Haha, excellent. Special thanks to Delirium24 for giving me a suggestion, which I shall now put into great use!
Also, the second half of this chapter contains big spoilers. So yeah... read at your own risk.
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Shot Down
"Good evening, my Master," Alucard crooned as he phased through the ceiling and floated down in front of her desk. Integra didn't even bother to look up at him from her paperwork. "It's impolite to not say hello back," he informed her. She raised her eyes up at him, and gave him a death glare.
"Alucard, I'm sorry, but I'm very busy right now. Please come back at a later time if you wish to torment me," she explained to him.
"Torment you? No, no... I only wish to have a nice chat with my dear Master," Alucard placed his hands on the edge of her desk and leaned forward.
"Oh really?" Integra put down her pen and slid the papers in front of her to the side of her desk. "Chat away, then."
"Heh..." Alucard smirked. "What would you like to talk about?"
"I would like to talk about why you enjoy causing me trouble," she shot him another glare.
"I suppose it could be inferred as a way of me showing my affection for you, Master," Alucard shrugged. Integra raised an eyebrow. She had shared this conversation with him before. And thankfully, there was a loaded pistol under her desk.
"Affection?" Integra smiled.
"Yes, affection. You are my Master, after all," he smiled as well.
"Yes, I do share feeling for you as well," Integra was going to play him like a guitar.
"Really?" Alucard's smile widened.
"Yes. You are quite the pet. Very well behaved and trained," she 'complimented' him.
"Pet?" his smile fell. "Pet?"
"Yes, pet. I am your Master, so I feel love for you akin to a man and a pet dog," she enjoyed shooting him down like this.
"Eh... heh..." Alucard didn't like this turn of events.
"What other affection would you have been talking about?" Integra placed her elbows on the table and held her head in her hands.
"Oh... I'm quite sure you know what kind I am talking about," Alucard gave a mischievious grin.
"Oh. That kind of affection," Integra sighed. Playing dumb was so fun.
"Yes... as previously stated, causing trouble for you is my way of showing my affection, in a sense," he told her.
"You are terrible at flirting, if that is the case," she replied in an off-hand manner.
"Terrible at flirting? Are you saying there is some way you would like for me to flirt, then?" Alucard had a devilish look in his eye.
"What? No!" Integra didn't want him to turn this around.
"You're getting nervous, Master. Are you trying to hide your feelings?" It was too late. He had turned the whole thing around on her.
"What are you carrying on about?" Integra tried to diffuse the situation before he made her look any worse.
"Why are trying to avoid the subject?" Alucard showed her a toothy grin. Integra squinted her eyes, her patience quickly eroding away.
"Alucard..." she hissed.
"Oooooh, I seem to have pushed the subject too far. This isn't helping you disprove your feelings, you know," he grinned. That was the last straw. Integra's hand shot beneath the desk, and Alucard didn't even have time to blink before a large caliber revovler was aimed at his face.
"Master... lets not get ahead of ourselves. After all... you can't kill me," he chuckled.
"But I can make you verrrrrry ugly," she smirked.
"Uh oh," Alucard realized that the gun was loaded with silver bullets.
"See you tommorrow, when your face is back in place," Integra smiled, and then pulled the trigger.
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Moral of the Story: Don't push a touchy subject, especially on somebody with a gun.
Thanks again for the idea, Delirium24.
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Historically Accurate
Alucard was roaming the Hellsing manor, bored out of his mind. His Master was, no suprise, away on business, and Police Girl had been sent to kill a midly weak freak. Walter was most likely free, but he knew better than to torture the Angel of Death. That left only... "Ze French pig!" Alucard smirked. He quickly used his powers to get a bead on Pip's location. He was in the lounge, watching the television. He quickly morphed into the shadows, and emerged from darkness into the Lounge. Silently, he snuck up behind Pip, who was engrossed in something on tv. Alucard was just about to grab the mercenary and scare the rudeness out of him, when suddenly the show on tv caught his attention.
"We now return to Dracula Revealed: The Biography of Vlad Tepes," said the announcer. Alucard froze. What was this mischief? He had seen movies about vampires before, but never a documentary about his own life. Or unlife. He wasn't sure how to define himself, at times.
"Hello, Alucard," Pip's voice jolted him back to reality. The Frenchman was looking up at him, a glare in his eye and a look of annoyance on his face.
"Hello, French pig," Alucard replied casually. He hopped over the couch and landed next to Pip, stretching out and making himself at home.
"Er..." Pip didn't expect this sort of behavior from the crazed bloodsucker.
"What is this that you are watching?" Alucard gestured towards the tv, which was hsowing a portrait of Vlad Tepes.
"Some show on Dracula. Why?" Pip raised an eyebrow. Alucard didn't bother to answer that question.
"The historical Vlad Tepes, or Vlad Dracul, is quite different from the mythical vampire Dracula, who was derived from the Romanian warlord," the narrator explained. Alucard was actually quite interested in the show, wanting to see how accurate it was.
"Er..." Pip didn't want to know why Alucard was so engrossed in the show at the moment.
"While Vlad Dracul looked something like this," a portrait of the warlord came back up on the screen, "Dracula, in most media references, is portayed as having long black hair, red eyes, razor sharp fangs, is said to dress in high class clothing of the 1800's, and almost always has no remorse for taking lives." Alucard grinned. The show was actually quite right. It was about this time that Alucard realized that Pip was staring at him. He turned to face the mercenary, who looked quite pale.
"This whole moment never happened," Alucard informed him.
"What moment? We where never here, and we saw nothing on tv," Pip stated, his voice shaking. He was obviously scared out of his mind by truth.
"Exactly," Alucard smiled. He then stood up, stretched, and walked through the nearest wall, leaving the Frenchman traumatized.
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Moral of the story: Alucard enjoys being famous.
Sorry for the spoilers, but I thought it was a funny idea. Review, and/or give me suggestions!
