I've been here a few nights already. Every night he does the same thing. When he climbs into bed under the heavy sheets he pats beside him.
"Up Sirius, you can sleep in the bed with me. It'll be a lot more comfortable than sleeping on the floor." I'm a touch reluctant as always, but as he pats the bed again I jump on it and curl up. He looks honestly happy for me to be next to him. "I know it's cruel of me to say, but I'm glad no one is looking for you. I'd hate to be alone again. His words are entirely to sincere for a man I'm supposed to hate.
After he fell asleep I transformed needing to feel my human legs stretch. Laying on his bed feels a lot more intimate while being a human. Quiet mewls of pleasure briefly come out of his mouth. Even in my regular form I can smell the arousal. He's thrusting up shallowly. Frustrated tears slide down his face even in sleep. His legs are quivering. He only has a long night shirt on and a pair of simple boxers. He's lying on top of the covers in restless sleep.
His legs- like the rest of him are pale, but they are surprisingly hairless. That's odd, especially for a grown man. He's still asleep so I continue my assessment of him. There is a very obvious tent in his boxers. His night shirt has ridden up just above his belly button. His hips are gently thrusting up in need. His waist is narrow and feminine. Checking again to make sure he's asleep I lift his shirt up a little more. His stomach is flat and pale. He doesn't have an ounce of fat, but I can see his ribs clearly. My hand slides further up and a loud whine escapes the unconscious man.
"Please don't tease me. Not use to it." More whines though the actual words are inaudible. His hand grasps my hand and moves it lower. "Please. Need it. Wonna be touched." The words are gasped out and I almost forget he's asleep. I can smell the desperation mixing with arousal and sweat. Gentle snores break the sentences up. My hand is on him. It doesn't matter how girly his hips may be or how hairless his legs are. It can not be denied that this part of him is completely male.
I can't pull my hand away. His grip is weak, but I can't break it. If I remove my hand I will break him. This honest comfort at a dream returning affection. I squeeze his erection more out of reflex from all the times I've masturbated. Old habits and all. His body spasms for a second and with a silent scream and unmistakable stain covers his black boxers. I return to my dog form immediately.
He startles awake completely flushed. Looking down he growls. His dark tired eyes are clinched shut. He looks to me.
"Sirius, please don't tell anyone about this. It's quite embarrassing for a man of my age to still suffer from," he pauses, "this type of things. I was doing so well to. It has only happened when I see Sirius." He pauses for a moment. "Not you boy, the other Sirius, he's not sweet like you, and well he's also a human. But I was doing good, I thought I was cured. That come the new semester I wouldn't have to clean my sheets every time I wake. But now it's gotten worse. Even when he's not here, it still happens." So he dreams about me. I don't know how I feel about that.
He spells himself clean and then takes to pacing the room. He is an interesting specimen.
"I hate that bastard." He finally says. He turns to me. "I can't talk to Sirius, the other Sirius I mean. Hell who wouldn't want to bed him and here I am with my awkward emotions, unattractive expressions, and pissy attitude. The last thing I need is him to realize that," At least he knows his short comings. He's pacing becomes faster. "The last thing I need is for him to think I like him or something." He pauses midstride.
"Sirius, don't tell anyone that." He's begging me. "I couldn't stand if someone knew. And the nightly emissions are probably just due to neglecting basic human needs. A perfectly natural and logical occurrence when one has been alone the length that I have." His fingers pull at his limp hair. "I just need to brew some potions. That's what I need to do." I follow him out of the room. I haven't been in this part of the house yet. Up the stairs and down the hall. A few rooms are completely closed off. I feel strong locking charms on them.
"You going to come in Sirius, I don't mind you coming in while I brew potions. I'm not going to brew anything that could hurt your little doggy lungs." He smiles softly at me. I lay down comfortably on a rug near his work table. I hear him gently humming. "What potion should we make?" A frantic knocking on the door. "Okay, maybe we can brew something later." He sighs. "I was really looking forward to making a potion." He's actually pouting. The frantic knocking gets louder.
He answers the door relatively quickly after slipping a bath robe on. It's pretty late for a visitor, but he isn't shocked to have someone knocking on his door so late. When he opens the door a very tired looking woman comes in. She's looks to be mid-thirties.
"I hate to disturb you Severus."
"Bella again?"
"Yes, the dreams. I was wondering if you had any more of that herbal tea? It's the only thing." He smiles slightly. His eyes are sincere.
"I always keep some on hand. Sirius, can you keep her company while I go and fetch some for her." He goes into the kitchen for only a moment before coming out with a vile of a dreamless sleep potion. "Now, remember, this is very concentrated and should be diluted. Three drops for eight ounces of water. No more, no less." She laughs lightly.
"Thank you very much Severus. How much do I owe you." He shakes his head.
"Nope. Just go on home."
"But you always have some on hand. Could you at least tell me how to make some so that I can stop bothering you about it?"
"Can't do that either. Secret recipe and all that." She rolls her eyes. Then laughs.
"Thank you. Again." She wraps her arms around him for a moment. He looks stiff and uncomfortable. She laughs again. "I'll be heading home. Thank you."
"You're welcome." They said a brief and professional goodbye and she left. He looks at me.
"I am not a softy. And it's our secret that I'm giving potions to muggles. And little Bella is a special case. The poor girl has been having awful nightmares since she got violated. What kind of monster sexually violates anyone much less someone who hasn't even hit puberty?" He shakes his head, but His face brightens up in the next second. "Lets watch another movie." He thumbs through the many different movies.. "Ooo, I like this one." He slides the disk in and takes his seat and looks at me expectantly.
"I really enjoy this movie. A wizard created the story, he got many of the ideas from the wizarding world. Especially dealing with most of the creatures. Although I don't personally know of any caterpillar that talks." He laughs. "Blue or otherwise. Muggles love it though." (1) Midway through the movie he removed the robe and lays more comfortably on the couch. His legs have curled on the couch. Before the movie ends I hear his soft snores as he drifts off to sleep. The sound is so comfortable that I also let myself fall asleep.
I woke up to a weight on top of me. Limp dark hair covers the majority of his face though his large nose pokes out slightly. He's curled tightly into the fetal position. My back is being used as a pillow; his fingers are grasping at my fur. Quite whimpers occasionally escape his mouth. He's thoroughly unconscious. Shifting back into my human form his head falls to my lap. His hand now grasping my pants leg. The whimpers grow louder and more fearful.
I'm already pushing my luck, if he wakes up to me in my human form, it's all over. Whatever reason I have for being here will be gone. I should cut my losses, but earlier he seemed genuinely upset that the dog he's adopted might belong to someone else. My fingers pull the curtain of hair back. The hair is soft. It is slightly oily to the touch, but up close I can tell that the hair is healthy and decently taken care of. He hums happily when I continue to touch his hair, the whimpers dissipate and he returns to his soft snores.
This person isn't the same man that would come to order meetings. He doesn't spur my anger. No. This man acts almost gentle and fragile. He isn't the same as the boy I knew in school either. Not that I really knew him as a person. Only Lily knew him that way, and she was never forthcoming with information that would harm him. But this person acts human. Vulnerable and broken and awkward.
I change back near dawn. Pleased mews start echoing from his body nearly half an hour later. Not knowing what else to do, I stay still with his head laying on me. His fingers grip my fur feverishly. His hips make awkward shallow thrusts before he startles awake. Face slightly flush he groans unhappily.
"I'm not fourteen anymore. This isn't acceptable." No he isn't the same person. I'll admit I've had little contact with this man since the war ended, but he's too different for such a short period of time. I look up when he sighs loudly.
"He's coming over today. I really don't know if I'm ready for this." He looks at me. "Be on your best behavior, we have company today." He looks at the large grandfather clock. "But he shouldn't be here for another few hours." Who is coming over. And who is he to tell me to be on my best behavior.
Snape is pacing the floor. Back and forth and then he glances at the clock. He goes back to pacing. It's twelve minutes until two. He's been pacing for the past ten minutes. He changed his clothes and though they are still muggle, they appear much more oppressing than the lighter clothes I've seen him wear the last several days. At five till two the doorbell rings. He freezes. For a moment I wonder if he will answer the door or just pretend he didn't hear it.
His movements are calculated and rigid. He answers the door and I hear him mutter 'Potter' in acknowledgement. Shit. Harry knows about this form. I just hope he knows how to be tactful. My godson walks into the sitting room and immediately stares at me.
"I wasn't aware you had a dog professor?" He states simply all while smiling at me. Smart boy. He reminds me so much of his father.
"A neighbor went out of town and asked that I watch the beast. Though I loathe having it shed in my home." Snape doesn't even bat an eye at the lie. So he's back to being the same git he's always been.
"Professor before we start the conversation could you be bothered to point me in the direction of the loo?" Snape mouths out the simple directions. After harry leaves, I wait a minute before following him.
I follow him into the bathroom and he locks the door behind him.
"Explain." I change back.
"It's a long story, just don't rat me out." I whisper back. "I've been staying with him for a few days now. He lied to you. He thought I was a stray and he took me in. He's been taking care of me like I was part of his family. I'll give you all of the details later." I keep my voice down. "Why are you here?"
"He asked me over for tea. He said he had matters that he needed to discuss with me. That's all the letter said."
"It's about your mom. I know this is going to sound bonkers, but just be patient with him for this. I think he's afraid to talk to you."
"What are you talking about?"
"Harry, he's different when no one is around. I don't know how to explain it. We'll talk later, just keep that in mind." He nods and I turn back. Flushing the toilet we both walk out of the room.
"He's offly protective of you and your home to just be the neighbor's dog." Harry sits down at the chair Snape motions to. Tea is served and Harry continues. "He kept glaring at me every step I took, like he was making sure I didn't break some rule." He half laughs. Snape makes no comment. The silence is thick. "Why did you invite me sir."
"We have," He clears his throat. "much to discuss. You've met many people that were close to your father." He sneers at the last word. "And as you found out when I was presumed to be dying, your mother and I were very close."
"The two of you were friends." Snape half nods.
"For the most part, yes. Did you know the," He pauses. "The reason you were brought up by your Aunt and her Husband."
"The reason never came up."
"It was because neither of your god parents were able to raise you."
"I only have a god father." Snape shakes his head.
"No, you also have a godmother. Sort of anyways."
"Professor I don't quite understand."
"I wouldn't expect you to. Only Dumbledore knew. Your mother and I, well as far as I'm concerned she is my sister. We supported each other. And endearingly she would occasionally call me her sister." He holds up his hand to silence any comments. "She was fiercely protective of me. Neither of us came from stable home environments –I will not go into the major details." Snape's shoulders are stiff. "Though I have always had difficulties with your father, I never had doubts that he loved Lily. And though he disliked me he trusted Lily's judgement that I would –despite our mutual distaste for one another-never hurt their son. Lily was adamant that I be made the 'God mother' of their only child." Snape is looking into his tea cup.
"Professor," Snape cuts him off.
"I would have taken you in had the situation been different. As it was, many rightfully believed that Tom Riddle would return. So I was unable to raise you in case the Order needed a spy. Again. I regretted lacking the ability to keep you from that abusive environment."
"You hate me. You hated my father. My father tormented you when you were in Hogwarts." Snape laughs darkly.
"Even with everything your father and his friends did, I still was treated better at Hogwarts. I never hated him." He sighs. "And It would be impossible for me to thoroughly hate you, but I was under watch. Should any death eater inform Voldemort that I showed any level of tolerance to you, it would have raised suspicion. Since your birth I have done everything –that wouldn't raise suspicion or end my ability to spy- to protect you." They sit in silence for a long while. Snape sips his tea slowly. He refills his cup and puts in several spoons on sugar.
"Professor, I do not know what to say."
"I have some things for you. They were your mother's. Some diaries and photos. She wanted you to have them when you were older." A shrunken box is placed on the table and carefully slid over to Harry.
"Professor Snape? It's been nearly a year since Voldemort's death, why are you waiting till now to give these to me."
"I've been dragging my feet because," he takes a sip of his tea and exhales. He's obviously uncomfortable. "Many of your mothers memories have me in them. And I am still hesitant at you knowing personal guarded secrets."
"I would never try to use them against you."
"I am aware of that. I simply do not like sharing this facet of my life with anyone."
"What was she like? I've been wondering for a while, but anyone I've ever asked has always said the same thing. That she was kind and gentle. I mean. She gave her life for me to live." Snape laughs. It isn't cruel. It's almost like a deep giggle.
"She was far from gentle and as far as being kind, well I would sooner have crossed Voldemort over Lily." He's talking between laughs. "I suspose essentially I did. We knew each other since we were five or so. She had an immense hatred towards men."
"Well she didn't hate you." He's laughing more.
"I told you. She called me her sister. More than once. She never saw me as a guy. I suppose it didn't help that from a young age I was pretty effeminate."
"I know it's not my place to ask. And I certainly hope it doesn't sour your mood, but professor, are you gay." His shoulders are stiff. The tea is firmly set on the table.
"I wouldn't say that I am, and I wouldn't say that I'm not." His index finger traces the rim of the cup. "I have been interested in few people as far as intimacy is concerned. What with the two wars. I didn't imagine I would survive either so the concept of a romantic endeavor is lost on me." A long quiet stretches between them.
"But you did survive." Snape nods.
"That I did."
"And now you have a chance to do the things you wouldn't previously consider."
"Harry. You aren't a child anymore. So I'll level with you. You will find out about most of this anyways when you go through your mother's things." He clears his throat. "My father didn't know that my mother was a witch. He didn't know that magic even existed. He was.. well a fairly normal father until I was about four when I started showing signs of magic. I've always been.. odd," His hands are clinched together under his lap. "Father hated that I was different. He started drinking a lot. When I would do something magical, he would punish me. I'm sure you can understand that." They look at each other knowingly.
"His preferred punishment was isolation. When he grew tired of physical punishments he would simply lock me in my room for days. He did that since I was young. Aside from Lily, I've never really had much luck getting people to like me. And quite bluntly, trying to convey my emotions terrify the shit out of me."
Out of reflex I nudge his leg with my nose. He pats my head and smiles at me.
"Professor Snape, you seem to be really attached to your neighbor's dog."
"I have no idea what you are talking about." He scratches behind my ear with those long fingers. "Harry, if it's not so much to ask. Please call me Severus. Just my first name. I am no longer your professor and I detest my surname. I don't really care for my first name either, but it's more tolerable."
"It might take me some time, but I will try to remember. I never realized you hated your last name so much." The air is more relaxed between them. "I should be getting back home. Maybe I can come visit again." Snape tenses.
"I would enjoy that. Before you go, I was wondering, how your godfather is doing." He's looking at his hands.
"Why do you ask Severus?"
"I will be forced to endure his idiocy once term starts, and any oddities in his behavior will cause me trouble."
"Severus, you don't hate him do you." His hands tense as he exhales.
"No. I don't."
"He's more stable since the war ended, but I think he's lonely. I know he starts it a lot of the times, and I know your past with him is difficult, but I don't think he hates you either. Maybe you should invite him for tea."
"Maybe."
"Severus, since your trying to be open with me, how long exactly have you been in love with my godfather?" My head snaps back and forth between them as Snape chokes on his tea.
"Regrettably a while. You will keep it to yourself." Harry nods.
"I had a feeling, and I won't say anything. Good luck with that endeavor." Their goodbye is awkward and I'm left with him.
"Well that went better than I expected it to." He says aloud. He scratches my head. "Could make it awkward if he ever found out though. Fuck. The school year could be hell if he's calling me queer every time we see each other. And like hell I'm going to ask him over for tea and have a heart to heart with him."
So he is interested in me. Romantically. He has been kind to me thus far. Well the dog me. And he does seem to have more depth than I thought. And he isn't as unattractive as I thought. When he smiles he could almost be called… He's different than I thought.
He shakes his head.
"I'm not going to worry over it. I've gone this long without a relationship what's another fifty or so years. Yea, some people just aren't meant for relationships. And I really don't mind being alone." He nods agreeing with himself. "Actually, I'm glad to have your company Sirius." He scratches my head while smiling. He isn't a bad person. If not for him a lot more lives could have been lost during the war. And I never was nice to him. I constantly called him a traitor. I don't hate him. I wonder if I ever really did. I was obsessed. Mostly with making him angry, but obsessed all the same. We aren't the same as we were during our school days. Only Remus and I are left of the marauders, and Remus never agreed with the bulling.
"What do you want to do Sirius, we could go for a walk, or watch a movie, I have been needing to brew some potions, but a nap could be lovely. Oh! A bath. Yes a bath." I follow him down the hall. "With lots of bubbles and bath toys." I catch a glimpse of the bathroom. The tub takes up half of it. "Sorry Sirius, you got to wait out here. But I'll give you a bath afterwards. He closes the door and since I don't know what else to do I lay down by the door and listen to the water running. The rushing of water stops abruptly. I can smell the different scents coming from the crack under the door. He always takes long baths and every other time I've roamed the halls and rooms trying to find something to use against him. It seems juvenile now. He baths regularly. He's decent to his neighbors. He's a person.
A soft dull buzzing sound comes from the room. He must be shaving. Soft gasps catch my ears. The buzzing sound grows louder as do the gasps. Whimpers are growing louder on the other side of the door. I can faintly hear mumbled words. Occasionally I can hear my name moaned out followed by pleased sounds. Fuck. He's not shaving. I'm not naive. I know what those sounds are. This is a private moment. A private moment about me. Something I shouldn't know about, least of all hear about.
I know that many gay guys have been 'into' me. But I'm not like that. Least of all with someone like Snape. If I were going to be gay, I could have my pick. He certainly wouldn't be my only option. Merlin it has been a while though. And the primal side of me is almost okay with laying down with Snape as long as it gets rid of the urges.
The sounds on the other side of the door grow louder. I shouldn't listen to this. I should walk away and give him his privacy. No. Why should I let him get the satisfaction when I'm stuck with the hormones. If I have to be horny, like hell I'm going to let him satisfy his needs especially if he's using me to accomplish it.
And it'll be hilarious to catch him in the act.
I nudge the door. He never locks it. It swings open quietly; the sounds continue, showing that he hasn't noticed. His whimpers are much louder without the door to muffle them. A loud buzzing mixes with the pleased sounds. One hand is on the rim of the tub to support himself. The other is snaked down into the water making an obvious pumping motion. He's on his knees. His hips are rocking as a vibrator tirelessly caresses his insides. His shoulders are tense. Eyes clinched tight trying to stay in his made up world. He mumbles words of encouragement to whoever he's pretending the vibrator to be. I try not to remind myself that it's me.
I watch for a moment. Unable to look away. His face is relaxed despite the occasional wince. His cheeks are tinged a healthy pink. His lip is between his teeth with each moan or whimper. His dark wet hair is sticking to the back of his neck and upper back. He looks younger. He's unhealthily thin. More so than previously thought. I can faintly see the outline of ribs. His back is slightly arched. I can see the end of a vibrator. The edge of the bath blocks the rest.
"Please, Siri. It's too much." Both of his hands clinch the rim of the tub. Thin trails of tears are on his cheeks. His hips are rocking faster on their own. His hand spasms as he reaches back. He's griping the vibrator firmly. "Please, inside. Need to feel it." The red in his face is darkening. "So good. Please hold me tighter. Please." The tears are sliding faster. Both of his arms wrap around himself.
He's crying. His arms are shaking around himself. He looks small and frail as he finishes his one act play. A strangled moan rips from his vocal cords followed by powerful tremors. His body is spasming, and I can smell the musk. Despite the obvious powerful orgasm, he doesn't seem content if the dissatisfied grunt is anything to go by. A whine follows a small popping sound. I sit there. Waiting for him to see me or waiting for my limbs to pull me out of the room. But I don't move. I can't. His eyes are still clinched shut.
"Why do I keep doing this Siri? It's pathetic. I'm to old to be doing this kind of thing." His eyes fall open and notice me watching him. "Oh I wasn't talking to you Sirius, I was talking to someone else. You silly dog. It's naughty to walk in on someone in the bath." I seem to distract him from whatever unhappiness he was dwelling on. His smile is broken. It's not real. "But I guess since you're a dog it doesn't matter if you see me like this." He shrugs out of the bath and quickly wraps a towel around his waist. I have never seen him so void of clothes. I wasn't expecting this.
He looks much thinner with the fluffy pink towel around his narrow waist. All of his ribs are clearly visible. I know this isn't because he does not have the means to eat. Hell at Hogwarts food is provided. And he cooks every night though admittedly he eats very little. Aside from that I've never seen his arms. They are littered with tiny nicks and deep gashes. The dark mark is faded slightly but every inch of the mark is covered with thin lines. His chest has long jagged marks zigzagging. When his back is turned to me I notice several words carved into his skin. Freak. Mistake. Ugly. Fag. The only miserable stretch of skin not marred by scars are his hands, feet, and face. He looks uncomfortable when he sees me staring.
"Pretty gruesome right? I normally put potions on to hide them, but the water washes them away. I don't like seeing them either Sirius. It was worse in school though. Can't let other's see this. To many questions. When I was a student, I had to take baths at odd times so that no one would find out. But then my roommates told everyone that I didn't bathe." He smiles at me. "I don't know if you even understand." He takes great care when he dries his hair and then puts it in a high ponytail. After he slips on a pair of boxers, he runs fresh water for me and lifts me into the tub. I sit perfectly still. His fingers are gentle when they massage in the shampoo. He bathes me regularly and I've started to enjoy his nails scratching behind my ear.
He hums and it relaxes me. It makes me feel like I have no cares in the world. Like back in school. Only James and the others could give me this high. The freedom. I want to gag when I see those marks marring his otherwise pale skin. Severus would hate me. I never grew up, still plotting to hurt him. He wants to quit his job to be free of me. We never gave him a chance to be anything but snivilous. How old are those scars?
He dries me with a light smile. "Now you go on and play. Try not to get dirty again." He scratches my ear while he smiles that same broken smile. There is no happiness in his eyes. He's far away. I let him leave my side. We aren't friends. I let him do as he pleases alone. We hate each other. Shit.
I follow his scent down the hall. The house is fairly big and without my keen scent finding him could be a challenge. The hall is dimly lit, and I realize earlier today it was closed off. I follow his scent. He smells of shampoo and his own strange mix of smells. The smell of ash. The smell of salt. The smell of rain. Mixes of scents combine into something only Severus. A door is left ajar and his scent seeps through the crack. I nudge it open.
A square cage takes up the majority of the room. Every side is made up thick bars and the floor is a solid cold slab of steel. Curled in the corner is one Severus Snape. A curtain of dark hair falls in his pale face. His arms wrap securely around himself. He's not finished getting dressed; he's still in his thin boxers. The cage door is open though the look on his face says otherwise. He's shaking but something tells me it's not from the cold. How fractured is his mind?
"Lily. You would be so proud of your son. He's so much like you it hurts. I was afraid to talk to him. But I needed to do it. And it had to be today." He's looking at me, but I don't think he's noticed that I'm here. "It's getting easier to live without you. I think that bothers me more than it should. I'm growing numb. Albus is dead. Oh but you know that already." His face is calm and neutral. If not for the flowing rivers I might would believe him to be content sitting in his cage.
"Can I die now Lily? Am I done yet. I protected your son. I saw to it that he survived the war. And I gave him your things. It'll be almost like he knew you personally. Did I do good Lily? He's going to know so much about me. Things that only you knew. And then only Albus knew. Lily, it's so cold. I don't want to continue. But you would be mad at me if I didn't continue. And I did take in Sirius. The dog not the person Lily. Don't get confused. The real Sirius could never tolerate my presence. Right. That's a good point Lily." He blinks a little then focusses on me. "Sirius, you shouldn't be in here. Father doesn't like animals. He'll hurt you. Then I'll have nothing." His hands clinch his head and he curls into himself. Fingers pull at his hair as he lets out muffled screams. "Please Papa, I'll be good. I'll be a good boy. I didn't mean to use magic. I won't do it again. I'll be normal. Please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Fuck. I want to change back. I want to hold him. Do something. Convince him that he isn't alone. But if I change back he will only trust me less. His body shakes with restrained hiccups.
I go inside the cage. It's even smaller on the inside. I lay next to him and without coaxing him he grabs me and buries his face in my fur. I don't know how long we lay in that cage. But when his tears slow and he pulls away from me something breaks. His eyes are bloodshot and he still looks on the brink of tears. After a while he breaks out in a fit of laughter. This only reminds me how unstable he is.
"You're such a good boy. I'm sorry to worry you." He laughs louder. "I just hate my birthday so much. It's such an awful day. Oh but you're probably starving. Let me get you something to eat." (2) He says this with a timid smile. Instinctively I growl at the cage before I leave the room. He needs to be protected.
He lays me out partially cooked meat and sits down with a cup of tea.
"Sirius, do you know what Severus means? It means stern. And Snape comes from the Olde English word "snaep" which was a regional word meaning poor land. I never did care for my name, but it would seem that my name fits me. A tad ugly it may be, but it's mine. It's the only birthday gift my father ever gave me. No. He gave me others." He sips his tea quietly while I don't touch the food. His face scrunches up and he adds several more sugars. "I was fascinate by potions since I started using accidental magic. Father did not take kind to his already different son. Mother had to come clean. He beat her. I remember wondering why I had to be different. I didn't mean to." He laughs for a moment.
"I was so desperate. I thought maybe, if I could become normal, my father would love me. I would see other fathers caring for their sons. I knew that it had to be my fault. Because, both of Lily's parents were muggles and they both accepted her. My mother was a witch. She knew that it wasn't unnatural. But father never looked at me the same again. So it had to be me. I spent years trying to make a potion that could take away my magic. I found it when I was fifteen." He sips his tea slowly. "I wonder if I would have been happier as a muggle. But by that point I was no longer living here. You see. Albus allowed me to stay even over summer. He knew about my home life. I just think he didn't want to be accountable for one of his students being beaten and raped." He sets his cup down. "But then. Why would he let me be a spy. No. I was a tool. I just happened to not break as predicted." He cleans his cup lazily and looks to my uneaten food.
"I'll keep it out for you Sirius so you can finish eating. I'm not feeling to good so I'm going to go to sleep for the night. If you go out make sure to lock up, I keep a spare key around back in the flower pot." He scratches my ear and tiredly drags himself to his room. It's not even seven yet. I'm not sure of his sanity, but I do leave the house needing to escape the depressing air. I lock the door behind me just as he asked. After I stretch to grow accustomed to my human body again I go to Harry's house. I have much to discuss with him.
As soon as I enter my god son's home I am slammed against the wall harshly.
"I swear if you hurt him Sirius I will personally hex you." Harry really is just like his mother.
"Did you find out that much bad about him?" Harry nods while backing up.
"I know you intended to prank him, but that's enough. You can't hurt him anymore. You need to leave before you do something to hurt him." The thought of leaving him worries me. He's to unstable to be alone for any length of time. He needs some anchor.
"I need to know what you found out about him." His face is flushed. He shuffles into his office and hands me a pink book. When I open the book the pages are blank. Harry taps the pages three times and words appear. No doubt this is Lily's hand writing. Harry hands me a cup of coffee and leaves the room.
"We'll talk when you finish."
Alice in Wonderland. (remake with Johnny Depp) Yes… Snape is… the caterpillar…. Yay…
This story is currently during summer but according to the internet Severus's birthday is in January. I'm sorry for this inconsistency, but I will not change it.. but I am aware that it is the wrong time period for his birthday.
