When they finally fell into his bed, she realised that was the reason she'd arrived at his doorstep.
She wanted his anger, his ruthless manipulation of her body. So she embraced the fire emanating from his core and hoped she would burn in it. And she wasn't disappointed, heat danced along her nerve endings, molten ash heavy in the pit of her womb.
She was grateful that his caresses weren't soft or tender. That his fingers bruised her flesh and gripped her hair.
When she responded on a gasp "Sir, please…" she didn't know if it was a plea for him to slow down or not. The hand in her hair tightened forcing her head back and her eyes to meet his. Through the haze she tried to focus.
"Jack, Carter. You resigned remember?" he'd gone still above her, so close. Skin to skin but she needed more. "It's Jack… say it!"
She whimpered trying to move beneath him but he only pinned her down harder. "Say my name Carter, I want to hear you say it!"
She finally acquiesced unable to stand it any longer, needing him to stop the need clawing inside of her. "Jack…Jack. Oh God… please"
He moved her knees apart and thrust into her, hard and fast, and she screamed…
It was over all too quick the moments taking with them the feelings of unreality. They lay there trying to get their breathing under control and trying not to think about what this meant.
His anger had dissipated somewhere along the way, burnt out from its own shear explosiveness.
"You did what you had to do, Sam. It wasn't your fault. Let it go… let it go before the guilt makes you lose yourself. Come back to us." he said it finally. His words hung on the wind somewhere and for a moment he wondered if she'd heard him.
The single tear that escaped from under her lashes was testament that she had. "I…I can't."
How could she explain to him that she wasn't ready for absolution, for forgiveness? That she couldn't go back to the SGC where doing what she had to do meant the death of a child. A sweet, innocent child that she, the intelligent one, the smart one, couldn't save. She'd pulled the trigger, only because it was the only way to stop the thing inside the child, but she'd pulled the trigger nonetheless.
When she threw on her clothes and left, he didn't stop her.
