2:


"So let me get this straight," Shego said, leaning across the table. "'Drewbie' here gets five hundred million clams?"

"Don't call me that!" Snapped Drakken.

Shego gave a harsh laugh. "Why?"

"Why not?" Drakken shouted, almost standing up out of his seat. "Seriously though," He said to the attorneys. "Why?"

"Your Uncle Boaz was one of the greatest museum thieves in the world." Said Dewy. "The Louvre, State Tretyakov Gallery, even the Baseball Hall of Fame was victim to his sticky fingers."

"Uh, yeah." Said Shego. "So why wasn't he in jail?"

"No evidence." Said Cheatham.

"That's what made him such a great thief!" Added Dewy. "Apparently, your uncle felt the only way you'd ever take over the world would be if you gained access to significant financial gain."

"Huh?"

"You need cash to make your schemes work." Said Shego.

"Oh," Said Drakken, then furrowed his brow. "Hey!"

"Congratulations, Dr. Lipsky." Dewy closed his case and stood. The other two copied his motion. "I have your bank check right here."

Drakken was almost drooling as he reached for the money. Howe coughed and whispered something to Dewy.

"Oh that's right." Said Dewy. "I forgot." He stuck the check back in his pocket. "There is a condition."

"Condition?" Repeated Drakken. "What kind of condition? Do I have to waste thirty million bucks? Adopt a Slobodian Rabbit? Whatever it is, I'll do it!"

Dewy, Cheatham, and Howe were already at the door. "You have to get married."

Drakken's face went pale. "Say what?"

"By the end of the month." Dewy tipped his hat. "Mazel tov, Dr. Lipsky!" And then the lawyers were gone.


"Tough break, Doctor D." Shego said as she filed her nails. She was sitting on the table.

"Married, at my age." Drakken slumped in his armchair. "Darn it, I'm a confirmed bachelor! How am I supposed to take over the world and put up with a wife! Darn it! Women are so bossy!" Drakken began to imitate his mother in an exaggerated high voice. "'Pick up your socks! Put down the seat! You're always so absorbed in your work, Dan! Put down that scroll and talk to me!'" He groaned. "It's hopeless."

"No it's not." Shego jumped down. "All we have to do is find someone who will put up with you for a lifetime. Now let's see…"

"Never!" Shouted Drakken. He leaped out of his chair and shook his fist. "I prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition than to ever let a woman in my life!"

"Will you be quiet?" Shego snapped. She placed her hands on her temples. "Alright, let me think here. She's gotta be smart."

Drakken stood next to her. "Yeah?"

"Well," Shego said snidely. "Not too smart if she's willing to marry you. She's gotta be patient. And with a certain percentage of evil."

"Evil, yeah! Good!" Drakken looked up and smiled thoughtfully. "Can she have green eyes? I've always liked green eyes."

"Focus!" Said Shego. "You need someone who can keep your feet on the ground, someone who can pull you back to Earth when you get flighty."

Drakken was still smiling and now he hugged himself. "Someone who will want to cuddle and be happy to rub my feet after a scheme goes bad."

"In that case, she can't have a sense of smell." Cracked Shego.

"I told you! My feet haven't smelled since I started using those odor eaters!" Drakken shouted.

"Whatever." Shego closed her eyes. "Think, think, think…"

"I got it!" Drakken cried. "It's perfect! We'll just dress up one of the henchmen as a woman! No one will be the wiser."

"No good," Said Shego. "What if they, you know, check?"

Drakken visibly shuddered. "Eww!"

"Back to the drawing board." Said Shego.

"Hmm…" There was a minute's silence as the two pondered. Suddenly, Drakken snapped his fingers. "Shego! You're a girl, aren't you?"

"Gee," Said Shego sarcastically. "I dunno, lemme check my pants!"

"No! No! Listen! We could get married!"

"What?" Shego balked. "Oh no! No!"

Shego ground her teeth. "You're almost twenty five years older than me!"

"Look Shego," Drakken put his hand on the table. "I'll cut you in! Say five percent!"

"Five percent?" Shego cackled.

"Please?"

"Fifty." Said Shego.

"FIFTY!" Yelled Drakken. "You're joking! Twenty-five!"

"Fifty."

"Thirty!"

"Fifty."

"Forty-five!"

"Fifty."

"Fifty!" Shouted Drakken.

Shego smiled. "Done."

"Hah!" Drakken pointed and laughed. "I win!"

"Whatever." Shego shrugged. "See ya, Hubby." As the door whooshed behind her, Drakken began to count on his fingers while muttering.

"Five, ten, twenty-two… Argh! Shego! You tricked me!"