The Diary of the Queen's Pet
Chapter 2
By: IsabellaHeat
Rating: T to M depending on the chapter
Author's Notes: I had part of this one written prior to work picking up and trying to kill me again. I thought I'd go ahead and post it. Again this part makes me very nervous mostly because the writing style isn't typically one I know how to adopt. Also I could desperately use a bounce board for this piece. Anyone want to volunteer? I really could use the help with this one. Especially this one. I hope you guys enjoy like always and please if you feel so inclined let me know? I always love/appreciate the feedback immensely. ~ Bella
Having read the first entry in my diary I'm sure you don't want to go any further Graham. You and I are both two sides of the same coin though. You once told me that. I don't know that I believe that but you seem to so I'll let it continue. Now that you've read my first memory I think you realize what you've known all along. The Queen isn't the monster every wants to make her out to be but she is vicious when crossed. I've learned that lesson on more than one occasion. Since this is the supposed to be the story of my life though I suppose I can continue with my next memory. Strange how all my memories seem to involve the Queen but they do.
I was six winters old at that point. My hair had gotten longer and darker something that Elizabeth often frowned at. I wasn't sure what the problem was with my hair being dark but she said I shouldn't have brown hair, I should have blonde. I was blonde as a small child after all and it should stay that way she said. I didn't understand it at the time. All I knew was that she was unhappy yet again with my appearance. I'd stopped going to the groves due to the winter's snow which fell heavy and thick in this part of the Kingdom but that didn't stop me from running out the door at the first opportunity despite her cries for me to stop.
I made it out into the deepest snow near the edge of the gardens sloping down towards the apple groves. I frowned as I plopped myself down on the frozen stone bench overlooking the groves. That's when I saw her. Or rather the Queen; she was dressed in her finery. A deep blue riding jacket and black leather pants; her boots were up to the thigh. The snow continued to fall as clearly she and the horse she was riding had been out here a while. The horse's breath formed puffs of white as the Queen maneuvered him with nothing but her thighs through sharp twists and turns. She wove him in between the trees, running him as though they were one in the same. The snow continued to fall heavy but the Queen and the horse continued their ride.
I couldn't tear my eyes away. She was so beautiful and the smile that turned up her full ruby red lips was incredible. It was like the sun breaking through the dark clouds. I think that was the moment I truly began to fall in love with the Queen. These private moments that only she and I shared even if they were unintentional on her part.
My cheeks grew bright red from the cold and my fingers and toes started to go numb but still I remained in my spot unable to tear my eyes away from her regal figure. Suddenly the horse stopped and the Queen's brown eyes met mine. My eyes widened comically and I jumped off the bench. I barely remembered to curtsy before I was running back inside. Those eyes that I had imagined were so joyful in that moment were just dead. Her eyes were completely devoid of any kind emotion at all. How I had fancied I had seen otherwise was beyond me. They were like two pieces of obsidian; cold and barren as the sky around her. I was scared of her in that moment, the first time I'd truly ever been scared. Even when I was four and I'd witnessed her commanding a boy to be mangled for a crime against her; I had not truly been afraid.
I never looked back to see if the Queen's eyes were on me still. I didn't need to. The next day the Queen's hand maid came down to the kitchens. Jane was a pretty girl with wavy blonde curls and bright blue eyes. She also had a pretty smile. I wanted to look like her when I grew up or so I'd always thought. Funny how that sort of thing works isn't it?
"She asked me to tell Emma that she's to deliver her breakfast to her rooms from now on," Jane offered to Elizabeth, who was chopping vegetables rather viciously. She looked rather upset at the news and I swallowed wondering just what the Queen had in mind for me since I'd been spying on her like I did. I couldn't help but think I would be punished in much the fashion the boy that had stolen had. Had I not stolen from her as well by looking upon her in her private time?
I took the tray, laden with various foods and headed upstairs at Jane's behest. I glanced back over my shoulder noting the frown on Elizabeth's face before I disappeared around the corner, following Jane's straight backed figure.
She held out her hands a few steps away. "Give me the tray Emma. You can carry it into her chambers but your hands are shaking and you'll likely drop it long before we get there. She mustn't be kept waiting, you'd do well to remember that. Wherever you may be, do not make her wait if she summons you."
I looked up at Jane with big eyes and nodded, even today I can still hear her words echoing in my mind. I've learned that lesson well during the time I've spent with the Queen but back then I was just a child and I was scared witless at the thought of displeasing the dark woman any more than I already had. My teeth chattered slightly in my head, a nervous habit I am still trying to break eve today. It's not something I can truly help, when I get really scared my body shakes and my teeth chatter. Jane shot me a displeased look but I ignored it. I only hoped I could make it stop by the time we reached the Queen's chambers. My stomach was tying itself in fine knots with every step our soled shoes beat out on the stone floors of the palace. I'd never been up to these floors, not many people had.
The halls grew darker, starker contrasts of white and black mixing in but nothing overly cheerful. Beautiful vases and statues lined the walls occasionally interspersed by a painting here and there all done, in dark colors. There was no light in these parts of the castle that holds true even today. The Queen isn't overly fond of anything light though she once told me she likes the color sea foam green when I wear it. She says it brings out my eyes which she likes.
But today I wasn't wearing sea foam green and even if I was I was sure the Queen would've hated it given Jane's dark dress and my own grey colored shift. When we got to the door, Jane handed me the tray and pushed the door open. She gave me a gentle nudge with her foot, sending me inside to face the wolves by myself. The door shut behind me and I looked back over my shoulder, swallowing reflexively, before I forced myself to look back towards the room I'd just been pushed into. It was as dark as the rest of the rooms seemed to be in this part of the castle. Dark and foreboding, a large lit fireplace dominated one corner of the room. The logs crackled almost too happily for this room and sent a strange orange glow over everything in the room giving it an even more eerie feeling. I've spent much of my time in these chambers now so I know where everything is but back then I was so scared I had no idea what to do. I took a step forward and almost tripped over the bear skin rug thrown on the floor. Its mouth was open showing off its sharp teeth. I gasped, almost jumping before I remembered the tray in my hands and Jane's words about the Queen. I turned looking for some sort of flat surface to put the load I bore on.
Finally I saw a small round table near a white chaise lounge. A pretty simple black vase was filled with purple jasmine flowers. Such a strange thing to see in a room like this, I thought to myself but I walked towards the surface, the fine bone china rattling on the tray before I was able to climb up on the chaise and slowly slide the tray onto the table. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of the flowers, there was something comforting about that small spot of color in this dark colorless room.
"Did no one ever teach you manners you little brat?" A voice boomed and I gasped jumping off the chaise, I skinned my knee upon hitting the stone floor but I didn't pay it any attention. I knew the Queen would be angry with me for spying on her earlier and now I was going to get a beating for my previous behavior.
I twisted and turned looking in the shadows and trying to see anyone standing there when my eyes fell on a mirror. It was a beautiful ornate gold piece that seemed so different from the others I had seen in the palace. I had no idea at the time how much my Queen favored mirrors but I can say you'd be surprised how often they turn up in her palace. Not many people remember her affinity for the shiny surface and sometimes they say things they wouldn't want her to hear right in front of them. Funny how that usually works, they lose their tongues for such words…sometimes even a head.
"I…I'm sorry…your majesty…I…couldn't…I…" I stammered out, shaking with fright.
A face appeared in the mirror and my eyes got even wider. The face was drawn at the cheeks with a strange pointed beard. The face frowned down at me and parted its lips as though about to speak before the low voice of the Queen spoke.
"That's enough mirror." I gasped, twisting once again only to fall back on my back. I scrambled away as the Queen stepped from the shadows. She wasn't wearing any of her courtly gowns. Instead, her long hair flowed down her back in thick waves still obviously damp from the bath she must've taken. One long fingered hand clutched the opening of the sheer black robe closed at her chest but water spots revealed quite a bit of the Queen's beauty to not only my eyes but that of the mirror.
The Queen's bare feet didn't make a sound as she padded towards me. My jaw worked as my bottom lip trembled. I wanted to apologize to her but I was afraid of what she would say. As though she read my mind she sat down upon the chaise lounge, her beautiful brown eyes taking me in. The firelight danced random patterns across her warm skin. She was beautiful at a distance but up close she was absolutely stunning. No wonder she was called the fairest of them all. I swallowed watching as she lifted the silver goblet to her ruby lips and took a sip.
"You may apologize if you wish child." She said softly.
I forced myself to sit up and push myself to my feet. I looked at the mirror who was watching her with a strange attentiveness and then back at the Queen herself and even in something as simple as a bathrobe with her hair down, she was still every inch the dark Queen of legends. Despite the wince that crossed my face from bending my skinned knee I managed to dip into a deep albeit clumsy curtsy before her.
"I…I'm sorry…your majesty….I didn't mean to…spy on you." I managed to stutter out.
"Do you fear me child? Is that why you stutter?" The queen's low musical voice washed over me. It was soothing but I knew what she was capable of and I also knew that I would have the same done to me if I lied to her. I'd heard tales of how she had servants flayed to the bone for daring to lie to her.
"Yes, your majesty." I couldn't keep my body from shaking in her presence.
"Why? Have I done something to harm you?" The Queen set a half nibbled apple slice down on the china as though her discussion with me was more important.
"No, your grace but…I know…I was wrong…and I've heard stories…" I managed, tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.
"I knew you were there, the entire time. If I was displeased by your presence I would've sent you away," The Queen offered, taking another sip from the goblet before setting it aside as well. "Still though it is wrong to spy on someone and I think you know that."
I whimpered and nodded the tears that had been threatening spilling down my cheeks now. The Queen leaned forward slightly exposing the tops of her small pert breasts to my eyes. She showed a shocking amount of tenderness and lifted my chin so that I was looking in her dead eyes that reflected the light of the fireplace. She remained silent as though searching my eyes for something before she lifted her hand cupping my cheek. Her thumb pressed into the tender skin as though testing whether it would give or not. It hurt but I ignored it, curious as to what the Queen would do. Finally her hand slid away and I immediately missed its warmth. What a strange contrast that one so cold could feel so warm. I tried to lean into the touch almost over balancing myself in my need to have her hand on my skin once again. I had never felt anything like that before then even now it's a mystery to me how much I crave the Queen's touch.
"I think you've learned your lesson child. Now go about your day and tell Jane that you are to bring my breakfast to me from now on."
I blinked and bit my lip, not moving a single inch.
"That's enough child. You're dismissed," The Queen seemed to grow agitated that I hadn't taken her verbal cue to leave her in peace.
I jumped to my feet and ran for the door before remembering. I turned back and dipped into another clumsy curtsy before pulling open the door and running out into the hallway.
To this day I've never forgotten my first encounter with the Queen. Even now it haunts my thoughts to know that even at such a tender age, I craved her like I craved air. A glance from her dead eyes, a touch, her voice washing over my senses, anything. It was like a drug; I had to have it. I knew even back then that I had been made for her even though I didn't want to admit it until recently. Stubbornness must run in my family somewhere. I don't know where else I would've gotten such a tendency from since the Queen was careful to breed that out of me as quickly as she could. Though I think when I choose to stand my ground it amuses her to some extent. Her eyes always gain a little bit of light when I do so but I never really noticed that about her until recently.
There were a lot of things I missed about her that I wished I had understood back then. Perhaps it would've made my life a bit easier had I understood her the way I do now. She's not the only one responsible for making me into what I am. That came by the hands of others as well as myself and her own careful training. She wanted someone that belonged completely to her; someone that no one could take from her and she got it. I gave it to her willingly and if I had to do it all over again…I'd still do the same thing. For I belong heart, body, and soul to the Dark Queen herself. And now I couldn't imagine my life without her in it.
