Link and Navi then all of a sudden, teleported out in front of the Deku Tree.
"Link.....Navi....remember to take this green rock candy and use it to show Zelda. I'm getting ready to die right now because....well.....I have uterus cancer and also, after you leave here, I won't be dead. I just want you out of my face. Navi keeps annoying me by taking all my feces out of my chamber pot. I was TRYING to start a collection of Deku droppings to show to the museum."
Then, the Deku Tree died out of nowhere by doing the GTS* to himself. "OH MY GOSH!!! Those chocolate bars in his chamber pot were actually crap?" Navi screamed while vomiting.
"Yeah Navi, I tried to give you that hint in the Deku Tree when I emphasized the phrase 'SO CALLED' chocolate." Link remarked rolling his eyes. Navi continued to vomit. They both walked out of the path of the Deku Tree only to find Mido gardening.
"Yo what's up homie?! Why'd you have to go kill the Deku Tree?"
"Mido, how the heck do you even know about that? You weren't even in there..."
"Actually, I installed cameras inside the Great Deku Tree and if you're wondering why that brown crusty toilet paper was in that chest.....that was me." Mido replied with a goofy grin.
Link gazed at Mido in disgust. "Uh....where did you get that paper anyways?"
"I got ripped tree bark off the Deku Tree and sanded it into paper...."
Link and Navi then pushed past him and navigated toward the bridge of the Forest. All of a sudden, the she-male came.
"HEYY LINK, I hope you got the message that I am a she-male. Here's this FREE ocarina I got out of the claw machine. And make sure you come back to seee meeee hheeheheheheeee...." Saria then vanished. Link then walked out to Hyrule Field.
He left only to be stopped by an owl sitting on a tree branch. "YO WHAT'S UP HOMIE G SUPER PANCAKE SKILLET WITH ORANGE JUICE?!?!?!?!"
"How did you know what I ate for breakfast yesterday?" Link questioned.
"I spied on you while you were cooking."
"How....?"
"I asked Mido to install some cameras in your house."
"Umm....well I never SAW him in my house."
"Well y'know grasshopper, Mido has.....teleporting powers. And he also squats a lot so that's how he can get around fast. Anyways, you can stil hang out with me at my gangsta club house!!!"
Link turned to Navi closing his eyes while throwing up the peace sign. "YEAH LIKE THE HOMIES IN MY MANSION!!!" He said trying to act cool in front of the owl.
"Link....you live in a tree..." Navi said. "Well, Navi you need to stop butting in on everybody's conversations!" Link spat back.
"SHUT DOWN ROBOT!" Navi yelled at the owl.
They started toward the castle only to be stopped by the owl again. "NO WAIT! I almost forgot! I can give you directions to the castle to meet ZELDA!!!!"
He gave the directions to them and afterwards while midway to the castle, the two found something floating in the air. "Hey Navi, why is there a fan in the air coming at us?"
"Link, it's a swifter fan that can fly at us and make very small little baby fans..." Navi said her eyes getting huge.
"Whatever Navi, let's just go where we're supposed to go."
"Link you need to go to Princess Zelda."
"OOOOO!!!! A PRINCESS YOU SAY!?"
"Yeah, the owl and the Deku Tree JUST TOLD you that. Weren't you paying attention?"
"I didn't feel like it."
"Y'know, you're acting strange and I think you're becoming a big player..." Navi said.
"SHUT UP I WANNA SEE THE PRINCESS!!!"
They walked to the gate of Hyrule Castle Town.
"Awwww MAN! It's night time and the gate's not open!!!!" Link said snapping his fingers in despair.
"Ok Swiper..." Navi accused as she floated there waiting for daytime. While they were waiting, skeletons came out of the ground. Link pulled out his sword and killed them. He then took a closer look at his 'sword.'
"What the freak man, this thing looks like a steak knife....I thought swords were supposed to be longer than this..." Link rolled his eyes. "Whatever."
It became daytime and they walked into castle town finally.
"Hey Link, I think you should visit some houses to figure out what's around this place." They both went into a nearby building where there were pots EVERYWHERE.
"SWEEEET! I'm on Cash EXPLOSION!!!" Link shouted. He broke all the pots and got tons of money. "AWESOME!!!! I WON THE LOTTERY!! TAKE THAT OLD PEOPLE!!!"
The two left for a nearby shop and walked up to the cashier. "Yeah, can I help you?" A buff guy asked.
Link saw a metal shield that was sitting on the cabinet of the store.
"I want THAT." He said pointing toward the shield. "80 bucks."
He paid the cashier getting the shield and headed toward the castle.
Link found a girl standing by a cliff. "HEY ARE YOU A FAIRY BOY FROM THE FOREST?!?!!?!?!?!?!" She yelled screaming his ears off. Link paused while blinking, trying to recover his ears from all the screaming.
".......who ARE you?"
"I'm AN EGG COLLECTOR FROM LON LON RANCH!!!!!!!!" She then handed Link a chicken egg. "YOU NEED THE EGG SO YOU CAN WAKE UP MAKE FAT DADDY!!! MAN WHEN I GET A HOLD OF HIM...." She held her fist angrily.
"How do you get to the castle without getting caught?" Link asked.
"FIRST, YOU GO UP THE VINES, THEN JUMP DOWN THE CLIFF UP THE HILL, CLIMB THE ROCKS, THEN TURN RIGHT, LEFT, AND THERE'S THE OPENING BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO MOVE MY FAT DADDY!!!!"
"What's your phone number?" Link asked.
"Link, you're only 13 and already hitting on ugly ragdolls..." Navi remarked.
"Shut up Navi, let's just go to the Princess and get this over with already..."
They followed her directions to the castle. On their way, they ran into some guards but they swiftly navigated past them. Arriving at the castle, Link saw a lazy fat man sleeping by a stack of crates.
"Tch, look at that old geezer." Link laughed pointing at him. Navi turned and blew a raspberry at Link before trailing off by herself leaving him stranded."HEY!! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!" He shouted after her.
Soon, she came back and Link's jaw dropped to the ground. "NAVI? What.....in.....the.....world?" Navi was wearing air force ones, baggy jeans, baggy shirt, chain necklaces and a hat going sideways. "YO HOMIE! I'M GANGSTA! WORD LIFE!" She then did a gangsta pose and soon after, Link rolled his eyes.
"You aren't even doing it right...poser." Link then did the Soulja Boy while doing the same thing that Navi was wearing. They afterwards stopped and pushed the ugly fat guy into the water. "LOOK LINK! There's a hole leading to the inside of the castle."
"No dip Navi...."
They jumped across and crawled through the hole.
"OH NO GUARDS!!!!!!" Navi screamed but Link soon covered her mouth with his hand to shush her. "You idiot! They'll hear us!" He whispered. There were guards everywhere, but Link managed to sneak through and get 90 bucks in the process. When they arrived to the Princess, Link started hitting on her and got her phone number.
"Hey, what's your name?" Zelda asked.
"Link....why?"
"Sounds familiar....do you have a green mystical rock?"
"Yeah, that stupid tree gave it to me. It smells like chili though." He frowned showing it to her.
"YES!" She shouted in victory. "So, are you the fairy boy in my dream?"
"What dream?" Link asked.
"It was about me running away from Ganondorf. If you look through this window, you can see him."
Link peered through the glass pane and threw up. "Uhhh....he's so hideous..."
"If you want to leave without getting caught by guards, go talk to my servant sheikah over there." Zelda said before going back to picking flowers.
He talked to the sheikah and she teleported him in front of Hyrule Castle Town while teaching him Zelda's Lulluby and giving him Zelda's Letter.
(*GTS- means 'go to sleep' it's a finishing wrestling move)
