A/N: Thanks to mssmith, 4CullensandaBlack, Dawnlxix, teambellandedward, and datsnotmyname for their reviews/feedback. And thanks to everyone who added this story to their Favorites and Alerts. I feel like I should clarify a few points that were apparently not clear as they seemed to me: Edward & Jasper use condoms during all intercourse and anal sex (I assumed, and assumed my readers would assume, that they used them every time, not just the first—sorry if it wasn't as apparent to you); also, Jasper & Edward didn't use lube during anal sex with Bella and Alice because I assumed (wrongly?) that the lube on the condoms (which were assumed to be present) would suffice. I will further read up on that particular area before I write another scene like it. I know I didn't give a lot of background information, but I figured I would reel you in with the sexytimes (also, they were the catalyst for subsequent events), then explain the background starting in this chapter.
JPOV
I decided that I would try to talk to Edward about our mutual attraction and what it might mean. The girls were in class (we all attend to [college']) and me and Edward were hanging out at the apartment. Well, "hanging out" might be a little too friendly—it was more like shuffling around one another and trying not to touch. We had touched once since then and it had left these weird electric tingles. When I tried to see if Edward's face betrayed any tingles on his end, his refusal to look at me told me more than any facial expression I've ever seen him make. His refusal to acknowledge our obvious attraction in even a nonverbal way told me that this wouldn't be an easy conversation.
I was able to catch him doing homework in our room, laying on his twin bed (we share one room and the girls share the other because when we moved in Edward and Bella were not having sex yet and didn't want to share a room). I decided to start off casual, "Hey, man, what's up?" He looked up and snapped, "Isn't it obvious?" Uh-oh, I thought. This is going to be even harder than I thought. I tried again, "Kinda, but what are you working on?" He rolled his eyes as he said, "What I'm pretty much always working on—Organic Chemistry." "Oh, yeah," I muttered. Edward was a Biochemistry major, planning on going to med school, and this Organic Chemistry class he had to take had been kicking his smart ass for weeks.
As I'm trying to find the words that will somehow segway the conversation from school to sex, Edward sneered and said, "Is there something you want to talk about, or did you just come in here to interrupt my work?" I straightened up and replied, "Yeah, actually there is something I came in here to talk about..Edward, I know that we had this weird thing last night, but--" "What weird thing?!" Edward snapped, obviously freaked out that I brought up an issue he apparently considered taboo. "There was no weird thing for me Jasper. I don't know about you, but everything I felt was perfectly natural, so you can just suck it!" And Edward stomped off.
I wasn't quite sure what to make of Edward's reaction. That could be his angry little way of saying that he doesn't think there's anything weird about us being attracted to each other, but it could also be him denying what we both know he felt. Edward's been strange since the day I met him in the hospital. Alice had saved from the hellish life I lived when I was a skinhead. She made visits to the hospital to see the patients there, especially those she noticed didn't have any family or friends who visited them. All of Edward's family was dead and he was so quiet no one really noticed him in his big Chicago high school. He had pneumonia and when Alice asked how he was feeling, he told her that he wasn't really sick, he was just using the experience to research for a role as a man with pneumonia. I was holding in the urge to snicker at the horrified look on her face; then I looked at Edward and we both burst out laughing.
Alice and Bella came in laughing with their friend Rosalie Hale, a. k. a., the Bitch Queen. Edward says she's not really a bitch, she's just bitter because she can't have children; while there may be some truth to that, I still think she's a little bit of a bitch. I don't see why she has to take the fact that her uterus is dysfunctional out on everyone else. Maybe I'm just being insensitive, but I think there's a line between being a tad unpleasant because you're bitter over a crushed dream and attacking everyone you see just because you can.
"Hi, sweetie," Alice chirped. "Hey, honey," I replied, kissing her hello. I thought again of how so much between Alice and me was automatic response and didn't know if this meant we were just that comfortable with each other or maybe we were in a rut. Man, I have a lot of shit to think about these days.
"We're just stopping by to drop our backpacks, then we're headed to the mall," she paused, then added, "Did you want to come?" Rosalie scoffed, "As if he would know the first thing about anything we were shopping for," she snarled. "As always, it's good to see you too, Rosalie," I drawled, then turned my attention to Alice, "I think I'll pass hon. I got some work to catch up on," Alice pursed her lips, looking like she wasn't sure she liked that answer, then conceded, "Okay, we'll hang out later. See you!" and she skipped out the door with her two best friends.
I sighed and fell back on the couch, then I decided I needed to make some lists. I did not want to get off the couch, but I needed to get my notebook. I keep everything personal in it; I've had it since I was a skinhead. I went to my room and got my notebook and started my list
Try to figure how I feel about what I've been feeling with Edward since last night.
Keep trying to talk with Edward.
Figure out how I feel about the reflexiveness of Alice and my relationship
If needed, talk to Alice
It's not a long list, but I feel better putting it all down on paper. It feels more like I have a handle on the situation when I put what I need to do on a list in my notebook. I couldn't talk to Edward since he had apparently, I was now realizing, stomped right out of the house. I could think about how I feel about my newly-discovered feelings for him though. Does this make me gay? No, I can cross that off the list right now—I am still very attracted to Alice. Does it make me bi? Hmm. This one is a little trickier—am I bi? I mean, I'm attracted to Edward, but is it just Edward or men in general? Am I And if it is just Edward, does that mean it's a fluke thing or could I still be bisexual? Am I actually attracted to Edward at all or simply confusing sexual attraction for physical admiration and brotherly love? After all, there's not that much of a jump from what you look for in who you call your best friend and what you look for in a romantic partner. I can't answer all these questions right now, but to answer at least some of them I will have to go out and test the waters.
EPOV
I know I was a little abrasive with Jasper, but what does he think I am, gay? No way; I'm with Bella, I love Bella, Bella is my beautiful GIRLFRIEND. I'm not into men...but he's not supposed to be either... No, he might be, but I'm not. I'm not gay, I'm not bisexual, I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO MEN!" Last night was a fluke, a weird anomaly, just a reaction to what he was doing with Bella. Yes, it was really Bella that I was looking at and I imagined myself in her place because she was the one I was attracted to and...and something! I don't have to have all the answers, I just have to have to know what it's not and it's not an attraction to Jasper.
I head to the campus library to look for a book to read. I find solace in Anne Rice's The Vampire Lestat. Then I realize, despite how much I love Rice's Vampire Chronicles (especially The Vampire Lestat) that I've picked up a book about vampires with homoerotic tendencies and I run to re-shelve it. As I'm browsing the library for a book that won't make me think of Jasper or what I had thought of Jasper when I watched him have sex with Bella. No, not what I had thought of Jasper, I didn't think anything Jasper, there's got to be some other explanation that has nothing to do with wanting to have sex with my best friend. I continue to search for a book until I find a nice safe novel in Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West. I relax and read about a morally bankrupt Oz and an independent-thinking Elphaba (a. k. a.: The Wicked Witch of the West). I get wrapped up in the story and forget my problems for awhile. I stayed at the library reading for a few hours, then leave to go back to the apartment. I wonder if Elphaba was aware of how much she was hated for her difference when she was growing up and if she always embraced her difference or if maybe she longed for "normal"-colored skin. What is "normal" anyway? Is it the straight, white, Protestant idea that Jasper would've subscribed to when he was a skinhead? Is it being statistically average? Or is there no such thing? Were my thoughts about Jasper from that night as "normal" as when I think of Bella in the same way? Why had I all of a sudden started having sexual thoughts about Jasper? Is it because that night was the first (and, even now, only) time I had ever seen him have sex or because it was the first time I had allowed myself to think that way? What does this mean for our friendship? Can we be friends if it turns out that we have feelings for each other? And what about the girls, what will they think; will they be disgusted, turned on, indifferent, how will they feel if they find out that Jasper and I could be attracted to one another? I refuse to tell Bella until I know for sure that there is at the very least physical chemistry between Jasper and me—I don't want to mess up Bella and my relationship because of some confused desires.
A/N: I know this seems like kind of an odd place to stop the chapter, but I feel like it's a good place because it's been established that they're both confronting it internally, but that actually articulating what they're feeling is too scary to do (especially for Edward). How did you feel about this chapter? Do feel like you know more about the characters? I'll be giving out some more background information in subsequent chapters, but now you know a little about how Alice and Jasper met and how Edward met the two of them. Reviews own my heart and constructive criticism is always welcome. :)
