Kaneki is so hungry.
At first the gnawing feeling didn't hit him once he started on the short walk through Tokyo.
And then it hit him like a train.
His pulse augmented at his current contemporaneous environment, causing his mouth to overfill with saliva. His breathing is snapping, ragged as if he'd just ran a mile. It takes Kaneki longer than it should've to realize he's stopped in his footpath, some people even shooting looks in his direction.
He gives a small incline of his head downwards, the hood of his jacket shadowing the upper portion of his face; this hid the current expression on his countenance that was oozing for flesh. Drool slips down the length of his jawline, and his breathing becomes uncontrollable. A young woman looks as if she's about to ask if he's alright, but was pulled away by another scolding lady. Kaneki can hear her speaking as they leave.
"Don't mess with that boy. Something's not right with him."
She was right. Nothing was right with Kaneki. Not anymore.
Eyes hid behind a fringe of chalky hair, he moves again, not bothering to pick up his pace despite the clawing feeling in the pit of his stomach. The igneous and all-consuming hunger pang had increased to an incited conflagration in his gullet, causing a groaning noise to slip past his chapped lips.
His fingers are twitching and one shoots straight up to his mouth as he continues through the parting crowd. The artificial half-ghoul's jaws open and clamp down on the digit, pearly teeth biting through flesh. It acted as a mouth-guard, keeping himself from engulfing everything in sight.
An immeasurable amount of aromas file through his sharpening nostrils, a stinging beginning to submerge the bones of his face connecting with the sensitive nasal cavity. There's colorful shapes flashing in and out of his vision, and now his breathing has turned into hyperventilating.
Some people are staring as they walk by, being sure to keep their distance from the insanity-on-wheels pushing his way through the assemblage of men and women. And Kaneki couldn't blame them.
Shoving past the clumps of people, the scent waving off of their skin catches his attention. More saliva drains from his mouth. And now he's running.
Finding his way past the abundant crowds, the milky-haired ghoul discovers a dark alleyway. He throws himself into the shaded habitat of buildings, knees buckling under his own weight. Allowing himself to fall to his knees, a spasm of tremors take this as a chance to rack his thin frame.
Kaneki rips at his hair, letting out a raw scream that he's heard too many times.
"HELP ME. I CAN'T CONTROL IT.. I CAN'T.." He hiccups and begins sobbing, inhaling sharply. It sounds almost as if he's choking, malnutrition grating its grotesque claws down the pit of his stomach, the much-needed necessity of tissue from the human race taking it's toll on him; a result of his weakening resistance.
Then there's footsteps.
Any last dabs of his sanity quickly flushes under the need for flesh.
"Are you alright?" The concerned voice of a very young woman is heard.
Kaneki's face stretches in a large grin, and he stands to his feet, back still turned to his pursuer. The hood blows back from his face, the one ill-fated eye glowing its key signature vermilion in the depths of the trembling pupil, standing out against the jet black sclera.
He turns and the woman has no time to decide that she's made a terrible mistake that's ruined her whole future.
The half-ghoul's predatory organ branches out with crackling noises from the back of his waist, red as blood; the Rinkaku was flexible like the flow of water, yet firm and sturdy. Once released, his physique naturally strengthens, mobility heightening greatly. Livid vigor pulsates in vermeil rivulets down the kagune, beating out and rescinding repeatedly. Kaneki is well aware of himself slipping towards hedonism, but the hunger was too great. He's lost all control.
His white hair billows against the puffs of air coming from the swiveling tentacles behind him.
The four scaled tentacles, slowly at first, rise high in the air. Kaneki's head lolls to the side almost lazily as he snaps his knuckles, just as Jason did back then.
"Good evennnnnn-"
"-NING!" His vexed voice is loud enough to rupture eardrums as all four appendages slither in time with each other, the carmine structure yielding a superior power as they, all at once, strike through the woman's front with a sickening sucking sound.
Her eyes are stretched wide in complete shock as she falls to the gravel, and soon after the girl begins choking on her own foaming blood. Kaneki strikes her again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN-
And again..
Until the middle-half of her body is limp flesh, hanging by the curves of pasty ribs slavering ichor from the broken skin. He pounces forward at her corpse, leaning in and tearing at her awaiting material, taking in huge mouthfuls of the bloody tissue in a messy manner.
"MORE, MORE!" His distorted voice echoes in the darkness as he cracks open her heart cavity, digging into it like it was a banquet. Kaneki eats at her hungrily, engulfing anything in his way.
Then as fast as it started, it's over.
Retracting his kagune, it shimmers into thin air behind him. He takes in deep breathes of oxygen to feed his screaming lungs and soon Kaneki regains 'consciousness.' His olive eyes fall on the corpse in front of him. Regret and guilt wash over him once he realizes his doings, sinister thoughts wrapping themselves into the crook of his arm like a child and their mother in a store. Displeasure and intense dislike of himself is written into his very psyche.
"No.. I-I didn't... That wasn't me.."
Raising his hands, he finds that they are dripping with thick blood. The warm aluminum taste is coating his mouth and throat as well. It makes him feel sick. Nauseated. Makes him want to die.
He backs away from the half-eaten body, breathing once again heavily. He feels lightheaded and wraps his arms around his trembling body in a feeble attempt to calm himself.
I killed someone.. I ate them..
The ghoul begins to cry loudly, self-hate engulfing his form.
What if that was Hide, you idiot?..
At the sudden thought of his friend, Kaneki pauses and his crying quiets into a variety of struggled hiccups.
The feeling of longing to be in his friend's arms dunks itself over him, and it's taking all he has to not get swept away by its tide. He wants Hide here, he wants to sob into the blonde's shoulder as the male whispers comforting things to him. Smell Hide's comforting scent, fall asleep against his chest, be in his friend's gasp.
He can't even tell Hide how he's feeling for God's sake! He can't even explain how much he's hurting!
You're so pathetic.
"Shut up," Kaneki weeps some more, voice cracking as he argues aloud with the voice is his mind.
What if that was Hide?
"Shut. Up.."
The world breaks everyone, and afterwards, some become strong in the broken places. Except you, Kaneki Ken. You will never be strong.
"SHUT UP!" Kaneki screams words filled with so much hate, slamming a balled fist against the blank asphalt. Tears stroll down his face at an abnormal rate, coating his cheeks in trails of the salty fluid.
"Hide.. Hideeeee," the ghoul whimpers helplessly, struggling for breathe as he calls the boy's name as if he'd appear right there.
He's in so much pain. And Hide.. Hide was the only one who could take it away. But Kaneki knew Hide couldn't help him if he didn't tell him what happened with Yamori.. No.. The memories... They... They were tearing him apart! Eating him alive!
"Damn it.." Kaneki bawls, his voice fading to grief-filled snivels. It hurt, it hurt all so much. Kaneki wanted it to stop.
And that's when he realized.
He was in love with Hide. His best friend.
He fell in love with his courage, his sincerity, and his flaming self-respect. And it's these things Kaneki would believe in even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that Hide wasn't all he should be.. Kaneki loved Hide, his best friend, and that's the beginning and end of everything.
Heeeeellooooo. Managed to have some time, so I wrote this.
It's not the best and there's bound to be some typos, so please ignore them.
Thanks, as always, for taking some time to read this. It means a lot!~
