Trials of Shish Kebab: A New Talk Show
Chapter Two
Disclaimers: Darren Shan owns the Saga of Darren Shan as can easily be seen by even the stupidest of rabbits. Nor do I own Kim Possible or Abilify...
Stephanie: We are back!
Kaitlin: Did you give them the complimentary pens?
Stephanie: Yes I did. They tried to flit...But I have connections with some powerful ninjas, and Darren and Larten got those pens right where the sun don't shine.
Kaitlin: Feeling violent today?
Stephanie: A bit.
Kaitlin: I'm sure.-pauses-Time to announce the guests!
Stephanie: Ah, yes. Darren cannot escape!
Darren: -is dragged onstage by security guards- No! I won't do it!
Kaitlin: You're the main character. You have to.
Stephanie: I don't think you can handle this kind of commitment, Darren.
Darren: WAAAAAHH! -sobs-
Security Guards: -force Darren into a straight jacket and drop him on the floor-
Darren: -rolls around-
Stephanie: And for our next guest, the main character's enemy/half-brother/the Vampaneze Lord...STEVE LEOP—LEONARD!
Loud applause emits from the audience.
Steve: -strolls onto stage- Thank you, thank you! –smiles-
Darren: -rolls onto stomach- Hi!
Steve: Oh my God, you! -growls- Oh my God, you! -cries- Oh my God, you! -laughs-
Kaitlin: -to Stephanie- You were very right when you said he was bipolar.
Stephanie: Now we need someone schizophrenic...
Steve: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!
Stephanie: Uh oh...Come on, plot. Hurry up!
Plot: -snore-
Kaitlin: Um...?
-antsinasnowstorm-
Stephanie: Take two...
Kaitlin: Darren and Steve!
Darren and Steve: -are thrown out from backstage and land on the floor-
Stephanie: Hi!
Steve: Where have you taken me, Shan?!
Darren: Psh. As if I would ever take you anywhere... -mumbles-
Steve: -shakes Darren- WHERE AM I?!
Kaitlin: You're on TRIALS OF SHISH KEBAB: A NEW TALK SHOW!
Stephanie: Different guest appearances every time!
Steve: -blank look-
Darren: You won't like it, if you were wondering.
Kaitlin: Let him decide that on his own, Darren.
Stephanie: -nudge, nudge, wink, wink-
R.V.: -runs on stage-
Steve: -pulls out arrow gun- ATTACK MY MINION!
R.V.: -charges at Stephanie and Kaitlin-
Kaitlin: ...?!
Stephanie: Abracadabra!
R.V.: -is blasted to bits:
Kaitlin: What was that all about?
Stephanie: Muahah!
Steve: You...You killed my minion!
Stephanie: Yes.
Kaitlin: On with the show!
-antsinasnowstorm-
Steve: No! I won't do it!
Darren: Do I get a break this time?
Stephanie: ...Maybe...
Kaitlin: Welcome to the...TRIALS OF SHISH KEBAB! OWAH!
Stephanie: Trial one...
Kaitlin: Steve, you have to go and...Eat a cheese and pickle sandwich!
Steve: Ick.
Stephanie: Darren!
Darren: Meep.
Stephanie: Go and eat one too!
Darren: NUUU!
AT A LOCAL RESTAURANT
Darren and Steve: -are force fed pickle and cheese sandwiches-
Steve: But I'm lactose intolerant!
AT THE STUDIO
Kaitlin: Yummy?
Darren: Not quite.
Steve: BLEH! –sticks out tongue-
Stephanie: Well, there's no need to be so immature about it, Steve!
Steve: Humph.
Kaitlin: Second trial!
Steve: WAIT!
Stephanie: More excuses?
Steve: Um...Trials are against my religion?
Crickets: -chirp-
Kaitlin: ...Moving on!
Stephanie: Trial two: Paint your fingernails black.
Kaitlin: Weren't your fingernails black?
Stephanie: Shh...
AT A MALL
Darren and Steve: -get their nails painted-
Kaitlin: Why didn't you just do it, Steph? You're good at that.
Stephanie: Are you serious? I'm not touching their freakish nails!
Darren and Steve: -return-
Darren: My dignity has just dropped by fifty percent...Well, more than it already has. You'll never guess who I saw in there.
Everyone: -investigate-
Mr. Crepsley: GET THOSE CAMERAS OUT OF MY FACE!
Stephanie: So that's where he got to...Larten! Larten, come back here! We have more complimentary pens for you! -chases Mr. Crepsley-
AT THE STUDIO
Stephanie, Darren, and Steve: -walk back on stage-
Stephanie: Now where did Kaitlin go?
Kaitlin: -pops out from behind curtain- Here I am!
Darren: What's with the change of clothes?
Kaitlin: -is garbed in tan pants and a black shirt- I'm Kim Possible!
Everyone: ...
Stephanie: That's good. On to our third–STEVE! Stop inching towards the exit!
Steve: -stops and smiles innocently- I wasn't!
Silence.
Steve: -suddenly makes a break for the door-
Ninja: -pops out of nowhere- OWAH! –tackles Steve to the ground-
Steve: EEEEEK! OH MY GOD, YOU JUST GOT MY DESIGNER TRENCHCOAT DIRTY!
Everyone: ...
Kaitlin: That's one bipolar kid...
Stephanie: Can we please move on to the next trial now?
Kaitlin: Yes. Steve, Darren, the currently absent Larten, sit down.
Mr. Crepsley: -poofs in- Oh, so you have control over me now?
Stephanie: Quite.
Kaitlin: Now, for the third Trial, you must make cheese and pickle shish kebabs!
Mr. Crepsley: Cheese and pickle? What an utterly odd combination. -ponders-
Darren: Odd in a bad way...
Steve: I'm feeling extremely abused right now.
Stephanie: God, Steve! Go take some Abilify!
Copyright Infringement Demons: ABILIFY IS OWNED BY ABILIFY. HAVING BIPOLAR DISORDER IS HARD. I CONSTANTLY HAVE MOOD SWINGS, SUDDEN BURSTS OF HIGH ENERGY, AND GET IRRITATED EASILY. ABILIFY HAS HELPED. ABILIFY. SIDE AFFECTS MAY INCLUDE FAINTING, HEART ATTACKS, STROKES, THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE, AND/OR SUDDEN DEATH.
-antsinasnowstorm-
BACK STAGE
Darren, Mr. Crepsley, and Steve: -are grilling shish kebabs-
Mr. Crepsley: It smells quite satisfying to me.
Darren: I never understood how you can use such large vocabulary without ever learning to read. That's messed up. I do know how to read, hell I write for a living (in the distant future), and yet I have a smaller vocabulary than you.
Mr. Crepsley: I so did not learn it from Arra during some very embarrassing moments I will not mention. -shifty eyes-
Steve: Why do we have to wear these stupid aprons?
Steve's Apron: Bite Me I'm Transylvanian
Darren's Apron: Vampires Suck
Mr. Crepsley's Apron: Kiss The Cook
Kaitlin: Why doesn't Larten's fit the vampire theme?
Stephanie: -shrugs- I couldn't find anymore good jokes.
Arra: -burst through door-
Security Guards: -tail her-
Arra: LAARTEEEEN!
Mr. Crepsley: Arra, baby!
Arra: Love the apron.
Mr. Crepsley: Thank you, sweetie.
Arra: I'd love it better if you weren't wearin--
Stephanie: -pushes Arra off cliff- Goodbye!
Darren: Oh, and you only respect her...Right...Right...
Mr. Crepsley: Are you being sarcas--
Steve: I'm being ignored!
Kaitlin: Okay then, Steve.
Cameras: -close up of Steve-
Kaitlin: What would you like to tell us?
Steve: -laughs nervously, waves at camera- Um...hello...STOP IT! You're embarrassing me!
ON STAGE
Stephanie: Alright. We're running out of time and Cheesey doesn't want to type anymore, so we're going to go really fast!
Kaitlin: TRIAL NUMBER FOUR!
Stephanie and Kaitlin: -throw shish kebabs at Steve, Darren, and Mr. Crepsley-
Darren, Mr. Crepsley, and Steve: OH MY BLEEPIDY BLEEP!
Mother Goose: -poofs in- Don't use that tone with me, mister!
Darren, Mr. Crepsley, and Steve: ...
Stephanie: TRIAL NUMBER FIVE! -pushes Darren, Larten, and Steve off a cliff-
Darren: This is so unfair! Next time, I'm making someone else the main character!
Steve: My trenchcoat! NOOO! That was my whole life savings plus some loans I can't even afford!
Mr. Crepsley: Here I come, Arra, baby!
Stephanie: If you survive, you win!
Kaitlin: We'll see you next time on TRIALS OF SHISH KEBAB: A NEW TALKSHOW!
-Sigh- That took such a long time. Sorry for the wait. This chapter wasn't particularly wonderfully spectacular in my opinion...But, it had its moments, right? Right?!
Whoa! 1,200 words on Word! Eight pages. I'm proud!
