He arrived at her apartment at the expected hour. She was on the balcony staring out in the distance. Lately she did that a lot, just stare like that into open space. She felt his presence and got out of her place, meeting him outside. She stopped a few steps away from him, not really knowing what he wanted and why he requested to meet with her.
"So what now? We go on dates?"
"If that is what you want."
"It's not like you to do what I want." He sighed annoyed trying to keep him calm, while she was watching him with those lifeless eyes. She shrug her shoulders.
"Want to go train?"
"What?! No."
"Well then let's take a walk."
He just nodded and they took the direction of the nearby park. He had in truth no idea of what he was doing or what he was supposed to do. He let his head down and kicked a rock at his feet. As usual he was keeping to himself, since he was used to her doing most of the talking, but as she was not has changed her almost entirely.
"Are you cold?" she looked at her body and after that replied.
"I don't know. Can't feel the cold or warmth the same." He took her hand and sure enough her skin was rather cold, but not too much. However he knew keeping her outside might not help too much. He stopped, taking off his scarf and putting it around her neck.
"Put your hands in your pockets."
"I'm fine why are you doing this?"
"What?" he was taken by surprise.
"You will end up getting hurt and I don't want that."
"It's none of your concern."
"I'm making it, I will die either way."
"Shut up you annoying woman. I will find a way, you fading away from me is not an option."
She tilted her head slightly to the left. "From you?" his eyes went wide. She took the scarf off and put it back around his neck not letting him out of her sight. She rested her hands on his chest while he tried to back away, but regardless she was taking steps with him.
"Your heart it's beating."
~~~Fuck~~~
"I though demon hearts don't beat unless they feel something very strong towards one person." He finally manager to get some distance between them.
"But I don't understand." She was trying to figure out an equation that wasn't there before. "Did you love me then?" the only response she got from him was an annoyed grown.
"That is not an answer." He resumed to just nodding his head.
"And all these years?" he nodded again. "And even now?" he sighed trying to contain himself.
"I thought your heart was affected, not your brain."
"I'll take it as a yes." She finally sat down on a bench looking more defeated that anything else.
"It wasn't my place to say anything after what happened." He had tried to close up all those feelings after seeing her in someone else's arms, seeing her smile from a distance. Watching her grow more fierce and beautiful. She rose her eyes to him.
"Why would you submit yourself to such hurt? Why punish yourself like that?"
"Telling you then would not have helped. The damage was done. All I could do was try to keep you safe from any ruler or any worlds, from men who thought they could break you or leave you when things got tough. From enemies and countless timelines that you were banished to, and now from yourself." Her eyes beamed demonically.
"I never wanted this. Not to feel a single thing. But it's been too long, too much without a purpose."
"You are meant for much more. Whether you like it or not." She looked to the side and her features changed. "I am tired, so tired. I had enough." He grabbed her arm probably gripping tighter than he should.
"I remember a time when you would fight against anyone to prove that you belonged and now that you have all that you are willing to throw it all away. I'd say you are the hypocrite." She tried to punch him, but he stopped her hand. Her aura was intensifying drawing more darkness to her. "What do you intend to do, kill me?" her look signaled he was pushing his luck. "You are mad right now because I am right. And I saw your heart beat before after it stopped and I know it can beat again." With those last words her body relaxed almost instantly.
"You are serious about this. You are actually serious about trying. I have never seen you so determined, so opened." He let her hand go and refrained from looking at her. He was mad. Did she actually think he was joking? She sat back on the bench and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up. She exhaled and looked up at the sky, a sense of calm washing over her.
"You are weird." He just stayed quiet watching her. "Have you been hiding all this time so no one would notice your feelings?"
"As I recall I was right here."
"But you haven't tried to get close." He groaned "I did, in my own way."
"When?"
"Figure it out." And with that he left retreating back to Kurama's apartment. One more second and he felt his heart would erupt from his chest.
~~~That's annoying woman~~~
His partner eyed him.
"You're early, it's barely 22:00."
"What are you my keeper?"
"I'm taking it didn't go so well? I'll set up the couch."
The couch in truth he didn't have a home. He never actually believed he needed one. He had always roamed from place to place, but as years went by everyone he knew found a place to call home.
"How much is a house?" Kurama's eyes widened to the point of disbelief.
"What?!" he started laughing, much to his annoyance.
"Nothing, I'm sorry. Do you even have money."
"I got payed for the missions after I returned."
"You did? Well I figured he had to make you do them. Well we can go online and see."
"Online?"
"For such an old demon, you surely are not modern."
"Shut it, I'll find someone else to help me."
"Ask her. I'm sure she wouldn't mind."
"I'll ask Yukina."
"She knows as much of modern days as you" he did have a point.
"She will help, might even be a good distraction and a way to get closer."
"What do you know you fool?"
"I know what if you revert back to hiding from her and denying your feelings this won't work. Don't think you have three months ahead, think of it a chance to win her back." Hiei glared at him.
~~~Peculiar breed, annoying to the bone~~~
2nd of October 07:00
The sun was particularly lazy in coming out that morning. Her doorbell rang insistently, the sounds echoing in the apartment. It was so loud and obnoxious that at one point her door swung open violently.
"WHAT?! Oh, hello."
His presence there calmed her spirits down. She invited him in the kitchen and starter making coffee.
"Why are you here so early?" he was watching her through the corner of his eyes. Her lazy morning habits, her messy dark long red hair. How she stretched trying to reach the above cupboard. How she would shove the hair out of her hair to only have it return back to taunt her. She was used to him being quiet, but now he was shifting nervously in his chair, like he was struggling to remain still. She pressed a hand to her forehead and turned to him.
"Coffee, black?" he just nodded his head in approval. She turned back pouring him a cup and dangled it in from on his face until he accepted it, careful enough as to not touch her hand. She light up a cigarette and watched him from the other end of the table. He wasn't going to be much of a talker.
"Are you mad about last night?"
He ignored her question entirely. After putting out her cigarette she rested her feet on the available chair next to her.
"That day when I almost died by his hand you saved me. Your eyes were so desperate and so fixed on the damage he managed to inflict. If you haven't pulled me back when you did, I would have died instantly. You healed me, gave me your energy." He finally looked her way "When I exposed my powers to those humans in order to save me. You came in order to make sure I was safe. You touched my shoulder and told me to call if I needed you." She looked at her coffee cup remembering "When Koenma banished me to that feudal era, you found your way to me and asked if I would come with you. That we will fight and you will keep me safe. You took my hand that day." His gaze intensified as she got up and took a chair near him.
"I always thought you hated being close to me, touching me." He frowned slightly but enough for her to notice.
"What a troublesome demon."
Despite her condition she knew well not to push him. He was outside of his comfort zone and she didn't want to take advantage of that. Overall she didn't latch onto him when all Hell broke loose. She didn't ask for help, but neither did she resent him appearing suddenly. She wouldn't dare hurt him. When her heart stopped she went out of her way to get it all back. A glimmer of a feeling. It took dying the first time around , but back then she had the Phoenix power. When she was given the title of goddess, the god of Rebirth was the first to great her. She demanded for him to take back his part. The one thing that stopped her body from destroying itself. And now a few months later in the equation, she had just 3 months left. She trailed on.
"I did not take it as love. I took it as you helping me and in all the madness I've ignored the signs. I'm sorry."
"It wasn't my intention for you to notice."
"And yet you wanted that. Beyond the pride and cold exterior, you wanted me to know." He clenched his fists annoyed.
"It wouldn't have helped. I have long you long ago. What help would my feeling provide? Would my emotions keep you out of harm's way? Would you have let me near you? The answer to those is no, because you see me as who I was."
"Wrong" she gently placed her hands on top of his fists startling him.
"Your emotions could not keep me safe, but you did with every occasion given. A confession wouldn't have helped during the turmoil, but your abrupt presence and sharp tongue did somehow. We weren't one, but we were still running into each other. I do admit your effort was greater. You made it happen and who you were 10 years ago is not who is standing before me now. So " she got up "Let's restart this morning" she kissed his cheek "Good morning. What brings you here so early?"
Startled but very alert he responded "You" a faint smile played shortly on her lips.
16:00
Later that day the group planned to go to the Light festival nearby and he thought it might be a good opportunity to take her out. She loved lights, candles so this was a chance for him to also spend more time with her. Although he was rather startled by the events from that morning, he pushed aside his dislike for the large group and meaningless outgoings and just went with it. She's known them for years and not one of them hurt her. So he was also in a way relying on them for extra help.
The location was crowded, much to his dislike. All those humans, cheerful and carefree, happy. He turned to her since she wasn't talking. Her eyes were fixed on the lights in the distance, her stare colder than before.
"Don't you like it here?" she looked at him oddly like he had just woken her up from her sleep and she didn't know what he was doing there.
"I just realized that I won't be here when the cherry blossoms."
"Don't be stupid woman. I am not letting you die."
The group kept a fair distance, but still watched carefully. Kurama kept them in the loop, much to Hiei's dislike. Yukina smiled.
"Maybe him getting close to her again is a good thing." Kuwabara look at them and spoke.
"He was never close to her, why would he open up now?" she was quick to correct him.
"Yes he was, you could see it in his eyes, like now." Kuwabara looked back at them.
"All I see is anger."
"He's worried."
"Still looks like anger to me."
Kurama felt it was appropriate to intervene.
"Let's give them a chance. I am sure 10 years apart meant some changes occurred."
"Fine but I still think he doesn't stand a chance. He's not a softie or a master in the art of love." Kurama chuckled.
"I'm sure he'll manage."
The group divided at the entrance, all taking in different activities. Hiei just stood there with her watching the crowd of people. She glanced over to him and sighed.
"If you don't want to be here you can go. You don't have to go out of your way." He glared at her.
"It would be easier if you would help too." She cocked an eyebrow and shrug her shoulders.
"Fine. Do you want to get something to eat?" he nodded slightly.
"Geez I am dead inside and I still more fun that you."
"Why you "
"Come on."
She took his hand and dragged him to the food stands. He just stared down at their hands intertwined and couldn't help but smile softly. It felt right being with her. And even if progress was slow he felt more at ease knowing she was with him.
They managed to lose a couple of hours at the festival and it would be dark soon.
"Are we staying until the fireworks?"
"Only if you want to."
"It would be nice. We should find a spot." He scanned the area and grinned. He picked her up and started running with her.
"Where are we going?"
"Higher ground."
The festival being near some mountains provided them with the perfect overall view. Also he enjoyed the solitude, away from all those people. He gently put her down and took in the view.
"You do know the fireworks are going to start in a few hours?"
"I know." She sat down on a rock and looked over the city. She agreed with the spot. Being around noisy crowds wasn't her favorite either.
"Can I ask you something?" she looked in his direction assessing his grave look.
"Of course."
"After your heart stopped why did you chose those men to be with?" she widened her eyes slightly. She didn't expect that from him.
"I was trying to feel something anything."
"Why not with me?" so that was where he was getting at. Not the men, but why not him. She was taking her time to answer and he was being visibly impatient.
"Is it because you can't see yourself like that with me?" that earned him a scoff from her.
"Seeing yourself with someone like that is easy. Sex is easy. Seeing more is the hard part." His chest tightened and he let the air out of him lungs slowly.
"I knew you were there, available and if I put my hand out you would have taken it. But you are not mine to break. I couldn't see you and use you like that, because you don't deserve it." His shocked expression made her wonder.
"Do you still think I am mad at you from 10 years ago?" he didn't answer.
"I'm not. We separated because we couldn't deal with one another. Didn't know how. It's past so get over it."
"You wouldn't have hurt me."
"You deserve better. Not a one night stand, not meaningless actions. Your body and heart are not meant for that." He took a step towards her. "Did you want it to be more?" she looked at him confused.
"What do you mean?"
"Did you want more after your heart stopped?" she didn't even have to ask if he was referring to himself. But for whatever reason she had a hard time formulating a response. He could tell an internal conflict was happening. Like she was trying to remember something long forgotten. She raised her eyes to look at him.
"I'm going home."
"What?" he asked almost growling at her. "See you" and with that she jumped off the rock and was out of sight. He swore under his breath annoyed for not receiving an answer.
