I watched the sun rise that morning, I had been awake all night making sure that she didn't have another nightmare I felt the overwhelming need to protect her from an enemy that we couldn't fight with guns and force like we did the first time round, theses demons were ghosts of the original evil that we had faced, she had beaten them then so why not now? Her hand was intertwined with mine it was as if I was an anchor holding her down, keeping her here in bed with me rather than on her hellish version of that battlefield. I have seen countless cases of PTSD with men that have lost someone close to them on the battlefield, we all go through a phase once we have come home the confusion we experience when readjusting seems to fuel the nightmares, but they are only ever for a few days, two weeks tops. Molly didn't fit the mould for PTSD, but then when did she ever fit into a category. As if she had heard rambling thoughts she stirred in her sleep, eyelids fluttering open "Boss?" her voice was groggy and sweet all at once. "Good morning sleepyhead, how are we feeling this morning?" I didn't want to go straight in and ask her what had caused her to be so fragile last night. "A lot better now that I know that you're not a nightmare. I think I'm ready to talk about it, I've had enough of 'em." Despite a hushed tone that was laced with a dreamy tone, I could hear her determination in her voice last night must have been the last straw for her. "I'll go make some coffee then, I love you Molly Dawes don't forget that." I replied whilst slipping out of bed to make my way to the kitchen.
Just as I was getting mugs out of the cupboard I noticed her standing in the doorway, "I was going to bring them up, are you alright?" Normally her leaning against the doorframe in nothing but her shorts and West Ham t-shirt would drive me crazy, but today I had nothing but concern in my heart for Molly Dawes. "I just had to make sure that you were real." She said with a slight air of confidence but an undertone of uncertainty. Looking as uncertain as her tone she makes her way over the barstools behind the breakfast bar in front of me, perching at one as if to make her seem more stable. "Why wouldn't I be real?" I ask sitting down beside her. After a few moments of consideration she started to explain the nightmares "They have just been so real recently I have trouble separating real life from the nightmares, every night Smurf dies and it's driving me crazy. I nearly always wake up in a cold sweat, even with you beside me I feel so alone for a few moments when I wake I get so confused, feel so lost. I hate it. I just wish they would f-off and leave me be!" Her calm tone quickly turned into one of anger. "He dies every night, each time in Afghan and I can't save him, god knows I've tried. Every night he dies before my eyes." The voice that was so full of anger quickly changes into one of sadness, I know the death of Smurf hit her hard, but she seemed to get over the grief pretty quickly with her second tour, she even jokes about things he used to do and what he would think of us two being so couple like nowadays. Seeing the clear distress on her face I intertwined out hands upon the counter, I spoke with caution but in a soft tone. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? I would have listened you know that."
"Well I just fought that..." Her words transform into heartbreaking whimpers. I hold her face in my hands just like when we were in Afghan, and as I stare into her eyes she doesn't seem as lost, my tone becomes more serious but never faulting in the caring accent. "What have I told you about thinking? I love you, that means that I'm not going anywhere any time soon, we are in this together, your never alone Dawsey, I'm always going to be right beside you holding your hand. You want to shout and scream sometimes then I'll be the guy that you do it to, if you ever just want to cry I'm going to be the guy that holds you whilst you do so and then cheers you up afterwards. Molly Dawes you are the most important part of my world so if these nightmares make you feel lost and confused then I might gonna need a compass and map because we are lost together." When I had finally stopped talking her mascara had shifted a long way south and she was crying, but this time her eyes were full of a light that had been absent for so long. "Thank you, I've never 'ad someone say anything like that to me before." Her voice was slightly overtaken by her tears and sniffly nose, but she meant the words all the same. "I mean it Mols, I love you to the end of the earth and back." A cheeky smile formed across her face "I love you to bossman. Now let's see about these coffees 'cause you still ain't taught me how to use this bloody machine!" My Molly was back, mouthy as ever, although she wasn't completely free of her demons it was a start on the road to escapism.
So I hoped you enjoyed that chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it, not so much the content but more of Captain James perspective. I may explore it more from Molly's view in future chapters if that is something you would like to see.
As always let me know what you thought, and anything you would like to see. I don't own 'Our Girl' or any of it's characters all rights belong to the BBC.
Quick thank you to everyone who has commented so far, you really do fuel my writing with all of the ideas and feedback you give.
Have a good day! :)
