Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies.

Beside You

Kurt sucked in a breath as Blaine helped him wash away the blood on his wrists in the bathroom sink. It drained away in a swirl of pink, something Kurt had always been intrigued by. When his skin was relatively clean, Blaine took his arms and inspected them, Kurt wanting to pull away, but deciding against it.

"Babe...that's a lot of scars." Blaine said, as if he couldn't find anything else to say.

"I'm aware." Kurt mumbled, somewhat dryly.

"Look...I mean, I know staying here isn't a good idea right now. We need to get you home, and help you calm down." Blaine told him, wrapping his arms around Kurt's waist.

"I am calm."

"Kurt...come on. Please don't lie. You can be honest with me now." Blaine further pushed, tightening his hold around the other boy.

"Right...sorry, it's just a reflex. Um...okay. I guess going home would be okay." Kurt mumbled, unable to come up with anything else.

"Alright. Now, we need to make sure nobody sees us. We have blood on us, and let's face it, that's gonna raise a lot of questions." Blaine told him, and Kurt nodded, avoiding eye contact.

"Honey, don't be ashamed." Blaine said when he noticed the way Kurt's eyes welled up. "I just mean that I don't want you to have to answer to stupid kids asking stupid questions."

"I...I know."

"Alright. I'm going to text Finn, and get him to help us get out of here. He's in Spanish now, right?" His boyfriend asked, and Kurt nodded curtly.

"I...alright."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Kurt."

"I just...I hate that he knows. I hate that you know. Nobody was supposed to know." Kurt said, his voice thick as he re-tied Blaine's ruined bowtie around his wrist, where cuts were opening up again.

"And what if you had gone too far? Huh, Kurt? I think you would have really wished someone knew then. This is a good thing." Blaine assured him, texting Finn on his blackberry.

"I guess."

XXXXX

Finn received a text message half-way through Mr Shue's lecture, after bouncing around anxiously the entire time.

He quickly read it, not even bothering to hide his phone from sight.

Kurt's okay. For now, at least. I need you to come and help us get out of here. I don't think he can handle people staring right now. Please hurry.

Finn began gathering his books, not realising that Mr Shue was now staring at him, eyebrow raised.

"Going somewhere Finn?"

"Family stuff. Sorry Mr Shue, I've gotta go." Finn said, grabbed his backpack and stood up.

All eyes were on him, but he couldn't care less. Rachel was staring, her eyes questioning him.

"You know I'm not supposed to let you leave." Mr Shue said lowly.

"It's Kurt." Finn whispered. That was all it took, and Mr Shue nodded, even opening the door for him.

There was something in his eyes that made Finn's heart wrench. But he thought nothing of it, and nearly ran down the hall.

XXXXX

A knock sounded on the door, sending Kurt into a sort of terrified frenzy. Who was it? He couldn't have anyone else know about his situation.

"Guys? It's Finn."

Kurt breathed a sigh of relief, and Blaine unlocked the grey door, pulling it open to reveal an anxious Finn.

"Hey." Finn said simply, looking at Kurt while biting his lip.

Kurt looked away, thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed. Nobody was supposed to know.

"Okay, we need out of here. Where's the closest exit?" Blaine asked Finn. Kurt found it sadly funny, that he still didn't know the school all that well.

"Actually, it's in the Glee room. There's the side door. I'll get Kurt's car and bring it around. Nobody should be in there right now, so you should be safe." Finn explained, and held out his hand.

"Car keys, honey." Blaine reminded him, when he didn't respond.

"Right. They're in my bag." Kurt mumbled, and went to go get it from the stall.

"No, let me." Blaine said rather protectively, and walked past him.

"I can do things by myself Blaine, I'm not an invalid." Kurt said harshly.

"I know, but I don't..."

"You don't trust me. Of course you don't. Just because I have stuff in my bag, doesn't mean I'm gonna use it!" Kurt blurted out, and regretted it when both Finn and Blaine stared at him.

"There's more?" Blaine asked, and he bit his lip.

"Answer me Kurt." Blaine said, grabbing the bag and walking towards him.

"Yes." Kurt admitted, barely a whisper.

"Kurt..." Finn said, his tone strange.

"Don't look at me like that. I know what I'm doing, I'm not crazy." He said loudly, trying to take his bag from Blaine.

The need to cut was bubbling up again, much fiercer than before.

Blaine backed away cautiously.

"Tell me where they are."

"No."

"Come on bro, just tell him."

"No!"

"KURT. You either tell me where they are, or I root through your entire bag in search of them. I don't want to invade your privacy, so just please...tell me." Blaine nearly pleaded.

Kurt felt his eyes begin to water.

"In the...in the side pocket. Hello Kitty makeup case." He said, and watched as an amused smirk flashed across his boyfriend's face, but disappeared even faster.

"Thank you."

XXXXX

They rushed through the hallway, thankful that nearly everyone was in class. The only person they saw was a freshman, who was luckily engrossed in his phone.

Once in the choir room, they both relaxed visibly. Blaine looked over at his boyfriend, hurt, guilt and anxiety swirling within him.

"Don't do that." Kurt said, never looking away from the door's window.

"Do what?"

"Look at me like that."

"Kurt-"

"I'm fine."

"You're not!" Blaine nearly shouted, losing his temper for the first time. He couldn't help it. He felt so goddamn useless, and he knew Kurt was in a strong denial.

"Shut up Blaine." Kurt said angrily, and opened the door when Finn pulled up.

Blaine followed, holding both their bags in his hands. He still had the makeup case shoved in his jacket pocket, not knowing what to do with it.

Kurt went to go get in the driver's side, but Finn blocked him.

"You shouldn't be driving. Let me or Blaine do it." Finn said, and Kurt puffed angrily.

"One; it's Blaine or I. Two; you're not coming. Go to class Finn." Kurt said, and rushed around the vehicle, hopping into the passenger's side and slamming the door.

Blaine looked to Finn, at a loss for words.

"I just wanna help him." Finn nearly whispered, his voice thick.

"I know. I don't know what to do either. I...I never thought Kurt of all people...especially with...I mean..." Blaine trailed off, choking up. He couldn't help it. He just wanted his boyfriend to be okay.

Finn put a hand on his shoulder, something Blaine hadn't expected. The two weren't close, but being in this situation...

"I know." Finn muttered, and turned to walk away, but not before waving at Kurt, who certainly made no move to return it.

XXXXX

They made it to Kurt's house without saying a word to each other. Kurt because he had nothing to say, and Blaine because he did, but didn't know how to say it.

Kurt wasn't mad. He knew Blaine thought he was, but really, he wasn't. He just felt so out of control. Within a few minutes he'd gone from in control and secretive, to out of control and having two people know. It just...he didn't know how to deal with it.

Normally, he'd cut at a point like this. That's how he dealt. But now that wasn't an option, and he struggled to find another way of coping.

He unlocked the front door, and turned off the alarm. Blaine followed him inside, setting their bags down on the table.

"So..." Blaine trailed off, slipping of his shoes and leaning against the wall.

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you and Finn. I just don't know how to cope. I mean...I always just cut, and now I don't know how to...deal with any of this." Kurt admitted, and began down the stairs, beckoning Blaine to follow.

"No need to apologize, Kurt. I just wish I knew how to help you." Blaine said from behind him, and at the bottom of the steps, he turned and bit his lip.

"Well, right now I need to wash these better and put some cream on them. Infections are a pain." He told Blaine, and walked into the bathroom, flicking on the light and cringing at how bright it was.

He pulled off his bloody shirt, Blaine helping him slightly due to him hissing as it hit his cuts.

He sat on the edge of the tub, took down the shower head to let it hang upside down, and turned it on in hopes of a good temperature.

"How often do you do it?" Blaine asked. Kurt could tell he was hesitant. "Cut, I mean."

He didn't turn to look at him, instead focusing on adjusting the taps.

"Depends, I guess. On what's going on. But on average, I suppose once a week."

"Oh."

Kurt finally turned to look at his boyfriend, worry on his features.

"Blaine, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But to be honest, the idea of telling anyone never crossed my mind. I never would have been able to. If you and Finn hadn't...I never would have said anything." Kurt told him standing up to hug him. "I really am sorry, honey."

"It's okay. Let's get you fixed up."

XXXXX

Once he had the cream applied on his angry red cuts, he followed Blaine out of the bathroom, and both of them sat on his bed.

"What's wrong?" Blaine asked, and Kurt realized he was fidgeting hopelessly.

"Nothing." He said, but Blaine gave him a look that made him continue. "Fine. I just...I really want to do it again. I can't help it. I don't...I can't control it."

"I know, sweetie. I've felt the same way."

"You've cut?" Kurt asked in surprise.

"No. But I've felt the same about fight club. I know Finn told you, he can't keep his mouth shut." Blaine told him, and Kurt nodded sheepishly.

"Well, it's kind of like an addiction too. When I get really mad, I just...I need to take it out on something. And that something usually ends up being another person." Blaine told him, and Kurt bit his lip once again. "They volunteer of course. I don't go around beating people up."

"I know, babe." Kurt said, and managed a small grin.

"So what do you wanna do?" Blaine asked, checking his watch. "We have two hours until Finn gets home, and we both know he'll be coming straight here."

"I know...he better not tell Rachel. I'll go all Lima Heights on his ass." Kurt said, but his tone was fearful.

"I'd be happy to do that for you." Blaine joked, and put a hand on Kurt's knee.

"I might have to take you up on that offer, Anderson." Kurt said, his tone flirtatious, with a dirty underside.

"Well chosen, Hummel."

XXXXX

They'd settled on Disney's Mulan, as it was directly on Kurt's bedside table. It was nearly halfway through, and two of them were cuddling on the bed, Kurt's head on Blaine's chest.

Kurt suddenly moved to get up, but Blaine grabbed his arm, his stare questioning and untrustworthy.

"Nature calls, honey." Kurt lied, and winked as Blaine let him go.

He closed the bathroom door behind him, and leant down to stand on his knees. He let out a breath, and rummaged around under the sink, looking for anything sharp. With his stash in Blaine's possession, he'd have to settle.

Finally, finding an unused disposable razor, he attempted to pry the blades out of it. When that didn't work, he grabbed nail clippers, and used them as leverage to pull the silver blades out.

Finally, one came free. It wasn't as sharp as he would have liked, but he couldn't care less that moment.

He put it to his wrist, and cut.

Alright, I'm evil. I've decided to continue this as a story, in the hopes that people will actually read it. But please, if this is triggering to you, don't read it. I don't want you to get hurt.

Review,

xo