Chapter Information

Title: How Old Is Your Soul?

Pairing: Implied Rabastan/Andromeda (non-cons)

Rating: T, for mentions of rape

Quote: "The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned." - Maya Angelou, All God's Children Need Traveling Shoes

Disclaimer: I also do not own the song "I Won't Give Up" which is where the story and chapter titles have come from.


The first time he raped me wasn't the worst, not by a long shot, which may sound surprising. I suppose I didn't really grasp what was happening at the time and there were no old injuries to aggravate. There was no worry or build up to it like there was in the subsequent assaults either.

It's hard to describe what it feels like to be completely destroyed and have no one to build you back up again, until that night a year later. Words are useless when there's no one to listen to them. So they stayed swirling around in my mind, growing and multiplying until there was no room for anything else and that's when I had the breakdown.

When they heard from Hogwarts my parents hushed it up, threatening to reveal the truth about him if his mother broke off the betrothal and he was banned from the manor so at least I was safe during the holidays. Perhaps one of the nicest things my parents have ever done for me, in a sick twisted way was to keep my childhood home a shelter.

The room was spinning violently offering him no respite as he heaved the contents of his stomach out into the basin in his hands. Madam Pomfrey entered the side-room and thrust a potion at him which he accepted and gulped down with a grimace of disgust.

"What's going to happen?" he croaked, looking extremely pathetic as he peered up at the nurse.

"Miss Black's injuries are at least two days old," she said, "But the Headmaster still requires information from you before you will be allowed back to your dormitory after he has finished speaking with Miss Black, so in the meantime I suggest you lie down and get some rest. You're suffering from a nasty case of shock."

She bustled out of the room, leaving Theodore alone again. He lay back on the bed and shut his eyes to try and stop the spinning. It was obvious who had attacked Andromeda; the bastard never had his hands off of her in the classes Hufflepuff had with Slytherin or at mealtimes, God only knows what he did to her in private. He started to shiver, a mixture of horror and the chill from his wet clothes sticking to his body and pulled the blanket around him. It didn't offer much relief.

He didn't have to wait long before Dumbledore returned, looking as grave as before, but with a slightly kinder edge.

"Is she going to be alright?" Theodore asked.

"Physically, yes," came the careful reply, "I must ask that you do no tell any of the other students what you have seen tonight, Mr Tonks. Rumours have a nasty habit of spreading quickly here at Hogwarts; it would not do if the wrong people were to hear of this."

"Of course, sir," he replied at once. He opened his mouth then hesitated, unsure whether to tell the true events of the night or not.

"Whatever you tell me will be kept in the strictest confidence," Dumbledore said, as if reading his mind. His eyes bore into him like twin lasers.

"She jumped, sir," Theodore said quietly, looking down at his shoes, "I tried to stop her but I couldn't."

"I see." Dumbledore looked thoughtfully at him, "I doubt there was much you could have done that would have resulted in a more positive outcome, Mr Tonks. Fortunately there are measures in place to prevent any serious injury in situations such as these."

"Sir?"

"Long lasting shield charms are in place around the towers, another fact I must ask for your silence on with the other students. We wouldn't want sky-diving from the Astronomy Tower to become the newest craze in the school now, would we?"

"No, sir." Though it would be a good way of getting away from Professor Sinistra if you hadn't finished your essay in time. Shame kicked in immediately after the thought. Someone had just tried to kill herself and he was making jokes. Some Hufflepuff you are.

Dumbledore was heading back towards the main wing and cast him one last look before opening the door, "Perhaps it would be a good idea for you to visit Miss Black tomorrow evening."

"I'm not sure I'll be the person she wants to see, sir," Theodore replied glumly. The events of the night were starting to catch up to him and it was now past three AM, as he yawned widely and shook his head, attempting to remain awake and alert.

"You may be surprised," the old wizard said mysteriously, "Return to your dormitory for the time being, Mr Tonks."

"Sir, I think I know who did it!" the student blurted out as Dumbledore stepped outside. He hesitated then came back into the side-room and closed the door shut with a click.

"Rabastan Lestrange, sir," Theodore carried on hastily, "I mean I'm not sure but…"

"This is a very serious accusation to make without any certainty," Dumbledore replied sternly.

"I know but-"

Dumbledore held up a hand to quieten him. "The perpetrator will be found, do not concern yourself over the matter. Now, to bed."

The next day passed in a blurry haze with Theodore doing all he could just to stay awake through his classes, a particularly difficult task during History of Magic. He was grateful when his last class of the day finally arrived – Muggle Studies – so that he could finally sleep guilt-free. He knew all about toasters anyway.

Trudging through the corridors towards the Hufflepuff common room, he paused as he passed the Hospital Wing, Dumbledore's words flashing through his mind. "You may be surprised…"

With a small sigh, he changed direction and made his way reluctantly inside. Madam Pomfrey looked up as he walked inside, her searching eyes probing him.

"Can I see-"

"Side-room four," came the abrupt reply, "There's no one else in with her, make sure you knock before you enter."

He nodded and set off in the direction she had pointed. He rapped his knuckles twice on the door and heard a faint, "Come in." Opening the door, he hesitated as their eyes met across the room.

"I came to see how you were feeling," he said awkwardly, scratching the back of his head in his typical act of discomfort. She looked small sitting up in the pristinely white bed, her skin nearly as pale. Her eyes told a different story from the night before.

She shrugged. "Alive." Her tone was almost accusatory, or was it just his imagination? Why did he feel the absurd need to apologise?

He shifted from foot to foot uneasily, "I haven't told anyone."

"A lie," Andromeda replied straight away. Her eyes had this way of burning straight through his, unwavering in their search for … he didn't know.

He rolled his eyes, "I had to tell Professor Dumbledore. I just wanted to try and help."

She smiled then, but there was no humour, just a strange kind of sadness. "You are very naïve."

Theodore bristled and crossed his arms across his chest. "I am not."

"It's refreshing," the girl replied, ignoring his denial, "I live in a different world to you. Everyone knows everything, and if they don't then they suspect it. It's nice to speak to someone who still thinks they can change things." She looked up at him again. "I think Professor Dumbledore wants you to look after me. A sudden change of heart from what he first thought last night."

He snorted, "Not half." He fidgeted, adjusting his bag over his shoulder. "I don't know how I could look after you… we only have two classes in common and we live in opposite parts of the castle."

"It is not the most practical of requests," she agreed. True humour shined in her eyes this time when she smiled at him, "Perhaps the headmaster thinks we are soul mates – that mere distance will not keep us apart?"

"He's come out with stranger things in the past," he answered with a chuckle, "I guess I should let you rest."

"By the looks of things, you need it more than I," Andromeda replied smoothing out the covers over her knees.

That was when he caught sight of the ring on her left ring finger and for some unfathomable reason he felt… disappointed? Worried? He couldn't place the emotion as he continued to stare at the obviously old and expensive piece of jewellery.

"It doesn't come off." Her quiet voice brought him out of his thoughts and he looked at her questioningly. The sad far-off expression was back on her face.

"It's charmed to stay on my finger for the rest of my life," she continued, enunciating the last words, "Somewhat like the proverbial ball and chain, I suppose."

Surprised she knew the Muggle saying, Theodore felt a wave of pity wash over him as he watched the young girl tracing the large stone in the middle of the ring. "I'll come back tomorrow," he promised.

She didn't look up but replied after a moment, "Good."