A/N: I was compelled to continue, because the BAU boys are just too much fun(especially Hotch surprisingly enough) and I needed a chuckle or two myself. I don't have a beta, so the mistakes and errors are all mine, and if it is not as cohesive as expected, it's mostly because I tend to freestyle what I write, with very little planning so I apologize beforehand. Enjoy…..or not, let me know : )
Disclaimer: I don't own them and no one would really want me to.
"Goodnight my Chocolate Kiss," Garcia purred as she bounded through the bull pen pass Morgan and Reid, heading for the doors.
"Slow yo roll, Baby Girl. How about a kiss for your Chocolate Kiss?"
She grinned triumphantly before sauntering over to Morgan and pecking him on the cheek. "Of course muffin, would I ever object to that?" she giggled.
"Am I the only one to find this overt display of affection coupled with sexual innuendo to be utterly nauseating?" Reid muttered sarcastically under his breath, flinching when Morgan smacked him in the back of the head. "Oww!"
"Be nice!" Garcia admonished Morgan sternly before turning to face Reid. "Thou doth protest much! No worries kitten, Garcia loves you too," she cupped his face in one hand, making his lips pucker out. The act reminded him of something his Aunt subjected him to during his youth. "Good night to you too, sweet cheeks!" she raised her eyebrow ardently and smacked his rear before heading for the exit
"I'm walking you out woman!" Morgan called after her.
"No need, I'm meeting Emily down stairs!" she called back heading out the double doors.
Morgan chuckled to himself before turning back around to face Reid. "Sweet cheeks?" he asked raising his eyebrow at the young agent.
A sly smile spread across Reid's face as he leaned back against his desk and crossed his arms. "A commonly used term of endearment that Garcia throws around on occasion to refer to any one of us…and then of course there is a rather suggestive implication, specifically directed at myself, that may or may not have to do with her appreciation for the gluteus..." his voice trailed off as her recounted his past expedition a la Penelope Garcia. "…and her compulsion to bite-"
"Ahhh, ugh, no! Enough Reid!" Morgan growled in disgust covering his ears with his hands and shaking his head rigorously in an effort to dispel the lewd images invading his thoughts. He certainly didn't want to think of his Baby Girl in that light, though it didn't surprise him that she was frisky, and he definitely didn't want to think about Reid being anywhere near her in that fashion. "I thought you didn't like talking about your sex life?" he grimaced.
Reid continued to smirk, incapable of hiding the fact that he gained some sick, twisted, enjoyment and amusement from his friend's intense discomfort. "That was before I realized how much I could torture you," he teased, cocking his eyebrow smugly.
"You….you are just evil! The epitome of an evil genius! And arrogance isn't becoming on you!"
"Why thanks for the compliment," Reid snickered. "Hey Morgan, what time is it?"
Morgan scanned their surroundings, taking note that they were the only ones in the room. His face lit up with excitement and he flashed his signature 100 watt smile as he faced his friend. "It's time kid."
Reid shifted his weight back and forth, swaying nervously. "Maybe we shouldn't do this…"
"Oh how quickly that arrogance dies down," Morgan sighed. "It'll be fine. Now grab the stuff and let's get moving!"
He and Reid ducked behind their desks, each pulling out bags of chips,popcorn, pretzels, and cold beverages. They sprinted up the stairs and pounded on Hotch's door.
"Come in," he responded sternly and in true Hotch like fashion.
The two agents popped their heads in the office and nodded at their leader. He barely looked up from his desk to look at them. His mouth was set in a grim line, his dark eyes brooding and serious. "Just doing some paperwork, what do you need?"
Morgan and Reid exchanged a glance before focusing back on him. "It's after hours Hotch….everyone has left already," Morgan held the snacks up, dangling them in the air as evidence.
"Oh," Hotch quickly looked at his watch to check the time. A ghost of a smile played on his lips as he stood up from his desk and shoved his work aside. He took off his suit jacket and undid his tie, carelessly tossing both articles of clothing across the back of his swivel chair. He undid the first three buttons of his dress shirt and shoved the sleeves up over his elbows. "Let's see…" he muttered quietly to himself, turning around in circles evidently searching for something. Unable to find whatever it was he was looking for he settled on the bottle of scotch in his bottom drawer. "Alright, let's go!"
Morgan and Reid, still frozen at the door, guffawed at their boss' behavior. It was still relatively new to them, seeing this strange and amusing transformation of their boss, and how he easily transitioned between the two extremes. Within seconds Hotch went from steely glares, scowls, a serious demeanor, and uber professionalism to someone who was relaxed with bright eyes and a genuine smile that actually revealed his pearly white teeth.
"UC Hotch, though he has my immense respect, can be a royal pain in my ass," Morgan grinned before continuing. "But afterhours Hotch is a guy I don't mind hanging out with! I mean I never see you this relaxed unless its alcohol induced,"
"Gee thanks," Hotch muttered his voice low and unmistakably dripping with sarcasm as he headed for the door. He stopped midstride to stare at Reid who was standing awkwardly in front of the mirror, trying to tame his hair. "I'm still waiting for your rendition of 'Bye, Bye, Bye'" he said before exiting the room with a smug look.
"Huh?" Reid asked, his voice not hiding his confusion as he followed Hotch out the door.
Morgan followed suit unable to stifle his laughing. "It's a song by a boy band, N'Sync I believe," he managed to get out through his laughter.
"Oh," Reid shrugged, no longer concerned abut not knowing something. " Though I would like to know how and why you've retained this knowledge of pop culture Hotch?"
"Why? You need help with more Twilight references?" Hotch inquired before stopping abruptly outside of Rossi's office.
He turned and nodded at the other two men, and they reciprocated the gesture. Rossi had been avoiding the three men since their last unplanned gathering. He only spoke to them if it was case related or just to talk about mindless drivel, like hockey or basketball games and the like. He knew the other men would have questions about that night so he would escape early on before anyone would have the chance to corner him and interrogate him about his fledgling relationship with Agent Todd. The men planned to ambush the senior agent that night before he could take off again. The plan was to only discuss Rossi but in the back of each of their minds they suspected that they would have to deal with the repercussions of their own admissions from the last off the cuff gathering. The men barged into the office, Reid shutting the door behind them and acting as a barrier, standing directly in front of the door.
"H…hey guys I was just heading out," Rossi stammered, slightly startled by their appearance in his office.
"No you weren't Dave," Hotch replied evenly, as he made himself comfortable in the chair nearest Rossi's desk and poured the dark liquor in the glasses.
Rossi stood at his desk and nodded in Reid's direction. "You know I can take you right beanpole?"
Reid smirked at the elder gentleman before responding. "What I lack in body type you lack in age and agility,"
Morgan shook his head and laughed quietly, settling himself in the chair nearest to Hotch. As usual he was the most direct. "So Rossi, you know what we're here for….when did you start banging Todd?" he asked while shoveling a handful of chips into his mouth. He passed the bag to an impatient Hotch, his eyes never leaving Rossi's.
Rossi sat down in defeat motioning Reid to do the same. "Fine, I haven't been seeing her for too long. I began courting her shortly after she left,"
"Courting?" Hotch asked with raised eyebrow and condescending inflection in his voice.
"They don't use that anymore?"
Hotch shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose in mild annoyance. Morgan sighed and patted Hotch on the shoulder before answering. "No Rossi, they don't use that anymore,"
"Huh," Rossi shrugged. "Well, you remember that case she screwed up on right? She fell apart, got chewed out by this one," he jerked his head in Hotch's direction. "And then she left shortly after. You remember right?" The three men nodded recalling the case. "Well, I comforted her then, I gave her my number in case she needed anything. She called me up a few times, and we went out to dinner a few times…as friends you know? Then one thing led to another…" he left it at that as he took a sip of his drink and grabbed a handful of chips.
"That's some comfort you were offering," Reid muttered under his breath.
"So that same Damsel in Distress game you were running years ago Dave?" Hotch scoffed, bursting out in laughter when Rossi glared at him.
"So you've been seeing her that long?" Morgan asked his mouth full of popcorn this time. "She didn't seem like she was into dating at the time,"
"Why because she turned you down?" Rossi shot back. "She happens to like older men, so you and Reid were out from the beginning,"
"And me," Hotch chirped. The others stared at him and shook their heads. "What?" he popped a few pretzels in his mouth, and shrugged when the other men rolled their eyes and went back to their conversation.
"I don't think knowing that she prefers older men, will do anything to boost Morgan's deflated ego," Reid cringed under the death glare that Morgan shot in his direction. "Hey, not every woman goes for the brawn, Morgan,"
"You should know," Hotch retorted, to the amusement of Rossi and Morgan.
"But really Ross, I just didn't think she would be your type…you did say you preferred blondes," Morgan stated, a hint of irritation creeping up in his voice. He never envisioned losing a romantic possibility to the likes of Rossi.
"I said I had a thing for blondes," Rossi corrected, finishing off the bag of chips. "In actuality I'm an equal opportunist. I enjoy the entirety of the female species," he waved his hands about theatrically in an effort to emphasize his point.
"Which in lamest terms means he'll nail anything in a skirt with a pulse," Hotch added.
Rossi punched him in the arm and silenced the nonstop snickering coming from Reid and Morgan with a glare. "But Jordan is intelligent, kind, and funny. She's quick witted and fun. Oh and physically….she's hot, those eyes, that body, and that ass,"
Reid's eyes bulged out at the last comment, figuring that he learned more info about his colleague than he needed to. Hotch shook his head dismissively, already aware of his friend's attraction to that asset.
"Ahhh, an ass man," Morgan drawled. "My brotha," he reached out and held out his hand. He and Rossi exchanged some friendly hand gesture that was a hybrid of a handshake and high five, the latest greeting amongst friends no doubt.
"Knew we had a lot in common, son," Rossi retorted with fatherly pride.
"What about you Hotch?" Morgan asked, doubting that Hotch would actually answer the question.
"Breast man," Hotch replied matter of factly as if he was uninterested with the conversation.
"Shocking," Morgan replied in surprise, noting that Reid was just as surprised as he was, and that Rossi must have already been aware. "How big we talking here?" he asked again, nearly confident that Hotch wouldn't give a response this time. Hotch squinted one eye and raised his hands up in a crude manner to demonstrate. The action elicited laughter from Morgan and Rossi and a horrified screech from Reid. "So for example," Morgan prompted between laughs.
"Garcia," Hotch responded with no hesitation a small grin spreading across his face, his eyes were slightly unfocused as if he were imagining the image before him. "She has some-"
"Ugh, Hotch! I was thinking along the lines of a celebrity or something, not anyone here! And certainly not my Garci!" Morgan groaned in disgust, once again having to shake images out of his head.
Hotch shrugged and cracked open a pop. "Hey, you asked" he glimpsed over at Morgan and patted him on the back reassuringly. He was slightly ashamed of traumatizing the younger man, but he still found his horrified face to be rather amusing.
"I'd like to know what Dr. Reid likes," Rossi looked over his desk at the youngest agent.
Reid heaved a sigh. "Intellect. I find intellect and wit to be rather attractive, well, very attractive," he answered simply.
"I'm sure we all do Reid, but we're talking physical attributes now," Hotch's voice took on a patronizing tone.
"All right," he drew the word out longer than necessary, already accepting the fact that he would not be able to escape the question. "Eyes. Eyes are like doorways to the mind and soul…at least that's what the philosop-"
"Cop out!" Rossi called out, interrupting Reid. "I would have let you get away with that if I wasn't so certain that you are deliberately avoiding answering the question truthfully,"
"Fine Rossi," he acquiesced, his face twisted up into a scowl. "Legs. I'm a leg man," he shrugged, shrinking back into his seat and crushing his empty pop can.
"Nice kid, Nice. Now that I didn't know about you!" Morgan grinned and reached out to ruffle Reid's hair.
"I will give you that Rossi. Agent Todd had lovely legs and she wasn't afraid to show them off," Reid stared off into the distance in a complete daze.
"Sounds like somebody needs to get laid," Morgan joked. "How long has it been, kid?" Reid scowled at Morgan this time, shoving pretzels in his mouth and ignoring the question.
"My guess is sometime before Lynch showed up," Rossi replied a glint of laughter in his eye.
"That was an unforeseeable deterrent…" Reid mumbled deep in thought, unaware that the others could hear him. "Garci had nice legs too….really nice," he bit his lower lip and sighed in resignation. He was dragged out of his reverie by Morgan grunting disapprovingly, this brought a smirk to his face.
"Oh yeah…now that we've heard about Rossi and Todd we must hear about Reid and Garcia," Hotch leaned forward in his chair in anticipation.
"Oh no we mustn't," Morgan's mouth twisted over the word. He didn't know if he wanted to hear the details of friend and his angel's wild expeditions.
"Yeah, I'm with Morgan on this, it isn't important," Reid stammered, his face flushing at being the center of attention.
"Nope, gotta spill it kid," Rossi leaned forward knowing that Reid would break under the pressure.
"We really shouldn't, "Reid protested looking over at a very tense Morgan.
"You're overruled," Hotch replied.
"B…b…but it's even!" Reid argued.
"Fine. I'm your boss and my vote counts twice,"
Reid, knowing that he didn't' stand a chance arguing against Rossi and Hotch, let out an exasperated sigh and began. "We would catch the subway to work sometimes, when her car wasn't working. She'd tease me of course, she thought my social awkwardness was endearing. We'd have lunch a few times if neither of us were too busy. She took me out to a bar once, just to see if I could actually have a good time, but that type of environment isn't my thing. I don't find inebriated lonely people intellectually stimulating, well….except her. She came on to me and we…uh slept together, you know alcohol really alters a person's judgment. She was…pleasantly surprised," Reid smirked, clearly proud of himself by that last statement. "Neither of us expected anything to come from it, but we just hooked up whenever we…whenever we felt like it. I was opposed to casual sex, it felt too exploitive somehow, but she's persuasive and though it wasn't the ideal relationship for me, it worked. I definitely learned a few things. Then Lynch came along…" Reid finished off his scotch in contempt before looking at the other men, who stared at him in awe. "What?"
"Who are you?" Morgan asked in wonder. "This is a whole new side to Dr. Reid…." He shook his head in revelation and Reid shrugged in response.
"When did the fling start with Penelope?" Rossi questioned, trying to ascertain the timeline.
Reid hesitated before responding in a low barely audible whisper "About three years ago."
"What?" Hotch sputtered. "How did I not know this?"
Reid shrugged again. "Hell if I know, especially after that time in your office,"
Hotch's eyes bulged out and Rossi's laughter shook the room. Morgan sat in his chair still shell shocked and mildly appalled.
"I wouldn't worry Hotch; you've since obtained a new desk…and chair. If it helps it wasn't exactly planned that time. Garcia is known for being spontaneous…that and defying the laws of physics," he added briefly. He wiggled his eyebrows deliberately, knowing that it would thoroughly irritate, and for that matter infuriate Hotch, and further horrify Morgan.
"Damn," Rossi chortled, reaching out and smacking the young man on the back harder than he meant. "Sorry, did that hurt?"
"No. Child Prodigy. Vegas Public School. Trust me, I've had worst, and if you're anything like Hotch you hit like a nine year old girl," he grinned.
"I'm going to need therapy after this. How am I supposed to face Garcia now?" Morgan wrinkled his nose in disgust.
"The same way you were able to face JJ after your rendezvous, which you never told us about…" Hotch prompted, raising his eyebrow expectantly.
"Or the same way you were able to make out with Prentiss and still face her," Morgan shot back. "Don't think I forgot about you mentioning that!" Hotch coughed, choking on the popcorn that he shoved in his mouth seconds before.
"Right, he did mention something along those lines," Reid chimed in.
"Yeah Aaron, by all means, explain that one to us." Rossi added.
"You know, it's funny. I've noticed that Hotch will push everyone to be forthright with information. Hell, back them into a corner if need be, intimidating them until they feel obliged to share everything. He does that all the while making sardonic retorts and instigating, and for that matter enabling the bickering that goes on between the rest of us, never actually answering half of his own questions or sharing much about himself. He has yet to fully expose himself like the rest of us," Reid observed.
"The kid's right," Morgan agreed. "Minus the exposing part, that sounds a bit hinky. So Hotch it's your turn. We want to know about this kiss with Prentiss and all the other stuff your keeping from us,"
Rossi nodded in agreement and Reid chimed in once more, "Yeah," he caught Morgan's anticipatory expression out of the corner of his eye. "Dude, you're not off the hook yet. We'll get to you and JJ later," Morgan grimaced in response.
Hotch peered down at his phone before meeting their eyes, a sheepish grin plastered across his face. "Sorry boys, I would have told you, but I have to go check on Jack," his voice was unapologetic despite his attempts at making it so. He begin heading out the door before doubling back, snagging a bag of the pretzels, and scurrying out again, his sinister laugh echoing in the halls of the empty BAU office.
"He played the kid card," Rossi muttered.
"I'm starting to get a sense of how manipulative and cunning Hotch can be," Reid pondered out loud, his voice colored with awe and admiration for his boss.
"Definitely a smart move," Morgan joined in. He stood defensively when he felt Reid and Rossi's eyes on him. He realized that he was not off the hook just yet, and that the other two men would have no qualms about prying into his previous relationship with JJ. "Uhhh gotta run!" He took off down the stairs without another word.
Rossi and Reid laughed, amused at how uncomfortable they had made the other two men.
"So….a leg man eh?" Rossi asked as he draped his arm around Reid and locked up his office. "You surprise me everyday son," he added.
Reid chuckled at the older gentleman, bemused at the things that Rossi would find most impressive about him. The two men descended the stairs and made their way out to the parking lot.
