A/N: Hey guys :) hope y'all had a merry Christmas. I originally had this chapter written, but I had to format my computer and lost ALL of it D: so, yeah, I'm just rewriting it and I haven't put it through my beta because I don't wanna make y'all wait, I've no idea how strict it is in America about like ID and stuff, because I know I could get served over here way before I was like, 18 (which is the legal age here)… but yeahh.

Drumming – Florence and the Machine

I run to the river and dive straight in
I pray that the water will drown out the din
But as the water fills my mouth
It couldn't wash the echoes out
But as the water fills my mouth
It couldn't wash the echoes out

I swallow the sound and it swallows me whole
till there's nothing left inside my soul
as empty as that beating drum
but the sound has just begun

The next time I saw him was New Years Eve.

I'd returned from my grocery shopping to find the house completely different. There was a circular wreath on the front of the door, made of dry wood and dried berries. There was a symbolism there, I thought, a warning to all the living who entered the house. The hallway mirror had a sprig of mistletoe attached to the top, wound into the delicate design. The whole house smelled beautiful, a golden incense burner hung from a corner in the living room, picked up from Victoria and James' time living in the Middle East, it was beautiful and the smell emanating from it was sweet and heavy, infusing the room and the rest of the house with the rich, frankincense smell.

I dropped the groceries on the kitchen table, pulling out the contents and placing them on the table and in the large bowls laid out.

"Hey, Bells. Nice haul," James spoke from behind me – immediately cutting off my very tuneless humming of very cheesy Christmas songs. "Making use of the ID, then?"

"Ha, yeah, they didn't even ask for it, you know how much I love you for it though, don't you?"

"Yeah, makes you feel like a grown up, doesn't it," he said grinning and cuddling me. Giggling into his chest, he was warm from the warm house, and it just brought the lovely smell out all the more. He smelt indescribable, something sharp and homely.

"Bella! What're you wearing tonight?" Victoria asked as she stepped into the kitchen, inspecting each bowl. "Something nice, I hope."

I hadn't even thought about clothes… "Uh, why don't you pick for me?" I asked hesitantly, because I knew it was what she wanted.

"OH! I know just what to dress you in!" She pulled me off by my arm, like her own rag doll. We were in my old room in no time. She was pulling off my top and I didn't even feel self conscious because she'd seen it a million times before.

"The jeans Bella," She sang as she picked a dress off the bed, hoisting it into her arms to easily pull over my head. I put my hands up in the air as she pulled it on over them, just like a little girl again.

She tugged the dress forcefully down my body, the black fabric skin tight and slightly uncomfortable to get into. I was grimacing as I wiggled my hips, trying to pull it down. With one final tug, it was done. I looked at myself in the mirror, almost impressed, as Victoria tied up the back.

"You can't wear a bra with it, though, it ruins the effect," she said, unhooking it at the back, where the back dropped down to the curve of my spine.

I made a huffing noise as I awkwardly tugged it off. Victoria spun me around into the long, full length mirror.

The dress was black and had a lacy-overlay-thing to it. It was beautiful and very flattering to my meagre curves. It was so tight I was worried you'd be able to see my nipples if it got cold. I turned on my bare feet, assessing all the angles and making sure I was happy. It looked amazing on me… and just wow. Victoria disappeared and then returned just as quickly, placing a pair of heels in front of me.

"Thanks, Vicky. What are you wearing?"

She clucked, "Not until your hair and make-up is done!"

I sighed. Sitting down at my vanity she began primping and styling. She tugged on strands of my long, brown hair and plucked hairs from my eyebrows. She was like an artist the way she held her make-up brush, dabbing at her painting that wouldn't turn out nearly as lovely as she hoped.

"Eyes open!"

My eyes shot open and I stared at myself in the mirror, thoroughly amazed at the transformation I had undergone. My lips were red, my pale, white skin was flawless and unblemished, I couldn't even find my chicken pox scar on my forehead, nor could I see the light dusting of freckles across my nose. My hair was parted in the middle, framing my face beautifully, and my eyes were dusted black, complimenting my eyes, making my eyes look vivid in their sockets.

"Thanks, mom," I mumbled, grasping her hand. She smiled at me, and hugged me back, disappearing from the room in a swish of curly red hair and the creaking of hinges.

I stared at the heels left on the floor in front of me, wondering what damage I could possibly do. That was quite a lot of damage that I could do, I would look better, but is vanity a fair price for my dignity? I supposed it was. I supposed Edward would be here.

I smiled at myself in the mirror, suddenly feeling self conscious at how revealing the dress was, there may even have been panty lines, but I couldn't be sure given the intricate lace detailing of the dress. It reached about mid thigh, just long enough to modest, but just short enough to be revealing.

I sat down on my bed, finishing doing the little things.

I wondered who would be here; I knew Edward would be here, he's said as much. I had mixed feelings about him, I may have been undeniably attractive, but he was so intimidating. Physically he couldn't have been older than twenty, twenty-one maybe? But mentally he had experienced things I would probably never in a life time, and who knew what that would be, another sixty, maybe seventy years? I was living in a world of the eternal; it was strange to think of death. I didn't mind dying, as long as I lived long enough to be happy. I would really hate to drown…

I also wondered if Vampires really noticed the passing of time, was this party just a reason for a get together? To mark the first ten years of countless more decades they'd have to endure. It was hard to imagine living that long. James and Victoria had been changed at the height of the British Empire, living in India. A passing vampire had been frightfully hungry, and had taken a nibble on Victoria. James had run him through with his rather dashing silver sword (that was pride of place in our living room, resting on the mantelpiece. A sliver of blood had dropped into poor Victoria's mouth, and she'd undergone the change. She told me it was an odd sensation, and that she'd been barely conscious through the whole ordeal. James had taken her body – as she thought he'd been dead, back to their home. Her maid had been cleaning her neck wound as she'd returned to life, and alas, she'd killed them all. James had heard the commotion and ran to see what was wrong, stricken with grief about the death of his wife, had returned to see her there, covered in blood and surrounded by dead bodies. She'd fed from him, and they'd run away. She could control her want around him, because she loved him so much. Eventually they'd worked out how to change him, and they lived happily ever after.

Bit of a gory love story, but sweet and romantic it was. I loved hearing them tell it, I loved hearing the stories of how people were changed, for instance, Jasper was changed by a covetous vampire who'd thought he was beautiful during the civil war.

I walked downstairs when I was done, intending on helping with the preparations for any human guests who may come, but as I stepped cautiously into the hallway there was a knock on the door. I stepped towards the door, unsure on the new heels and pulled the door open.

Edward stood there, shifting uncomfortably on the doorstep. His hand held a bottle of white wine, and his other arm was on a beautiful, blonde haired human. She was a fleshy pale, with long, gold hair that seemed to flow down her body. She was young, maybe only a little older than me and petite. She had the face of an angel, and the deep marks on her neck that showed her to be his donor. She was staring at me with piercing blue eyes, and her beautiful arched brow was signalling me to step aside, but I was frozen there.

My face fell from its welcome to the party smile, and then suddenly I was blinking back tears as he stepped in the door, greeting me with words that were unintelligible to me. I simply blinked and nodded graciously, whilst trying to hide my strange reaction to the girl on his arm. His arm entwined around her waist the moment the wine was retrieved from his hand, and Victoria and James both suddenly appeared as I pushed the door to. I closed my eyes and leaned back against it.

Edward didn't look back.

What the hell was even wrong with me? Edward wasn't mine. I'd had all of two conversations with him. Was I upset that he'd not warned me that he was taken? That he took his blood from a beautiful girl that outshone me in every single way. I didn't even need to see the happy little smile he levelled with her as he led her down the hallway to know that he was hers.

I jumped as there was another knock on the door. It vibrated my back and sent a shiver along my frame. I opened my eyes and swiftly turned, opening the door again for the stranger I didn't acknowledge. I think the people who knew me knew something was wrong, because Victoria came and took over my post, pointing me towards the kitchen and a large glass of wine. I smiled and nodded through the white noise clouding my ears, because it all seemed to be coming through a filter and being received as if a tiny little voice had spoken it.

Edward had a donor.

Fuck, but I was someone else's, too. How could I be such a hypocrite? But I wasn't really his, was I? I was the equivalent of his little bit on the side. He rang me when his Alice was not enough. I was second in the line, always it seemed, because I could not have misread Edward's protectiveness before? I'd never met him and yet he was disgusted I'd given someone else my blood. I'd known, in my bones that he was right.

I guess my bones were wrong. My whole body was wrong, I was not meant for this skin, or this life.

I reached into the cupboard for something for the sudden pounding in my head; the repetitive noise as if someone was thrumming on my heart strings and the echo resounding in my mind.

I was so pathetic. I'd talked to him twice.

I moved into the living room with my glass of wine, aware that mixing headache pills with alcohol was stupid. Maybe I'd get drunk quicker. Maybe I'd die.

What the hell, there was a doctor here, right?

So I mingled in between warm and cold bodies that were pulsating to a soft beat, and humming with the buzz of conversation. If I got drunk enough, maybe I'd not have to watch Edward and his girl swing their hips in time to the music, or mutter in each other's ears. Or even have to watch Jasper talking to some other human girl.

"Hey baby girl," Jasper purred into my ear as he appeared before me. I'd missed the whole movement, maybe a long pass in time, because I was on my third glass of wine and I think the headache pills were fucking with my mind.

"Hey Jas. Where's Alice?" I asked sourly.

"Alice? Where'd that come from? You know that she doesn't know about you," He spoke into my ear, pressing his body against my back in the throb of vampires losing themselves to the music. Most of the humans seemed to be gathered in one corner, seemingly afraid of the undulating bodies that were moving sometimes too fast for the eye to follow.

"Yeah, I'm not retarded, and you know what, I wish I didn't know about her," I said as I moved away from him smoothly, surprised by my agility in this state as well as the heels.

I wasn't surprised for long though, my foot slipped from underneath me, the plastic heel not having any hold on the hard wood floor, and went crashing down. My glass dropped from my hand and shattered before I hit the floor.

Fuck.

My hand fell on top of the shattered glass, and now I could feel every vampire in the room moving towards me, as my palm slapped the floor, several pieces of glass forced their way under my skin, and I cried out in pain. My hand slipped on the wine, smearing blood against the dark wood. I fell against the floor, more splinters cutting at my skin.

I heard something smack against the wall, and I looked up to see myself ringed by figures.

"Hold your breath! Hold your breath!" screamed Victoria, her voice high and terrified. There were humans running screaming from the Vampires who were either lunging for me, or one of them.

James and Victoria were fierce, I could see their faces as they moved fluidly together, keeping everything away from me. I closed my eyes as I saw blood splatter against the wall, and tucked my cut arm into my body. The alcohol had made its way into a few of the cuts, and it stung like hell.

I could hear every kind of sound, crashes, snarls, screams.

The stupidest thing to ever pass through my mind in a moment of danger passed through my mind right then. What will the neighbours think? And fucking hell – I'd put every human in a ten mile radius in danger. Probably more than that, it was my fault that there people hurting now. But fuck, my arm stung. I groaned as my body leaned against it heavily, but there was blood flying everywhere, and if any of it got into my body, I was screwed.

I wanted children.

I didn't want to be a vampire. I was so scared and in pain at that moment, that I think I must have blacked out, not before I heard a scream and Edwards voice screaming a name that wasn't my own.

How selfish was I?

***

I awoke, warm and cosy in my big fluffy bed. When I tried to move my arm, it stung like hell and my eyes were glued shut. My mouth felt dry and disgusting, and all I wanted was a drink and to brush my teeth, before I won the fight with my eyes to open, and found a pair of seawater blue ones looking deep into my own, keeping a silent vigilante over me.

"Bella, fuck, you gave us such a fright," Jasper sighed, taking my good hand in his own.

"I'm sorry. Is everyone ok?" I asked, worried about the scream I remembered just as I drifted off to sleep.

"Not really. Rose was attacked by one of the Vampire's. Edward had to change her," he admitted, rubbing his large hand over his face tiredly.

My heart probably missed a beat then. It should have been me. Fuck, I was such an idiot, such a self-pitying idiot. Edward wasn't mine, he was hers and her heart wouldn't beat anymore, couldn't beat anymore. It was still and I bet she was ten times more beautiful now. Maybe she was vain, maybe she had a gift, there had to be some upside to this, something that made her not hate me.

But I felt it in my lying, cheating bones that she would hate me.

I threw the covers from me and ran down stairs. I heard Jasper follow me as I tripped down the stairs, the clattering of my feet muffled by the carpet. I was in the living room, the scene of the crime, and I saw her, lying beautiful on the sofa. Her hair splayed around her head, and she was asleep. She looked different, and, as if smelling me, the cause of this, her eyes flashed open, and they were full of hatred.

Dum de dum! :D The next update will be out as fast as I can write it. Please review, you have no idea how much it makes me want to write. This chapter I personally think is 10x better than the first. And I totally didn't even originally plan to have Rose in this story, but my fingers just started writing. Couldn't help it, blame the fingers!