A/N - this be ending number one. I couldn't pick which ending I wanted Okay! And CFH, get your tissues! Nao! You will need them.
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Chapter 2: Forgive me
"When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look the evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and only then do we forgive it."
-- Lewis B. Smedes.
Pain. Pain was all that coursed through Kira's body as he stood in front of his former taichou. Gin's eyes widened in horror, his blade had shot right through him.
"No." he whispered, still taken back by what had just happened.
"No…"
He gasped, his words faltering. His breath shaking. Izuru had abandoned his zanpaktou and just thrown himself at his abuser, embracing him, and letting the others blade go into his stomach.
"I forgive you."
Even after all the pain he had caused him, for all the abuse that he had given him. For all of the hurt he had caused him, for all the things that Gin had done to him, Izuru had forgiven him. He didn't understand. How could Kira ever forgive him for all of the suffering he caused?
"It's alright. I understand. I know everything. a- about Aizen Taichou."
Kira knew. He knew how Aizen had abused him, and hurt him so deeply. How he had bruised and scarred him, and how much he ached inside for compassion and understanding. How alone and hurt he was. He understood how Gin felt, having experienced the same thing himself. And deep down, Gin knew this was what he had inflicted upon Kira.
"I- I'm so sorry Izuru…"
"I know."
Kira was standing there, clutching onto Gin. Holding him tightly in a warm embrace, giving him what he had long ago thought had vanished from the world: affection, understanding, and compassion.
Gin's eyes started to water, still wondering how he could ever be forgiven for what he did as all of those tears of hurt started to fall. He'd never really wanted to hurt Izuru. He never wanted to hurt Izuru.
"Gomen ne…gomen ne…"
Gin started to sob quietly, being held into Kira's warm embrace. Still with both hands clutching his sword.
"It's okay…" Kira whispered as he clutched Gin tighter, his head resting on one of his shoulders.
"You- you said ya were gonna kill me."
Kira let a gentle smile cross his face, now weary from all that had happened between them, and of all the abuse and the pain. Even after all of the suffering, he could still smile.
"I lied."
They had both fought each other, but neither had any intentions to kill. Kira knew that they had both suffered the same abuse. And that Gin was just as vulnerable as he was. And Gin held onto him.
He felt Kira smile as he breathed out heavily, his body relaxing into him. Gin's breathing increased as he held Kira, slowly lowering him onto the floor while the ever present smile faded from his face. Realising only now just how small and helpless Kira truly was, like he had been. He had inflicted pain upon this body, and it hurt him. It's not like the times he spent with his fukutaichou were all bad. It was not all beatings and abuse, there were some happier times there. Not frequent, barely noticeable, but there. Simple things like the fragments of conversation, the build up of the trust between them. When Kira would bring him tea sometimes, during their earlier days of knowing each other, there was some hint of friendship there. The pain made Kira tremble, making him buckle to his knees. Making him grit his teeth as Gin lowered him slowly to the floor. Gin could see his own soul chilling despair reflected in those once bright eyes, and the floodgates of pain had opened again. Like a wound in the heart, like tears from his eyes.
He could not hold them back.
"Izuru-kun…"
Crying such bitter tears now, he looked at Kira. He knew he was fading, and it was his fault. It was all his fault. This was the last time he would meet those eyes, those eyes that had once been so bright and full of hope for the future. Those eyes that had once seen nothing of pain, of suffering, and of despair.
"This is it."
He knew it, this was the end. Izuru would die now and there was nothing he could do. His heart was breaking apart inside him, he had never wanted to cause him this much pain in his life. But it was not his fault, it was never his fault. He was just a fragile soul caught in the hands of fate, and abused by Aizen. A soul that had been broken into pieces and made to feel so hurt and unloved that he had not even the slightest inclination to believe that kindness even existed.
A soul that was now watching Kira die. Watching the only one who had ever understood him, the only one who had ever shown him any ounce of affection slowly bleeding out and dying in his arms. A soul that could do nothing but cry and apologise for making Kira suffer through all of the same abuse that he had gone through from Aizen. Still wondering to the very gods how on earth he could ever be forgiven for it.
"Goodbye Izuru-kun."
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"He who is devoid of the power to forgive, is devoid of the power to love."
-- Martin Luther King Jr.
