summertime so it wouldn't be announced in school. His birthday; The first of April. I guess if my birthday was April Fool's Day I wouldn't be so happy either but still, it is his birthday. Maybe he got himself sick on purpose? Well I guess it doesn't matter either. I had to pry it out of my mom who had to pry it out of his dad but tomorrow he will officially be 14. I still got 5 months before I'm 14.
Dear Journal, Next Day,
Well Shinji has officially figured out I have a journal. When I was writing my last 'post' he was pretending to be sleeping and he asked me about it today. Hes playing video games now well aware I'm writing in you now. Humph, I figured it would be a secret for awhile longer but I guess not. I haven't told him I know its his birthday today. He would probably get mad. It was weird, today the girls in the club kept taking pictures of Shinji and I. Weird huh? I'll have to ask them about that before me and him find some weird shrine in the corner of the room.
Dear Journal, 2 Days Later,
Shinji and I finally figured out what the pictures were for. I suppose the girls in the club don't like us rather they like us together. Ive never seen so many gay pictures in my life. I mean this literally not like gay as stupid. Ive never thought of Shinji like that and as far as I know Shinji had never thought about me as more than a friend. I can tell you we were pretty surprised today. Shinji is listening to music right now while he studies. Ever since we saw those pictures we haven't looked at one another. I cant blame him though. Not saying I'm gay but I haven't had a crush on any girl here since I got here so I have no valid excuse to tell him 'no I don't have a crush on you'. Things aren't looking up right now.
Dear Journal, 2 Years Later,
Yeah its definitely been awhile since I last replied. I just turned 16 and as normal Shinji has been 16 for 5 months. There's something really personal id like to put here on this day, something I may one day regret. I think I'm gay. Since 2 years ago I haven't liked any girls and every time I'm around Shinji I feel self conscious. Ive always felt this way around him slightly but its only gotten worse over the years. I think it was those pictures. They weren't like M-rated or anything but just enough to trigger a thought. The thought of 'why not'? I'm screwed either way... this is my best friend I'm talking about. This is definitely the most personal thing Ive wrote in here so far....
Dear Journal, Next Month,
I think Ive been pretty conspicuous about the me being gay thing. I obviously didn't tell anyone but I don't think Ive hinted at anything either. I'm not sure if I should tell, if so who? I almost want to cry everyday because I don't know to do... I think I'm going to tell though. Shinji deserves to know especially because I feel like its not right to keep him in the dark about this. Its something that will nag on me forever until I say something, a guilt even though I haven't done anything wrong. Id like to say this now though; If this all goes bad Shinji will still be my best friend.
