The one-shot dedicated to Kuwabara, the only real human of the Tantei: an outcast within outcasts. Chapter two of a four-part series.
We All Fall Down
Costume Changes
Ring around the rosy,
When you think of Kazuma Kuwabara, you see the big, overbearing oaf in blue, right? You see that guy that's always there, not really doing much, or contributing in the background.
I'm always the guy in the background.
Urameshi always got the spotlight. He was always the hero, always the protagonist of our screwed up story. He was the recovering delinquent that could do no wrong anymore, in spite of of his whole tough-as-shit attitude.
Kurama always was the ladies man. Whether or not he wanted to be, he always attracted attention of the female variety. He kind of got the perks of everything I stood for: the fighter for love. He was the fighter who got all of the love…not that I'm jealous or anything.
The shrimp was the guy that no one could relate to. He was still liked a lot by everyone, even though he was the grump who hated them all. He was the little jerk who thought he was so hard-done to. Well, he used to be, and probably still was a bit, but he neglected to notice the fact that he had people who loved him now. He shunned it instead of revel in it or even appreciate it.
Then there was me. I was always the last man in everything; the last name, the last thought of, the last to win, the last to succeed, the last, last, last. I'm even the last in my own list. I worked so hard, even though I was at a total disadvantage. Even when Urameshi was a human, he still had a one-up on me in fighting. Sure, I never admitted it, but the guy could kick ass and take names like nobody's business. Kurama and Hiei were demons, so they automatically one-upped me from the first 'hello.' I had to work harder than all of them to get to that bar just below their standards.
And they criticized me for it.
"Jeez Kuwabara, can't you do a little better?"
"Try to actually win, fool."
"Kuwabara, really now…"
"You do realize he'll be…kicking back?"
I probably sound really petty…resentful and envious, even. I guess that I do kind of sound that way, but can you really blame me? All I'm telling you is the straight truth, because that's exactly the way it is.
A pocket full of posy,
I was always doubted. They always pointed out the fact that I was weaker, even Kurama did it, and I always took the route of acting all obnoxious about it. I didn't want them to think that I gave half a crap. That way they'd see how much it was fucking getting to me, and then they'd see me when I was weak.
I'm not weak, I'm human. I was the only guy who had to work from square one. So Urameshi won all of the time and I lost…I made my contribution. I was the one that Sensui wanted, and I was the one who saved Yukina.
I was also the one that had to make the toughest damn decision: study for school or go to the tournament?
I stayed for school and made something of myself. Kurama was the natural brains, but I can pull off great grades that I worked for. There's more pleasure in that, when you know that you beat the odds and won it.
I'm the underdog, and I guess that I always will be.
There's nothing wrong with that, is there? Is there? Is there anything wrong with being the guy who worked his ass off to get to that bar, that standard?
I don't care if Urameshi was the hero, if Kurama and Hiei were the guys who always picked up my slack. I was the guy who worked the hardest, no matter what other people will say. I worked for this, and I succeeded.
I'm freaking proud, that's what.
Hush-a, hush-a,
I needed to get it all out, you know? I needed to explain the conflicts inside of me that have been eating at me for so long. I just had to get it off of my chest, and I don't care if I sound like a total asshole now that I've done it.
Sometimes you have to be a jerk to get your point across.
I've learned a lot over the time I spent in Koenma's Tantei, and despite being the weakest link, I did some good stuff.
But there's always that aspect of it that bugs me.
In the beginning, it was Kurama and Hiei that held all of the power. They were looked up to, because they were the demons, you know? Well I was cool with that, because it was still Urameshi and me. We were still buds – we still are – and we were still the humans that were rising to the occasion and doing some serious butt-kicking.
Both of us were taking names, and I was glad to have someone else to do it with me. Sure, Hiei was always sulking about coming to our rescue when we jumped into a hole too deep to get out of alone, but he was cool with it too, I think. It gave him that sense of belonging, that sense that we all needed to function.
Yusuke was the hero, Kurama was the brains, Hiei was the mysterious power, and Kuwabara was the sidekick.
I hate that word: 'sidekick'. It makes me seem weaker than I am.
Once Yusuke became a demon, I realized that I was going to be left behind again. Now I was the only human; the only guy that didn't get a costume change.
I usually said that as a joke, to make them think that I was fine with it. I was just covering for the fact that I was so selfishly jealous of them that I started to want to be a demon. If I hadn't come out of that mindset, I probably would have gone and gotten myself killed at that Makai tournament.
Everyone seems to think that I'm the weak link, the fool, the goofball, the oaf, the general good guy with two left feet. I was that guy to them, and I'm not that guy.
I'm Kazuma Kuwabara. I'm the last to finish the race. I'm the weakest guy. I'm the goof, and I'm the oaf. I'm the human.
I'm the only guy that doesn't get a costume change.
We all fall down.
