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Chapter 2. Realisation Is a Hard Thing to Accept…
*What have I done? How will she react when she learns what has conspired here these last 48 hours, that once her body hit the floor on Mustafar I duelled with Obi Wan, my mentor, my friend, my brother... I didn't realise what I was doing with my hand held up captivating her throat with her eyes wide with shock and fear yet shining with love that I certainly don't deserve. I forgot about the child that resided within her. Our child.
How could I have been so stupid to block her oxygen path. How dare I raise my hand toward my Angel, my saviour. Lets face it, she is my saviour. As soon as I her your face in Watto's shop I knew from then on that she would be mine, it was my destiny. She came to Mustafar to attempt to save me from myself.
Padme, forgive me. I am too far adorned in the darkness now, its better to accept that. Anakin Skywalker means nothing to me no-more, I am now Lord Vader. As harsh as it sounds my love after what I've just done, you will have to get used to the idea. I will never let you go. You are my life, my world, my reason for existence. As I once said before and say it again now, you are in my very soul. Anakin is now buried deep down and dead.*
Vader stared at his wife Padme, as she lay still as a statue bathed in white hospital sheets with a white hospital gown that adorned her body, her brown curly hair that he loved to bury his face in was framed around her face spilling over her shoulders. He always loved it when she had her hair down, he could sit for hours watching her as she slept whilst playing with a piece of her hair smiling at how peaceful she looked. Vader thought she truly looked like an angel.
He removed his face from his hands, tears streaked down the sides of his cheeks and he gazed fondly at her, moving himself from his seat beside her bed to softly hold her small hand within his large human one. Tears sprung back as he remembered the day she first walked into Watto's shop, gazing curiously at all the junk whilst he sat atop the counter staring at her.
He smiled as he remembered his child like innocence asking her if she was an angel, she was shocked at first then worked up the courage to walk toward him and talk with him. He still couldn't believe he'd been blessed to be in company with such a beautiful presence. Anakin at the time had been nine and filled with brilliant ideas on how he wanted his life to be, his dreams were filled with the future and staring at the girl he realised that she was his future, all of it. He had been a small little boy with a mop of sandy blonde hair. Everyone commented on his eyes, how a brilliant blue they were, but whilst staring at the angels brown ones in front of him, he knew he had found someone to rival his.
Padme had been fourteen he recalled, her hair swept back behind her and pulled into a long bun. Wearing a blue outfit she was small but let's face it taller than he was and Anakin thought she looked beautiful. Her youth was only a glimmer of the beauty she would become. He stayed up all night and carved her a pendant, a Japor Snippet as a token of his love for her.
Yes he was only nine but he knew right away she was the one he would marry, he was smitten and although she didn't return his feelings he knew she would... One day. He boldly told her they were to marry and she smiled at him whilst answering calmly. It wasn't the answer Anakin was looking for but knew at that point in time it was true, he was just a boy. He then made a remark far too wise for his years. "I wont always be."
In all seriousness Anakin knew the words he spoke were true, for never had he set eyes on such a beauty and from there on Padme had captured his heart in a way no other had.
Ten years he had waited to see her and gaze at her face, he had seen her many times in the holo-news but nothing compared to be being in her actual presence, the holo-news simply didn't do her enough justice. Would she remember him?
He couldn't wait for her reaction at how he had grown. He had to admit he had grown over six foot, had short blonde hair and amazing blue eyes. A lot of women often chased him but he always stayed faithful to Padme, even if she still didn't realise it. They were destined to be together.
When he finally saw her, he was amazed at how she beautiful she had become.
She had smiled at him saying "Ani! My goodness you've grown."
His pride soured and he thought he was on cloud nine. She had noticed he was no longer that boy. Answering in all boldness that she had grown more beautiful, he felt a flicker go past her face, shock and a small blush, but then her blocks came up full pelt.
How it nearly broke him down hearing he would always be that little boy on Tatooine, did she have any idea of the effect she was having on him just being in the same room again.
How he loved her so much, he only hoped she would return it, would she ever be able to love that little boy?
Vader's thoughts were interrupted from his past as a medical droid came in the room to inspect Padme's condition. Gazing up he saw that the droid was looking intently down at Padme, as intently as a droid can.
Standing up he towered over the droid and asked "Is there a problem here?" hoping the answers were going to be positive.
The droid stared at him and simply replied "She's now in perfect health for a coma patient, we will just have to wait for her to awaken on her own terms."
Relief flooded Vader and he was sure his legs would buckle, so he sat back down. His thoughts flickered to his Master, who he was sure would be annoyed that he was sat by his wifes bedside instead of out there, eliminating the remaining Jedi in hiding. He would not be leaving her side until she awoke though, he owed her that much. His hand flew back to hers and he could only hope that she was having pleasant dreams. The droid left and Vader's memories rushed back as soon as they had left
The kiss that they had shared on the Lake retreat balcony, their first kiss and it wasn't to be forgotten. She wore the most beautiful dress which showed off all of her back, her arms, the sight of her drove him crazy. The dress was a pale white colour with yellow and other summery colours. Her hair pulled up in a confusing hairstyle which to this day he still wondered how she got her hair to stay upright all the time in the confusing postures she placed them in. He stood listening intently to every word she said, gazing just as intently.
His fingers went to brush her arm before reaching to stroke her back, his breathing grew shallow and he had to force himself to concentrate lest he faint with the sudden contact, he had been working up the courage to touch her all day and even if it was just to touch her hand he would have been pleased.
He felt her tense up and felt through the force her nerves soar. She turned her head to look at him and he realised she was about to retort but was already succumbing to his advances, so he offered her a small smirk before his gaze turned tender and intense again. He had the sudden need to kiss her, to feel his lips grace hers, and he stared at her imagining how soft they would be, he didn't realise all the time he had actually been leaning in to really kiss her.
He could still sense how nervous she was when she realised he was about to kiss her, how she had wanted more but still resisted. In time though he knew she would succumb to his advances. It had hurt him when she had pulled away but he sensed how hard it was for her and that offered him some comfort.
The Meadow picnic. That day had been magical, they had gotten to know each other a lot more. Anakin loved showing off for her, riding the wild Shaaks and rolling in the grass with Padme then giggling like the nine year old boy again. Padme was warming up to him more that much he sensed.
He still remembered the tinge of jealousy and anger he felt vent through his veins when Padme recalled her first kiss with a boy named Palo. He knew he shouldn't have felt anger, for she was twelve and it was of the past, completely innocent. He had to tell himself she would soon be his.
He had loved every minute when they had rolled together until they stopped with Padme laying atop of him, he smiled up at her gently caressing her sides and he felt her panic once more as she again realised the position they had been placed under, she tried standing but he wasn't going to let her stand just yet, until she turned her gaze to his eyes, and he saw the depth of emotion and fear that was there.
Fear was the last thing he wanted his angel to feel, he was going too fast he realised and finally relented offering her a small smile letting her know she was safe.
He was jumping for joy inside when she confessed her love for him. He realised that he would do anything to get the both of them away from the death they were sentenced to. He wasn't about to let her go after they had finally admitted their love.
That's just what he did, protect her, and they were suddenly getting married. He had to admit it was moving really fast but this was the very thing he had been waiting for since being nine years old, so to him it wasn't going all that fast at all.
He smiled not really hearing what the Holy man was saying for he was far too entranced by the beauty that was his wife. As he bent in to kiss her he made sure she felt the depth of love he felt for her, and was thrilled beyond measure when she returned his feelings just as strong.
When he next looked into her eyes he saw the doubt and uncertainty that was there, he didn't want her to feel like that on their wedding night so he told her everything would be okay and that he'd wait until she was ready before they did anything. He was just as nervous as her but he hid it better. Things progressed from there though to a night that he would never forget. He was finally able to hold her in his arms and that was the best feeling he had ever felt in his entire existence.
After three years of marriage she still had that effect on him whenever he saw her he always thought of an angel. Especially when he found she was carrying his child.
Smiling at all the good times he'd shared with her, he realised what a bad one he had created when choking her like she was a doll, why hadn't he listened? Had he really thought his sweet Padme had betrayed him, he didn't even realise what he was doing the anger had took over him and left as quick as it had arrived. Then he and Obi-Wan had fought.
Obi-Wan... The name brought a new sense of anger in his heart, so why was it he still could not kill him. When Vader had the upper hand and cut off Obi-Wan's arms next to the raging lava bed that caressed the ground they stood upon, another memory hit Vader.
"You underestimate my power!" Vader snarled at his old mentor before disobeying his words which warned him not to try and jump. He leapt at high as his body would let him along with the force aiding him, and got his aim correct when he slashed at Obi-Wan's arms cutting them from his body, Obi-Wan's lightsaber dropped to the floor with a thud.
"Look who's the Master now, Obi-Wan? Will you finally look up to me now and realise how stupid you have been to never fully acknowledge and congratulate me on my talents!" Vader yelled at his old mentor who now lay atop the gravel moaning in pain but never once looking Vader in the eyes. "Come on Obi-Wan, for someone named 'The Negotiator' you don't have a lot to say do you, to your fallen brother, the one you swore to look after when you took me as your Padawan! You could never understand my life could you, you were always jealous of my power!" Vader then smiled cruelly looking down at Obi-Wan as his body neared the laver that seemed to be calling his name, begging to taste his flesh.
Obi-Wan then looked directly behind Vader, not at him and howled "Why Anakin? Why have you betrayed your promise to help democracy and serve the good of the people? You've become a Sith Lord something you swore not to become? Answer me that!" Obi-Wan stared behind him defiantly, wanting an answer.
Vader simply laughed "You don't deserve my answer!" he snarled, his face hardening. "This is the end for you!" with that Vader raised his lightsaber ready to plunge it into Obi-Wan, ready to end the Jedi.
"You were the Chosen One!" Obi-Wan screamed out before Vader took target, "It was said that you would destroy the Sith not join them! Bring balance to the force not leave it in darkness."
Vader stared at the man in disbelief wondering how he could still be talking about the prophecy when he was about to die. "I hate you all" snarled Vader.
Obi-Wan stared at him now, his eyes straight into Vader's bearing his soul, defenceless and crying, "You were my brother Anakin... I loved you!" those words made Vader stop dead in his tracks, his old brother sprawled out before him already in pain able to walk but not moving and now weeping for the loss of Anakin Skywalker.
He thought back to the times Obi-Wan had been good to him, had taught him, the friendly banter they had, the brothers they were. It was all lost now and nothing could bring it back, but Vader stood motionless, breathing heavy his lightsaber humming and getting ever near to Obi-Wans head. Could he really do it? Could he really destroy his friend?
Seething with anger he de-ignited his lightsaber, clipping it back to his belt. "Obi-Wan, listen to me, you are going to go and never ever set foot near the Empire or me OR Padme again do you understand? You will never contact any of us, if you do I will kill you and I mean this," Vader stated clearly. "The Emperor will think that I've killed you so go into hiding, this doesn't mean I'm Anakin I'm Vader." his eyes wandered off looking into the distance "The Jedi have made fools of us all." he whispered and for a split second, Obi-Wan thought he saw a look of sadness on Vaders face. As quick as it came it went though. Vader took a breath before continuing "Now my star fighter is near Padme's ship, R2 will drive you away from here then fly back to me is that clear?" Vader's eyes flashed anger as if express the threat, they were no longer the brilliant blue they once were but a fiery red which seemed to burn daggers into a persons soul, as though those eyes could do the horrors of a persons worst fears and still wouldn't resemble a guilty conscience afterward. These were the eyes of Vader and he was not to be fooled with.
Obi-Wan understood this and with great difficulty stood up staring at Vader as though he was about to say something. When Vader didn't look him in the eyes he said "This isn't over Vader you must understand that." and with his last words Obi-Wan left the fiery depths of Mustafar and his old friends behind him.
Vader contemplated what he had just done, turning and walking back towards the ship... towards Padme. Remembering her, he set off running towards her, guilt rising up and threatening to engulf him in darkness. How could he have done that to her? What gave him the right to accuse her like that? When he finally reached her, he felt for a pulse and was relieved and alarmed to find one but beating very faintly, as gently as he could he picked her up and entered the ship, placing her on a makeshift bed stroking her hair. "Padme its me, please awake I have so much I need to apologise for..." he whispered into her ear but she didn't respond, only slept on.
Vader wept. His hands rushed towards his hair, ringing his hands through it, then he fell onto his knees beside Padme's bed kneeling towards her, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and whispered "I will atone for this, I swear. Please forgive me."
He stood and silently looked upon her, her beautiful features were in a small frown as though she was trying to work out in her slumber what had just conspired. After he acknowledged the fact she wasn't going to wake up by just whispering words into her ear he turned and rushed towards the controls and set the ship on course for Coruscant, the medical chambers awaited them.
Vader awoke to a start jumping up in a defensive stance about to beat down whoever was there, when he realised he was still in the hospital beside Padme's bed. His angel was still sleeping and they were alone and safe, he set back down.
He had no idea how long he had been asleep. Thinking back to what had transpired on Mustafar, he wanted to forget choking Padme not keep reliving it every time he shut his eyes. Vader's eyes dawdled on her face watching as she breathed in, her chest slowly rising and falling with each breath and then his eyes fell to her stomach. Fresh tears stung his eyes as he thought about their dead child, or should he say children.
Upon arriving at Coruscant he had been notified he and Padme had been expecting twins, when he questioned what the droid meant by saying had, he was devastated to learn the news that whilst he had been choking Padme of precious oxygen he had also been choking his children. His precious babies were now dead because of him. he had screamed in pain and guilt, the lights flickering all over the hospital and the glass doors smashing before everyone. He had killed the lives that had come out of his and Padme's love, the guilt fell on his heart and he would forever wear it, Sith Lord or not.
He sat by Padme's bed weeping all night for their loss that was the fault of his own. He couldn't believe they had been expecting twins, had Padme known? If she had why hadn't she told him? Then the thought occurred she never had time because he was always raging about saving her to actually care about the lives she carried.
He caressed her head and kissed her forehead whispering "Come now, its time to awaken my sleeping beauty." he smiled lovingly at her when she sighed in her sleep as though contemplating his words but when she made no move to re-awaken he sighed and started crying stating he was sorry. That night Vader fell asleep once more saying those two words over and over "I'm Sorry..."
