Disclaimer: Don't remind me, *sob*


"Riff Raff?"

"Yes, Magenta?"

"What's this?"

Riff Raff came over to inspect the unidentified object.

Frank had recently begun watching the monitors and had written the siblings a list of items that the monitor had "advised him to acquire". He seemed to believe that television was some kind of all-powerful, all-pervading God that had come to Earth knowing that he was to eventually arrive, and so, everything it did was aimed at him, or for his benefit.

Now referring to the monitor as his "Royal Advisor and Entertainer", he had sent his servants to the local supermarket to retrieve every item on his monitor supplied list.

Riff Raff held the object up to his eye and frowned, "It appears to be some kind of rectangular device…,"

Magenta took it from him and began running her hands reverently around it before letting out a small shriek, "I have solved the mystery!" she cried and carefully peeled back a corner of the plastic and foil wrapper that concealed the insides.

"Is it some sort of excrement?" asked Riff Raff, "Or soil, perhaps?"

"Hmmm…," Magenta peered at the corner of brown that peeked out of the wrapper, she gently pulled the foil back a bit, holding her breath.

Riff Raff grabbed it off of her, "No Magenta, I will not allow you to risk your safety!" he said and began unwrapping the object at a painfully slow pace. Magenta squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to see what would happen.

"Can I help you two?"

The twosome gasped and spun round violently to face the wary shop assistant.

They continued to gawp at him as he shifted uncomfortably," Uh, you're not really supposed to do that…," he tailed off and gestured to the half opened rectangle in Riff Raff's vice-like grip.

They stared curiously at the pimply teen, wondering how he could so casually rearrange the disrupted mysterious-rectanglular-object display as he waited for them to either say something or, preferably, leave the store.

"Actually, we were wondering if this is safe to purchase," Riff Raff said gravely, as if he was acquiring a bomb.

"You mean the chocolate bar?" they had to be messing with him, "Uh, I would think so…"

The siblings exchanged looks of worry.

"What is its purpose?" asked Magenta worriedly.

"Eating mainly, but I guess you could, um, use it for other things… if you wanted…"

The couple huddled together and whispered fiercely as the teen stood there helplessly, wondering if he should get management over.

Eventually they straightened their spines and solemnly said in unison, "Lots of gratitude for your assistance, squeaky voiced guide, we no longer require you though."

The teen couldn't get out of there fast enough.


"Master! We have returned with your articles!" they called as they entered the castle.

Two earthlings in suits carrying clipboards and bibles scurried past them followed by a completely naked Frank.

"Come back!" he cried after them, "I really do want to become "More Man"!" he sighed and slammed the door, turning to the expressionless siblings, "Did you get what my adviser advised?"

"Yes Master," they handed him four of their five bulging bags.

He was too excited to notice the fifth bag and gleefully clapped his hands, "Riff Raff, carry these to my bedchamber!" he commanded.

Riff Raff obeyed wordlessly and carted the heavy bags up the stairs, holding his tongue even as Frank gave him kicks of "encouragement" as he called it. At least he wasn't wearing his stiletto heels, he was even without his trademark fishnets and make up, completely naked for the first time since he was a baby.

Magenta watched her brother sadly until he disappeared from sight. Then she turned to the fifth bag.

She looked around, a bit paranoid and ran into the first room she came to, locking the door once she entered.

Again she checked no one was around, ridiculous really, since there were only three inhabitants of the castle. Still, there could have been some kind of stowaway lurking in the shadows or a curious earthling might have decided to investigate. She shook her head and opened the bag. It was filled with chocolate bars, as they were called.

Magenta had seen chocolate before, in her brothers cookies and on TV, but never in this bar form or this shade of brown.

She lifted a rectangle up to her nostril and inhaled deeply. Only a miniscule hint of the chocolate odour broke out of its paper and foil prison. She timidly ran a finger along the bottom of the bar, where the wrapper doubled over on itself and inserted her nail in between the small opening. Cautiously, she peeled the paper portion away, exposing the reflective sheet of aluminium. There was something strangely sensual about the way the foil clung to the grooves of the hidden chocolate, and Magenta unwrapped it gently, as if she was undressing a virgin. Finally, the chocolate was there, bear and vulnerable and exposed for all to see. It was a warm, well tanned colour, lighter than any chocolate Magenta had ever seen. Its smoothness was interrupted by the small nooks that divided it into breakable squares.

Magenta licked her lips, she had never been a fan of foreplay.


"Magenta, where are you my sister?"

"Oh, Riff Raff! I'm in heaven!" she cried, her voiced soaked in ecstasy.

Riff Raff creased his brow and chapped tentatively on the door her voice had come from.

The door unlocked with a heavy clunk as an enraptured Magenta moaned loudly and pulled her brother inside.

"Oh Riff!" she cried and stuck her tongue in his mouth. He tasted something sweet and milky.

"Magenta!" he cried and pushed her off him, "Are you under the influence?" She was in the Zen Room after all.

"Yes, the influence of cocoa!" she cried, happily twirling around the cluttered room, picking up wrappers and using them as confetti.

"Magenta," he said sternly, grabbing her shoulders, "Look at me," he inspected her pupils until she pressed herself against him, dropping her head onto his shoulder.

"Join me, you are my brother, the son of my mother and my lover," she giggled at the rhymes, "And you must join me, give yourself over to absolute pleasure!" she screamed.

"Didn't we do that last night," he twitched his lip.

She stuck her chocolate coated tongue out at him, "Just have some goddamn chocolate!" she snapped.

He shrugged and broke off a piece from a bar she had stuffed in her pocket. He took a bite.

"Well?"

"…"


Frank wasn't exactly the most observational being in the universe. Mainly, because he chose to ignore the signs that his presumptions or opinions were wrong.

He thought that everyone and everything was sexually attracted to him, and so assumed that it was sheer stubbornness from his two servants that prevented them from sleeping with him. He refused to entertain the notion that they found him so conceited, egotistical and cruel to the point that he was physically repulsive to them. He laughed at the idea that two beings could be so committed enough to each other that there was no need for a little romp with the Prince of pleasure himself.

Anyway, since his stubborn servants were not pleasuring him, the natural move had been to seduce the earthlings.

Although he was yet to leave the castle, his Royal Advisor had supplied him with the telephonicular contactual digits needed for an earthling to be delivered to his doorstep.

The first few encounters had taught him that answering the door in full drag was not helping him. Neither was being completely nude. His advisor supplied him with examples on sitcoms of situations where it was appropriate to answer the door scantily clad. And so, his main guise was that of a dripping man who had just exited the shower.

The hard part then was convincing the earthlings to stick around after he "accidently" dropped his towel.

So far he had not been successful. He thought he'd struck gold when two earthlings came to him, without even being summoned. Having just woken up, he had answered the door in nothing but his dragon robe, expecting Riff Raff and Magenta to have locked themselves out or something.

The two earthlings were there with an objective. They must have heard about him from some of the other earthlings, he had thought as he invited them in. They seemed to be trying to convince him to become more of a man or something. They had a special book on the subject and everything.

Frank knew from his Advisor of innuendo, but he had never encountered it in real life yet. He assumed that was what the earthlings were getting at though, why else would they have come to him? Boring of their charade, he had dropped his robe.

He winced now, remembering.

To get back on track, he wasn't exactly renowned for his observational skills, and so it took him a few days to notice the changes in his servants:

1. He had noticed that he had the castle to himself more often, they were usually either out at the supermarket, or locked in the Zen room.

2. Their spirits seemed to be higher, they were spending less time sulking and complaining about homesickness, and more time collapsed in corners giggling themselves stupid or floating around the castle with big stupid smiles on their blissful faces.

C) Their mouths were constantly covered in a weird brown substance.

Frank hated being out of the loop, and so he decided to get to the bottom of this mystery. He switched on his advisor and gasped at the programmed that came on.

We now return to CSI: Miami, where a wealthy porn star has just been murdered by his two servants...


"Excuse me, squeaky voiced guide."

The teen turned round at the tap on his shoulder to see two familiar faces.

"Oh no," he gulped and called for his manager, "Mr. Solomon, it's happening again!"

"Calm yourself," Riff Raff rolled his eyes, "We are here to inquire about this," he held up a bar of white chocolate.

"That's white chocolate, the same as all other kinds of chocolate but… I don't know, it's white! I don't think it has cocoa in it or something… please, I'm just trying to save up for a car!" he practically wept.

"Gratitude for your assistance, squeaky voiced guide," they saluted him and headed for the register.

"Oh, Riff," breathed Magenta, "I'm shivering with anticipation!"

"As am I, sister," they began kissing in the middle of the queue, startling the people who heard him call her sister.

"Foreigners," muttered one old man. Not knowing just how right he was.


"Aha!" Frank pounced on the siblings as they entered the castle.

"Master?" they blinked innocently.

"Don't "Master" me! I know where you have been! Yes, I have that knowledge! So quake with fear you tiny fools!" he exclaimed dramatically, keeping a shaking finger pointed at them, as he threw his head back as if they had injured him.

"Master, we were merely at the store –,"

"I already knew that!" he cried.

Did the shopping bags give it away? They thought sarcastically.

"And I know what you are planning!" he swiped the bag off of them and emptied it onto the floor, dozens of chocolate bars spilled out. His eyes goggled, "What are you planning?"

The siblings grinned sheepishly at each other. This would take some explaining.


AN: Yeah... I don't really know either. But today is Easter Sunday (woot!) also the end of Lent (double woot!) and way, way back at the beginning, me and two of my firneds made a pact to give up chocolate for it. Well, they gave up after about two days but I stayed strong! Despite the various sleepovers I had to endure where my Home ec-taking friend brought chocolate cake... *sigh*

Well, anyway, I really just wanted to write a fic, any fic that involved chocolate.

Cultural Referances: The squeaky voiced guide is a cameo of Squeaky Voiced Teen from the Simpsons, one of my absolute favourite characters of all time :D! His manager, Mr. Solomon, stole the second name of Dick Solomon from 3rd Rock From The Sun, which greatly inspires me to make these ignorant-of-human-life type fics ;P. Also, Magenta getting high on choclate is a bit of me, I forgot how good it tastes! And the Mormans visiting Frank is because I've started watching Big Love and there was an episode when two Mormans won't stop bugging Nicky and I thought, what if they went over to the Frankenstein place... I also made soem referances to Face Painting, my other Riff/Genta fic ;P mostly the fact that their monitor apparently gets TV shows from the future (yes, I know CSI: Miami wasn't made in the 70s) Oh yeah, CSI:Miami... well... pretty much explains itself, I watch all three CSI's but Miami always has the most ridiculous plotlines :P, also, once something very dramatic was happening on it and then the break came on, at the end it had a trailor thingy for CSI Sunday (don't ask) where it totally ruined the ending of the episode I was watching... :( And Riff and Genta acting all nervous around the chocolate is again, 3rd Rock From the Sun shining (pun intended) through, I mean, that show is almost funnier than Seinfeld! I think that's it... ciao for now!