A/N: Hi hi! I've got a stack of books and a long list of tasks to do right beside me but I wanted to publish this already in case I delay for the next one. I did my best to proofread this several times so I hope I didn't miss any errors. xD

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.


CHAPTER 2:

Skye

It was close to nine in the evening, and Coulson wasn't back yet. I wondered what was taking so long. I knew I shouldn't worry too much, but it already became a habit of mine whenever someone left the base. May said that she just talked to Coulson, so I should calm down.

I focused on the task assigned to me and Trip. When we settled here at the base, I found an encrypted message on the computer and Coulson tasked me to decrypt it so we could find out what else Fury left us with. It had taken me two days already, but the decryption still wasn't cracked. I was getting more and more frustrated every time I reached a dead end and a "Failed to Access" alert.

I haven't seen Jemma all day either or all week. She's been beside Fitz ever since we got to the Playground. It turned out that this base was somewhere in Long Island. Apparently, it was called "playground" because it was located on an island, and according to Agent Billy Koenig, the sand reminded him of a sandbox of a playground, thus came the name.

Still weird, though. Seeing a second Koenig. It's like one big reminder that the other one was dead, by the hands of our own former teammate.

I froze up again, feeling the anger inside me, waiting to escape.

Calm down, Skye.

I'd have to beat up the punching bag again later, when the nightmares come.

"Yo, Skye, you alright?"

My head turned to my right side, and I saw Trip casting me a worried look.

"I'm fine. I just remembered something."

Trip nodded, but didn't say anything else. Everyone knew what that meant, and none of them pushed me into voicing out whatever I was thinking. I was grateful for the space they all have been giving me since the start.

Since I was the one badly affected and all. I thought bitterly.

I had to stop acting like a hurt puppy. We were all betrayed, and I had no right to act as if they whole world was about me.

At exactly nine, the monitors of the base alerted us that Coulson was here. I quickly went to the entrance and watched the heavy metal door lift.

"Welcome back," I joked.

Coulson smiled at me. "How'd the search go?" We talked as we made our way to the common lounge.

"Well, Trip and I managed to access the second level of encryption, but we're still a bit far from unlocking the third and last level."

"How long do you think before you can finish it?" He asked.

"Trip's been running a pattern recognition program to find out the code. I'm estimating it'll be done by tomorrow morning, if we keep it running all night. Once we know the pattern, I can easily complete the decryption."

"Alright. Leave it for the night, then." He told me. "Get some rest."

He went straight to the kitchen, leaving me standing there in the middle of the lounge. The question I wanted to ask was stuck in my throat. I wanted to know how it went, but I wasn't supposed to care. I've been raging on myself so many times for always straying to thoughts of him. I was supposed to forget everything related to him. I needed to stop the pain I was causing myself.

"Skye?" Coulson called my attention. "Everything alright?"

I regained my composure and gave him a tight smile. "Yeah. I'll go ahead and get some rest."

Though I doubt I'd be getting any sleep again.


As expected, the nightmares came again. It was another scene of the team getting hurt and killed by my parents. Every single night, I'd gotten used to waking up at 2 or 3 in the morning and heading down the gym to beat up the bag. And I knew for sure everyone knew it.

I guess the eye bags on my face give it away.

But tonight, there was something different about the bad dream. This time, someone I didn't expect to watch die was there. And the thing was, I felt so broken at seeing him suffer and die.

Why do I still care!? The tears started to form in my eyes again, so I ran to my cabinet as fast as I could and grabbed workout clothes. I hurried to the gym and focused all my emotions into destroying the hard black bag.

An hour passed and I was far from done. I could feel the anger and frustrations inside. I wanted to scream and break down. I wanted to cry and destroy everything.

Pull yourself together, Skye! The first voice said.

I can't. A smaller voice answered, and though it was the weaker voice, I felt its huge wave of emotion more than that of the first voice. It hurt. My breathing was becoming constricted again, and I had to lean my forehead against the punching bag and hold on to its sides with both hands.

And then, I let myself break down.

Big fat tears cascaded down my face, pooling slowly at my feet. Some of them were caught by the fabric of my shirt, and I didn't stop crying.

I raised my fist and hit the bag again. My punch was weak once more.

Weak! I heard the voice shout in my head. I punched again. Harder. Stronger. Punch after punch, I delivered as I continued to cry my heart out.

I didn't know how long it took, but the next thing I knew, I was on the ground hugging my knees. I was still sobbing like a baby, but I wasn't making any move to pull myself together.

I needed to let it all out. I needed to forget.

But it was so hard.

How could you do it? How could you force yourself to delete every good memory, every drop of feeling you had and just move on?

I wanted nothing more than to wipe out all those moments, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much anymore, but I couldn't find a way to. I kept clinging and clinging to the hope that things would be okay soon, but my own self wouldn't make them okay.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Weak!

I fell in love. I fucking fell in love. What was worse than that? Falling in love with a man who didn't even exist! Falling in love with a man who wasn't real! That man was a fake, a lie, a goddamn cover!

And I was stupid enough to let a cover break my heart.

"I'll be fine." I told myself after a while. The tears have stopped from falling, and my breathing was slowly going back to normal.

"I'll be fine." I said to myself again. I had to be. I had a job. I still had responsibilities despite all the shit that has happened. Even worse things were happening and people were in danger. I had to focus on my task.

I've been causing myself more pain by being so goddamn emotional and hurt by this. I hated it. I didn't want to cry anymore. I didn't want to be so attached anymore. I had to let go and I had to direct all my energy, especially the anger, towards my job now.

Maybe that's how I could forget.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was half past three already. An hour from now, May would be up to do Tai Chi. I stood up, headed to the kitchen, and grabbed a cup of water. Then, I went to the bathroom to clean my face up. I took one glance at the mirror and saw the same tired face I've been seeing every night after the nightmares. I gently splashed water on myself and once I was done, I headed to the dining room where I left my laptop running.

I sat down and checked the progress of the program we've been running and found out that we got the code. I immediately started working on completing the decryption.

About half an hour later, I was too focused on my work that I jumped out of my skin when May placed a steaming cup of coffee beside me.

"Sorry," she said.

"It's okay. Um, thanks." I replied, returning my attention to the screen.

"You're up early." She noted. "Again."

I shrugged.

"Everything okay?"

I turned around and looked at the older woman. "Yeah, I mean, not okay-okay since we are facing a global threat, but everything's fine."

She narrowed her eyes slightly at me. "With you, I mean."

I sighed in defeat. There was no use in hiding. Practically everyone knew what I've been going through, as much as I hated it, and maybe opening up a bit instead of pushing everyone away was okay.

I gave May a sad smile. "Nightmares."

She gave me a half-knowing, half-pitying look. "If you want to talk, Skye, I'm always around."

"I know, but I can handle this. As much as I appreciate it, I intend not to make this a bigger deal for me than it already is. But, I promise that if I do need to share, I'll go to you."

She smiled at me before nodding and departing from the dining room to start her Tai Chi. As I turned back to my laptop, I found myself lost in thoughts again. But this time, there were no tears. Just the assurance that things were gonna be okay because right now, I was surrounded by people who care about me deeply, and that's all I needed.


A/N: Hope it's still okay! :) Will update as soon as I can. xx