Disclaimer: All characters owned by The CW and Josh Schwartz.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Chuck, Nate and Dan. Who would've thought? A night spent getting high, drunk and womanless. Companion piece to "Girls' Night Out".
Author's Note: I had posted this up awhile ago as a separate story, the companion piece to "Girls' Night Out", but I just today decided to make it all into one story. Enjoy if you like.
"Nathaniel," Charles Bass regarded coolly as his best friend of years on end entered his apartment.
"Hey," Nate Archibald glanced up, nodding his head in acknowledgement. "What are we doing tonight?"
Chuck smirked as he lay back against his couch. "Well, the girls are staying here, so I was thinking we could get high, get drunk…remind you of anything?"
Nate smiled, shaking his head. "High school," he sighed. "Dan called me last night. He wants in today," he told his friend.
"Humphrey?" Chuck scoffed in disbelief. "Does he even know what weed is?" he laughed obnoxiously.
Nate rolled his eyes. "It wouldn't kill you to be nice, you know. If anything, he should hate you. You did almost rape his little sister way back when," he reminded him.
"Aw, Nathaniel. You bitter that I ended up with your hot ex and you got my rape victim?" he chuckled.
"Please, Chuck. You and Blair are the most manipulative people I know. Anyway, so Dan's gonna meet us here in about…five minutes," Nate grinned apologetically as he glanced at his Rolex.
Chuck groaned. "Way to ruin the night, Nathaniel. Might as well bring your tagalong girlfriend, too."
Nate raised his eyebrows. "Actually, she's hanging out with Serena and Blair tonight," he informed him.
"So I've heard." Chuck grinned devilishly as the doorbell rung. "Hey Nathaniel?"
"Yeah?" Nate called back as Chuck got up to get the door.
"If I say anything to make Humphrey punch you in the face, I apologize in advance," he drawled as he swung the door open. "You can blame it on the weed."
Dan Humphrey chose to step in at that moment as he hung up his blazer on the coat rack. "Put the jacket back on, Daniel," Chuck commanded. "We were just about to head out."
Nate and Chuck walked out of the apartment as Dan trailed after them. "Wait, what? Weed?"
A half hour later, all three boys were seated at the Palace's bar. While Nate had lit up on the subway, Chuck and Dan had yet to do anything but have a few drinks.
Nate grinned goofily as a tall blonde walked past them, brushing against his arm. Chuck rolled his eyes. "You know, it doesn't take a detective to see that you've been screwing around behind her back."
Nate widened his eyes almost comically as he turned around in his chair to face Chuck. Dan glared at him. "You've been messing with my sister, Archibald?"
Nate shook his head furiously. Chuck rolled his eyes at his friend's obliviousness. He turned to Dan. "No, he's just been dreaming about fucking your girlfriend again."
Dan raised his eyebrows at Chuck. "And not yours?"
Chuck smirked, impressed. "Touché. But at least my girlfriend isn't as promiscuous as yours."
Dan was about to take a swing at him a la high school era before Nate interrupted, "Ha, ha. I fucked Jen on the kitchen counter in her dorm room last weekend."
Dan switched directions and punched Nate instead. Nate fell over in his stool. Chuck stifled laughter as he glanced at the two of them. "Wow, Nathaniel. I take back what I said earlier. I didn't have to say anything and you still got punched."
Dan laughed carelessly as he helped Nate up and shook his hand. "I miss Serena," he whined.
Chuck sighed at Dan's low tolerance of alcohol, considering he had only had two glasses. "Maybe we should head home," he said, glancing at Nate's bruising eye.
"Why?" Nate laughed loudly. "I like getting punched."
Chuck shook his head with a laugh, hoisting his friend off the stool and out of the bar. "You would."
The boys arrived back at Chuck and Blair's apartment to find Blair, Serena and Jenny passed out on the couch.
Chuck smiled for the first time that night as he eyed Blair's engagement ring, ignoring his two friends' blubbering, drunken remarks.
The cab ride home had been excruciatingly long, what with Chuck trying to prevent Nate from pulling out the weed before the driver fucking arrested them and trying to keep Dan from punching Nate again. Needless to say, Nate had made more than a few comments about sleeping with the younger Humphrey on the ride home.
"And I thought we got drunk," Chuck muttered as Nate and Dan trailed behind him.
Nate suddenly got a big smile on his face as he eyed the three girls sleeping on the leather couch. "I slept with all of them," he realized. Had he not been so slow to figure it out and sounding so dumb at the same time, Chuck would have been quick to shove him.
In all fairness, Dan had taken to whacking him on the shoulder instead. "I think Serena was the best one in bed," Nate decided, nodding his head.
Chuck rolled his eyes. "No fucking way. Blair is definitely the best," he smirked, thinking about their previous escapade.
Dan shook his head. "No way. I agree with Nate," he started before glaring at the aforementioned boy.
Yawning tiredly, Dan adopted a smile similar to Nate's. "I've never gotten high before," he said before he fell onto the wood floor of the apartment. Thud.
Chuck snickered, placing a blanket over the girls before he and Nate dragged Dan onto the other couch, Nate doing little to help as he kept glancing over at the girls and smiling.
Deciding Chuck could handle the skinny Dan by himself, Nate treaded over to the other side of the room, where the girls lay asleep. Putting his hand over his girlfriend's right breast, he giggled excitedly.
Sounds like you guys had fun.
The Morning After;
"What the fuck?!" Blair Waldorf screeched angrily as she awoke to a sleeping Nate Archibald sprawled across little Jenny Humphrey, Chuck Bass sleeping on the floor, and Dan Humphrey laying passed out on the couch opposite to her. Serena van der Woodsen watched in amusement from the adjacent kitchen, sitting at the counter with a bowl of cereal in her hands.
Chuck woke up to the sound of his fiancée's loud voice, rubbing his eyes as he glanced around the room confusedly.
"Why the fuck is Nathaniel's hand on your sister's boobs?" Chuck whispered easily to an awaking Dan.
Dan sprung awake as he jumped off the couch and dragged Jenny away from Nate, who groaned into the couch pillow as his hand lost its'…resting spot.
"We are going home, Jenny, now," he muttered, waving a quick goodbye to Serena before slamming the door shut.
"Well, B. Looks like we weren't the only ones up late last night," Serena smirked as the two girls burst into giggles at Nate's high-induced state and Chuck's satisfied smirk.
Chuck stood up from the floor, wiping his hands on his jeans that he had slept in from the night before. "By the way, Serena," he smiled. "If you want to know how Nathaniel got that shiner," he gestured to Nate's bruised face, "you might want to ask your boyfriend. Ask him why his shirt smells like weed, too," he smirked before Serena widened her eyes and took off.
"Looks like it's just you and me," Blair rolled her eyes as Chuck slung his arm over her shoulder, raising his eyebrows enticingly at her.
Blair chuckled loudly. "And the ex-boyfriend," she reminded him sweetly, pointing to the still sleeping Nate Archibald on her couch. "Get him out of here."
As Blair swung her hips towards their bedroom, Chuck grinned as he grabbed the sleeping Nate and dragged him out the door. "Later, Nathaniel!" he called out behind him.
The morning after is always a bitch, boys.
