I woke up alone in his bed, wrapped up in a blanket and hugging the pillow. What was happening today?
First, I needed to shower. I could tell that I smelled awful, my hair was greasy, and I was singed, burned, and smoldered all over.
I folded up the blankets and made the bed, then walked to the bathroom. I was still too tired to actually focus on any one thing. I just walked, out of habit, and took a hot shower. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a hot shower. I washed my clothes by hand. My hands got red and raw and blistered, but my clothes were clean now.
I was clean now.
No matter how many times Ron told me that I shouldn't feel guilty for staying with him, I did. I still felt like I didn't belong. I still felt like I shouldn't be there with the huge group of redheads and sit with them like I was family, because I wasn't family. And that was it.
Harry doesn't count; he does belong with them. How long has Mrs. Weasley considered Harry one of her own? Since we were twelve? He was supposed to be with them. The bond between him and Weasleys had only gotten stronger when he got together with Ginny. Now he truly would be part of the family, soon enough.
I wasn't supposed to be there though. I'm not part of the family. The closest I am with one of the Weasleys is Ron, and besides being his friend, I'm not technically anything. I mean, we've kind of been through a lot, and I'm a little in love with him and everything, and I sort of kissed him during the Final Battle, and we pretty much confessed our love to each other this morning, but that doesn't have anything to do with my right to be with the family.
Technically.
The only reason I sat with them was because he asked me to.
"Hermione," he said, his voice raw like it had been since yesterday. "Stay. Please. Don't go."
Don't go. Wasn't that what I screamed at him while he turned his back on me?
And that was the reason I stayed. I couldn't do to him what he did to me. He was already going through too much.
I sat down next to him, not too close to seem like anything was happening, but close enough that I didn't feel like I was about to have a panic attack. He looked up at me, face blank, eyes heavy. He pulled me close to him.
He smelt different then he had last night. He must have showered. He smelt good, but then again, he always did.
"Good morning." he said, kissing my forehead gently and pulling me tightly against him.
"You too." I whispered, hugging him around the waist.
"He-hem." someone coughed above us. I looked up at saw Mr. Weasley, not only coughing at us, but at the whole family who had, since I sat down, gathered on the various Common Room couches and settled themselves. Ron reached for my hand, braiding our fingers together and putting his other arm around my shoulder.
"Hello, everyone," Mr. Weasley started hesitantly, his voice weaker then I had ever heard. "I hope everyone had a decent nights sleep. Today's going to be pretty busy and-"
That was all of the speech that I heard for a while. Ron had begun to take his thumbs and run them gently up and down my hand, effectively calming me and distracting me at the same time.
"Stop it, Ronald," I told him, half-heartedly. "You're distracted me."
"Am I not allowed to?" he asked quietly.
"Technically, you aren't – "
"Oh shove it, Hermione." He whispered, a half-sneer half-smirk coming onto his face. "You're my bloody girlfriend now; I can do whatever the bloody hell I want."
I glared at him and unwrapped his arm from me and untwisted our hands.
"Not if that's how you're asking me, I'm not."
Mr. Weasley talked on and I started to listen.
"We're going to take, the… body," he looked up and bit his lip, trying to keep himself from crying. "to the Burrow. Today. I don't need any help with it, but anyone who'd like to would be welcome to. The rest of you can help around the castle. Take your own pace at everything. You don't have to jump back into things. But I'd like nobody to be alone. No stragglers and loners."
"We have people who are here and love us," George stuttered, his voice flat and hollow, "and F-F-Fred wouldn't want us to be isolated."
I looked at Ron and I could tell he was about to cry. He jaw was set tight and his fists clenched. I bit my lip and looked at Ginny, or what part of Ginny I could see. She was completely buried under Harry and a bright green blanket; the only part visible of her was a few strands of her hair.
"Hermione and Harry are e-expected, and wanted, to come with us, and to stay with us. You're more then welcome." his voice cracked, but still, he continued, "Everyone's m-more then welcome. Will you two stay with us then?"
I nodded, and I saw Harry do the same over the green blanket. His eyes were lined with dark pink, and they held a look that made them seem as though his cheeks would never be dry again. He buried his face back into Ginny's hair and kissed her temple lightly before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.
I could feel my self-control weaning gently, slowly drifting off into the place in my mind where my dreams of Ron and me resided, to the place where we were the only ones that existed. His thumb was rubbing slowly against my hand. I still couldn't get it out of my mind that we wasn't officially my boyfriend. But honestly, I didn't really care at this point.
"Dad, are we finished?" Ron asked suddenly.
"Yes," his dad replied, his voice breaking yet again, "The… the kids can wander off now. Just update every once in a while, patronus or owl or… just check in. I don't want any of you leaving here either. S-s-stay here. Are we c-clear?"
There was a numerous count of yes sirs. Ron immediately pulled me up and led me out of the room.
"We'll be around." he said as we walked out the door.
We walked for a while, until he stopped us in the middle of a hallway full of debris and shrapnel that hasn't yet been cleaned.
"Please, can I just kiss you?" he asked, his eyes desperate and his hands clammy. "I really can't stand this. Just – "
"Ron. You don't have to explain yourself. I'll never object."
His eyes teared up more then they had been all day, and he leaned into me, pressing his lips to mine. This was our second kiss.
He pushed me backwards against the wall, putting his hands on either side of my body, in between my shoulders and waist, only touching me with his lips. I pressed my fists against the wall next to my hips and lost myself in his kiss.
We kissed for a few moments, how long, I really couldn't tell you. His lips felt so good, so natural, moving against mine. I was trying to memorize everything about it.
"Oh, excuse me." a voice spoke behind us. I pulled away.
"It's – " My voice died in my throat. There was a man, maybe fifty years old, levitating a body bag in front of him. Ron, however, hadn't yet seen.
He kissed me briefly once more, then grabbed my hand and started to turn.
"Oh, sir, it's all right; We weren't do – " His voice died too. It stopped terribly.
His hand clenched dangerously in mine. I squeezed back.
"I'll be on my way now." the man croaked.
Immediately after the man had turned the corner, Ron turned to face me, tears spilling down his face. I reached my arms out for him and he quickly complied. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he put his head down on my shoulder and sobbed.
By the time Ron's eyes were cried out, completely dried, Percy had already come to fetch us to bring us to the Great Hall for dinner.
He led us back, no longer walking pompously with his head held high and his chest pushed out, but with his shoulders slumped. His body doubled over its self, like he had just given up everything that he could have possibly be fighting for, and there was just not a point to stand straight anymore. I touched his shoulder, gently, and he turned his head to me, slowly, like he barely had the strength.
"Nobody blames you." I told him, softly.
"I do." he said dejectedly, and walked.
I fell asleep sitting upright in a chair in the boys' dormitory that night, with Harry in the bed to the right of me and Ron to the left. I curled up on the worn leather, taking comfort in the familiar smell. I stared out the window at the sky and the small amount of light until I became too tired to keep my eyes open.
When I woke up I was once again in Ron's bed, him lying next to me. There was no light, only the pitch black that came with the curtains closed around us. I burrowed against him and fell back asleep.
I woke up the second time, alone and cold, with Harry sitting on his bed and putting on his socks.
"Good morning," he said.
"Good morning, Harry," I said. "Where is everyone?"
"Around. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley went home for the night. Ron's with Ginny and George and Percy, all in the Great Hall, eating and putting their… affairs in order."
I faced him, my feet swinging slightly over the side.
"What're you going to do?" I asked as he started to tie his shoes.
"I'm not sure. I don't want to leave you guys. I… well honestly, I can't leave you guys. I don't know how to function anymore without the two of you. You even more, I guess. But Ron… he needs me just as much as I need him right now. Ginny too. But I'm sure I need Ginny more then she needs me." He sighed, and looked up at me. "You aren't going anywhere, are you?"
"I have to track my parents down sometime." I said softly, watching as he stood up and went to the mirror to button his fresh shirt.
"How's Ron going to take that?"
"I don't know."
"How's Ron in general?"
"I really don't know."
"And, how are you?" he asked, looking at me in the eyes, through the mirror while he buttoned.
"Oh, Harry!" I laughed sadly. "You're worrying about me? You're the one who, hm, let's see, DIED yesterday, and you're asking me about how I am?"
"Of course." He replied, looking at me funny.
I fell back against the bed and stared up at the velvet covering.
"I honestly don't know."
"How're you and Ron?"
"He says I'm his girlfriend. He hasn't properly asked though, so that's not true. We're just… we're just us. I don't even know anymore."
"Hermione," he said. He turned and looked at me straight in the eye. "He's going to be messed up for the rest of his life over the last year. It's not my place to tell what he went through, but this, along with… F-Fred, he's going to be pretty shaken up. Just… steady him, all right? Be there."
"I know."
"But that doesn't mean you should neglect yourself either. If you're there for him, he'll be there for you too. Love is a mutual feeling, you know." He turned, and looked up at him one more time in the mirror, attempted to flatten his hair, and turned to leave.
"Harry?"
"Yeah?"
"That may be the deepest thing you've ever said."
"I'm not just a pretty face, Hermione," he said, smugly.
I rolled my eyes and gave him a sad smile before falling back onto the bed.
Apparently, I fell asleep, because when I became conscious again, Ron was lying next to me on his stomach, equally passed out, as I had been a few seconds before. I mirrored his position, my arms under my head, facing him as he slept.
I pulled a blanket over him and leaned over to kiss his cheek, then went downstairs. Fleur was sitting on the couch with Bill's head in her lap. He was as sound asleep as Ron was. I sat down in one of the huge armchairs and curled up. Fleur continued to tenderly stroke her husband's hair.
"Eet eez incredible what thees family has been through," she said softly.
"I know," I said. "I can't even imagine feeling like they do."
"You 'ave been through a lot as well, Hermione." Her thick accent distorted my name slightly. "You should not preetend like you 'ave not. I know that there eez things you do not tell us, and may not tell us ever, but do not make the family seem stupid. We know that there eez theengs you 'ave gone through that we will never experience, but we weel be there when you need us."
I looked over at her and smiled. She'd never been my favorite. I never did like the way that Ron looked at her, the way that every man in her presence wanted her in ways that nobody had ever wanted me. I guess I was just jealous, and never took the time to realize that she was actually a nice person.
"We eez seemilar, you and I." She continued. "Both of us 'ave or weel marry into the Weasley family." I blushed brilliantly and looked down at my hands, then chuckled.
"I don't like Ron like that." I denied to her.
"I was not talking of Ronald," she said, smiling slyly with a twinkle in her eye, "I always thought it Percy you fancied." I just laughed even harder.
A/N: Thanks to the best beta in the world (for putting up with my weirdness among other things!): RHr4Eva :)3
Sorry if this chapter seemed awkward. I can't really think of any other words to describe a setting like this besides silent, awkward, and suffocating.
& Don't worry my story will get more cheerful, eventually! Haha. I just think that the way that the Weasleys grieve is a huge part of their life and that they aren't just going to get over Fred.
Please Rate, Review, and Check out my other stories:) Thanks so much for reading!
