EPISODE 2: BRITNEY/BRITTANY
"Alright, who can tell me who Christopher Cross is?" Will asked the choir room.
"He discovered America," Brittany said plainly. Finn nodded in agreement.
"Actually, Christopher Cross had a great hit ages ago," Will responded.
"I have a bad feeling about this lesson," Kurt added.
Will ignored Kurt and continued.
"So, the mission is Adult Contemporary," Will stated as he handed out lyric sheets.
"Mr. Schue, there is a growing Facebook campaign for the New Directions to perform Britney Spears songs," Kurt smiled.
"I'm sorry, Kurt, but I don't think she's a very good role model," Will replied.
"Yeah, and I don't want to do Britney," Brittany mumbled.
"Why no Britney, Brittany?" Kurt questioned.
"Because my name is Brittany S. Pierce…. otherwise known as Britney Spears," she answered. "I will never live up to her great name."
"Well, then it's all settled," Will smiled.
"Thanks Brit… thanks a lot," Kurt mentioned sarcastically.
"Leave Brittany alone," Santana scolded.
-GLEE-
"So, that's how I found a way to NOT to Britney. Close call, right?" Will smiled at Emma.
"Yeah. Although, I love Britney. Other than her sense of unclean-ness, in her music videos. I listen to her music, and I would've loved a New Directions cover. But, Cleaner." Emma replied.
"I can't let the kids do Britney, she's all Sex and-" Will started.
"Wow. You are uptight." Emma said under her breath.
"What?" Will asked.
Emma had a face of dread for a moment, hoping he wouldn't hear her. "Carl!" She deflected happily, spotting a man in the doorway. Will turned around to see a muscular man in his late 30's. His hair was black as night and his eyes were chocolatey brown. He had an uncanny resemblance to Uncle Jesse from Full House. Will spotted Emma as she melted away from a simple glance. He worried how his looks compared to his, but quickly pushed the thought away. As he heard Carl's voice he felt worse, his voice even rung with sexiness.
"Just stopped to say, Hi, honey. I was on the way to the gym." He greeted Emma. He lightly kissed her on the lips as his hands caressed her hips. Feeling uncomfortable, Will let out a cough. When Carl turned around he shot him a smile, with his pearl white teeth. "Oh, Hi. You must be Will, I can tell by your curly hair."
As he shook Will's hand he noticed his firm yet muscular grip. "So, uhh, What gym do you go to?" Will asked.
"Lima Fitness." Carl responded, Emma immediately smiled. It seemed everything he did made her smile.
"That's so weird. I just joined that gym the other day. We should work out sometime." Will smiled, shooting Emma a look.
"That would be great. Just not Monday's. I've been trying to talk to classes, hopefully the school will say yes." Carl let out a small adorable giggle.
"No teacher's are saying yes to Carl." Emma said, with a sad yet attracted look.
"Why don't you come speak to the Glee Club?" Will blurted out. "I'm usually tight about Glee Club schedules. But, I guess I can loosen the reigns."
When Will looked at Emma she was still looking wonderstruck at Carl. He shook his head in loss.
In the hallway, Finn was standing at his locker putting up the letterman jacket when Karofsky and Azimio pushed him and snatched his letterman.
"Hey, give me that back. I earned that!" Finn yelled.
"This jacket belongs to people that are actually on the team," Azimio informed.
He and Karofsky each grabbed and ripped it apart. Finn's face grew red in anger.
"Oooo Finny's gonna cry!" Karofsky mocked.
Karofsky and Azimio began to walk away but they turned back when they heard Finn say, "Losers."
"Oh, did you hear that Azimio?" Karofsky asked.
"I sure did. I think we better rip something else off Finn," he replied.
Together they pushed the front of Finn's body onto the lockers.
They launched their arms into Finn's jeans and grabbed his polka-dot green and white boxers and yanked them high on his back.
In less than 10 seconds, they began to stretch and rip all over the place.
Karofsky and Azimio laughed, but Finn just grew more mad. Finn swung his fist, but Azimio dodged it.
"Oh, you want to swing at me? Bring it," Azimio responded, getting in position.
"Sorry to interrupt," Artie said, rolling in between them.
"Whatever, we'll handle this later," Azimio promised, staring at Finn.
"Finn, I just wanted to apologize for getting you kicked off the football team. I hope there are no hard feelings," Artie put out his hand.
Finn barely paid attention as he was still recovering the from the ripping wedgie he had just received. Finn shook back.
Through the doors, Coach Beiste saw everything happen.
-GLEE-
Carl finished his speech to the Glee Club as Will stepped up next to Carl. "Okay, So we've all set up appointments with Dr. Carl?" Will asked, and was responded with nods and emotionless yes's. As the bell rung the entire Glee Club exited the room, leaving the two men alone.
"Thanks Will. I guess you're not as uptight as people say." Carl smiled, patting him on the back.
Will, holding his coffee cup, grew angry and annoyed. He was so sick of being called uptight. As he let out his anger he pressed against the styrofoam cup, pressing the coffee cup too hard, sending the hot liquid all over Carl's too tight jeans.
Carl hissed in pain as he looked for something to wipe the piping hot liquid off with. "I-I'm Sorry." Will appologized. "I have an extra pair of jeans in the closet." Will ran over to the closet pulling a pair of jeans off the rack, When he turned around Carl was holding his jeans, standing in his black plaid boxers. "I'll get these right back to you. Thank you." Carl said slipping on the jeans.
"You're Welcome. You should've closed the door first though. Someone could've seen you." Will explained.
"It's alright, no one did. Plus, It's not like I'm wearing Tighty Whities. Emma and I always joke about how geeky those things are." Carl laughed.
Will had a look of disappointment for a moment, but only a moment. Then, It was time to try and one-up Carl. "Where do you buy you're boxers from? I like the style, All mine are plain colors."
"Boscov's." Carl smiled. "Well, Thanks for these. But, I have an appointment. See you soon, Will."
-GLEE-
Finn and Rachel walked down the hall, holding hands. Rachel could see that Finn seemed somewhat sad.
"What's the matter?" Rachel wondered.
"Nothing… well, how do you feel about me not being on the football team anymore?" Finn asked.
"I'm actually kind of relieved. Glad I don't have to worry about you leaving me for one of the cheerleaders," Rachel answered.
"I just don't feel cool anymore…. wait so you want me to feel bad about myself?" Finn asked.
"No… It's just I want to be the only thing that makes you feel good," Rachel smiled creepily.
Finn looked at his locker confused. "I'm just trying to be honest," Rachel added, noticing his puzzled face.
Santana and Brittany walked by.
"Hey dwarf, did anyone ever tell you that you dress like one of the bait girls from 'To Catch a Predator'?" Santana mocked.
"Also, I'm more talented than you," Brittany added.
Finn chuckled.
"You could've defended me," Rachel said disappointed.
"Well, they have a point… just trying to be honest," Finn said, walking away.
-GLEE-
"So, the other day Me and Santana were at the dentist. And we had Brittany fantasies. So, I think we should do Brittany." Brittant announced.
"Thank you Brittany!" Kurt smiled. "Mr. Schue, Britney?"
"No." Will refused.
"What? Brittany is Ok with it. Why shouldn't we?" Kurt argued.
"Britney Spears music is a problem." Will defended.
"Our only problem is you being so god damn uptight!" Kurt yelled.
The entire Glee Club went silent and looked at Mr. Schue. His face was frozen, his reaction was unsure. "uh.. Uhhh... Kurt. My. Office. I'll speak to you after Glee Club." Will ordered.
At the end of Glee Club Will entered his office to find Kurt sitting. "Kurt, you need to understand we aren't doing Brittany."
"Why, I mean. We should just do a song. It's not like we're making porn." Kurt said.
"It's all sex." Will replied. "There's no other way to spin her."
"God, pull your wedgie out!" Kurt said rudely.
"Kurt, come here." Will said, motioning them over. "Come here, I guess we won't have to give you detention." Kurt rolled his eyes and walked towards his teacher. Mr. Schue reached behind him, and grasped onto his pink bikini briefs. He gave them one swift yank up, obviously surprising Kurt. He let out a few painful moans as Will continued to tug further and further up.
"What the hell are you doing?" Kurt asked, feeling the tightness in his ass. "Let go!"
"I will when and only when you promise to stop bugging me about doing Britney!" Will proposed.
After a few more tugs, Kurt broke and blurted out,"Okay! I promise." He felt the pain in his ass, but sent it away as he pulled his pink bikini briefs from his ass. When his underwear was once again in a comfortable position, he strutted from the room.
-GLEE-
Will sat in the dentist chair, staring at the light above hin. He always hated the smell of dentist offices. As he tried not to sniff, he talked to Carl. "So, has Emma gotten better with her OCD?" Carl questioned.
"Yeah. You've done well." Will said, sitting up from the chair. "Thanks for the check-up."
"My pleasure." Carl smiled. "And while I've got you here, I have your jeans."
When Will looked at the jeans Calr had just handed him, he smiled. It was the perfect opportunity for him to showcase his new boxers. Will slipped out of his jeans, standing in only his black plaid boxers, the same Carl had the other day. "Oh, you're gonna put them on now?"
"Yeah, It's not like I'm wearing Tighty Whities." Will said, with a slight smile.
"Actually, I though you did wear Tighty Whities." Carl admitted. "I only made that jab at the tighty whities the other day to make a joke. I didn't think you'd switch because of it."
Will turned red as he pulled the jeans up, all the way. "I... You aren't the reason. Everyone's been telling me I'm uptight. I just wanted to loosen up."
"And Emma said so to you..." Carl started. "You know what, we can let Emma pick either one of us. If you agree to do that, I'll help you loosen up."
"Deal. We just act the way we already do with Emma, if she wants me she has me. She wants you, she has you. It's gonna be hard, but OK." Will agreed.
"Good. Now first to loosen up. Eat Candy." Carl handed him a lollipop. "You remind me of the type of person who would floss inbetween classes. Even I don't do that.
"Thanks." Will grinned, shoving the lollipop in his mouth.
"Second, change something about yourself, but not you."
"I know exactly what I want to change." Will said knowingly.
-GLEE-
"Good luck in there, Rachel," Will said as he left Carl's office.
Rachel followed Mr. Schue's previous movements and proceeded into Carl's chair. After he placed the mask on her face, Rachel began to count backwards and she was soon knocked out.
During her appointment, Rachel began to have a very vivid Britney esque type dream. She was wearing a very sexy schoolgirl uniform, and all the boys wanted her. When she woke up, she knew exactly what to wear for school the next day.
Rachel marched down the hall in short skirt and flirtatiously smiled at the boys she saw.
Finn saw her from across the hall and ran to her with his hoodie.
"What's the matter? You don't like my new look?" Rachel asked.
"It's just that everyone is staring at you," Finn responded.
"Isn't that what you wanted?" She objected.
"Well, yeah- wait so why is it ok for you to dress like this? But for me not to be on the football team?" Finn asked.
"You can rejoin the football team… as long as you find out how," Rachel winked and walked off.
"What do you want for her?" Jacob came running to his side.
"Seriously, I'll do anything," he pleaded. "She fascinates me."
"Okay!" Finn sounded annoyed. "How's this?"
Finn reached into the back of his blue jeans and swiftly pulled on the white waistband.
Finn stormed off as he left Jacob to deal with his twisted briefs.
-GLEE-
"What're you doing?" Arite asked Finn as he rolled into the locker room.
"I'm going to go run some laps," Finn answered, putting on his sneakers.
"Finn, I need to get on that team. When I was at the dentist, I had a Britney fantasy. You were in it, and we were unstoppable," Artie insisted.
"I don't know, Arite," Finn replied.
"I just know that if we show what we can do to Coach Beiste, she'd put me on the team," Artie spoke.
"Show me what?" Coach Beiste intruded.
"I wanted you to reconsider putting me on the football team," Artie replied.
"I'm not with him on this one," Finn said quickly.
"Well, you should be. You're both on the team. Practice is in five minutes," She smiled.
Artie and Finn cheered.
Later that day, Finn texted Rachel about his happiness.
She didn't reply.
-GLEE-
Will stood in front of the Glee Club. He could smell Santana's overpowering Pink Brand perfume. When he started speaking they all gave him wondering looks. "So, I've decided it's time to do what you guys really want to do. Britney!"
"We can really do it!" Kurt exclaimed. The room lit up with happiness and joy at the though of doing Britney.
"And I'm doing it with you!" Will exclaimed.
The room stopped it's blabbering. Everyone threw on unflattering and unsure faces. "Wow, he found a way to ruin Britney." Kurt whispered to Rachel.
"Will! Come here!" Sue yelled from the doorway.
"Be right back guys." Will smiled as he made his way over to Sue. "What's up, Sue?"
"I just found Jacob Ben Isreal jerking off to a Britney Spears video in the bathroom." Sue told, crossing her arms.
"And...?" Will asked. "What does this have to do with me."
"Your doing Britney aren't you? I just thought you should know. I will cancel this Britney performance. Have fun with you, your Glee Club and your butt chin." Sue teased, walking away. Will knew Sue would try and destroy this, but she won't. Will wouldn't let her.
-GLEE-
"Where are my football pants?" Finn said to himself as he looked under a bench.
"Um, Finn?" Rachel said as she walked into the boy's locker room.
Finn stood up quickly and turned around.
"Rachel, you can't be in here," He said, putting his hands in front of his jockstrap.
"It's okay, I've seen you this way before," Rachel stated, reminding him of the basketball game last year.
"Oh yeah," Finn said regrettably. "Wait, did you change back into your old clothes?" he asked, putting his hands to his sides.
"Yeah. I just thought I'd make you feel safe and happy," she mentioned.
"Cool, will you help me find my pants?"
"Finn, that isn't everything. I was hoping, you could make me feel happy too… by quitting the football team," She explained.
"What?" Finn said shocked.
"How am I supposed to trust that you won't stray again?" Rachel pressured.
"Look, come here," Finn hugged her. "When I throw that winning pass at our first football game, I'm
going to point to you, and then everyone will know that you're my girlfriend," Finn promised.
"That's very romantic, but I don't know," Rachel responded.
"You can't ask me to choose between you and football," Finn declined.
"Well, I am," Rachel said closing the door behind her.
-GLEE-
The sounds of Toxic rung throughout the school's auditorium. Will's voice and the children's sexy dance moves aroused a few of the students. Before they knew it, they saw a few sexual moves and heard some dirty talking. Then, the whole room erupted with yells and screams. "Oh my god." Sue said to herself. "It's a Britney Spears sex riot."
As Sue watched the performance unfold she knew something had to be done. So, she walked over to the fire alarm, and pulled the fire alarm. Then, she heard the yells and screams and watched as dozens of feet swarmed for the exit. As they did, Jacoob Ben Isreal was even being carried out by his underwear! He was getting a horrendous dragging wedgie. His briefs were pulled up and he was so aroused by the performance, he didn't seem in pain! He was the last of the teenagers to leave.
The next day Will sat awkwardly across from Emma. "Emma I know it was weird. I tried to loosen up for you but..."
"I wanted you to relax. Let the kids do a number, not switch to boxers and go do a Britney Spears song." Emma explained. "You should still be who you are."
"Wait. Wait. You know about the Boxers?" Will asked, sounding embarrassed.
"Carl and I tell eachother everything." Emma smiled.
"That's good. Well, I hope it works out well for you two. See you later Emma." Will bid farewell, as the bell rung.
-GLEE- yours
"So, that was a nice song and all, but why'd you sing to me?" Finn giggled.
"Just wanted to." Rachel smiled. In truth it was because Quinn decided she should back off Finn. Rachel's been trying everything to not lose Finn to her. So, as the rest of the Glee Club clapped for her, she was glad for atleast a little while she and her boyfriend could have a little bit of happiness.
So that night, Will walked into his kitchen and tossed every last pair of boxers in the trash. Emma was right, he should be himself. And Boxers, were not for him.
-GLEE-
