Words I Couldn't Say

By: Arnold's Love


Chapter Two: "The Boy with the Cornflower Hair"

(Arnold's Point of View)

"And the fruits returned and we managed to save the play after all," I finished.

Sandy and I had spent the entire afternoon telling each other stories of childhood and sorting through box after box. It still seemed as though we hadn't made any progress, even though in actuality we had. Sandy kept chattering about her exciting Christmas project, and I couldn't help but wonder what might happen if the guys found out that I had little photo album scrapbook things lying around—whether or not they were made by Sandy.

She laughed. "Wait, Arnold, you can't leave it at that!" She grinned mischievously. "Sing it. Sing the fruit song."

I rolled my eyes. "No way. It's embarrassing."

She shook her head. "No way, I know you can sing…and we are best friends…Come on," she said making a pouty face. "It's the least you could do for making me your slave all day! Oh, and do the dance too! I bet there was a dance!" She clapped her hands together excitedly.

I shrugged, dejectedly. "Fine…okay…" I stood up and began singing.

"It's fruits, its fruits

That really makes us toots—"

I didn't get any farther before she was laughing hysterically and pretty much uncontrollably. When she finally finished giggling she said, "as much as I want to hear the rest of it, I don't think I could handle it."

I grinned and shook my head. "How about this box next then?"

She heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Seriously, Arnold, I am tired—can't we take a break for now. We could finish this in a day or two," she added, smiling pleadingly.

I really needed to finish, but I was tired too. "Yah, I think that's a good idea. We won't get much done anyway, if we're too burnt out to do a good job."

About that time, the phone rang. "Ooh, I better get that, be right back, okay?"

She nodded. I ran downstairs and grabbed the phone. "Hello?"

"Arnold?" the voice said.

"This is he."

"Arnold! How can you not know who this is!"

"Gerald?! Oh my gosh, I haven't heard from you in forever!" I couldn't believe it! I missed him so much. I hadn't seen him in so long. No matter how far apart we were or how much we grew up we were still great friends.

"That's more like it! What's up with you?"

"More like what's up with you!" I laughed. "Much more interesting!"

"Hmm…same ol', same ol'," he chuckled. "Playing every sport, working my butt off to keep up the grades, and pining after the one girl I still am too chicken to ask out."

Boy, did that hit home or what! "Gerald, come on! Phoebe's liked you since…like third grade! What's taking you so long?" I exclaimed.

Gerald had liked Phoebe from as far back as I could remember, and from what I had observed she liked him too. But they were so awfully shy about it. He'd been trying to get his nerve up where she was concerned and all the while had been dating other girls. This personally didn't make any sense to me, but it is Gerald we're talking about.

"I know, Arnold, it's just so different with her than any other girl I have ever known or dated. It's too…scary."

I tried not to laugh at that. Gerald admitting that he was scared?

"I need your advice." He paused and then said, "Speaking of which…we really need to plan a trip and visit each other soon. Probably better if you came here, then you could see how insane everyone is now."

I laughed. "If my memory serves me, every one was already insane."

"That's the truth, boy, and I can not deny!"

We laughed together.

"But I think it might be too weird, Gerald. It's been so many years since I've seen everyone and no one but you would probably even care. You should probably just come up here."

"I highly doubt that, Arnold. Everyone still talks about you now and again and they always ask me how you are."

"And what do you tell them?"

"Only the truth. That you are livin' it up in a small town with girls following you everywhere and football being your one passion."

"Hmm, that sounds like my dream life," I smiled.

"You should probably come here so they don't find out I've been lying," Gerald laughed. "Actually either way they find out, I guess."

"Maybe you should come here so you can meet Sandy."

"Aw, Sandy," he replied. "How's that going? Any updates yet."

I sighed. "No? I tell you it's hard being in love with your best friend."

"Uh, Arnold…I thought we were talking about Sandy," he joked. "I don't really feel that way about you, bro."

I laughed. "Haha, you know what I mean. You know, Gerald, I really would like to be able to talk with you, but Sandy is here right now, so I really should go..."

"What? She's there now and you answered the phone! Not cool, man, not cool. Even I wouldn't do that." Gerald exclaimed. "If you were getting anywhere with her, you just blew it. But hey, since you already ruined it, put her on, I want to talk to her."

"Uh, Gerald, I don't think that's such a good idea…" I said nervously, glancing at the stairs to see if Sandy was in earshot.

"What? Don't you trust me? I won't say a word. I just want to meet—I mean talk to—the one girl who has truly got hold of my dear Arnold's affection—besides your many childhood crushes, of course."

"See, Gerald, that's what I am worried about," I stated.

"Oh, Arnold, that kind of comment is only for your ears. Don't worry, buddy! Just let me talk to her."

"Well, okay, but please don't embarrass me!" I pleaded with him. Sure we were friends but I hadn't seen him in so long, who knew if I could still trust him to keep such an important secret. Heck, sometimes I even wondered about that even when we had been around each other every day.

"I'll just ask her why she makes you such a girl and so lovesick all the time," Gerald chuckled.

"Gerald."

"Kidding! Kidding! Don't worry. I will not embarrass you, my friend."

"Okay," I said reluctantly. "I'll go get her."

I carried the phone back upstairs to my room and quietly opened the door. She was lying on the bed staring at a recent picture of the two of us, smiling.

"Arnold!" she exclaimed, jumping up and throwing the picture to the ground. "I was just sorting pictures, heh." She made a funny, almost awkward face.

I shrugged it off. "Cool, my friend Gerald from Hillwood wants to talk to you." I handed her the phone.

She grinned mischievously at me. "The Gerald?" she exclaimed putting the phone to her ear. "I have to say I am pretty darn excited to talk to you."

A pause.

She laughed. "Yes, it's true! I stole him and he's mine now! Pretty much you can never have him back."

Another pause and some giggles.

"Well actually, you would be surprised at how much I could tell you about you instead! I just got the whole tale from Arnold today while he was making me help him sort through pictures." She listened for a moment. "Girls? Love? Hmm, well, no. He was probably avoiding the subject, doesn't want me jealous, but seriously Gerald you should tell me all the dirt on our dear friend, Arnold."

I stared at her. What was Gerald saying?! I shook my head nervously as there was a long pause on Sandy's end.

"Well, Gerald. It's been lovely chatting with you, but Arnold here is shaking his head at me and I personally am getting quite hungry. But we need to talk sometime when Arnoldo's not around."

She grinned slyly at me and I stared at her. Arnoldo? She would call me that occasionally (among many other random nicknames) and that one always through me for a loop when she said it, reminding me of a girl I once knew.

She laughed. "And I am thinking Arnold needs to feed me dinner before I perish. It was definitely nice talking to you though…okay, bye!" She handed me the phone. "He wants to say good-bye."

"Okay, I'm also gonna go put it away. I'll be right back," I told her.

She smiled and nodded and laid back down on the bed.

Once I was out of ear-shot I said, "Gerald, what did you say?!"

He just started laughing. "Don't worry, Arnold. I didn't say anything you need to worry about. She seems really cool, and I do think you should take her to a nice place to eat. And Arnold?" He paused a moment, seeming to think. "I'll bet she likes you and is just waiting for you to make a move. She's probably just as nervous about the friend situation as you." He sounded so weird…almost desperate. "Arnold…promise me you won't wait too long and miss your chance."

I thought for a moment about that. He seemed so worried and sincere about it. I wondered if there was more to the Phoebe story than he had told me. "I promise, Gerald. But why the sudden interest?"

"I have a feeling about you two. I also have this feeling that if you wait even the slightest bit longer…something bad is gonna happen...and you might lose your chance…forever."

What do you say to that? It didn't really sound like a Gerald thing to say. "Um…okay, Gerald. That's a little over-dramatic, don't you think?"

"I'm serious, dude, just do it."

"I'll try to do something about it," I told him awkwardly, rubbing the back of my head. What had gotten into Gerald.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Okay, man, I'll let you go. But dude, take her out to dinner!" He laughed and hung up the phone.

I ran back upstairs to find Sandy lying on my bed with her eyes closed. She singing a slow, jazzy song to herself, and I stopped quietly to listen. It was a song I had heard once before sung by one of those older singers like Ella Fitzgerald or someone—kind of a sad love song.

Her voice was so sweet and clear, with the cutest personality thrown in possible. I smiled to myself as I heard her sigh quietly.

"That was beautiful, Sandy!"

She gasped and sat up, her face becoming completely red. "Arnold! I didn't know you were there!"

She looked so embarrassed and I couldn't understand why. I had heard her sing numerous times before and she had never acted so strange about it. She was in every musical the school ever put on, in every choir at one time or another; it really didn't make any sense.

"Sorry," I said lamely. "Ready to go eat?"

"To go? What do you mean go? Isn't your grandmother making dinner?" she looked sincerely confused.

"Well, probably, but she's on a tofu kick and I was thinking that The Vineyard sounds delicious!" I smiled as her eyes lit up at that.

"The Vineyard?" she gasped running up and hugging me. "That is only like my favorite place to eat!"

"Duh," I smiled. "I've been stuck with you for years, so I ought to know that. C'mon lets go."


(Helga's Point of View)

I sighed at the shopping bags in my hands. Criminey! They were so heavy. And pointless. Ugh. Why did girls even put themselves through this torture for fun? It's like, hey, guys, let's go to the mall and spend what little money we have on over-priced clothing that hardly covers our body, so we can drag them around with us for the next two hours. Yah, cause that sounds like a real barrel of laughs.

"Well, Helga, now that we're done shopping where do you want to eat?" my mom asked as we exited the mall.

"Oh, I don't know, but I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. Ooh, let's go to The Vineyard right there." I said pointing to the other end of the parking lot. "Italian sounds really good."

"Well, that's convenient," she laughed. "Why don't we put the bags in the car and walk over."

I nodded. The closer the next day came the more the anxiety grew inside me. I was beginning to feel sick. It was hard to spend your whole life in one city and move your senior year to attend another school. And it's not like growing up in Hillwood had been that easy. Small towns were supposed to be pleasant places though, right? Friendly people, everyone knows everyone. But…still I was nervous.

Spending half your life being a bully, hiding your feelings…I had decided to change that night four years ago when Arnold left—that night I had hurt him deeply. I had pushed away the one person who was always kind to me; the one person whom I loved; the person who I never told everything I should have; and that's when I had realized I had to change. And so I really started working hard at it. I started being kinder, stopped bullying everyone. Not that I was the complete saint, of course, because I messed up a time or two when Harold or someone pushed me too far and anger got the better of me. Let's face it, deep down I'm kind of a sarcastic, pushy, and lour person—but there are good qualities too. It was hard to show myself, to try and become friends with all the people I had tortured for so long. But I had succeeded. Most forgave me and accepted the new, real me eventually.

But, alas, I had always hoped Arnold would come back one day so I could show him what I had accomplished, and who I truly was, how I had took his advice—but he never had. I had found other boys to like, dating once or twice in high school…but no one seemed to quite compare, so I gave up for the time being. I had ghosts haunting me—actually just one football headed one—and though I had tried to accept the fact that I needed to forget him, I never quite could. For the most part I think I was over him, but the last chapter of our book together didn't feel complete—I couldn't close it. That last night had been so horrible; so utterly painful and full of so much regret-nothing one would want from the last night with someone they cared so much for.

By this time we had reached The Vineyard and were waiting to be seated. I sat and chatted with my mom about the new clothes I had bought, school, our family, etc. I couldn't believe how much my mom had changed over the last year or two. It was great to have a mom who was actually involved with my life and not passed out behind the couch "looking for her keys".

"How many? Name?" I heard the host ask over and over again, as we waited.

One reply caught my attention more than any other. "Arnold," the deep, almost husky voice said.

Arnold! My ears perked up, but I couldn't let myself look. I did this every time I heard that name and every time I was disappointed to see that it was just some old man, or some father of five…never my Arnold. And besides how hard had I worked to move on? Sure my heart felt like it was in pieces most of the time and sometimes I just felt kind of empty and bland, but I had realized life could and would go on. And each day got easier. There were many days now when I managed to only think about Arnold once that day. Especially since I'd never see him again. Ever. Somehow that knowledge made it easier. Somehow I'd eventually move on and forget.

"Oh, Helga! Look at the adorable girl over there!" my mom said suddenly pointing across the room.

Indeed there was a beautiful young woman about my age sitting alone in a chair across the room. She was slender and curvy with shiny brunette hair. She saw me looking at her and gave me a sparkling smile and a friendly wink.

"Helga, you should go talk to her! She looks like she's your age and she probably goes to the same school." My mom was getting way too excited. I didn't really like the idea of her helping me make friends. What kind of pathetic moron had their mom find them friends? And besides that, she looked a little too perfect. One of those mean girls you see in all the high school movies.

"Mom, she probably goes to Belling High, since we are currently in Belling not in Little Valley," I sighed, rolling my eyes. "And criminey, Mom! I do not need your help making friends! What kind of freak would that make me?"

Her face creased into a frown. "I'm sorry, Helga. But you were so worried earlier I just thought you could go and see—"

"Hi," said a voice from above me.

I looked up the see the exact subject of our conversation smiling down at me with a nicely manicured hand outstretched. "I'm Sandy."

I took her hand and shook it, albeit begrudgingly. "Helga."

"You looked so nice that I thought I'd come meet you while I'm waiting for my friend to get back from the bathroom." She rolled her eyes and giggled.

"This is my mom, Miriam," I told her, pointing a thumb at my mom.

"Miriam," she smiled and shook my mom's hand. What kind of high school girl shakes hands?

"So do you live here in Belling?" my mom asked her, smiling. I tried not to roll my eyes. She was still trying to make friends for me.

"Nope, actually Little Valley…there's nothing there, you have to drive the whole fifteen minutes up here to do anything," she laughed again. "I'm guessing you live here though, 'cause I've never seen you at our little school before."

"Actually I live in Little Valley too, but we just moved there." I felt myself smile at her, actually feeling some excitement at the prospect of already meeting someone from my new school. And someone friendly too. "It's great to meet someone I'll be hitting the usual school grind with. Are you a senior?"

"Sure enough!" Her smile and eyes grew even bigger with enthusiasm. "Oh, how exciting! We hardly ever get new faces around this little town! And you'll just love the school! It can be a little political and competitive—and to be perfectly honest the girls can be atrocious most of the time—but what else can you expect from high school?" She giggled to herself. "What kind of school activities do you like?" she asked animatedly, clasping her friends in front of her.

Before I could answer she was chattering on again.

"Well, actually it really doesn't matter!" she laughed. "We have an amazing sports program, exceptional theater and music as well…even the art classes I hear are pretty amazing! I even took an excellent creative writing class last year and—"

"Oh, do you write?" Mom asked excitedly nodding at me, probably thinking that I would have a fellow poet to buddy-buddy with.

"Oh, I try. Growing up I was always writing stories…my problem was—and actually still is—finishing them," she laughed lightly.

I nodded, actually significantly intrigued by this girl. "I love writing too, but my passion is poetry."

"Ooh, poetry! It's fun to read and all…but when it comes to analyzing it or writing it…well, it's a whole different story. I stick with haikus." She made a funny face and said, "I'm slightly nervous about the A.P. English I have this semester…I hear there's lots of poetry…stuff," she finished lamely, shrugging.

"Oh, I am taking that class too," I said. "Isn't there only one?"

"Yes," she grinned. "Guess you can be my poetry assistant-or maybe more aptly named-your poetry amusement," she giggled, with a wink. "I really am so bad at it."

I found myself actually liking her. She was definitely not what I had expected from her looks. She was perky and so friendly. She had a way of bringing me out of myself and making me feel comfortable. I was started to feel excited at the prospect of having a class with her. This struck me as almost strange, considering that so far she seemed awfully perfect-you know like Lila 2.0 or something. Not someone I would normally like, but there was just something about her that made it so you couldn't help but like her. And I found myself truly was excited about our future class together.

Mom, of course, brightened at this and looked at me. "That's wonderful, I am sure, Helga would love to help you! She's always in her room spouting poetry just off the top of her head."

Mom, what are you doing? I thought. This girl is going to think I am a pathetic loser…

"Miriam, table for two," the host said, smiling at us.

"Oh, that's us," my mom confirmed. "It was really nice to meet you, Sandy. I'm glad Helga has a friend now…"

Ignoring my mom's almost embarrassing comment, I rolled my eyes and I said, "Believe it or not, I'm looking forward to school now," I told Sandy. "See you tomorrow then?"

"Arnold, table for two."

I jumped at the name and cringed slightly again. It was like fate was just constantly trying to remind me and bring me down just when I was starting to feel good.

"Oh, Arnold," Sandy was saying, "he's still in the bathroom. What in the world can he be doing?" she grinned at me. "He can be such a girl sometimes. He's probably primping. I don't know how he's ever going to find me if I go sit down." She frowned.

My mom gave me a look. She knew all about Arnold. I had told her a bit before the move. Being in her more coherent state of mind she could tell something had been bothering me for a long time and finally asked. She had done her best at helping me move on, but I think she doubted that I was capable of actually succeeding. Let's face it...years of neglect had given me an obsessive personality. It's kind of a hard think to break when it's so distinctly who you are inside.

"Y-you have a boyfriend named…Arnold?" I stuttered out finally. I had to know.

"Well, more like a best friend. But who knows? I'm optimistic," she shrugged almost sadly. "See you tomorrow, Helga. Go enjoy your food."

"Bye," I whispered, blinking slowly trying to wake myself up.

The waitress led us to our seats and we sat down, I stared blindly at the menu. If only I could see this Arnold, just to confirm to myself that it wasn't my Arnold.

"Helga, I know what you are thinking," my mom said looking into my eyes as we sat down. "It's not him, and you have to move on! You're never going to have a life if you keep pining after someone who is gone." She tried to smile reassuringly. "I realize because of the way things happened that evening you feel…well, it feels unresolved, but you can begin resolving it yourself. If you need to," she added, "I am sure you could find out what his current number or address is and send him a card or call him...just to apologize for the way everything went. You can't keep…"

That's when I stopped listening. It was at that moment that I saw Sandy following the host to her seat…and close to her side was none other than a football-headed blonde young man.

I'd know him anywhere. I gasped and felt my mouth drop open. My mother turned to look and saw them as Sandy waved. Arnold-my Arnold, the boy with the cornflower hair-didn't seem to notice us, but I noticed him. He was so tall now! Tall, broad-shouldered and so handsome. Gone was the tiny baseball cap that he had cherished for so long, gone were the crazy tufts of hair of his childhood, now it was stylishly messy and relatively shorter. I watched as he laughed at something Sandy said as they sat down, and over the clinking of dishes and the buzz of conversation I could hear it—hear his beautiful, sparkling laugh-deeper than before, but still that same beautiful laugh.

"Helga," my mom was frowning worriedly at me, but I had to look again. "Helga…"


Posted: October 2007

Edited: March 2016

-Arnold's Love