Draco's p.o.v.
"I'd love to…"
And I meant every letter of that mini-statement. I wanted to spend every waking hour of the rest of my life with him. Everything was good when he was there. Just like it wasn't when we were apart. Before we kissed by the lake. And then, after I made that mad decision to leave him, two months ago. I must have had a serious mental health challenge to think that one up… Although, in the circumstances, it fitted in a long line of daft decisions…
This last year hasn't been a good one for me. Face it. Among others - which I'd like to forget about - I lost my dad, who's now in prison.… And he can still get to me… In my head. He found out about Harry and me, and was livid, but defying him has never made me feel so good.
But somehow, after Harry and I became an Item (as Hermione the Bore keeps calling us) things calmed down. All was well. And all isn't well very often with me. Harry and I did stuff together, like lovers do. We went out together, talked for hours, kissed - stolen ones and long, glorious, wet ones - had mad sex in empty classrooms and in the Forrest, lied down together in my bed and held each other, talked, swam in the lake, got to know each other so well, and I started to really love him. I could't be without him anymore. My whole day was spent thinking of him, dreaming of him, being with him, lying in his arms. And that unsettled me.
It was our last year at Hogwarts – the big wide world was beckoning. And up until last year that meant taking over from my dad. Which was now not such a great prospect anymore… I'd rather had my head twisted off slowly by Fluffy the three headed dog (which is actually what my dad suggested when I told him I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Harry Potter…), than have anything to do with his little empire. My mum said that I can have an allowance to tide me over for a while, but after having spent time thinking about it, it wouldn't seem convincing if I carried on living off his money… So I declined.
Another depression, no. 24 of that year. Harry helped me out of that one. He told me that I'd be fine, we had each other and something always turns up, I just had to trust life a bit more.
I still don't know why, but when the final exams had finished and we were getting ready to have our last weeks there, I wanted to go it alone. Without Harry… There was a great atmosphere in the castle, party's were organised and we were treated like grown ups – which was fantastic – and I suppose that got to my head… I thought that being a grown up also meant that you weren't dependent on anybody else. Least of all your gay lover…. Your beautiful, great, funny, wildly attractive...
Stupid…
Harry was pretty upset when I told him that I wanted to be on my own, to see if I could hack it. I had all my stuff sorted out, my mum was going to have all my things and when the final party was in full fight, I went. No idea where, but I set off, into the sunset, and it scared the living daylights out of me. But i was blind to Harry's sadness. I only had time for my own issues.
Somehow I ended up in London – thank you floo powder! – in Diagon Alley, where the regular hustle and bustle of witches and wizard-daily life was going on as normal. Nobody paid a lot of attention to me. And when I went into the Leaky Cauldron to see if anybody could help me out with a job, I felt so nervous. And I missed Harry. I wanted his hand in mine, his arm around me, his kiss to tell me all was going to be alright. But he wan't there. That was the whole point in me being where I was. Looking for a job.
I found nothing. No idea what I was qualified for.
And then it came to me. I could write, couldn't I? Harry had complimented me on my stories, and my pictures, so often that it started to mean little anymore, but I gave it a go and went to the Daily Prophet, who wanted me, after having read something I'd written there and then. Weyhey!
And I must say, it was quite nice for a while. I had colleagues, I had money I'd earned myself, I made friends, went out for meals and even found love with a boy who liked me, Jamie. Well, love was a big word for what we had... Lust would be more appropriate. And he looked just like… Harry. It still never dawned on me that i was being a complete dickhead...
Until one morning when I woke up, alone and feeling empty, I decided that enough was enough. I'd done it. I'd proved to myself I could do it. But it would never be the same without him.
So I looked him up, see what he was up to. To see if he still wanted me.
He was living in town, in a little flat, near the park. He opened the door, wearing a long sleeved t-shirt, jeans and all-stars. God he looked gorgeous! I'd forgotten how lovely he could look, how easy he made gorgeous seem. Though the man in front of me was not the one i left, my a few miles...
"Hi," he said, smiling a bit flatly. "Done travelling, are you?"
I felt awful... seeing him that way, sad, depressed, all because of my stupid need to prove something to myself...
"Suppose so."
He stuck out his hand to me, I took it. Didn't know what else to do... He probably didn't either.
"Coming up then?" he said, quietly. He turned around and climbed the stairs, trudging like an old man.
I didn't like the way he was saying this. He sounded calm, but in a dangerous way. The way Voldermort could lull you into an attack. Was Harry going to attack me? Fuck it. Had I made him this angry with me? (Erm, yeah... duh...). This wasn't going to be easy...
Inside were Ron and Hermione, and a girl I'd never seen before, sitting at the table, and all looked at me with dagger eyes.
"Hi," I said, which must've sounded pretty dumb. The dagger eyes stayed.
"You're back?" Ron sounded as angry as Hermiony looked, showing how protective he felt towards Harry, who had put the kettle on, grabbing cups from the kitchen cabinet.
"Yup... and i think Harry and i have some stuff to talk about now, if that's okay with you guys..." i tried in my best Reasonable Person voice. They still glared at me, ramming home the message that Nobody Fucks Around Harry Potter, very successfully, i thought. I felt worse with every second i was in the flat.
"We're just going to talk in the other room for a bit," said Hermione, dragging Ron behind her, and the girl, who was called Sophie, heaved herself off the chair. I gave Hermione a thankful look, a first, I think…
Harry was leaning against the sink in the kitchen, biting his nails.
"She's my tenant, helps to pay the rent," said Harry in a low voice. I sighed and mumbled, "Oh, o.k."
"Why did you do it, Draco? Why? I didn't even know where you were, i had to get a bloody agency to help me find where you were, if you were still alive, for christ's sake..." the forlorn look was back, piercing deep into my heart. And i had to accept that although it was probably the most stupid thing i'd done so far, it was also helpful, if only to make me realise what an empty life mine would be without him in it.
"I'm so sorry, Harry. It was completely selfish and I don't know if you can ever forgive me, but… I had to do it. For me. And if it makes you feel any better: I hated it. I want you. Only you. All the time."
Which was all true. Apart from when Jamie was giving me a blow job, it had been a lot less spectacular than I dreamed it would be.
Harry started crying. I felt like a total prick. I took him in my arms and held him and it felt so nice.
"I know, my love... i know, and apart from missing you like mad, i know that it was what you had to do... I don't know... Just give me some time to process all this... and i might forgive you..."
We both cried, big, soaking tears drenched each other's shirts and after a bit I moved away, just a little, to look into his eyes. He smiled. Carefully, but it was a smile.
"Don't ever leave me again, you hear me?"
I smiled back at him and kissed him, felt his lips on mine, his soft, wet, warm lips, and I knew that leaving him was the last thing on my mind. Ever…
So there.
The way I hoped it would end, last year, when I started to realize that Harry Potter wasn't Evil, and I wanted him to be my man. And for me to be his. And as I look into his eyes, waking up in his strong arms, I think I, Draco Malfoy, can live with settling down with Harry Potter.
Happy ever after.
I'd love to…
