Cammie didn't see the world the way most people did.
She didn't see the point.
We're all going to die anyway, so what? What are we here for? What are we doing?
Why is humanity the way it is? How do we know right from wrong? How was society developed? Why are so many things frowned upon?
Cammie knew her outlook on life was a bleak one. In fact, it was a pain to keep out of her thoughts in most situations. Fighting a battle in your mind isn't exactly convenient in most everyday situations, particularly conversational ones.
But she couldn't help it.
No matter how hard she tried, Cammie couldn't quite get the ideas out of her head. The constant stream of questions she came up with all demanding an answer at the same time drove her insane.
Of course, she's so good at hiding it she does it subconsciously. Any cries for help shown through body language or tone of voice were locked away immediately and she couldn't do anything to break down the walls.
But then again, who could blame her for her thoughts? Loss was a burden that the Morgan family carried - at least two deaths before the age of forty per generation, her father being one of them.
Matthew Morgan died when Cammie was aged seven. Her mother was admitted to a mental health ward three years later.
The circumstances of her father's death were unknown and therefore Cammie found it painful to talk about. She'd tried telling people in the past and as soon as the question "How did he die?" was asked she ran away from the person and never talked to them again.
Her mother, Rachel Morgan, suffers psychosis. As a result, she has intense hallucinations, believing that she's a covert operative for the CIA and that Cammie herself is under threat from a terrorist organisation called the 'Circle of Cavan'. This started out faintly about a year after Matthew's death and had fully developed three months later.
Until her mother was admitted to the mental health ward, Cammie had spent over one and a half years looking after her mother. She'd kept her under constant surveillance anyway so it was really the only thing Cammie could do. Her laptop, phone, iPod and any other piece of technology that "may have a tracking device in" was taken off her and destroyed. If Cammie needed to contact her mother outside of the house on the way home from school, it was to be done by telephone box (which also meant reconfiguring her route). It was like she was under gridlock.
Cammie didn't really know what to do, so she just went along with it until it all got too much. She feels an intense pang of guilt about her decision everyday but deep down she knows it's best for her mother's health. She's been improving lately with her new meds, but there's a long road to travel.
As soon as Rachel was put in hospital, her Aunt Abby - homicide detective for the NYPD -took her in, adopted her and has brought her up since she was ten years old.
Now at sixteen, Cammie doesn't really think about it much. It's just too painful to handle and she'd rather step into school with her head held high, smile at everyone and get on with life.
Fake confidence is something she's known how to pull off since the sandpit, which was probably why she managed to work her way up into the 'popular' category at school. She wasn't the best popular girl, as she tried to talk to everyone and mingle with people who aren't considered popular and she's found great friends there like Liz and Jonas. Although she hated her popular title, it was like her cover and she clung to it. She didn't want anyone seeing the real her.
Except for one person. One person who has already seen through Cammie's cover but didn't realise it yet.
Zach Goode.
Cammie couldn't help it. She let her guard down because she felt sympathetic at best.
And really, she shouldn't be because her Aunt told her to avoid the boy at all costs.
"He's dangerous, Cam. He may not know his own strength yet but he could hurt you one day. Really badly"
Abby told her that Zach didn't know who his father was. He didn't know that his father was one of the most notorious assassins out there. And Abby, being as judgemental as ever, figured the killing streak would run in his blood.
Has Abby even seen the guy? He trips over his own shoelaces for god's sake. Not exactly as smooth as an assassin.
So yet again, it comes down to guilt. Guilt that Zach is left in the dark about his father's identity (even though in this case it's probably better that he is) and in return, treating him nicely and acknowledging his existence in a positive way.
Sounds like a fair deal, right?
-x-
As much as she didn't like to admit it, Cammie was jealous of Zach. He aced all of his tests, was a genuinely kind and caring person and most of all, he actually found studying fun. She figured having this trait would mean that she could be a better student, but deep down she knew that it was a bit of a silly thing to wish for and she should stop.
The jealousy was something she'd admitted to Liz on more than one occasion and when Cammie accidentally told Zach she figured he'd go and talk to her.
"He really was surprised, you know. Like genuinely shocked" Liz said bluntly. She and Cammie were walking to their next class when she came out with that.
Cammie nodded, "You should have seen the look on his face though Liz. In fact, you should have just been there. I need to figure out what's up with him"
The blonde frowned, "There's nothing up with him"
"Maybe not around you, but he acts weirdly around me and I want to know why" As Cammie said this, her popular 'posse' was rounding the corner and Liz widened her eyes in fear.
"I've got to go Cam, but I'm sure you'll find out soon enough. Oh and you might want to thank him for the Josh situation" Before Cammie could get a word in, Liz was making a beeline for their English Lit classroom and she sighed. Another lesson with these idiots.
-x-
"So what's this about you and Josh?"
Admittedly, it wasn't hard to find Zach. He was in his usual spot at the back of the library, scanning the pages of an Algebra textbook and making notes in his notepad.
Zach looked up at Cammie in shock as she sat down opposite him. He closed the textbook, not taking his eyes off Cammie and pushed his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose.
"It was simpler than you think, or I think you think" He looked down at his hands.
"Okay?" Cammie questioned.
Zach looked back up at her, "He marched up to me and told me to stay away from you. I told him the answer was no and I walked away. Then he told me to get back to him but Jonas came in and told him to leave me alone and took me away"
Cammie smiled, "Was that 'no' one or two paragraphs on why he should stay away from me?"
"It might have been implied" Zach smiled back knowingly.
They both shared a look and the next minute they had burst out into spontaneous laughter, which was hushed by the librarian thirty seconds afterwards.
"Thanks Zach, I owe you one" Cammie's laughs had reduced to light giggles as she got up out of the chair and tucked it under the table.
"You owe me nothing. Josh is just an idiot" Zach waved his hand dismissively.
Cammie grabbed Zach's hand, "No, really. Whatever you need" She let go of Zach's hand and flashed a small smile before walking away.
As she walked out, all Cammie could think about was now reluctant she had been to let go of Zach's hand, and how her hand still felt the heat from his touch.
