The ringing of a telephone broke Jack's reverie and he glanced away from the monitor. It had become a ritual; Jack would wake up, wander to the coffee machine, gaze at it longingly before moving back to his desk to watch the Jack and Ianto slide show that he had created from the images taken by the CCTV cameras throughout the hub.
The phone rang a few more times before it stopped suddenly; he waited for a few moments expecting to hear Ianto calling him to the phone, but he realised that Ianto wasn't here anymore and that he was responsible for answering his own phone. It had been nearly 3 months since Ianto had left, but Jack still couldn't quite believe it, and every now and again he expected to hear Ianto's sexy, Welsh vowels telling him that the Prime Minister was on line one, and could he please not bring up the incident with the defabricator again. It was amazing just how angry General Hammond and the Prime Minister were these days; of course, it could just be that Ianto wasn't there anymore to smooth their ruffled feathers before they got on the line to Jack.
The phone began to ring again and he hurriedly answered it. "Captain Jack Harkness." He stated slightly unsurely; just how the hell was he meant to answer the telephone in a top secret base?
"Sir?" A deep, husky, Welsh voice asked uncertainly. "Is this a bad time, would you like me to call later or put my request via email?"
Jack perked up at the first vowel uttered. "Ianto! How are you? Please don't hang up! Is it busy at Torchwood House? How can I help?" Jack asked in a rush, the sound of Ianto's voice sending him far back into his adolescence, leaving him sounding like a love struck teenager.
"I'm fine, Sir. Busy as can be expected and I was calling to request my medical files be sent to Torchwood House for the attention of Doctor McIntyre." Ianto stated succinctly.
"Medical files? Why the hell do you need your medical files sent up there? What's happened are you alright? Do you need me to send Owen?" A sudden stampede up the stairs to his office had him raising a finger and glaring at his team to stop any questions. He pressed the button so that Ianto was now on speakerphone.
"There's nothing to be alarmed about, Sir. There was an incident in the archives and I required medical attention. Dr McIntyre has updated my electronic medical files but the paper files need to be updated as well. If you could send them to Dr McIntyre I would be most grateful."
"Are you badly hurt, Ianto? Do you want me to come and bring you back?" A hopeful note crept into Jack's voice as he asked the last question.
"It was just a minor injury, Sir. I think it would be best if I remain here."
Jack grimaced and turned the speakerphone off, turning his back on the team. "Please, Ianto, can't you drop the 'Sir' act? I know I hurt you but please don't discount everything we had."
"I'm sorry, Sir, but I think it's best if we kept this professional. I don't want to jeopardise my position at Torchwood by acting like a scorned lover." Ianto apologised.
Jack sighed. "Of course, I understand...just promise me one thing, if you need to talk or want to come back, promise me you'll call me. Please don't let your pride get in the way of you being happy."
There was silence on the other end of the phone, and Jack was beginning to worry about crossing the line with Ianto when he heard a sigh. "If I choose to come back, I will call you."
"And if you need to talk? I know you, Ianto, you'll keep everything bottled up inside until it's too much and the nightmares will start over again." Jack pressed.
"If I need to talk there is a trained counsellor available. I'm not trying to hurt you, Jack; I just don't want to have to rely on you."
"I guess I deserve that. I am sorry that I couldn't be what you wanted or deserved. I'll have Owen send your files to Dr McIntyre."
"Thank you, Jack." Jack began to hang up only to be halted "And Jack...we both know the reason why we split up and it had nothing to do with you not being what I wanted or deserved. In the end I couldn't live up to the ideal of a fantasy, it was me who couldn't be what you wanted."
Jack hung up when he heard the soft click followed by the dialling tone. He looked at the screen in front of him and realised that since Ianto had left, Captain Jack Harkness had not crossed his mind. Jack snorted in amusement; trust him to want what he couldn't have. He turned back to Tosh, Gwen and Owen who were waiting in the doorway for an explanation. "Owen, send Ianto's medical files to Dr McIntyre at Torchwood House. Gwen, Tosh...well I'm sure there's something you should be doing, so get to it."
Owen stomped back down the stairs, muttering under his breath about imbecilic immortals and Teaboys that couldn't lick a stamp without getting a bloody paper cut. Gwen and Tosh just looked at each other and Jack could swear he could hear them mentally playing rock, paper, scissors to decide who was going to stay with him. Gwen, obviously losing the game, gave him a sympathetic smile before turning and heading back down the stairs.
"Was there something you wanted, Tosh?" Jack asked as the young woman fully entered his office. He hid his surprise when instead of standing meekly waiting for him to ask her to sit; she came around his desk and perched on it beside his chair.
"We're worried about you, Jack. When Ianto left you were like a bear with a sore head but now...well look at you!" Tosh waved her arm at him, prompting Jack to look down at himself; true his trousers and shirt were a bit more wrinkled than usual but with Ianto gone he hadn't exactly had time to stand around doing his ironing. Tosh moved his mouse and Ianto's picture appeared on the screen. "When are you going to tell him how you feel? You know the only reason he left was that he loved you and thought you didn't love him."
Jack shook his head in defeat. "That's not the only reason." As Jack began to tell her, Tosh moved around the desk and sat opposite him. She listened silently to Jack's woeful tale, visibly biting her lip to stop herself berating Jack when he came to the part where he had used Ianto as a sexual substitute for Jack Harkness.
When Jack had finished, Tosh stood and leaned over the desk. "Jack, no wonder Ianto left! The only good thing about this is that you've come to your senses and it isn't too late to fix this."
Jack looked at her in disbelief. "How the hell do I fix this, Tosh? I humiliated him; I made him feel like he wasn't good enough for me! Do you honestly think that he will come back now? Would you?"
"You can't just give up!" Tosh threw up her arms in anger. "You screwed up, Jack, and it's going to take a hell of a lot of grovelling to get him back, but if anyone can do it, you can! If anything happens to that boy and you are not there to save him, you will never forgive yourself and neither will I!"
"He's happy there, Tosh. Plus he's got a chance at a relatively normal life. Torchwood House is not like here, it's a 9-5 job with little or no fieldwork. He'll be safe there."
"And the fact that he loves you...?" Tosh asked in frustration.
"He left me, Tosh, he's already made the decision that he can live without me and I have to respect that. I hurt him, I didn't mean to, but I hurt him and now I have to live with the consequences of my actions."
Sensing that Jack had settled into martyr mode, Tosh left, cursing under her breath. Jack shook his head, he was older than the young Japanese woman by several hundred years but she could make him feel like a child that had been scolded by his mother.
When he was sure that Tosh had left, Jack pulled out a piece of thick, writing paper and a fountain pen and glancing at the screen, he began to write, putting his heart and soul on the paper for Ianto to see. Jack meant what he had said to Tosh, he accepted that he had lost Ianto, but the hurt in the young man's voice made him want to explain and reassure the young man that he was all that anyone could ever need. After filling several sheets of paper, Jack sighed and put the pen down, feeling emotionally exhausted. He placed the letter in the envelope and kept it to the side, ready to slip it into the box of Ianto's medical records.
