Excerpt from When the World Came Crashing Down: A Different Look at the Fall of Sorceress Rinoa and the SeeDs

Sometimes when I am asleep I can still feel his arms curled around me. Sometimes I still feel his lips on mine. Sometimes I can still hear those last words. Sometimes I plead for him to stay; sometimes I pretend he did stay. Sometimes I still talk to him.

When I go out, which is a very rare occurrence, they all stare at me: the survivor. I don't know what they are thinking, maybe that I should have died with the rest of the traitorous heroes. Maybe they pity me, I guess I don't really care anymore. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference does it? It won't bring him back to me. Regardless of could of, should of, would of, what if, or could have beens, I'll never see any of them again.

Fated Children… We saved the world and then they turn on us.

I remember their wedding day. Rinoa was so beautiful in her gown and Squall was beaming, yeah that's right beaming. I caught the bouquet, but since I already had an engagement ring resting on my finger I dropped it nonchalantly into Quistis' arms.

After everything we thought we'd found some peace.

Our wedding was five months later. One of the happiest days of my life… I remember that look he gave me just before the "I dos". We had found it, that elusive happily ever after.

It wasn't long until Ryka was born. Squall the man who fearlessly led us in the assault against one of the most destructive sorceresses in all of existence was afraid to hold his own son. He said he didn't want to drop him. Rinoa expressed her opinion in some choice words that I'm not sure she would have wanted her newborn to be exposed to if she had been in a different frame of mind, Squall apparently feared her more because without hesitation he put out his arms to receive his son.

Zell never married but he did have an assortment of 'steady' girlfriends. Quistis and Seifer had a fling, an off and on thing, but it never lead to any sort of real commitment. Six years later Rinoa and Squall had a daughter, Aida. She was the cutest thing. I spent a lot of time with Rinoa and the kids…

I wanted a baby too. We tried but it just didn't happen. For a while it saddened me but then we thought maybe we would adopt one of the children from the orphanage. Matron had re opened the orphanage a year or so after the Ultimecia incident, with a lot of help from Quistis, Seifer and Rinoa and a healthy amount of 'peace' offering from Galbadia.

We must have been to wrapped up in our happily ever after to notice all the distress in the world, the building tension that would eventually lead to our downfall.

We never did adopt, but it didn't matter, six years after Adia was born, after I had all but given up on having a baby of my own, I became pregnant. Finally after everything we had been through we had everything we could possibly want.

It was then they struck. It was the newest leader of Galbadia looking for an excuse to unify his broken country among other various political formations. He went after Rinoa, spilling the same old 'evil sorceress' propaganda. It didn't take long for it to get out of hand. We caught word they were going to preemptively assault Squall and Rinoa.

I was seven months pregnant at the time, so I stayed behind. I can still feel that last kiss… "Keep them safe," I whispered in his ear as we said our goodbye. Irvine, Zell and Quistis among others from Garden went to help Squall, Rinoa and the children into hiding.

The attack was earlier than anyone could have expected. They caught them off guard. When I first got news they said there were no survivors for either side.

Our unborn child was the only thing that kept me going. My family was dead. Our baby was the only one I had left…

Matron, Edea Kramer, came to me some weeks later with Ryka and Adia. I couldn't believe it. They were alive, and Hyne they were so beautiful…

All three of us lived with Edea and Cid at the orphanage away from the eyes of the world. Soon I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Allie. It was the name Irvine and I had picked out months ago.

It was on that day that I started my life over again. As far as I'm concerned I have three children. They are my light. They are our legacy. They saved my life.

-- Selphie Kinneas, Surviving SeeD of the Ultimecia affair