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The next morning, which was in fact an early afternoon, Barbara woke with quite a bit of a headache. Not bothering to open her eyes she rolled around and cuddled with the second pillow. It was confusing and soothing all at once how much it smelled of her boss. Not only of his aftershave but also of that personal scent she seldomly but more often recently had the chance to breathe in. For example yesterday evening on her sofa.
Barbara suddenly tensed. Blurred memories of the previous day slowly crept into her mind. She suppressed a groan and opened her eyes. On the edge of her bed there was a well-known dark-haired man sitting and playing with something small in his hands. The duvet was draped around his waist and all she could see was his naked back. It was not clear if he still had his briefs on.
Or was it boxers? The vague image of DI Lynley stripping down at the foot end of her bed returned into her memories. She had been lying in bed already when she shamelessly had not taken her eyes off him while he had slipped into bed next to her rather quickly. In some rather tight underwear.
And then they had exchanged a small kiss.
Had there been anything else happening, she asked herself with a shock. Secretly Barbara checked if she was still dressed. A shirt was felt and her knickers too. She audibly sighed in relief.
Lynley stirred.
" 'mornin', Sir?" she croaked.
With an affectionate smile he turned to face her. A sudden glint flashed through his eyes when he saw her pulling the covers up to her chin although she had not been revealing any more skin than that on her arms.
"Good morning, sleepy head." he greeted her. His voice was low and warm and not that it would surprise her but it touched Barbara's lower instincts. "How are you?"
"Got a headache."
"Yeah, I can relate." Tommy gave her a sympathetic smile.
" 't's not too bad." she whispered. "I threw up in the night."
"Ouch!"
"Mh, 't was the best. But I could do with some water now."
"I already brought you some."
Tommy gave her a glass of water that had stood on the nightstand next to an empty whisky tumbler and finally she saw what he still was holding in his hands.
"Oh, gosh!" she hissed and blushed to the roots of her hair without taking a sip.
His eyes followed hers to what she was looking at in his hands. "Oh, err... I'm just wondering... I really can't fathom what this funny... umm... thing is, or what it's for..."
"It's a-" Barbara stopped. "Sir, I'm not telling you. Please put it away."
"Tommy." The smile had stayed in his face. His eyes were darker than they ever had been when he looked into hers again.
"Huh?"
"Tommy. Yesterday night you've called me Tommy. Why not now?"
Barbara shrugged and averted his eyes. She hid her face behind the rim of the glass. Turning completely Tommy leaned his chest across her legs and if she would not know it better his look was seductive. To her relief he had put away the small blue rubber bunny first.
"You know..." he started and let his voice trail off. His index finger was drawing lazy circles on her duvet. She could feel it on her belly and it was a thrillingly enjoyable feeling. Now that surprised her. "Yesterday evening... it was... without a doubt! ...a wonderful evening, I just... I actually had planned it... differently. You know, I didn't intend to drink so much."
Barbara lopsidedly grinned. "Well, yes, it's turned rather different in general. I had not planned anything at all for that day except for Angela's visit, but she had surprised me when she had dropped by with her... well..." The blush returned into her face. "...cheeky presents."
"Oh, yes!" Tommy laughed. "Yes... It had made it even more difficult for me to..."
"To what, Sir?" He only looked at her pleading but she knew what he wanted to hear. A shy smile crept into her face before she added "Tommy..." It was more tender than she had intended it to be and so she blushed again.
He did not answer immediately. Although he made it look as if he was searching for a more comfortable position Tommy moved closer to her. Barbara held the glass of water with both hands between them like a shield. She feared what probably was about to happen and she wanted it all at the same time. "You know, I had not been completely sober when I came here. Mh... well, 'not sober' is not quite correct. In fact I've had a whisky before I dared to get into my car."
"You've been drunk driving?" Barbara raised her eyebrows.
"Not really. It just had been one..." Tommy shook his head with an impatient frown. "Barbara, that's not the point. You know, I'm lonely for years. After Julia, and in retrospective I did not feel very comfortable with that whole thing with her, there were no women in my life, no matter what my reputation was saying. After Helen had died there was a gap in my life only one person could fill. We've been friends for so long and I always had a certain affection. Only recently I knew what would fit into that gap perfectly. Well, who, of course... It's..."
His voice had trailed off again. Tommy looked at her pleading for help.
"Yes?" she tried to push him further. "Who?"
"You."
"What?!"
"Well, we're close friends, best of colleagues, partners in crime, so to say. You're willingly helping me to stay calm on boring functions with my lot at Howenstow, we regularly go out together, you accompany me to Shakespeare premieres, I accompany you to James Bond films and such and we even enjoy ourselves in that football pub you favour. I can talk to you openly about everything and you're talking to me about the world and nothing. There's only one thing I've always tried to avoid and recently, after thinking a lot about it, because I was unable to avoid thinking about it when I'm home and alone in the night, I've had the vague idea you were avoiding that same thing too. Yesterday evening I came here to change that. Although after tonight..." With his chin he pointed at the empty whisky tumbler on the night table and at the duvet that was covering her. "...after what has happened, or rather has not happened... umm...I'm not so sure about it anymore. Oh, I'm very sure about me, but..."
"Tommy? You're talking bullshit. What are you sure about?"
"About what I've wanted to tell you yesterday evening."
"Yes, and what?!" There was a certain hint of anger in her voice
"That I've recently found out what has troubled me for years."
"What?! Holy crap, just say it!"
"You have no clue?" In her eyes he could see a deep sadness and longing. She knew he never would say what she was hoping he would. "Barbara, I love you."
"No..." she breathed in disbelief. Her shocked eyes looked at him but she could see nothing but sincerity.
"I was going to tell you but with all these... toyboys around and all the champagne we've had, yesterday evening has, from the second I've stepped into your flat, not turned out to be the romantic moment I've planned it to be. The roses should have been the first hint."
Deeply sighing he returned to the edge of her bed, presented his back to her again and buried his face in his hands.
"I felt so miserable, Barbara. I was so ashamed of myself. From the moment you've held that ten inch rubber dick in your beautiful hand all I've been able to think about was that I wanted to make love with you. Self-opinionated as I am I thought I could be the one who'd make you happy. I could be the one and I wanted to be the one with whom you wouldn't need all these little... helpers..." His voice became almost inaudible with the next sentence. "Because I'd be there to do their work."
Tommy groaned annoyed before he went on. "All evening I couldn't get rid of my desire. When we were sitting on the sofa I just wanted to put my arm around your shoulder and pull you into my chest. When we were talking so freely all the time I was so mesmerised by your lips it was hard to follow your words and not just kiss you. When we were looting your fridge I fought the desire to place my hand on your delicate behind. When you've shown me the pink glittering dildo with the tower clock sound and laughed yourself half dead I've had the most indecent thoughts I still don't dare to voice. When we've exchanged the batteries in that duck just so you could show me what it does with its head... and I never would have guessed you would show me something like that but when you actually did I only wondered if you would let me show you what I could do with mine... between your thighs... I'm so sorry but I've even wanted to carry you into your bed when you've told me of Angela's latest real toyboy who is half her age, just to prove that men of my age are the better and experienced choice. Not to mention the moment we actually did go to bed together."
He swallowed. After a few moments of silence Tommy continued. "I still don't know how I've survived this. After I've undressed at the footend of your bed, feeling the gaze of your hungry eyes like firebolts on my body, seeing you even licking your lips, I had to hurry under the duvet because I... You shouldn't see that I was... so..."
"You were so aroused." She helped him on. Her voice suddenly was right behind him. Although he had felt the mattress shifting when she had moved Tommy slightly tensed when Barbara was so close and her warm hands softly stroked his naked back. The goose pimples that crept across his skin clearly could be felt under the tips of her fingers.
In fact Barbara herself was surprised about her bold move.
"You've... seen it?" he cautiously asked.
"Sure..." she whispered. Of course Barbara had seen it. It had added the final touch to the entire evening. She still did not know how she could have slept at all.
Barbara lightly chuckled. Her hot cheek flatly laid on Tommy's shoulder and her breath went across his skin. It was a weird situation, even more so after his weird speech - in briefs, on the edge of her bed, not facing her. But she suddenly knew that it was time to tell him how she felt. It was time to tell him how she had felt for more years than he could imagine. It did not matter anymore what stood between them, all the stupid class differences and whatever had bothered her for years. Barbara suddenly knew that all they had gone through together and all that they were doing together only could lead to one very simple conclusion. As impossible as it might sound but they both obviously were in love and deeper than both thought could be possible. And that realisation gave her enough courage to finally touch him like she had wanted for years.
"On the sofa..." she told him with a low voice and her lips close to the skin of his shoulder. "I've secretly moved closer to you and deliberately pressed my thigh against yours but it had lead to nothing I had hoped for. When we've talked I've seen your eyes. Every time I've slightly bitten my lips your eyes narrowed, every time I've moistened them with my tongue I've seen your pupils dilate. I knew you were only listening with half an ear but unfortunately you did not stop me talking. At the fridge, when you were right behind me, I knew my bottom was exposed and when you did not take advantage, I have to admit that, I was very disappointed not to feel your hand patting it."
Tommy gave a toneless laugh and tensed again when Barbara placed a soothing kiss on his back.
"I wasn't unaware of your flirtatious mood, Tommy. Quite the opposite. And it gave me hope that you would finally do something. Anything. Things I've only dreamed of were suddenly becoming possible in reality." The tips of Barbara's fingers were dangerously gentle when she caressed a bold way across his hip to the outer side of his right thigh. "You know, that Big Ben wasn't half as funny as you might have guessed from my laughter. I just showed so much amusement because I was trying to hide my desire to know how your... well, how you would feel, Tommy. And that duckie..."
Her hoarse voice trailed off. It was a new experience to openly talk like that but it was easier than she had thought so she went on. "It only gave my mind flashing images of a dark mop of hair between my legs. That's why I've suddenly tossed it into the cardboard box. I was ashamed of my thoughts that you may show me how much more you know about making love. More than me and definitely more than a twenty year old toyboy. Although I guess Ange just enjoys showing him."
This time both chuckled. She closed her eyes and felt his right hand gently covering her left that was loosely placed on his left waist. "And when you've undressed I couldn't take my eyes from you, or from the... bulge..." Tommy cleared his throat. Barbara gave a short laugh. "It was so obvious, Tommy."
She softly placed another kiss on his shoulder and was sure he must feel her heart furiously pounding in her chest when she pressed it against his back.
He squeezed her hand. "And why...? I mean... You haven't..."
"I was afraid that it was just the spur of the weird moment. I never would have made a first step. But when you came to bed I still had hope for further... actions. I've said to myself that if you should initiate... something... I'd joyfully let it happen and keep the memory of something surely wonderful but probably nonrecurring." Barbara placed several more kisses on his shoulder. She ached to finally learn how his lips would feel on hers. "But you haven't.
"Well, you fell asleep almost straight after our goodnight kiss." They both softly laughed. Then Tommy sighed. "And I was afraid I'd ruin the happy contentment of the evening if I'd wake you up again and-"
"Never!" It literally broke out from her lips but then her voice became gentle again. "It just would have added the final touch to the evening. It would have been my best birthday present ever. Because..." She only breathed onto his skin now. "I love you too, Tommy."
She kept on gently stroking his arms and his back with her right hand. Her left hand still was safely held by his. Soft kisses peppered his shoulders and Barbara took a lot of pleasure in it. When her lips stayed on his nape, her hand had moved to his waist and her teeth gently started to gnaw at him the temperature in her bedroom had gone distinctively higher.
"Barbara?" he eventually whispered.
"Hmmmm?" she only hummed onto his back between his shoulder blades. Her eyes were closed. So were his.
"I'm... in a certain... state of arousal..."
"I dearly hope so. Because..." Purring on she let Tommy turn himself in her arms and gently push her back onto the bed without any objections. "...otherwise it would be a waste of mine."
Half lying next to her and half pressing her deeper into the mattress with his body Tommy looked down on her. Her red hair on the pillow framed her face and Barbara looked up to his full of anticipation. One of her arms loosely was draped next to her head and she raised the other to cup his cheek with her hand. His hair was ruffled and it was no wonder that that certain unruly lock fell over his brow. Barbara smiled. Her heart was beating fast but in expectance of something certainly wonderful with the man she had loved for so many years she was contented and calm. The love she saw in Tommy's eyes was deep and soothing and so very genuine. For the first time in her life Barbara felt safe without any of her usual safety barriers.
She did not close her eyes because she wanted to see every single second of what happened here. Tommy smiled and it was unlike every other smile she had seen from him before. He offered his soul to her and apart from all the love there also was a burning fire of lust. No man ever had looked at her like this.
Tommy lowered his head to hers. Only when their breaths mingled she closed her eyes and finally their lips met properly. At first only feather-light their kiss became firmer and deeper after a short while and it slowly increased in its lustful intensity.
This morning after her 40th birthday Barbara got the best present of her life. One she had waited very long for.
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