5 Avengers and a Baby - Chapter 2

"Tony…..Tony," Tony hears a voice calling his name, but it can't be morning already. He just fell asleep, right? "Tony!" The voice calls more firmly and he feels someone poke him in the arm.

"Hmm?" Tony grunts in response, but never opening his eyes, hoping his half-hearted answer will satisfy the persistent voice.

"Tony, I have to go to work," Pepper frowns. "I left you some directions on the counter and you need to make sure you're home at 2. I'm having a baby crib and a few other things delivered today and I need you to put the crib together when it comes."

"Right. Crib is on the counter. Put the baby together at 2," Tony mumbles in a sleepy haze.

"Stark!" Pepper yells as loud as she dares with Steve still sleeping.

"What?" Tony frowns and reluctantly opens his eyes.

"I need you to focus for a minute here. Read the directions on the counter. Make sure you're home at 2 for the delivery man bringing the crib and the car seat. When the car seat gets here I need you to go to the store. There's a list on the kitchen counter of things we're going to need. Got it?

"Got it," Tony grumbles.

"Repeat it back to me, Tony," Pepper knows Tony wasn't listening to her for a second.

"Photographic memory, Pepper," Tony taps his head with his finger.

"Yeah, photographic with the attention span of a flea. Remember, you're in charge of Steve today, Tony."

"Sure thing, Pep," Tony waves as she leaves. He hears the door close behind her and he looks around the living area. Everyone is still sleeping after the very long - or technically very short - night. Steve is still sound asleep on top of Tony's chest. He lets out a content, little sigh as Tony shifts a little when he tires to get comfortable after laying in one position all night. He pulls the blanket up over him and Steve and goes back to sleep for as long as he can.


"What the hell?" Tony comes awake with a start as the room fills with a bright flash of light.

"What was that?" Natasha is on her feet in a split second, ready to dispatch or exterminate anything at the drop of a hat.

"It came from Steve," Bruce answers from the kitchen with a cup of coffee in his hand. "I got up a few minutes ago to make breakfast and when I turned around there was a bright light coming from Steve."

"Is he okay?" Tony quickly shifts to a sitting position, simultaneously startling and waking up Steve. The little baby sits on Tony's stomach and looks around with a sleepy and confused look on his face. A pout starts to form on his lip with the threat of an angry baby quickly becoming more and more of a possibility.

"Whoa, it's alright, Steve," Tony quickly tries to calm him down before he starts to cry. "I'm sorry I woke you up. You're alright." Tony quickly tries to distract him with anything he can find. Lucky for all of them, Steve's eye catches the glow of Tony's Arc Reactor and distracts him enough to make him forget about crying and they all collectively sigh in relief.

"Hey, Stevie," Bruce kneels next to Tony and looks the baby over. He checks Steve's vitals as Steve curiously studies the stethoscope pressed against his little chest. After Bruce listens to his heart and lungs he lets Steve hold the stethoscope while he finishes checking him out and Steve immediately starts to chew on it. "He seems fine. I can't find anything obviously wrong. He does seem a little bigger, though."

"Yeah, he does seem bigger," Tony picks Steve up and holds him out in front of him to assess his weight. "Do you think the flash of light made him grow?"

"Most peculiar," Thor frowns.

"This has got to be related to the Stone," Clint frowns.

"Possibly," Bruce shrugs. "We'll just have to keep track of any other strange stuff, but as of right now, he seems fine."

The Avengers reluctantly get up to start their day. Tony sets Steve down on the blanket with all of the baby toys on it while he starts to make Steve and himself some breakfast. Steve busies himself with scooting around on the floor and grabbing and throwing as many toys as he can get his little mitts on. Clint gathers up the toys and returns them to the blanket where Steve is chewing on one of the teething rings. The little baby contently tries to cram the ring into his mouth and Clint helps him sit so he can get to the toys more easily.

"Hey, Tony," Clint calls from the living area. "Check it out! Steve is sitting up by himself."

"Well, check you out," Tony walks in with a bottle and a plate of eggs. "Our little guy is growing up." Tony sits on the floor and Steve starts to scoot across the floor toward him. Tony gets an idea and moves further away and shows Steve the bottle. "Come on, Stevie. Let's see if you can start cruising."

Clint helps Steve get up onto his knees and after a few shaky starts, Steve is off and crawling. "Look at him go," Clint laughs.

"You're encouraging him to crawl?" Natasha walks into the kitchen to get a glass of water when she sees the two Avengers on the floor with Steve.

"Yeah, look at him. He's cruising," Clint points to Steve as he trucks along with a big grin on his face to Tony and the bottle.

"You won't think it's so great by the end of the day," Natasha warns as she leaves to meet with Fury.

"You know," Tony gets that look in he eye that Clint knows it trouble, but whatever he's thinking of will be fun before they get busted. "Steve is pretty quick. Think he could beat something in a race?"

"What about one of those pokey drones you have downstairs?" Clint suggests

"Hey, I built those things. They're a little slow, but they're supposed to be. They're stealthy, for infiltration and exploration only," Tony defends his invention.

"Steve could smoke those things. No problem, right Buddy?" Clint picks up Steve and throws him in the air as the baby laughs and giggles at the Archer.

"Smoke them? Seriously?" Tony asks and takes Steve from Clint, obviously a little insulted.

"Absolutely. Steve would leave them behind in his tiny, baby dust," Clint crosses his arms in confidence.

"No way," Tony shakes his head and holds Steve out in front of him to display him to Clint. "Steve's a baby. He doesn't understand racing or competition. My drones are highly advanced machines on the cutting edge of technology."

"Steve is Captain America," Clint states simply and takes Steve from Tony and holds him in the air above his head. Steve grins happily at him.

"In the form of a nine-month-old," Tony leans forward so his palms rest on the kitchen counter.

"Well, there's only one way to settle this," Clint smirks and Tony nods, knowing exactly what to do.

"Care to make it interesting," Tony asks.

"How interesting?" Clint eyes Tony suspiciously, but still interested.

"How about fifty bucks interesting?"

"Deal."

Once Steve finishes off the bottle, Tony gets him changed and into a fresh onesie before they go down to the gym.

"Alright, the drone is programed with the track's layout. Is you're racer ready to go?" Tony asks Clint who sets Steve down on the running track.

"My guy is ready to win this," Clint kneels next to Steve to give him a pep talk. "Okay, Stevie. You see that hunk of metal over there? He thinks he's faster than you. Are you going to let him beat you? No, you've got this kid. It's time to kick some butt and take names." Steve just looks at Clint and grins as he gently pats Clint's face.

"Are you ready yet?" Tony rolls his eyes at Clint.

"Ready," Clint calls after he rushes down to the other end of the track with a little stuffed rabbit with a bell inside it's belly so it jingles. It's become one of Steve's favorite toys.

"On your marks," Tony starts. "Get set, Go!"

With the order, the drone starts to make it's way down the track while Clint shakes the bunny to try to get Steve's attention, but he's too busy studying the reflective lines on the race track.

"Oh! The drone is off to an early start, no surprise there, as Barton's racer is distracted by something shiny," Tony laughs as he calls out a mock-play-by-play, but the shaking toy eventually does it's job and Steve starts to crawl down the track. "But Steve is making a comeback! He's neck and neck with the drone, but the metal machine is hanging on to his lead," Tony shouts, but Clint is furiously shaking the toy and cheering Steve on.

"Come on, Steve! You got this, kid!" Clint bounces around at the end of the track to keep Steve's attention, but Tony decides to cheat a little since Steve is overtaking his drone. Tony grabs one of Steve's teether rings and throws it right in front of him on the track. Steve immediately grabs it and plants his bum in the middle of the track and starts chewing on the ring.

"Hey! Cheating!" Clint points his finger at Tony.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Tony smirks 'innocently'.

"Leave it, Steve! Come to me!" Clint tries to get his kid back in the game.

He finally catches Steve's attention and the little baby just sits at looks at him while he chews on the ring. "Steve! Come here, Steve!" Clint begs and Steve catches sight of his favorite bunny. He throws the teething ring aside and makes his way back toward Clint. The ring flies through the air and jams itself into one of the gears in the drone's wheels, causing the robot to stall out as Steve makes up the lost ground.

"That was the luckiest shot ever!" Tony shouts in disbelief as his own scheming backfires against him.

"You're almost there, Steve!" Clint cheers, but the drone's wheel breaks free from the jammed toy and starts to roll along again.

Steve is about to cross the finish line when Bruce picks him up off the ground. "What are you doing?" He scolds the two Avengers.

"It's not what it looks like," Tony tries to explain.

"It looks like you and Clint are racing Steve against one of your robots," Bruce frowns.

"Okay, maybe it is what it looks like," Tony smirks shamelessly.

"Steve still won. You still owe me fifty bucks," Clint smiles in his victory.

"Nope, race was never finished and neither racer crossed the line. It's a draw," Tony shakes his head.

"A draw?" Clint throws his hands in the air. "That's a load of crap, Stark and you know it."

"You were not only racing him, you were racing him for money?" Bruce raises his brow in disbelief.

"Fifty bucks," Clint answers as if the amount of money would make Bruce less annoyed.

"He's a baby," Bruce looks at Tony and Clint. "Not a horse. You two ought to be ashamed."

"Come on, Bruce," Clint elbows the man. "We were just having a little fun and Steve didn't get hurt."

"Not the point," Bruce shakes his head at Clint.

"Bruce is right," Tony winks at Clint. "Besides, Bruce wouldn't be interested in our little experiment."

"Experiement? You mean your gambling baby race?" Bruce eyes Tony suspiciously.

"Yes, we did race him for money, but it was an experiment too," Tony reasons.

Bruce perks up for a moment. "What kind of experiment?"

"You know, we were just wondering who would be more efficient - a robot or an nine month old. Just a little…experiment," Tony shoots Bruce a look.

"Yeah. Machine vs human. Tech vs human intuition. Programming vs instinct," Clint adds.

"That is interesting," Bruce answers as the scientist in him begins to take over and the wheels begin to turn in his mind. "Well, Steve did seem like he was having fun. And he wasn't in any danger," Bruce looks at Steve who is shaking the little jingle bunny he got from Clint. "We could probably run a couple more races…"

"Yeah!" Tony and Clint cheer and the three Avengers reset the course.

The three of them run a couple more races and Steve manages to take the win overall. Clint scoops Steve up off the ground and puts him up on his shoulder to parade him around in victory.

"Attaboy, Steve!" Clint congratulates the baby and starts singing "We are the Champions," as he gloats in front of Tony. He sets the baby down and starts strutting around the Billionaire.

"No one likes a bad winner, Barton," Tony scoops Steve up off the floor in mock-offense. "Come on, Steve. Lets go hangout in the lab."

"Seriously, Stark?" Clint laughs.

"We don't want to play with you anymore," Tony answers in mock-offense.

"Except that Steve was on my team!" Clint calls after him, but Tony ignores him and Clint just laughs.


"Alright, Steve," Tony starts after he sits Steve down on the blanket he brought with to his lab with a few toys. "I have to get some work done, so you stay here and play, okay?" Steve picks up the jingle bunny and grins at Tony. "That's my boy," Tony laughs and scoots the rest of the toys closer to Steve.

Tony starts running an update for JARVIS and glances over to the blanket where Steve is sitting. One of the monitors beeps behind him and he turns to check on the warning. When he turns around his heart sinks when he sees that Steve is gone.

"Steve?" Tony rushes over to the blanket and frantically searches for the little baby. "Steve? Where did you go?" Tony starts crawling on the floor, checking in cabinets, looking behind boxes and under stools. "Steve! This isn't funny anymore. Come out to Papa Tony! Steve!" Tony's heart nearly leaps into his throat when he catches sight of Steve sitting inside one of the cabinets chewing on one of Tony's wrenches. The Inventor quickly picks him up out of the cabinet and trades out the wrench for a teething ring. "Geez, Steve. Give a guy a heart attack. I don't know how I would explain losing you my first day on the job to Pepper."

Tony decides he doesn't want to risk losing Steve again, so he sets out to make him an area to play in safely. He tips a few tables onto their sides so the table tops create an enclosed square. He weighs down the legs with some heavy equipment so Steve won't be able to move the tables.

"Ta-da!" Tony holds his hands in front of him to show Steve his make-shift play pen. He lays Steve's play blanket in the middle of the square and throws all of the baby toys in with it before setting Steve in the middle. Once he is certain that Steve won't be able to escape, Tony goes back to work on JARVIS. After a couple minutes, he looks up to check on Steve and he sees that Steve has pulled himself up to a standing position. He's holding himself up on shaky baby legs while peering over the edge of the table so just his face from his nose up are visible from behind the table top with his sad blue eyes pointed Tony's way.

"Aw, Steve," Tony sighs. "Don't give me that look. You're like a damn ASPCA commercial. I can literally hear Sarah McLaughlin singing in the background. I have to get some of this work done." Steve reaches a little hand up and opens and closes his little fist as a "pick me up" gesture to Tony followed by a sad, baby whimper and it's all over. "Fine, Steve," Tony sighs and wanders over to the pen and lifts Steve out.

Tony tries to run updates with Steve in his lap, but it's not working out very well since Steve likes the buttons on the keyboard. At one point, Steve had hit a button that had JARVIS speaking Spanish. Tony doesn't speak Spanish, but he does know what 'si' and 'no' mean, so he asks JARVIS a lot of 'yes' or 'no' questions to try to guide him through the process of switching back to English. After a lot of 'si señor's' and 'no señor's" Tony finally gets JARVIS back online.

He eventually decides to take one of the portable iPads and sits inside the play pen with Steve. The little baby plays contently with the toys now that Tony is sitting nearby and keeping him company.

A couple hours go by and Tony suddenly realizes that Steve has fallen asleep on his stomach, snuggled up next to him. The Inventor carefully stands up and steps over the table barrier and returns with another blanket that he sets over Steve. Tony takes full advantage of the impromptu nap and starts running more updates and finishing a few projects.


An hour or so later, Tony is finishing up his updates and testing when he hears some fussing starting from the makeshift 'play pen.'

"Well, good morning, Sunshine," Tony greets Steve who is looking a little grumpy while laying on his side with the bunny in his little hands. Tony lifts him up out of the pen and Steve rests his head on the man's shoulder as they ride up the elevator together. Once upstairs Tony makes Steve a bottle and sits down to watch the news.

Steve quickly finishes off the bottle when the doorbell rings. Tony wanders over to the intercom with Steve and presses the button.

"Delivery for Mr. Stark," the voice answers over the box and Tony buzzes him in. A few minutes later, the delivery man brings up a few large Ikea boxes and stacks them up in the living area. Tony thanks him and tips him before he deposits Steve on his blanket and starts opening up the boxes.

"What's all this?" Bruce asks when he and Clint walk into the living room.

"A bunch of baby stuff Pepper got for Steve," Tony answers as he points over to where he set Steve down, but Steve is gone again.

"Not again," Tony sighs, but he and Clint catch the tail end of Steve's little rear end turning the corner down the hall. Clint chases after him and grabs him up and pops him over his shoulder as Steve giggles and wiggles in his arms.

"He's just into everything now, isn't he?" Clint smiles at Steve and he grins back and pats Clint's face gently.

"Yeah, which is why this stuff is going to come in handy," Tony continues to pull pieces out from the box and throws the instructions across the room.

"Are you sure you don't want these?" Bruce picks up the crumpled instructions and looks at them.

"Are you kidding me?" Tony scoffs. "I have a Masters in engineering, I built and invented Iron Man from scrap in the desert, and I'm a genius."

"Are you sure you don't want these?" Bruce repeats, un-phased by the list of qualifications.

"So little faith, Banner," Tony shakes his head and starts putting pieces together.

Bruce and Clint look after Steve while Tony puts together the play pen. After an hour goes by, Clint walks over to Tony to see how things are going.

"Shit. Damn. Frick," Tony curses as he takes apart a piece of the pen.

"Language," Bruce calls from the other side of the living room as he covers Steve's ears.

"Crap. Dang. Fart," Tony corrects sarcastically as he pulls apart the two pieces and Bruce nods in approval.

"So, Mr. Engineer/Iron Man Creator/Genius," Clint smirks as he inspects the play pen. "Why's this taking so long to put together?"

"Shut up," Tony frowns as he starts to put one of the poles together with a different screw. "Obviously this is flawed from the get go. Whoever created the structure was completely illogical. Stupid Swedish junk."

"Right. You sure you don't want these?" Clint hands the instructions to Tony who takes them and tosses them aside again.

Another hour goes by before Tony finally stands and takes in his hard work.

"Finished!" Tony shouts and holds his hands up to the play pen as Bruce and Clint walk over with Steve. "Success."

"It looks like the picture," Clint inspects the structure. "Lets test it before we put Steve in it."

"Test it?" Tony looks at Clint, thoroughly offended at the lack of confidence in his play pen.

"Just humor me," Clint rolls his eyes and hands off Steve to Bruce before he walks over to the kitchen and grabs a small Watermelon from the fridge. He sets the melon inside the pen and steps back.

"Satisfied, Mr. Safety?" Tony crosses his arms in smug satisfaction when his play pen stays standing.

"Alright, Stark," Clint starts, "I was wr…." but before he can finish his sentence, the pen collapses, crushing the melon. The three Avengers jump at the sudden crash and Bruce lets out a small, horrified squeak as he shields Steve's eyes from the sight of the crushed melon that could have been him, but Steve just laughs and claps his hands in amusement. Clint and Bruce slowly turn to look at Tony.

"What?" Tony shouts and shrugs his shoulders. "No one is perfect."

"You're using these, Tony," Bruce shoves the instruction book into his hand and Tony sighs in defeat.

"What was the loud crash?" Thor asks when he walks into the room.

"Tony's fine construction skills," Bruce points to the collapsed play pen.

"Tis a Vissa Vackert," Thor kneels next to the play pen to inspect it.

"A what?" Clint asks with a confused look on his face.

"A Vissa Vackert," Thor replies and hands Clint a piece of paper that was in the box the pen was delivered in. "Tis Swedish, yes?"

"Yeah. Ikea," Tony nods.

"Where is the paper with the directions?"

"Here," Bruce hands the instructions to Thor and he flips it over to the Swedish side.

"I thought you were Norse, not Swedish," Bruce smirks.

"Norway, Sweden, Finland. We are all Scandinavian," Thor boasts. "I shall have this baby jail put together most quickly."

"It's a play pen," Tony corrects and Thor looks at the picture on the box.

"It tis a tiny, square box to keep the child confined, is it not?" Thor asks.

"Well, yes, but…." Tony thinks for a moment. "Alright, fine. It's a baby jail, but the term "play pen" is a more widely acceptable name, Thor."

"Very well," Thor shrugs and starts to quickly put pieces of the pen together.

After about 30 minutes go by, Thor stands and looks at his good work. "Behold, the Vissa Vackert!"

"Nice job, Big Guy," Clint pats Thor on the back.

Bruce sets Steve in the pen and they all hold their breath for the first minute, but breathes a sigh of relief when the pen holds steady.

"Want to work on the crib next, Big Guy?" Tony points to another Ikea box.

"Tis a Gonatt," Thor reads the Swedish name on the box. "Most excellent! Thor opens up the box and begins putting the crib together. Tony helps while Clint and Bruce look after Steve. After they're done building, they open up the last box and it's filled with new stuff for Steve. There are blocks and giant legos, stuffed animals, rattles, and a bunch of other toys and clothes. The men set all of the baby stuff up in one of the guest bedrooms near the Avenger's rooms.

"Success, Gentlemen," Tony collapses onto the couch and Bruce, Clint, and Thor follow.

"I need a nap now," Clint yawns.

"Yeah, except that Pepper wants us to go to the store to pick up a few things," Bruce bursts Clint's bubble as he picks up the list off of the table.

"Shit," Clint sighs. "I mean, 'crap," he corrects when Bruce gives him a disapproving look.

Bruce picks Steve up and puts on a pair of little jeans, a cute, orange jacket and a little blue baseball cap that came in the box of clothes Pepper ordered. Steve looks so cute that Tony snaps a picture with his phone and sends it to Pepper. He swears he can almost hear her squealing at the cuteness from across the city.

Once Steve is strapped and buckled securely into the car seat, they ride down the elevator to the car and take off to the store.