Hullo again! Still waiting for reviews! Come on, people!

In Which Not-So-Little Red Riding Hood Is Kicked Out Of The House, And A Plot Is Hatched:

On the same day that the three little piggies left home, little Red Riding Hood (not so little now) was kicked out by her mom when she was caught making prank phone calls to her poor grandmother, who would faint at the very word 'wolf'. "I'm tired of you giving poor Grammy heart attacks!" her mother yelled at her. "Why can't you be a good girl, eh? You've never behaved, not even when Grammy was sick and you had to take her the basket. No, you went and hatched a wicked plot with the big, bad wolf to get her eaten up. It's a pity that the hunter let you out of the wolf's stomach after he gobbled you up too! Now skedaddle, shoo! I never want to see you again!" Not-so-little Red Riding Hood packed up her bags sulkily and left quickly, assisted by her mother's boot.

"Huh, a girl can't even make a prank call anymore," she muttered as she slouched away. "I think I'll just pay a visit to the big, bad wolf. Maybe we can team up and try to catch the three little pigs for dinner. Hey, who're the three little pigs?" She scratched her head and shrugged, then headed to the big, bad wolf's house. When she arrived, the big, bad wolf was sucking his paw, and crying. His big, bad mother was bouncing him on her knee and trying to soothe him. As Red Riding Hood neared the open door, she heard her big, bad friend telling his mother what happened. "M-Mummy, I got a h-huge o-owie! I-I was t-trying to catch the th-three n-not so l-little piggies for lunch, a-and th-they st-stopped me f-from g-getting th-them, a-and th-they burnt m-my t-tail! Waah! I-it's n-not f-fair! Boohoohoo!" His big, bad mother stroked his head comfortingly. "Oh, well, dear, Mummy will fix your owie. Come hear and I'll give it a kiss, and it will all be better," she said soothingly. The big, bad wolf sniffed and nodded, wiping away the tears from his eyes with a grubby paw. Suddenly he looked up and saw Red Riding Hood. He bounced up happily.

"Ooh, look Mummy, my friend's here! Can I play with her, Mummy, huh?" His big, bad mother fixed Red Riding Hood with a beady stare.

"Bring her in first, darling," she ordered her big, bad son. The big, bad wolf pulled Red Riding Hood in and brought her in front of his mother. The big, bad wolf mother glared at Red Riding Hood. "Tell me all the naughty things you've done," she demanded. Red Riding Hood obeyed, and gave such a long list that the big, bad wolf mother lifted up her paw to silence her. "That's good enough," she commanded. To her son, she said, "yes, dear, I think she's a suitable friend. By the way, did you do all your chores? I hope you didn't forget to put whoopee cushions on all the chairs at your grandmother's house. Remember, she's having the president of the Big, Bad Wolf Society come over today. She doesn't want to make a bad impression." The big, bad wolf nodded happily.

"Yes, Mummy, I remembered. Can I go out and play now?" His big, bad mother nodded, and said, "Yes, you can go out and play, but first give Mommy a kiss. I have to go home now, your big, bad daddy will be waiting for his supper and news of his big, bad son. Goodbye, and be bad!" She pecked her son on the cheek and sailed out the door. Red Riding Hood looked after her wistfully. "Your mom's really nice," she said to her big, bad friend. He nodded.

"Yeah, she's the best mommy in the whole wide world. Anyways, what did you come here for?"

Red Riding Hood told her woeful story so touchingly that tears came to her big, bad friend's eyes. He sniffed, and Red Riding Hood nodded sadly. "Yes," she said, "such is the way of life. By the way, I've come up with a big, bad plan."

The big, bad wolf's eyes lit up. "Is it better than the last one?" he asked. Red Riding Hood grinned. "Oh, yeah. It's so totally bad! Your mom would be overjoyed. Come on, let's start planning." Red Riding Hood and the big, bad wolf began to talk in earnest.