A place called home
by Sharim
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Disclaimer
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TITLE: A place called home
AUTHOR: Sharim
EMAIL: MissSharim@yahoo.com
STATUS: Completed
CATEGORY: AU, Drama, Angst, Romance
PAIRINGS: S/J, others.
SPOILERS: Everything up to and including Season 3
SEASON: Well... everything and up to including Season 3
SEQUEL/CHAPTERS: There are 7 parts to this, not including the disclaimer. Each part has five sub parts... so yeah. It's LONG. You have been warned.
RATING: PG - 13... just to be safe.
CONTENT WARNINGS: Heavy duty angst... Um... dunno really.
SUMMARY: It's long. He. No... A few members of SG-1 get stuck on the planet where they discovered Ernest, an alternate reality story. This deals with their survival and what happens.
YEAR COMPLETED: Started on 30/10/2001. Finished on 11/01/2002 (happy new year!!)
SIZE: 84 KB
ARCHIVE: S/J yes please! Heliopolis (if I get around to putting it on there), my site (which should *hopefully* be online soon, and here's some shameless self promotion, the addy is http://sharimsuds.topcities.com)
DISCLAIMER: The usual. I don't own any of the stargate sg-1 characters. I do, however, own the story line - well, most of it anyway -, the original and very groovy characters that *I* invented. Unfortunately the only thing I get out of this story is self satisfaction. No money, no nothing. sigh. The usual disclaimer thingos.. I mean, we all konw the drill anyway.
AUTHORS NOTE: Long story = Long Authors note. You have been warned. PS thanx for all the reviews!!
Uh... a novel we were forced to read in english C called Remembering Babylon actually inspired me, sort of, to write this. The novel itself isn't so great plot wise (I'm hoping this fic has a good plot!!) and the only thing that really got me to absolutely love (yes suds, *love*) the book was the way in which it was written. I've tried to make this realisitic and me, being me, hates corny/cliched parts so if there are any corny/cliched bits in there *please* let me know and next time I'll endeavor to do better. He.
Now I'm off to start work on another long fic that's been bugging me for a while but I promised suds I wouldn't start *another* fic until I finished this one.
So... 'tot siens' as we say in Afrikaans and enjoy!!
DEDICATIONS: Firstly... big thanks to... (sorry if I miss anyone) Suds, Jo, Joanna, Joey, Arnise, Tigermoth, Uly for all being such wonderfully patient, encouraging and very *useful/knowledgable* beta's!!
Also to Lena for being such a lovely person. Hope M-I-L is doing okay!!
And this one is going to be for... gee damn, *ME*. I worked so hard and so long on this... i'm just getting teary! *sniff*
A place called Home 2
by Sharim
~Six~
~*~
I watch discreetly as she makes her way towards the pool we use for bathing, cradling her arm to her chest protectively. It is not healed completely, despite her assurances to the contrary. Satisfied that she is in no danger, I turn away and return to my task of hunting.
We have been here for 43 days now, and already signs of the seasons changing are setting in. The land is becoming much drier and more brittle, the once abundant berries and fruit drying out in the harshness of a sun that seems to grow more and more intense as each day passes. Since our stranding on this planet, there have been no more storms or rainfall of any kind. For many days after the first storm, the world was alive with colour and sound as the animals and plants flourished. Dr. Littlefield has told us that this happens regularly, every two or so months. Just when one begins to think that the world has turned into a desert, the storms come again, one after the other, until the world is flooded with colour and life once more. Captain Carter has commented that this is a very strange cycle indeed.
A small animal scurries across my path, and my hunting spear quickly meets its target. I am well pleased with my success at hunting today. Three small birds and now this small animal. This food will feed us well tonight, along with the fish O'Neill managed to catch this morning.
I glance up and once again my eyes rest on the sight of the castle resting precariously on the outcrop of the rocks. During our stay here, we have spent many evening by the fireside discussing the origins of the castle and the ruined city that I have discovered in the distance. O'Neill has decided that once the next storms pass we will all trek towards the city and explore. I look forward to this venture as it will give a release for O'Neill and Captain Carter's restlessness.
~*~
The tension is building, and I'm not talking about the tension between us people, though that is building too. I mean the tension in the air. For the last two days the world seems to have been waiting. The animals are hardly moving, which makes it harder for Teal'c and me to hunt, and the air is just hanging there. Not even a breeze is blowing. This reminds me a lot of the tropics just before a hurricane strikes, and Carter agrees.
I'm actually looking forward to these storms that Ernest says will strike any day now. They signify my release from boredom. I think I've been irritating everyone, especially Carter. At one stage Catherine even suggested I go on ahead with this hike and the rest of them will catch up...but I'm *SO* bored it's not funny. Man. What I wouldn't give for some *paperwork* even!
I'm waiting for our meal to cook at the moment. It's strange actually, the roles each of us have adopted. Teal'c hunts and explores, I hunt when I can be bothered, fish when I feel like it and usually cook our meals. Catherine and Carter look after each other...and by that I mean they talk. I know a while ago, the first time I allowed Carter to get up and go outside for a while, that they'd talked. Catherine's eyes were red and Carter looked so...sad. I'm happy with that though, happy that they have someone that they can confide in and rely on. Sara needed that, I know. She needed another woman who she could talk too...so I'm guessing that Carter and Catherine need that too. Not like us guys though. Ernest just forages around, looking for food and amusing himself by rambling away to 'Catherine'.
That unnerves everyone, the way he's constantly referring to Catherine and talking to her. I'm guessing that's a large reason why neither the 'real' Catherine nor Ernest aren't making a particularly big effort to resume their prior relationship, to put it delicately.
The sizzling and popping of the small cooking pot we had in our camping gear tells me the makeshift stew is almost ready. Almost. A few more minutes and then everyone will be here. It's uncanny how everyone knows when the meal's ready and when I'm about to do the 'Carve-the-day-on-the- rock-wall' ritual. But it's nice. It gives us a...bond I suppose. We're all in this together, so we'll all stick together no matter what. A very warped camaraderie, I suppose.
~*~
We eat well now, don't we Catherine? Colonel O'Neill and the dark man, Teal'c, ensure this. They are very clever to have brought along cooking implements for emergencies such as this. We should have thought of that, Catherine, the possibility of not returning home.
Home. Where is home, Catherine? I remember a place of sorrow and desperation; people with big eyes and fashionable hair all fighting for survival. I remember war, Catherine. There is no war here, Catherine. We're happy, aren't we?
I look at the objects Colonel O'Neill and Captain Carter carry with them, the strange weapons and amazing tools. Has Earth's culture and technology really developed so far? Would we recognise it?
They hurt, Catherine, both of them. Neither of these women are as happy as you are. Captain Carter, a female soldier. The old woman who has your eyes, Catherine. She is so sad, the old woman. I look at her and I feel a strange resentment flooding through me. Resentment and fear. Why am I scared of her, Catherine? Why do her brown eyes seem to look into my soul so sadly and sorrowfully?
Is it wrong, Catherine, to like it here? Is it wrong of me to not want to return back to Earth? Is it wrong of me to want to live here forever with my new friends? They want to return to Earth, home. I want to stay here. This is home. It's all I know.
~*~
I look up and catch the look on Ernest's face. It's strangely disconcerted, as if he's just realised something that he should have figured out a while ago. Something good. He looks across at me and looks slightly guilty, wary about something. About what? What was he thinking? Was he thinking about me? Does he think about me at all?
A small grunt to the left of me reminds me of Sam. I look over at her and feel sympathy flood through me as she struggles to eat. Her arm, although healing, is definitely not going to be as good as it once was. Her fingers won't bend or move properly, and I know it aches alot, the whimpering in her sleep tells me that.
I feel Jack watching her as well, a sorrowed expression on his face. Despite all their protests and blushing at my good natured teasing and insistence that the two of them should have a less military relationship, the two of them are close. He's very protective of her, always within shouting distance if she needs any assistance what so ever. Her knight in shining armour, I tease her. She gets annoyed at me when I say things like that, and flings military regulations in my face. 'Besides,' she always adds as an after thought, 'we just don't *have* that kind of relationship. We're *friends* Catherine.' Now maybe but...There I go again. Always the romantic. Still...there would be a bittersweetness to it if they *did* fall in love. An old woman can dream, can't she?
"We think the storms will come soon." Ernest's voice breaks the sudden silence, his eyes fixed on Jack.
"You said that two days ago." Jack replies, looking away from Sam long enough to raise an eyebrow in Ernest's direction.
"Catherine also thinks the storms will come soon." Ernest replies defensively, curling his arms around his knees protectively.
Catherine. My heart still jerks every time he says that. I scrutinize him carefully in the dim light of our cave, the only light provided by the dancing flames between us. I don't see the cocky, confident young man I fell in love. I don't see the clever person who used to smile at me in a way that made my heart soar. I don't see or recognise the soul that used to listen to me talk about my dreams and aspirations and confide his own. I see a broken, weathered old man with darting eyes that often seem focused on a world that I can neither see nor hear, much less enter. So why do I still want to love him?
~Seven~
~*~
"Dr. Jackson." The younger man shuffles into the office, his head lowered and his piercing gaze determinedly focused on the file he clutches tightly in his white-knuckled hands.
"General." He doesn't look up. But he's not military, there's nothing I can do to discipline him, and I don't want to discipline him either.
"I'd like you to meet Major Thomas and First Lieutenant Mason." I glance over at the two people standing in the room with me. Thomas is a good officer, a very good officer. Mason...well, Mason needs some work done on him, but he'll get there eventually.
Dr. Jackson looks up for the first time, his features screwed up suspiciously. "Hi." When he puts his mind to it, our Dr. Jackson can be very...aloof.
"Major Thomas is the new CO of SG-1, Dr. Jackson." The words hit him as though I have physically punched him. The betrayal and anger in his eyes as he looks at me hits me just as hard as my announcement hit him, only I'm not allowed to show it.
"Oh, really." He straightens himself slowly, his back going as rigid as Teal'c's staff weapon. The folder in his hands get shut slowly, the barely restrained anger only being held in check by a will power I know he possess.
"The other member, Dr. Lawson, has unfortunately been detained but she will be arriving within the next day or two."
"And just when were you planning on telling me?" He demands, his voice icy as he stares at me, refusing to turn around and further acknowledge my soldiers. I can feel their awkwardness at his resentment, but there's nothing I can do to ease the situation.
"I did tell you, Dr. Jackson. When I informed you of Captain Carter and Colonel O'Neill's status as being confirmed MIA..."
"You said absolutely NOTHING about replacing SG-1 this soon." He states calmly, his nostrils flaring ever so slightly on the word 'nothing'.
"I said that they would be replaced, the when was irrelevant." I respond just as coldly towards him. If I allow myself to show him the tiniest amount of understanding and compassion even, then I wouldn't be able to control my emotion and think as clearly as my position of Major General demands of me.
"What happens when they come home? What happens when Sam and Jack get back here and they don't have a team anymore?" He demands, placing his file down on the large table with a rigid movement.
"If that happens, Dr. Jackson, the situation will be reassessed depending their physical and mental abilities at the time." He still believes they will come back, that SG-1 is still out there somewhere. To him it is a matter of when, not if. I envy his faith in those people, but they are only that. Only people. And people get hurt, emotionally and physically. And people die. "Now, it's your choice whether you would like to remain on SG-1 under the command of Major Thomas. If you do decide to remain, you will follow their orders and treat them with the respect that you gave to Colonel O'Neill and Captain Carter." My words are a warning to him, and he knows it.
"I'm staying Sir," His words are mocking as his eyes glare balefully at me, "But I can't give Major Thomas the respect I gave Colonel O'Neill because Jack still has my respect. And Teal'c and Sam too." He adds, narrowing his eyes.
"You will still respect your fellow team members." I warn him, my voice acid on all our wounds. Team members. Not Colonel O'Neill and Captain Carter and Teal'c anymore. Three strangers, three new people invading and taking over the team he served with.
"But of course." He lifts his head proudly and turns to face his 'new' team. "How on earth could I possibly disrespect these fine soldiers?" He asks, but his voice is snide and the look on his is pitiful. They are not SG-1, and he won't give them a chance to prove themselves. Because Thomas and Mason aren't O'Neill and Carter, they have already failed in his eyes. Not, however, in mine. I have the utmost faith in my newest officers.
~*~
A tremendous crash outside my office startles me and I jerk spasmodically, knocking over my pink mug full of pens.
"Just what is going on out here?" I demand, stepping into the infirmary and glaring at a very annoyed Dr. Jackson.
"They've been replaced." He spits the words out as though they leave a bad taste in his mouth. They've been replaced. The words, under normal circumstances, would make no sense to me. But these aren't normal circumstances. They make perfect sense. Replaced. SG-1 has been replaced.
"That's no reason to destroy my infirmary, Dr. Jackson." No matter how much this is hurting him, I can't have him in here disturbing my patients.
"Aren't you even *angry*?" He demands, his eyes wild and his hair in disarray.
"Who should I be angry at?" I ask him logically, waiting for his answer.
I can see his mind working, his blue eyes growing thoughtful and his temper calming as he thinks logically about the situation.
"Me." He says eventually, his shoulders slumping as his defeated gaze once again meets mine.
"Why should I be angry at you?" This is where I play psychologist again and convince him that he's not the one to blame for them being...left behind. Left behind. We don't know for certain that they're dead. We also don't know that they're alive. And we have no way of finding out either.
"Jack wanted to leave." Daniel whispers, knotting his fingers together in agitation. His clouded eyes drift away from mine. "I didn't want too...I wanted to stay. They had to wait for me to decide before dialing...and then when they did...if I hadn't been so pig-headed..."
"Stop!" I cut him off, making no move to step towards him or comfort him. "Blaming yourself isn't going to help them, and neither is what ifs or I should haves."
"Then what is?" He demands, his anger resurfacing. "I should be able to do something, I should be able to...to...there must be something!" He clutches at his hair and rocks himself slightly, frustration building.
"There is." I say softly.
"What?" He looks up, hope shining in his eyes, desperately clutching at something, anything that can bring his friends home.
"Don't be an ass to everyone. Do you really think that Jack and Sam would want..."
"That's not going to help anything!" He shouts at me, his voice thick with emotion and guilt. "I need a solution, something to BRING THEM HOME!"
As much as he needs to let this emotion out, I can't have him shouting in my infirmary.
"Dr. Jackson, if you're going to shout like that I suggest you leave because I can't have you..." He walks out the door without listening to me. I feel a stab of regret and guilt that I chased him away, but my patients come first. I should follow him, I should comfort him and offer my friendship because right now, he doesn't have anyone now. SG1 didn't really have friends outside of their team. I should, but I can't.
~Eight~
~*~
"Hey Carter, what's up?" I didn't realise anyone had followed me, much less the Colonel.
"Nothing Sir, I'm just thinking." Okay, so that was *very* original, and lame. Even the small amount of cheerfulness I injected into my voice sounds false.
"Now there's something unusual. Carter thinking..." His wise crack, lame and *original* though it is, brings a smile to my lips. "Aren't you coming in?" He asks me. The three moons are out and together they throw a reddish- gold glow over everything. It's strange, but on this planet even the water seems to have a golden glow to it. Like a permanent sunset or something. I think it's something to do with the atmosphere and type of sun that this planet orbits, but I can't be sure. I really wish I had a few more instruments to take measurements with; this world is so interesting... "Earth to Carter." O'Neill says. An awkward silence falls over us. Earth to Carter. Earth.
"I'm sorry." I whisper, starting to stand up.
"No, wait." His hand rests on my shoulder, keeping me seated on the ground. Carefully, without removing his hand from my shoulder in case I bolt - which he very well knows I would - he sits down next to me and then carefully pulls his hand from my shoulder. The place where his hand rested feels strangely cold suddenly, which is strange in itself because the air is so humid and hot. "Are you okay?" I can just make out the concern in the shadows of his face.
No. No I'm not okay. My arm is wrecked, ruined, useless. I'm stuck on a planet with nothing to do and I just feel so *angry* at everyone... "Yeah, I'm fine Sir."
"You're lying to me, Carter." It's not a question or a probe for me to agree to or deny, it's a simple statement that we both know is true. "We're going to go home, you know." He says calmly as if it's another statement that we both know is true. But we don't know that it's true. We don't know whether we're going to spend the rest of our lives on this planet like Ernest basically has, or whether something miraculous will happen tomorrow and we'll go home. We simply don't know, and that's what gets to me a lot. "Say something." He begs, and I can hear his fingers fiddling with something. He always fiddles with something, I think it's a habit that he can't break.
"Like what?" I snort, using my good arm to pull knees up to my chest as my eyes stare out vacantly at the ocean. The whispering of the waves against the shore and the calming song they sing as they lap against the rocks sets a false atmosphere of relaxation and peace. Everything around us is filled with a tension that will snap at any moment in the form of one helluva storm.
The silence stretches on for a while. I can only imagine what wild scenarios Catherine will come up with and tease the Colonel and myself with over the next couple of days. Who would of guessed an old woman could be so suggestive? I think a lot of it comes with her relationship, or lack thereof, with Ernest.
"So why's the water red?" The Colonel asks eventually, a lame attempt to get a conversation going.
"I don't know. I think it might have something to do with a mineral or something that's present on this planet...Or it could have something to do with the type of star that this planet is orbiting-"
"We should name it." He interjects suddenly, and I can feel his eyes studying me.
"Name it?" I say slowly, testing the idea out loud.
"Yeah. The planet. We've got Earth...Venus, Mars, Pluto, Mercury..." He starts listing the planets.
"Hey, you know all your planets!" I joke, bringing some levity to the situation.
"Of course." He sounds slightly offended. "I know my constellations too..." He trails off. "I did." He amends, and once again the silence settles over us, but this time the silence is more like a comfortable blanket, bringing a soothing comfort with its presence.
"What do you suggest?" I ask eventually, starting to like the idea. "And not O'Neill's place!" I grin to myself.
"O'Neill's place?" He guffaws in mock disbelief. "Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of kingdom..." He confides and I can't help the chuckle escaping in me. "We have the castle to go with the theme as well..." He continues, waving his arm around in the darkness and the air movement his theatrical gestures create stir the hair flopping on my face.
"Oh yeah. I can just see this sign, "O'Neill's Kingdom, twelve miles north!" I snort, starting to shake as the laughter takes a hold of me.
"Hey...the whole planet is supposed to be O'Neill's Kingdom, not just some little patch of land twelve miles north!" He complains, no laughter in his mock serious voice.
"What about me?" I demand, trying to control my giggles. Me, giggling? I haven't giggled for a long time. Well, being drunk doesn't count because everyone giggles when they're drunk.
"You can have a star. Or a moon even." He says generously. "How about that one? We could call it Samantha." He points to the brightest moon.
"Samantha?" I roll my eyes. "Puh-lease."
"You don't like it?" He sounds slightly surprised.
"Of course not. No one likes their own name." I point out. "That's why you're Jack, you don't like the name Jonathan..."
"How'd you know that was my name?" He asks suspiciously, a note of annoyance on his voice.
"You're my CO. I'm supposed to know things like that." I remind him. "I also know your middle name." I grin, unable to help myself. This is so, so childish! But it's so much fun, and I haven't had fun like this for so long now.
"Oh." He sits quietly for a while. "When we get back you can bet your booties that..."
"You don't know my middle name." I state matter-of-factly.
"I bet you don't know how old I am!" He avoids the question.
"Actually, I do..." I start out but his hand clamps over my face.
"Ah uh!" He shakes his head, I can see the movement in the dark. "I know your age!" He warns. "And..." He pauses for effect, "I know when your next birthday is!"
"You do?" Now I'm surprised. Birthdays? I never remember birthdays...not even my own. He knows when my birthday is? "So, do I get a present?"
"Carter..." He groans, dropping his hand away and flopping onto his back to gaze up at the foreign heavens. "Other than Kawalsky, you are the only 2IC who's given me this much grief." He tells me, and I feel strangely complimented. I know that the Colonel considered Kawalsky a 2IC of the highest calibre, so to be even thought of in the same context as the man...it kind of makes a girl feel just the tiniest smidgeon of pride.
"So, about naming this planet..."
~*~
Outside the air is warmer than inside the cave. I think this is to do with the rock that surrounds us, however that is not really any of my concern. My concern is for Captain Carter and Colonel O'Neill, who have both been away from the shelter for a very long time.
As I move along the shore, taking care not to let my boots splash in the salty waves, I hear laughter winding gently around me. Captain Carter. Locating the position of Captain Carter, I turn my course towards a small hill that overlooks the ocean, a favourite retreat of both Captain Carter and O'Neill.
Arriving at the top, I discover both Captain Carter and O'Neill lying helplessly on the ground and laughing as if they could not help themselves.
"What...what about mash?" O'Neill manages to gasp between his bouts of laughter.
"Mash?" Captain Carter explodes in another fit of laughter, rolling over slightly so that she is half leaning against O'Neill.
"Yeah. Hot Lips. Could...could you image...Hey, isn't Hot Lips full tonight!" Both of them burst into more peals of laughter. Mash? Hot lips? If I did not know that there is a distinct lack of acoholic substances on this planet then I would believe that they are both inebriated.
"That...that is...such a male..thing...to say!" Captain Carter accuses during her laughter.
"What?....Oh!" O'Neill seems to find something even funnier, and I imagine I can see tears running down his cheeks. "Well...I just said...she's female...like you..." He splutters, and I frown in confusion. Hot lips? Mash? Male things to say? Female? Perhaps there is something in the air that I am immune to because of my symbiote...
"Don't you...dare...me like Hot Lips!" Captain Carter tries very hard, yet fails miserably, to sound indignant.
"Well..." O'Neill catches his breath, and I can hear the slyness on his voice, "You are both blond..." Captain Carter's fist connects loosely with O'Neill's arm. Perhaps I should make them aware of my presence.
"Are you well, O'Neill?" I ask them.
"Teal'c!" O'Neill doubles over laughing as though my name is the most hilarious thing on this planet.
"Captain Carter, I do not see what is so amusing." I lift an eyebrow as she snickers again.
"The moon Teal'c, the moon." She giggles as O'Neill starts to recover himself and sits upright.
"Is there something in the moon of this planet that affects you?" I ask, genuinely worried. I do not understand what either O'Neill or Captain Carter could find so amusing, unless their minds have somehow been affected by something.
"What?" Both of them stop for a second, and then once again collapse against each other as the laughter takes a hold of them again. "No!" O'Neill gasps.
"Just a joke, Teal'c." Captain Carter manages, unable to support herself due to her damaged arm and current state of laughter.
I do not find Tau'ri jokes amusing.
"We were concerned for you." I watch them as they start to regain control and pull themselves off each other.
"Sure. We're coming Teal'c." O'Neill stands up and offers Captain Carter a hand up, which she accepts and pulls herself to her feet.
"Lead on!" Captain Carter starts giggling again as I turn and make my way back towards the cave. I do not know what it is that has put my friends in such good spirits, but I am grateful for it. Perhaps now the relationships between the members of our group will improve and lighten, as the sorrow and solemnity of out current predicament is beginning to weigh heavily on all of us.
Slowly, with the occasional snort and giggle from O'Neill and Captain Carter, we head back towards the cave, the air hanging hot and humid but feeling a lot more friendly than it ever has before.
~Nine~
~*~
"It's so hot." Carter mutters again, and I can hear her flopping around on her 'bed'.
I shift as well, irritation obvious in my movements as I punch angrily at the sand beneath us. Sand, while distinctly more comfortable than rock solid ground, doesn't make for the best sleeping mat. It's so soft at first, but then it gets harder as the weight of your body compacts it tightly together. And then, any movement just causes your 'shaped' bed to move out of shape and scatter sand everywhere. I'm so sick of sand in my clothes that I could just..
"I'm going for a swim." I see Carter's form sitting upright in the dark. I'm *so* tempted to say, 'Me too', but unless someone else says it first, I'm not going to.
"I'm not moving." Catherine announces, her voice slurred from sleep and heat, hard to tell which one exactly.
"It's dark." Ernest announces from my other side.
"Teal'c?" Carter asks.
"He's Kel'no'reeming." I remind her. That means, 'no'.
"What about you, Jack?" I can nearly hear the smile on Catherine's voice. Sometimes she can be so immature...
"I'm comfortable right here. Besides, I don't really want to put sandy clothes on once I'm free of it." I lie, crossing my fingers.
"Guess it's just me then." Carter sighs, and I can hear the disappointment in her voice. I'm so tempted to just put my hand up and say...
"Be careful, Sam." Catherine jumps in before I can open my mouth and do something stupid. Why on earth would it be stupid though? Because we'd be unchaperoned of course, wearing basically nothing...and we've got our careers to think of. That's why. Not that anything would happen of course, because we *don't* have that kind of relationship. We're just friends. See that Catherine? Friends. We can be friends! Ha!
"If I'm not back in an hour, call the police." Carter fakes a mobster's voice. I chuckle at that. Who on earth would have thought my serious little world/life saving scientist with a tongue that could remove tarnish from silver had such a sense of humour! I'm still kind of in shock about last night, about our incessant giggling and hysterics over naming a moon. I mean, it *wasn't* even that funny for crying out loud.
Okay, so I'm trying really hard not to laugh. So shoot me. It *was* funny. He he.
"Jack..." Catherine hesitates a while after Carter has left.
"Yeah?" I'm not sleeping anyway, so why bother ignoring her?
"Shouldn't we go check on Sam, I mean, it *is* dark and her arm is still..."
"O'Neill." Teal'c interrupts Catherine, and I can hear the wariness on his voice.
"What's up doc?"
"I am not 'Doc', O'Neill." He sounds confused for a minute.
"I *know* that!" I roll my eyes. Sheesh, can't the man just get one teeny tiny little joke? Obviously not. "What was it?"
"The wind."
"What wind?"
A gust of wind whips through the gave and the smouldering embers from our tiny fire suddenly explode into life, flying around the cave in an incredible display of golden lights.
"That wind." Catherine says dryly.
"The storms are coming!" Ernest whimpers and I can hear him scampering towards the back of the cave.
"Carter's out there!" I remember. According to Ernest, these storms hit even faster than they leave, and considering how fast the last one left...I don't want Carter out there in this.
"We should retrieve her immediately, O'Neill."
"I'll do that. Catherine, you and Teal'c pack everything up. I mean everything!" I struggle to my feet, searching for my torch in the darkness. "Put it all inside waterproof covering, the clothes, torches, bedding and Carter's doo-hickeys especially!" I order.
"What about Dr. Jackson's..."
"If there's room!" I bark, running out of the cave.
The sight that meets my eyes shocks the life out of me. Where last night the waves were lapping peacefully at the shore, playing gentle games with the shells and pebbles, tonight they're crashing furiously over the fine sand, grinding down heavily on the already powdery grains. The wind whips over me again, tugging angrily at my hair and trousers. I can almost feel it raking its fingers over me, determined to grab a hold. A strong gust brings the salty spray up into my face and the first ominous roll of thunder rattles my eardrums. Where the hell is Carter?
Ignoring the increasing wind and the sudden, icy cold descending over the tar black world, I start sprinting away from the beach and into the forest where our creek flows. The beam of my torch barely cuts through the oily blackness. Small, unidentifiable missiles are shooting through the air now, leaves and twigs, small rocks and even a tiny bird ricochet off me and through the small, wavering beam of light. The batteries are nearly gone.
"CARTER!" I bellow as they give out, plunging me into a darkness that seems to grab hold of me with tentacles. I can feel it creeping down my back and working it's way slowly into me. I panic. I can't see anything, I can't hear anything as the wind rushes past my ear drums and small projectiles make contact with my face.
"CARTER!" It's useless, me yelling. She'll never hear me through this.
"CARTER!" Suddenly something cold and icy hits my forearm and seems to burn right through the skin. Another impact, and another. My arm is stinging, it feels like acid is falling from the heavens.
"COLONEL!" I jerk, my eyes darting around the incredibly blackness helplessly, trying desperately to cut the blackness aside and locate Carter.
"CARTER?" I yell again, once again jogging in what I hope is the direction of the creek.
Another drop of ice water makes contact with the side of my neck. I'm getting desperate now, where is she? Another roll of thunder and a startling burst of light as the first lightening bolt strikes. For the brief second that the charged particles spring to life and create a dull grey glow over the landscape, my eyes strain to see her. Trees and bushes surround me, their branches whipping angrily in the wind as they strain towards me and then away, swaying and creaking as though they're threatening to fall over.
The world is plunged into darkness again, and I press on forwards, stumbling over roots and rocks and holes that I never knew lined this pathway.
"CARTER!" I bellow again as the world lights up briefly again, ghostly shapes taunting me as more and more shards of rain buffet my stinging body.
"COLONEL!" Her voice carries over the wind, and the sound of it nearly causes my own knees to buckle with relief. The darkness is bearing down on me, the blackness suffocating my mind of all logical thought.
"HERE! CARTER!" I stumble drunkenly forwards, her voice still yelling for me desperately. Another flash of light and for a second she is illuminated right in front of me, her hair silver in the glow and her eyes dark pools of grey, large and desperate in her colourless face. Jerkily I reach out for her, my hand clamping down over her upper arm as I pull her towards me. "Thank God." I hold her for a minute, easing her trembling body against mine and just giving my stunned body a second to recover. I found her. Thank God.
~*~
"Thank God." His words ring in my ears. Yes. Thank God.
Another shudder ripples over me and I gasp as an ice cold stone of water stings against my cheek, the liquid feeling like blood as it trickles down my skin.
"We have *got* to go!" The classic line brings a quick smile to my face as he pulls back, removing the welcome warmth of his body against mine. He steps away from me, but I panic, clutching frantically at his already damp shirt.
"It's dark!" I shout, relieved he can't see the blood rushing to my cheeks in embarrassment as I realise how my clutching at him could appear.
"Good idea!" I agree, and I feel his fingers resting on my shoulder. Without another word between us we start running, our legs beating out a steady rhythm underneath the spasmodic rolling of the thunder.
The five minute stroll from the creek to the cave has never felt this long before. The ground reaches up angrily, insistently with roots and twigs, placing holes and stones everywhere so that we stumble and stagger crazily through the darkness, the frequent reddish flashes of light allowing us to see a few metres ahead of us every so often before once again plunging us headlong into darkness. My feet are numb as I stumble again, tripping over another hidden object. Unable to stop and regain my balance, the momentum I've built up topples me over and I crash heavily to the ground, my face getting a personal acquaintance with a small bush and a pile of rotting leaves.
While the smell of damp dirt still lingers in my nose, the Colonel reaches down and helps me up. This time, instead of curling our fingers desperately in each other's clothing and running side-by-side, he grasps my hand tightly and we run on through the absolute dark, my fingers gripping his so tightly I'm scared I'll break his bones - if he doesn't break mine first.
Breathing heavily we stagger drunkenly out of the forest, still tripping and stumbling over small bushes and roots. The world is still dark, but the water ahead of us, while seeming to boil away furiously, gives off a golden red glow. Another arc of lightening splits the sky and the noise, bouncing off the cliff faces and surrounding hills nearly deafens me.
"Come on!" The Colonel tugs on my hand again, and we continue our mad sprint towards the caves. I can't tear my eyes from the water as we run, enthralled by the raw beauty of the tumultuous waves as they crash and vent their fury on the shores. The world rocks in time with each wave as it challenges the earth, throwing itself completely and unguardedly towards the earth where it gets broken into a million droplets of water, the spray hanging like grey crystals in the air before the darkness swallows them.
I run into the Colonel suddenly, and realised he's stopped. Then I see it. The ocean has risen to such an extent that it is already lapping at the mouth of our cave - and it's still rising quickly.
"Stay here!" He yells, pushing me against a large rock outcrop.
"What about the gear?" I can't just stay in here while he goes into the cave...he might need help.
"We'll be fine. Stay here and keep watch!" He orders and turns around. He hesitates for a second, his form outlined against the slight glow of the water. I watch him expectantly, forgetting the storm around us as he turns to me again, and I can imagine the concern and seriousness on his face. "Please?" He asks me softly.
"Okay." I agree, my voice whipped away by the wind and thrown up into the air, unheard. He pulls me into a hug then, crushing my form against him and burying his face against my neck. I clutch him to me as tightly as I can with my good arm; ignore the searing tongues of fire creeping racing up my bad arm as it gets caught between us. I can't lose him. I can't lose any of them. We are all we have.
And then he's gone, disappearing into the darkness that is the rest of my world.
I shiver in the icy air, denying the persistent wind the pleasure of snaking around my bad arm by hugging it tenderly with my good arm. A thought crosses my mind, and I freeze.
The wind rakes it's strong, clumsy fingers through my salty hair, yanking and pulling angrily. But the world seems to fade around me as the storm builds and the rain starts to pour down again, saturating every inch of me.
Bad arm. My arm won't work. I'm not physically able anymore. That's why I'm here...not helping. I'm not capable anymore...the arm...a handicap...a disability...I can't look after myself...anyone else...I've lost my 'place' on his team...oh...
The thoughts crash over me, pounding my mind to a small, insignificant grain of sand that gets lost amongst the billions of other grains of sand that have been suffering against the ocean's fury since before time can remember.
I'm useless to them now.
~*~
"Teal'c!" My voice sounds panicked, I know it. I force my eyes closed and take several deep breaths, but the wind whining like a high pitched buzz saw through the cave distracts me. The vice of worry clamps down even tighter around my heart, and I can't stop my hands from shaking as I clumsily roll up the last sleeping bag and try unsuccessfully to stuff it into one of the last waterproof bags.
"We must hurry, Dr. Langford!" His voice is more worried than I've ever heard it, his eyes looking surprisingly large and fear-filled in the near dark of the cave.
"CATHERINE! TEAL'C! Ernest!" Jack's voice mingles with the thunder, and a second later he appears in the cave, his face drawn and tight. Sam. Oh..
"Where's Sam?" I demand, my voice wobbling uncontrollably.
"She's fine. Come on!" He glances around the cave now stripped bare of most of our possessions. "Have you got everything?" He darts towards me, and I can see the precise military efficiency in him that makes him the Colonel he is.
"Nearly..." I look back involuntarily at one book that I couldn't fit into my pack.
"Leave it." He shakes his head, hefting the huge pack onto his back with a grunt. "Food?"
"All of it." I nod, still looking at the book.
"Daniel's not supposed to bring them with anyway!" Jack intercepts my gaze, but I can see the reluctance in his eyes to leave a 'part' of his friend behind. "Where's Ernest?" He realises for the first time that Ernest isn't helping us.
I point over my shoulder towards the back of the cave towards where the man is cowering against the wall, as high as he could scrabble on the fairly smooth walls.
"Ernest, come on!" Jack yells, pushing me ahead of him.
"Where are we going?"
"Out. The water's rising and damn quickly!" He barks. "Go with Teal'c. Carter's waiting at the outcrop of rocks near the first hill." He instructs, turning around.
"What about you?" I hesitate as Teal'c's form appears next to me.
"I'm getting Ernest. He'll drown in here..." But his voice is lost in another crack of thunder as the walls of the cave quiver with strain.
My heart is in my ears, throbbing and pounding as I blindly follow Teal'c towards the mouth of the cave. A cold wetness and sudden yanking against my feet alerts me to the water already surging into the cave. I flinch in fear, ready to turn back to help Jack.
"Dr. Langford..." Teal'c is behind me and he keeps me moving forwards, guiding me with his hand on my elbow for balance. "We must find Captain Carter."
Outside the wind buffets into me, and I gasp for breath as I stagger against the force of it. The water is swirling and tugging around my calves, and the rain plummets against me.
"TEAL'C!" The water gushes and yanks at me while the wind wraps itself around me, pulling me so hard that...
Teal'c's hand clamps down on my arm, and I grit my teeth as his vice like hold brings tears to my eyes. But I stay upright and with his incredible strength we slowly fight our way out of the ever rising water and stagger onto the sand.
The wind gusts again and a mixture of sea-spray and sand gets flung into my face, I'm blinded even more now that we're out here in the complete darkness without the light of our small, dying fire to see with.
As the wind roars in my ears and the world trembles around us as we fight our way forwards until we reach the outcrop of rocks that Jack spoke of.
Jack.
I spin around, my hand clutching at the smooth sharpness of the rock for balance, and peer desperately into the darkness for a sign of Jack. Despite his cynical attitude and sharp tongue, I'm quite fond of him...and I'll be damned if he's going to die because of Ernest!
My eyes adjust slightly to the pure blackness, and then I make out a reddish glow in the distance. The ocean. The ocean is still glowing a slight red colour, and that faint light is enough for me to be able to see Teal'c's form next to me, not just to feel it. Sam would love this...
"SAM!" I remember, looking around agitatedly. Where is she? "SAM!"
"Captain Carter!" Teal'c calls out, letting go of me to look for her. But I refuse to let him out of my sight, clutching instead at his pack and winding my fingers so tightly into one of the straps that I think they'll fall off due to lack of blood circulation.
I feel him stop and the relief he feels speaks to me clearly as he lets his posture relax ever so slightly. Peering around his bulk, I catch sight of Sam huddled in between two large boulders. How she managed to fit herself into that small gap is beyond me, but the way she isn't moving and isn't talking is worrying me. If only I could see...
The sky gets torn apart with a jagged flash of lightening that seems to have a red glow to it. In that instance I glance at her, and her face is blank. A hand clutches at my heart and I freeze in fear. Something's wrong with her...
"O'NEILL!" Teal'c's voice booms against my ear, and I spin around to face the direction he's now facing. Relief floods over me and for a moment I forget about Sam's sudden unresponsive state and allow myself to feel a fleeting flicker of peace, happiness even, that we're all alive and together. Again.
~Ten~
~*~
I'm late. Really late. I don't think I've ever been this late to a briefing before, but then I haven't been to a briefing without Sam, Jack and Teal'c. Call me sentimental but...
The door stares at me balefully with its single glass eye, daring me to glance through its see-through form and look at my new team inside. My new team. The words hang empty and a feeling of grief knots my stomach. They're gone.
If I walk into this debriefing room, if I accept these new people, if I let these people become my team again, then I'm agreeing with the fact that they're gone. Gone. Lost. Dead. Missing. Different words, but essentially the meaning is the same. Gone.
I can hear a slight, tense sounding laugh from inside. Female. It's not Sam's laugh though, this is a giggle only escaping because of pure nervousness.
Nervous. Yes, I'm nervous. More nervous than I've ever been in my whole life.
Guiltily I raise my hand and rest it on the golden doorknob. Funny, I'd never noticed before but the trimmings to the 'official' rooms, like General Hammond's office, this debriefing room and the VIP quarters all have brass door handles. I wonder when they got changed to brass?
The metal is cool and smooth against my warm, clammy hand. Involuntarily my fingers curl around it, savouring its coolness as a second of reprieve from the task at hand.
I wonder how many times Jack and Sam stood like this, gathering their courage with their hand on this very door handle. I wonder if they'll ever do it again. I wonder if Teal'c ever used door handles before he came to earth?
Gritting my teeth I let my rambling thoughts go. They're only a distraction, an ineffective method of stalling from this inevitable moment in time. Licking my lips I screw my eyes shut as my hand slowly turns the handle and the door whispers over the floor as it opens.
I step inside, my heart hesitating along with my breathing. I look up, and nothing happens. A ridiculous urge to laugh assails me, and I take a quick breath to control myself. What was I expecting? A pat on the back for making it this far, an 'I told you so' from General Hammond? The world to suddenly explode or a lightening bolt to come down from heaven and strike me where I stand?
Nothing happened.
General Hammond hasn't arrived yet. The briefing hasn't started yet. I'm not late. Oh...
I quickly glance around the briefing room at it's occupants. A female, two males. That's all I allow myself to observe before I shuffle with my head downwards towards the table. I know they've all stopped talking, and I know they're all watching me curiously, but I don't care right now.
Someone's sitting in my chair. The realisation dawns before I make an idiot of myself. So instead of sitting on my chair, I'm left to sit on Teal'c's chair. A painful twist of guilt stabs me in the gut and the room starts turning suspiciously dark, despite the artificially bright lights that adorn all the walls and roofs.
"Sorry I'm late people..." General Hammond bustles into the room. I can feel his eyes on me, but I don't look up. I *won't* look up.
"Dr. Lawson?" He asks, and I want to look up. But I don't. Instead I keep my eyes firmly focused on the smooth, rich surface of the table. If I strain my eyes without moving my head, I can just see the marks Jack's put into this desk with his incessant doodling. Over that side is the slight blemish where Sam knocked over General Hammond's coffee mug when a spider made an appearance...this room is so full of memories. Every room is so full of memories...
"Dr. Jackson?" The room is waiting, poised in time as the occupants wait for me to answer.
"Yes Sir?" I mumble and I don't look up, slouching rudely over the desk. I'm acting like a three year old, but I don't care.
"This is Dr. Lawson, Dr. Jackson." His voice is getting to *that* stage, I should recognise it, I've heard it often enough when Jack antagonises him...antagonised him.
I look up slowly, raising my head as though it is far heavier than it actually is, and look half-heartedly at Dr. Lawson. Dr. Lawson is a female. A female who has dark, curly hair and blue eyes. I look away again. At least she doesn't look like Sam. Or Sha're.
"Dr. Lawson, let me just formally introduce you to Major Thomas." I also sneak a peak at my new CO, and my heart thuds painfully. This man is pale. His hair is straw blond and his eyes are a cornflower blue colour. I can tell he's tall; his reedy fram even longer than Jack's because he looks even more folded when he sits down.
"And First Lieutenant Mason." Mason is stocky, his eyes are also blue and his short brown hair is tufty, spiking up despite his obvious attempts to neaten it. I can see the same, mischievous spark in his eye that I used to see in Jack's eyes, but without the cynicism and world-weariness. Mason is still young, younger than me even, and he hasn't seen enough of the world or human life to realise what it's really like. Not like Jack.
"So people, you are now, officially, SG-1. Welcome to the SGC." The words condemn my soul.
~*~
I'm worried about him. Dr. Fraiser is worried about him too, but he won't let anyone near himself. During their first briefing as a team my heart felt torn in two directions. Let him suffer through this first, awkward and cutting debriefing in his own way, or bring him into line and make him face up to his rudeness.
I compromised, and only once called on him to participate.
Now, looking through the partition at the four of them, I can't help but feel a flicker of sympathy for the newest members of SG-1. Before Dr. Jackson arrived, they had been talking and getting to know one another. Granted, the situation had been strained, but now they were all sitting in a clumsy silence, stretching the tension so far I'm surprised Dr. Jackson didn't snap it when he pushed his chair back abruptly and left the room, leaving the other three people gazing after him with slightly confused, concerned and annoyed faces.
Dr. Fraiser appears next to my side, her pale face and tight lips the only sign that SG-1's disappearance has affected her.
"How is Dr. Jackson?" I ask her eventually as she tries not to fidget next to me, her pixie like form stiff with unease.
"He's...dealing with it in his own way." She says eventually, and a trace of guilt clouds her eyes for just the briefest of moments.
"How long do you think it'll be before he's...accepted it?" I try to chose my words carefully, but there isn't another delicate to put it.
"I don't think he ever will. I don't think I ever will." She sighs slightly and a sorrow-filled smile lingers on her lips.
"I miss them too." I admit, letting my own sigh escape as my gaze travels over the new members again, tentatively starting another conversation with each other. Dr. Lawson, the petite dark haired scientist is no Captain Carter, and Major Thomas definitely isn't O'Neill...but I know that over time these three new people will inevitably meld together in just the same way that the previous SG-1 bonded to become a family. I can only hope Daniel Jackson accepts his team-mates and that this new team will have the same completeness that the old one had.
~*~
"I'm...nervous." The slight woman the left of me admits, her stilted smile and strained little chuckle at her own confession confirms it.
"We won't eat you." Mason grins slightly, his freckles reminding me of a leprechaun. "Mind you, Dr. Jackson would probably..."
"Mason." I warn him. I understand Mason's irritation with the man, but I can understand Dr. Jackson's grief just as well. "Give him time." I glance over at the woman again.
"So...have either of you actually been through...gone on a mission yet?" Dr. Lawson asks, obviously trying hard to break the silence and keep an interesting conversation going.
"I've been on plenty of missions..." Mason immediately inserts, eager to try and impress the only female member of our team.
"Not through the Stargate though." I roll my eyes slightly. Mason is every CO's nightmare. A smart ass, someone with a mouth wide enough to eat an elephant and still talk at the same time. Someone who is after glory.
"Do you know each other from before...here?" She seems to be reluctant to say the word, to say "Stargate" or "Wormhole" or anything that all three of us once thought was completely science fiction, impossible, unable to exist.
"No. Fortunately." I can't help shooting a despairing glance towards the petition where General Hammond is talking to a petite brunette who I recognise dimly as being the base's CMO.
"So...where are you from then?" Mason asks, relaxing back into his chair and settling himself for a long conversation.
"Me? New York." Dr. Lawson gnaws on her bottom lip with her teeth. "So, Major Thomas...?" She hesitates, checking that she used my rank and title correctly.
"Yes Dr. Lawson?" I sigh. A scientist. One who's never been around the military before. A woman who just wants to talk the whole time. Could life get any worse?
"Am I allowed to leave?" Mason coughs slightly, his face turning red as he tries not to laugh.
"Of course you're allowed to leave." I try not to laugh myself, but fail miserably as a snort escapes.
"Oh. Well, would you mind if I left then...went home?" She gazes at me with her innocent blue eyes and I can't imagine that there is intelligence behind that gaze. Everything about her, her unsureness, her hesitancy, her wariness...she's scared of doing the wrong thing. She's not confident in herself, and I don't think you could hold a PhD in Theoretical Astrophysics unless you were confident in yourself and believed in your theories.
"Do you have any work to do here?" I ask her kindly, growing tired of picking faults with my new team.
"Uh...well, I have to get my desk sorted out. You know, just put things away and all that..."
"But nothing of vital importance?" I cut off her speech, not feeling like listening to her stutter on for half an hour.
"Uh...no. No I don't think so." She screws up her eyes and shakes her head slightly, curls bouncing over her shoulders. She does, I notice, have great hair. Long, falling halfway down her back in a long cascade of black curls.
"Have you sharpened all your pencils?" Mason asks guilessly.
"Mason, shut up." I order him, not even bother to look at him.
"Uh...no?" She blinks, confused.
"Look, just go home, okay?" I watch her steadily and she colours slightly.
"Sure. What time do I have to be in tomorrow?" She asks, licking her lips again. I can see her twisting her fingers together, her leg tapping in agitation against the desk. I can't believe she's been chosen to fieldwork if she can't even get through a debriefing!
"0800 hours." Mason offers, seriously for once. I can see the same thoughts as mine flicking through his eyes. Wasn't she paying attention during the briefing? Couldn't she even remember *times*?
"Oh. And how long will we be?" She stands up slowly, her hands nervously smoothing over the desk.
"It's a two day mission, Dr." I slump into my chair. Two days. Two days with a smart ass, a sulk and someone who wants to be the hero. Which gods were against me today?
"Oh." She heads towards the door, and pauses as if to check with me again that she really can leave.
"Yes, you really can go!" Mason squeaks in a preppy cheerleader voice. She blushes bright red with embarrassment and jerks the door open stiltedly.
"Oh, Dr?" I have to make one thing perfectly clear.
"Yes?" She turns around and I'm shocked to see her bottom lip quivering.
"You have to wear your hair tied up. It's the rules."
She nods mutely, and flees down the hallway without even shutting the door behind her.
How am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to follow in 'Colonel O'Neill's team's' footsteps when I don't even have a functional team? We'll go down in SGC history as the most dysfunctional team ever. I cringe slightly as Mason grins widely at me and follows Dr. Lawson down the hallway.
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
YAY!!
Thanx for the reviews ppl!
by Sharim
****************************
Disclaimer
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TITLE: A place called home
AUTHOR: Sharim
EMAIL: MissSharim@yahoo.com
STATUS: Completed
CATEGORY: AU, Drama, Angst, Romance
PAIRINGS: S/J, others.
SPOILERS: Everything up to and including Season 3
SEASON: Well... everything and up to including Season 3
SEQUEL/CHAPTERS: There are 7 parts to this, not including the disclaimer. Each part has five sub parts... so yeah. It's LONG. You have been warned.
RATING: PG - 13... just to be safe.
CONTENT WARNINGS: Heavy duty angst... Um... dunno really.
SUMMARY: It's long. He. No... A few members of SG-1 get stuck on the planet where they discovered Ernest, an alternate reality story. This deals with their survival and what happens.
YEAR COMPLETED: Started on 30/10/2001. Finished on 11/01/2002 (happy new year!!)
SIZE: 84 KB
ARCHIVE: S/J yes please! Heliopolis (if I get around to putting it on there), my site (which should *hopefully* be online soon, and here's some shameless self promotion, the addy is http://sharimsuds.topcities.com)
DISCLAIMER: The usual. I don't own any of the stargate sg-1 characters. I do, however, own the story line - well, most of it anyway -, the original and very groovy characters that *I* invented. Unfortunately the only thing I get out of this story is self satisfaction. No money, no nothing. sigh. The usual disclaimer thingos.. I mean, we all konw the drill anyway.
AUTHORS NOTE: Long story = Long Authors note. You have been warned. PS thanx for all the reviews!!
Uh... a novel we were forced to read in english C called Remembering Babylon actually inspired me, sort of, to write this. The novel itself isn't so great plot wise (I'm hoping this fic has a good plot!!) and the only thing that really got me to absolutely love (yes suds, *love*) the book was the way in which it was written. I've tried to make this realisitic and me, being me, hates corny/cliched parts so if there are any corny/cliched bits in there *please* let me know and next time I'll endeavor to do better. He.
Now I'm off to start work on another long fic that's been bugging me for a while but I promised suds I wouldn't start *another* fic until I finished this one.
So... 'tot siens' as we say in Afrikaans and enjoy!!
DEDICATIONS: Firstly... big thanks to... (sorry if I miss anyone) Suds, Jo, Joanna, Joey, Arnise, Tigermoth, Uly for all being such wonderfully patient, encouraging and very *useful/knowledgable* beta's!!
Also to Lena for being such a lovely person. Hope M-I-L is doing okay!!
And this one is going to be for... gee damn, *ME*. I worked so hard and so long on this... i'm just getting teary! *sniff*
A place called Home 2
by Sharim
~Six~
~*~
I watch discreetly as she makes her way towards the pool we use for bathing, cradling her arm to her chest protectively. It is not healed completely, despite her assurances to the contrary. Satisfied that she is in no danger, I turn away and return to my task of hunting.
We have been here for 43 days now, and already signs of the seasons changing are setting in. The land is becoming much drier and more brittle, the once abundant berries and fruit drying out in the harshness of a sun that seems to grow more and more intense as each day passes. Since our stranding on this planet, there have been no more storms or rainfall of any kind. For many days after the first storm, the world was alive with colour and sound as the animals and plants flourished. Dr. Littlefield has told us that this happens regularly, every two or so months. Just when one begins to think that the world has turned into a desert, the storms come again, one after the other, until the world is flooded with colour and life once more. Captain Carter has commented that this is a very strange cycle indeed.
A small animal scurries across my path, and my hunting spear quickly meets its target. I am well pleased with my success at hunting today. Three small birds and now this small animal. This food will feed us well tonight, along with the fish O'Neill managed to catch this morning.
I glance up and once again my eyes rest on the sight of the castle resting precariously on the outcrop of the rocks. During our stay here, we have spent many evening by the fireside discussing the origins of the castle and the ruined city that I have discovered in the distance. O'Neill has decided that once the next storms pass we will all trek towards the city and explore. I look forward to this venture as it will give a release for O'Neill and Captain Carter's restlessness.
~*~
The tension is building, and I'm not talking about the tension between us people, though that is building too. I mean the tension in the air. For the last two days the world seems to have been waiting. The animals are hardly moving, which makes it harder for Teal'c and me to hunt, and the air is just hanging there. Not even a breeze is blowing. This reminds me a lot of the tropics just before a hurricane strikes, and Carter agrees.
I'm actually looking forward to these storms that Ernest says will strike any day now. They signify my release from boredom. I think I've been irritating everyone, especially Carter. At one stage Catherine even suggested I go on ahead with this hike and the rest of them will catch up...but I'm *SO* bored it's not funny. Man. What I wouldn't give for some *paperwork* even!
I'm waiting for our meal to cook at the moment. It's strange actually, the roles each of us have adopted. Teal'c hunts and explores, I hunt when I can be bothered, fish when I feel like it and usually cook our meals. Catherine and Carter look after each other...and by that I mean they talk. I know a while ago, the first time I allowed Carter to get up and go outside for a while, that they'd talked. Catherine's eyes were red and Carter looked so...sad. I'm happy with that though, happy that they have someone that they can confide in and rely on. Sara needed that, I know. She needed another woman who she could talk too...so I'm guessing that Carter and Catherine need that too. Not like us guys though. Ernest just forages around, looking for food and amusing himself by rambling away to 'Catherine'.
That unnerves everyone, the way he's constantly referring to Catherine and talking to her. I'm guessing that's a large reason why neither the 'real' Catherine nor Ernest aren't making a particularly big effort to resume their prior relationship, to put it delicately.
The sizzling and popping of the small cooking pot we had in our camping gear tells me the makeshift stew is almost ready. Almost. A few more minutes and then everyone will be here. It's uncanny how everyone knows when the meal's ready and when I'm about to do the 'Carve-the-day-on-the- rock-wall' ritual. But it's nice. It gives us a...bond I suppose. We're all in this together, so we'll all stick together no matter what. A very warped camaraderie, I suppose.
~*~
We eat well now, don't we Catherine? Colonel O'Neill and the dark man, Teal'c, ensure this. They are very clever to have brought along cooking implements for emergencies such as this. We should have thought of that, Catherine, the possibility of not returning home.
Home. Where is home, Catherine? I remember a place of sorrow and desperation; people with big eyes and fashionable hair all fighting for survival. I remember war, Catherine. There is no war here, Catherine. We're happy, aren't we?
I look at the objects Colonel O'Neill and Captain Carter carry with them, the strange weapons and amazing tools. Has Earth's culture and technology really developed so far? Would we recognise it?
They hurt, Catherine, both of them. Neither of these women are as happy as you are. Captain Carter, a female soldier. The old woman who has your eyes, Catherine. She is so sad, the old woman. I look at her and I feel a strange resentment flooding through me. Resentment and fear. Why am I scared of her, Catherine? Why do her brown eyes seem to look into my soul so sadly and sorrowfully?
Is it wrong, Catherine, to like it here? Is it wrong of me to not want to return back to Earth? Is it wrong of me to want to live here forever with my new friends? They want to return to Earth, home. I want to stay here. This is home. It's all I know.
~*~
I look up and catch the look on Ernest's face. It's strangely disconcerted, as if he's just realised something that he should have figured out a while ago. Something good. He looks across at me and looks slightly guilty, wary about something. About what? What was he thinking? Was he thinking about me? Does he think about me at all?
A small grunt to the left of me reminds me of Sam. I look over at her and feel sympathy flood through me as she struggles to eat. Her arm, although healing, is definitely not going to be as good as it once was. Her fingers won't bend or move properly, and I know it aches alot, the whimpering in her sleep tells me that.
I feel Jack watching her as well, a sorrowed expression on his face. Despite all their protests and blushing at my good natured teasing and insistence that the two of them should have a less military relationship, the two of them are close. He's very protective of her, always within shouting distance if she needs any assistance what so ever. Her knight in shining armour, I tease her. She gets annoyed at me when I say things like that, and flings military regulations in my face. 'Besides,' she always adds as an after thought, 'we just don't *have* that kind of relationship. We're *friends* Catherine.' Now maybe but...There I go again. Always the romantic. Still...there would be a bittersweetness to it if they *did* fall in love. An old woman can dream, can't she?
"We think the storms will come soon." Ernest's voice breaks the sudden silence, his eyes fixed on Jack.
"You said that two days ago." Jack replies, looking away from Sam long enough to raise an eyebrow in Ernest's direction.
"Catherine also thinks the storms will come soon." Ernest replies defensively, curling his arms around his knees protectively.
Catherine. My heart still jerks every time he says that. I scrutinize him carefully in the dim light of our cave, the only light provided by the dancing flames between us. I don't see the cocky, confident young man I fell in love. I don't see the clever person who used to smile at me in a way that made my heart soar. I don't see or recognise the soul that used to listen to me talk about my dreams and aspirations and confide his own. I see a broken, weathered old man with darting eyes that often seem focused on a world that I can neither see nor hear, much less enter. So why do I still want to love him?
~Seven~
~*~
"Dr. Jackson." The younger man shuffles into the office, his head lowered and his piercing gaze determinedly focused on the file he clutches tightly in his white-knuckled hands.
"General." He doesn't look up. But he's not military, there's nothing I can do to discipline him, and I don't want to discipline him either.
"I'd like you to meet Major Thomas and First Lieutenant Mason." I glance over at the two people standing in the room with me. Thomas is a good officer, a very good officer. Mason...well, Mason needs some work done on him, but he'll get there eventually.
Dr. Jackson looks up for the first time, his features screwed up suspiciously. "Hi." When he puts his mind to it, our Dr. Jackson can be very...aloof.
"Major Thomas is the new CO of SG-1, Dr. Jackson." The words hit him as though I have physically punched him. The betrayal and anger in his eyes as he looks at me hits me just as hard as my announcement hit him, only I'm not allowed to show it.
"Oh, really." He straightens himself slowly, his back going as rigid as Teal'c's staff weapon. The folder in his hands get shut slowly, the barely restrained anger only being held in check by a will power I know he possess.
"The other member, Dr. Lawson, has unfortunately been detained but she will be arriving within the next day or two."
"And just when were you planning on telling me?" He demands, his voice icy as he stares at me, refusing to turn around and further acknowledge my soldiers. I can feel their awkwardness at his resentment, but there's nothing I can do to ease the situation.
"I did tell you, Dr. Jackson. When I informed you of Captain Carter and Colonel O'Neill's status as being confirmed MIA..."
"You said absolutely NOTHING about replacing SG-1 this soon." He states calmly, his nostrils flaring ever so slightly on the word 'nothing'.
"I said that they would be replaced, the when was irrelevant." I respond just as coldly towards him. If I allow myself to show him the tiniest amount of understanding and compassion even, then I wouldn't be able to control my emotion and think as clearly as my position of Major General demands of me.
"What happens when they come home? What happens when Sam and Jack get back here and they don't have a team anymore?" He demands, placing his file down on the large table with a rigid movement.
"If that happens, Dr. Jackson, the situation will be reassessed depending their physical and mental abilities at the time." He still believes they will come back, that SG-1 is still out there somewhere. To him it is a matter of when, not if. I envy his faith in those people, but they are only that. Only people. And people get hurt, emotionally and physically. And people die. "Now, it's your choice whether you would like to remain on SG-1 under the command of Major Thomas. If you do decide to remain, you will follow their orders and treat them with the respect that you gave to Colonel O'Neill and Captain Carter." My words are a warning to him, and he knows it.
"I'm staying Sir," His words are mocking as his eyes glare balefully at me, "But I can't give Major Thomas the respect I gave Colonel O'Neill because Jack still has my respect. And Teal'c and Sam too." He adds, narrowing his eyes.
"You will still respect your fellow team members." I warn him, my voice acid on all our wounds. Team members. Not Colonel O'Neill and Captain Carter and Teal'c anymore. Three strangers, three new people invading and taking over the team he served with.
"But of course." He lifts his head proudly and turns to face his 'new' team. "How on earth could I possibly disrespect these fine soldiers?" He asks, but his voice is snide and the look on his is pitiful. They are not SG-1, and he won't give them a chance to prove themselves. Because Thomas and Mason aren't O'Neill and Carter, they have already failed in his eyes. Not, however, in mine. I have the utmost faith in my newest officers.
~*~
A tremendous crash outside my office startles me and I jerk spasmodically, knocking over my pink mug full of pens.
"Just what is going on out here?" I demand, stepping into the infirmary and glaring at a very annoyed Dr. Jackson.
"They've been replaced." He spits the words out as though they leave a bad taste in his mouth. They've been replaced. The words, under normal circumstances, would make no sense to me. But these aren't normal circumstances. They make perfect sense. Replaced. SG-1 has been replaced.
"That's no reason to destroy my infirmary, Dr. Jackson." No matter how much this is hurting him, I can't have him in here disturbing my patients.
"Aren't you even *angry*?" He demands, his eyes wild and his hair in disarray.
"Who should I be angry at?" I ask him logically, waiting for his answer.
I can see his mind working, his blue eyes growing thoughtful and his temper calming as he thinks logically about the situation.
"Me." He says eventually, his shoulders slumping as his defeated gaze once again meets mine.
"Why should I be angry at you?" This is where I play psychologist again and convince him that he's not the one to blame for them being...left behind. Left behind. We don't know for certain that they're dead. We also don't know that they're alive. And we have no way of finding out either.
"Jack wanted to leave." Daniel whispers, knotting his fingers together in agitation. His clouded eyes drift away from mine. "I didn't want too...I wanted to stay. They had to wait for me to decide before dialing...and then when they did...if I hadn't been so pig-headed..."
"Stop!" I cut him off, making no move to step towards him or comfort him. "Blaming yourself isn't going to help them, and neither is what ifs or I should haves."
"Then what is?" He demands, his anger resurfacing. "I should be able to do something, I should be able to...to...there must be something!" He clutches at his hair and rocks himself slightly, frustration building.
"There is." I say softly.
"What?" He looks up, hope shining in his eyes, desperately clutching at something, anything that can bring his friends home.
"Don't be an ass to everyone. Do you really think that Jack and Sam would want..."
"That's not going to help anything!" He shouts at me, his voice thick with emotion and guilt. "I need a solution, something to BRING THEM HOME!"
As much as he needs to let this emotion out, I can't have him shouting in my infirmary.
"Dr. Jackson, if you're going to shout like that I suggest you leave because I can't have you..." He walks out the door without listening to me. I feel a stab of regret and guilt that I chased him away, but my patients come first. I should follow him, I should comfort him and offer my friendship because right now, he doesn't have anyone now. SG1 didn't really have friends outside of their team. I should, but I can't.
~Eight~
~*~
"Hey Carter, what's up?" I didn't realise anyone had followed me, much less the Colonel.
"Nothing Sir, I'm just thinking." Okay, so that was *very* original, and lame. Even the small amount of cheerfulness I injected into my voice sounds false.
"Now there's something unusual. Carter thinking..." His wise crack, lame and *original* though it is, brings a smile to my lips. "Aren't you coming in?" He asks me. The three moons are out and together they throw a reddish- gold glow over everything. It's strange, but on this planet even the water seems to have a golden glow to it. Like a permanent sunset or something. I think it's something to do with the atmosphere and type of sun that this planet orbits, but I can't be sure. I really wish I had a few more instruments to take measurements with; this world is so interesting... "Earth to Carter." O'Neill says. An awkward silence falls over us. Earth to Carter. Earth.
"I'm sorry." I whisper, starting to stand up.
"No, wait." His hand rests on my shoulder, keeping me seated on the ground. Carefully, without removing his hand from my shoulder in case I bolt - which he very well knows I would - he sits down next to me and then carefully pulls his hand from my shoulder. The place where his hand rested feels strangely cold suddenly, which is strange in itself because the air is so humid and hot. "Are you okay?" I can just make out the concern in the shadows of his face.
No. No I'm not okay. My arm is wrecked, ruined, useless. I'm stuck on a planet with nothing to do and I just feel so *angry* at everyone... "Yeah, I'm fine Sir."
"You're lying to me, Carter." It's not a question or a probe for me to agree to or deny, it's a simple statement that we both know is true. "We're going to go home, you know." He says calmly as if it's another statement that we both know is true. But we don't know that it's true. We don't know whether we're going to spend the rest of our lives on this planet like Ernest basically has, or whether something miraculous will happen tomorrow and we'll go home. We simply don't know, and that's what gets to me a lot. "Say something." He begs, and I can hear his fingers fiddling with something. He always fiddles with something, I think it's a habit that he can't break.
"Like what?" I snort, using my good arm to pull knees up to my chest as my eyes stare out vacantly at the ocean. The whispering of the waves against the shore and the calming song they sing as they lap against the rocks sets a false atmosphere of relaxation and peace. Everything around us is filled with a tension that will snap at any moment in the form of one helluva storm.
The silence stretches on for a while. I can only imagine what wild scenarios Catherine will come up with and tease the Colonel and myself with over the next couple of days. Who would of guessed an old woman could be so suggestive? I think a lot of it comes with her relationship, or lack thereof, with Ernest.
"So why's the water red?" The Colonel asks eventually, a lame attempt to get a conversation going.
"I don't know. I think it might have something to do with a mineral or something that's present on this planet...Or it could have something to do with the type of star that this planet is orbiting-"
"We should name it." He interjects suddenly, and I can feel his eyes studying me.
"Name it?" I say slowly, testing the idea out loud.
"Yeah. The planet. We've got Earth...Venus, Mars, Pluto, Mercury..." He starts listing the planets.
"Hey, you know all your planets!" I joke, bringing some levity to the situation.
"Of course." He sounds slightly offended. "I know my constellations too..." He trails off. "I did." He amends, and once again the silence settles over us, but this time the silence is more like a comfortable blanket, bringing a soothing comfort with its presence.
"What do you suggest?" I ask eventually, starting to like the idea. "And not O'Neill's place!" I grin to myself.
"O'Neill's place?" He guffaws in mock disbelief. "Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of kingdom..." He confides and I can't help the chuckle escaping in me. "We have the castle to go with the theme as well..." He continues, waving his arm around in the darkness and the air movement his theatrical gestures create stir the hair flopping on my face.
"Oh yeah. I can just see this sign, "O'Neill's Kingdom, twelve miles north!" I snort, starting to shake as the laughter takes a hold of me.
"Hey...the whole planet is supposed to be O'Neill's Kingdom, not just some little patch of land twelve miles north!" He complains, no laughter in his mock serious voice.
"What about me?" I demand, trying to control my giggles. Me, giggling? I haven't giggled for a long time. Well, being drunk doesn't count because everyone giggles when they're drunk.
"You can have a star. Or a moon even." He says generously. "How about that one? We could call it Samantha." He points to the brightest moon.
"Samantha?" I roll my eyes. "Puh-lease."
"You don't like it?" He sounds slightly surprised.
"Of course not. No one likes their own name." I point out. "That's why you're Jack, you don't like the name Jonathan..."
"How'd you know that was my name?" He asks suspiciously, a note of annoyance on his voice.
"You're my CO. I'm supposed to know things like that." I remind him. "I also know your middle name." I grin, unable to help myself. This is so, so childish! But it's so much fun, and I haven't had fun like this for so long now.
"Oh." He sits quietly for a while. "When we get back you can bet your booties that..."
"You don't know my middle name." I state matter-of-factly.
"I bet you don't know how old I am!" He avoids the question.
"Actually, I do..." I start out but his hand clamps over my face.
"Ah uh!" He shakes his head, I can see the movement in the dark. "I know your age!" He warns. "And..." He pauses for effect, "I know when your next birthday is!"
"You do?" Now I'm surprised. Birthdays? I never remember birthdays...not even my own. He knows when my birthday is? "So, do I get a present?"
"Carter..." He groans, dropping his hand away and flopping onto his back to gaze up at the foreign heavens. "Other than Kawalsky, you are the only 2IC who's given me this much grief." He tells me, and I feel strangely complimented. I know that the Colonel considered Kawalsky a 2IC of the highest calibre, so to be even thought of in the same context as the man...it kind of makes a girl feel just the tiniest smidgeon of pride.
"So, about naming this planet..."
~*~
Outside the air is warmer than inside the cave. I think this is to do with the rock that surrounds us, however that is not really any of my concern. My concern is for Captain Carter and Colonel O'Neill, who have both been away from the shelter for a very long time.
As I move along the shore, taking care not to let my boots splash in the salty waves, I hear laughter winding gently around me. Captain Carter. Locating the position of Captain Carter, I turn my course towards a small hill that overlooks the ocean, a favourite retreat of both Captain Carter and O'Neill.
Arriving at the top, I discover both Captain Carter and O'Neill lying helplessly on the ground and laughing as if they could not help themselves.
"What...what about mash?" O'Neill manages to gasp between his bouts of laughter.
"Mash?" Captain Carter explodes in another fit of laughter, rolling over slightly so that she is half leaning against O'Neill.
"Yeah. Hot Lips. Could...could you image...Hey, isn't Hot Lips full tonight!" Both of them burst into more peals of laughter. Mash? Hot lips? If I did not know that there is a distinct lack of acoholic substances on this planet then I would believe that they are both inebriated.
"That...that is...such a male..thing...to say!" Captain Carter accuses during her laughter.
"What?....Oh!" O'Neill seems to find something even funnier, and I imagine I can see tears running down his cheeks. "Well...I just said...she's female...like you..." He splutters, and I frown in confusion. Hot lips? Mash? Male things to say? Female? Perhaps there is something in the air that I am immune to because of my symbiote...
"Don't you...dare...me like Hot Lips!" Captain Carter tries very hard, yet fails miserably, to sound indignant.
"Well..." O'Neill catches his breath, and I can hear the slyness on his voice, "You are both blond..." Captain Carter's fist connects loosely with O'Neill's arm. Perhaps I should make them aware of my presence.
"Are you well, O'Neill?" I ask them.
"Teal'c!" O'Neill doubles over laughing as though my name is the most hilarious thing on this planet.
"Captain Carter, I do not see what is so amusing." I lift an eyebrow as she snickers again.
"The moon Teal'c, the moon." She giggles as O'Neill starts to recover himself and sits upright.
"Is there something in the moon of this planet that affects you?" I ask, genuinely worried. I do not understand what either O'Neill or Captain Carter could find so amusing, unless their minds have somehow been affected by something.
"What?" Both of them stop for a second, and then once again collapse against each other as the laughter takes a hold of them again. "No!" O'Neill gasps.
"Just a joke, Teal'c." Captain Carter manages, unable to support herself due to her damaged arm and current state of laughter.
I do not find Tau'ri jokes amusing.
"We were concerned for you." I watch them as they start to regain control and pull themselves off each other.
"Sure. We're coming Teal'c." O'Neill stands up and offers Captain Carter a hand up, which she accepts and pulls herself to her feet.
"Lead on!" Captain Carter starts giggling again as I turn and make my way back towards the cave. I do not know what it is that has put my friends in such good spirits, but I am grateful for it. Perhaps now the relationships between the members of our group will improve and lighten, as the sorrow and solemnity of out current predicament is beginning to weigh heavily on all of us.
Slowly, with the occasional snort and giggle from O'Neill and Captain Carter, we head back towards the cave, the air hanging hot and humid but feeling a lot more friendly than it ever has before.
~Nine~
~*~
"It's so hot." Carter mutters again, and I can hear her flopping around on her 'bed'.
I shift as well, irritation obvious in my movements as I punch angrily at the sand beneath us. Sand, while distinctly more comfortable than rock solid ground, doesn't make for the best sleeping mat. It's so soft at first, but then it gets harder as the weight of your body compacts it tightly together. And then, any movement just causes your 'shaped' bed to move out of shape and scatter sand everywhere. I'm so sick of sand in my clothes that I could just..
"I'm going for a swim." I see Carter's form sitting upright in the dark. I'm *so* tempted to say, 'Me too', but unless someone else says it first, I'm not going to.
"I'm not moving." Catherine announces, her voice slurred from sleep and heat, hard to tell which one exactly.
"It's dark." Ernest announces from my other side.
"Teal'c?" Carter asks.
"He's Kel'no'reeming." I remind her. That means, 'no'.
"What about you, Jack?" I can nearly hear the smile on Catherine's voice. Sometimes she can be so immature...
"I'm comfortable right here. Besides, I don't really want to put sandy clothes on once I'm free of it." I lie, crossing my fingers.
"Guess it's just me then." Carter sighs, and I can hear the disappointment in her voice. I'm so tempted to just put my hand up and say...
"Be careful, Sam." Catherine jumps in before I can open my mouth and do something stupid. Why on earth would it be stupid though? Because we'd be unchaperoned of course, wearing basically nothing...and we've got our careers to think of. That's why. Not that anything would happen of course, because we *don't* have that kind of relationship. We're just friends. See that Catherine? Friends. We can be friends! Ha!
"If I'm not back in an hour, call the police." Carter fakes a mobster's voice. I chuckle at that. Who on earth would have thought my serious little world/life saving scientist with a tongue that could remove tarnish from silver had such a sense of humour! I'm still kind of in shock about last night, about our incessant giggling and hysterics over naming a moon. I mean, it *wasn't* even that funny for crying out loud.
Okay, so I'm trying really hard not to laugh. So shoot me. It *was* funny. He he.
"Jack..." Catherine hesitates a while after Carter has left.
"Yeah?" I'm not sleeping anyway, so why bother ignoring her?
"Shouldn't we go check on Sam, I mean, it *is* dark and her arm is still..."
"O'Neill." Teal'c interrupts Catherine, and I can hear the wariness on his voice.
"What's up doc?"
"I am not 'Doc', O'Neill." He sounds confused for a minute.
"I *know* that!" I roll my eyes. Sheesh, can't the man just get one teeny tiny little joke? Obviously not. "What was it?"
"The wind."
"What wind?"
A gust of wind whips through the gave and the smouldering embers from our tiny fire suddenly explode into life, flying around the cave in an incredible display of golden lights.
"That wind." Catherine says dryly.
"The storms are coming!" Ernest whimpers and I can hear him scampering towards the back of the cave.
"Carter's out there!" I remember. According to Ernest, these storms hit even faster than they leave, and considering how fast the last one left...I don't want Carter out there in this.
"We should retrieve her immediately, O'Neill."
"I'll do that. Catherine, you and Teal'c pack everything up. I mean everything!" I struggle to my feet, searching for my torch in the darkness. "Put it all inside waterproof covering, the clothes, torches, bedding and Carter's doo-hickeys especially!" I order.
"What about Dr. Jackson's..."
"If there's room!" I bark, running out of the cave.
The sight that meets my eyes shocks the life out of me. Where last night the waves were lapping peacefully at the shore, playing gentle games with the shells and pebbles, tonight they're crashing furiously over the fine sand, grinding down heavily on the already powdery grains. The wind whips over me again, tugging angrily at my hair and trousers. I can almost feel it raking its fingers over me, determined to grab a hold. A strong gust brings the salty spray up into my face and the first ominous roll of thunder rattles my eardrums. Where the hell is Carter?
Ignoring the increasing wind and the sudden, icy cold descending over the tar black world, I start sprinting away from the beach and into the forest where our creek flows. The beam of my torch barely cuts through the oily blackness. Small, unidentifiable missiles are shooting through the air now, leaves and twigs, small rocks and even a tiny bird ricochet off me and through the small, wavering beam of light. The batteries are nearly gone.
"CARTER!" I bellow as they give out, plunging me into a darkness that seems to grab hold of me with tentacles. I can feel it creeping down my back and working it's way slowly into me. I panic. I can't see anything, I can't hear anything as the wind rushes past my ear drums and small projectiles make contact with my face.
"CARTER!" It's useless, me yelling. She'll never hear me through this.
"CARTER!" Suddenly something cold and icy hits my forearm and seems to burn right through the skin. Another impact, and another. My arm is stinging, it feels like acid is falling from the heavens.
"COLONEL!" I jerk, my eyes darting around the incredibly blackness helplessly, trying desperately to cut the blackness aside and locate Carter.
"CARTER?" I yell again, once again jogging in what I hope is the direction of the creek.
Another drop of ice water makes contact with the side of my neck. I'm getting desperate now, where is she? Another roll of thunder and a startling burst of light as the first lightening bolt strikes. For the brief second that the charged particles spring to life and create a dull grey glow over the landscape, my eyes strain to see her. Trees and bushes surround me, their branches whipping angrily in the wind as they strain towards me and then away, swaying and creaking as though they're threatening to fall over.
The world is plunged into darkness again, and I press on forwards, stumbling over roots and rocks and holes that I never knew lined this pathway.
"CARTER!" I bellow again as the world lights up briefly again, ghostly shapes taunting me as more and more shards of rain buffet my stinging body.
"COLONEL!" Her voice carries over the wind, and the sound of it nearly causes my own knees to buckle with relief. The darkness is bearing down on me, the blackness suffocating my mind of all logical thought.
"HERE! CARTER!" I stumble drunkenly forwards, her voice still yelling for me desperately. Another flash of light and for a second she is illuminated right in front of me, her hair silver in the glow and her eyes dark pools of grey, large and desperate in her colourless face. Jerkily I reach out for her, my hand clamping down over her upper arm as I pull her towards me. "Thank God." I hold her for a minute, easing her trembling body against mine and just giving my stunned body a second to recover. I found her. Thank God.
~*~
"Thank God." His words ring in my ears. Yes. Thank God.
Another shudder ripples over me and I gasp as an ice cold stone of water stings against my cheek, the liquid feeling like blood as it trickles down my skin.
"We have *got* to go!" The classic line brings a quick smile to my face as he pulls back, removing the welcome warmth of his body against mine. He steps away from me, but I panic, clutching frantically at his already damp shirt.
"It's dark!" I shout, relieved he can't see the blood rushing to my cheeks in embarrassment as I realise how my clutching at him could appear.
"Good idea!" I agree, and I feel his fingers resting on my shoulder. Without another word between us we start running, our legs beating out a steady rhythm underneath the spasmodic rolling of the thunder.
The five minute stroll from the creek to the cave has never felt this long before. The ground reaches up angrily, insistently with roots and twigs, placing holes and stones everywhere so that we stumble and stagger crazily through the darkness, the frequent reddish flashes of light allowing us to see a few metres ahead of us every so often before once again plunging us headlong into darkness. My feet are numb as I stumble again, tripping over another hidden object. Unable to stop and regain my balance, the momentum I've built up topples me over and I crash heavily to the ground, my face getting a personal acquaintance with a small bush and a pile of rotting leaves.
While the smell of damp dirt still lingers in my nose, the Colonel reaches down and helps me up. This time, instead of curling our fingers desperately in each other's clothing and running side-by-side, he grasps my hand tightly and we run on through the absolute dark, my fingers gripping his so tightly I'm scared I'll break his bones - if he doesn't break mine first.
Breathing heavily we stagger drunkenly out of the forest, still tripping and stumbling over small bushes and roots. The world is still dark, but the water ahead of us, while seeming to boil away furiously, gives off a golden red glow. Another arc of lightening splits the sky and the noise, bouncing off the cliff faces and surrounding hills nearly deafens me.
"Come on!" The Colonel tugs on my hand again, and we continue our mad sprint towards the caves. I can't tear my eyes from the water as we run, enthralled by the raw beauty of the tumultuous waves as they crash and vent their fury on the shores. The world rocks in time with each wave as it challenges the earth, throwing itself completely and unguardedly towards the earth where it gets broken into a million droplets of water, the spray hanging like grey crystals in the air before the darkness swallows them.
I run into the Colonel suddenly, and realised he's stopped. Then I see it. The ocean has risen to such an extent that it is already lapping at the mouth of our cave - and it's still rising quickly.
"Stay here!" He yells, pushing me against a large rock outcrop.
"What about the gear?" I can't just stay in here while he goes into the cave...he might need help.
"We'll be fine. Stay here and keep watch!" He orders and turns around. He hesitates for a second, his form outlined against the slight glow of the water. I watch him expectantly, forgetting the storm around us as he turns to me again, and I can imagine the concern and seriousness on his face. "Please?" He asks me softly.
"Okay." I agree, my voice whipped away by the wind and thrown up into the air, unheard. He pulls me into a hug then, crushing my form against him and burying his face against my neck. I clutch him to me as tightly as I can with my good arm; ignore the searing tongues of fire creeping racing up my bad arm as it gets caught between us. I can't lose him. I can't lose any of them. We are all we have.
And then he's gone, disappearing into the darkness that is the rest of my world.
I shiver in the icy air, denying the persistent wind the pleasure of snaking around my bad arm by hugging it tenderly with my good arm. A thought crosses my mind, and I freeze.
The wind rakes it's strong, clumsy fingers through my salty hair, yanking and pulling angrily. But the world seems to fade around me as the storm builds and the rain starts to pour down again, saturating every inch of me.
Bad arm. My arm won't work. I'm not physically able anymore. That's why I'm here...not helping. I'm not capable anymore...the arm...a handicap...a disability...I can't look after myself...anyone else...I've lost my 'place' on his team...oh...
The thoughts crash over me, pounding my mind to a small, insignificant grain of sand that gets lost amongst the billions of other grains of sand that have been suffering against the ocean's fury since before time can remember.
I'm useless to them now.
~*~
"Teal'c!" My voice sounds panicked, I know it. I force my eyes closed and take several deep breaths, but the wind whining like a high pitched buzz saw through the cave distracts me. The vice of worry clamps down even tighter around my heart, and I can't stop my hands from shaking as I clumsily roll up the last sleeping bag and try unsuccessfully to stuff it into one of the last waterproof bags.
"We must hurry, Dr. Langford!" His voice is more worried than I've ever heard it, his eyes looking surprisingly large and fear-filled in the near dark of the cave.
"CATHERINE! TEAL'C! Ernest!" Jack's voice mingles with the thunder, and a second later he appears in the cave, his face drawn and tight. Sam. Oh..
"Where's Sam?" I demand, my voice wobbling uncontrollably.
"She's fine. Come on!" He glances around the cave now stripped bare of most of our possessions. "Have you got everything?" He darts towards me, and I can see the precise military efficiency in him that makes him the Colonel he is.
"Nearly..." I look back involuntarily at one book that I couldn't fit into my pack.
"Leave it." He shakes his head, hefting the huge pack onto his back with a grunt. "Food?"
"All of it." I nod, still looking at the book.
"Daniel's not supposed to bring them with anyway!" Jack intercepts my gaze, but I can see the reluctance in his eyes to leave a 'part' of his friend behind. "Where's Ernest?" He realises for the first time that Ernest isn't helping us.
I point over my shoulder towards the back of the cave towards where the man is cowering against the wall, as high as he could scrabble on the fairly smooth walls.
"Ernest, come on!" Jack yells, pushing me ahead of him.
"Where are we going?"
"Out. The water's rising and damn quickly!" He barks. "Go with Teal'c. Carter's waiting at the outcrop of rocks near the first hill." He instructs, turning around.
"What about you?" I hesitate as Teal'c's form appears next to me.
"I'm getting Ernest. He'll drown in here..." But his voice is lost in another crack of thunder as the walls of the cave quiver with strain.
My heart is in my ears, throbbing and pounding as I blindly follow Teal'c towards the mouth of the cave. A cold wetness and sudden yanking against my feet alerts me to the water already surging into the cave. I flinch in fear, ready to turn back to help Jack.
"Dr. Langford..." Teal'c is behind me and he keeps me moving forwards, guiding me with his hand on my elbow for balance. "We must find Captain Carter."
Outside the wind buffets into me, and I gasp for breath as I stagger against the force of it. The water is swirling and tugging around my calves, and the rain plummets against me.
"TEAL'C!" The water gushes and yanks at me while the wind wraps itself around me, pulling me so hard that...
Teal'c's hand clamps down on my arm, and I grit my teeth as his vice like hold brings tears to my eyes. But I stay upright and with his incredible strength we slowly fight our way out of the ever rising water and stagger onto the sand.
The wind gusts again and a mixture of sea-spray and sand gets flung into my face, I'm blinded even more now that we're out here in the complete darkness without the light of our small, dying fire to see with.
As the wind roars in my ears and the world trembles around us as we fight our way forwards until we reach the outcrop of rocks that Jack spoke of.
Jack.
I spin around, my hand clutching at the smooth sharpness of the rock for balance, and peer desperately into the darkness for a sign of Jack. Despite his cynical attitude and sharp tongue, I'm quite fond of him...and I'll be damned if he's going to die because of Ernest!
My eyes adjust slightly to the pure blackness, and then I make out a reddish glow in the distance. The ocean. The ocean is still glowing a slight red colour, and that faint light is enough for me to be able to see Teal'c's form next to me, not just to feel it. Sam would love this...
"SAM!" I remember, looking around agitatedly. Where is she? "SAM!"
"Captain Carter!" Teal'c calls out, letting go of me to look for her. But I refuse to let him out of my sight, clutching instead at his pack and winding my fingers so tightly into one of the straps that I think they'll fall off due to lack of blood circulation.
I feel him stop and the relief he feels speaks to me clearly as he lets his posture relax ever so slightly. Peering around his bulk, I catch sight of Sam huddled in between two large boulders. How she managed to fit herself into that small gap is beyond me, but the way she isn't moving and isn't talking is worrying me. If only I could see...
The sky gets torn apart with a jagged flash of lightening that seems to have a red glow to it. In that instance I glance at her, and her face is blank. A hand clutches at my heart and I freeze in fear. Something's wrong with her...
"O'NEILL!" Teal'c's voice booms against my ear, and I spin around to face the direction he's now facing. Relief floods over me and for a moment I forget about Sam's sudden unresponsive state and allow myself to feel a fleeting flicker of peace, happiness even, that we're all alive and together. Again.
~Ten~
~*~
I'm late. Really late. I don't think I've ever been this late to a briefing before, but then I haven't been to a briefing without Sam, Jack and Teal'c. Call me sentimental but...
The door stares at me balefully with its single glass eye, daring me to glance through its see-through form and look at my new team inside. My new team. The words hang empty and a feeling of grief knots my stomach. They're gone.
If I walk into this debriefing room, if I accept these new people, if I let these people become my team again, then I'm agreeing with the fact that they're gone. Gone. Lost. Dead. Missing. Different words, but essentially the meaning is the same. Gone.
I can hear a slight, tense sounding laugh from inside. Female. It's not Sam's laugh though, this is a giggle only escaping because of pure nervousness.
Nervous. Yes, I'm nervous. More nervous than I've ever been in my whole life.
Guiltily I raise my hand and rest it on the golden doorknob. Funny, I'd never noticed before but the trimmings to the 'official' rooms, like General Hammond's office, this debriefing room and the VIP quarters all have brass door handles. I wonder when they got changed to brass?
The metal is cool and smooth against my warm, clammy hand. Involuntarily my fingers curl around it, savouring its coolness as a second of reprieve from the task at hand.
I wonder how many times Jack and Sam stood like this, gathering their courage with their hand on this very door handle. I wonder if they'll ever do it again. I wonder if Teal'c ever used door handles before he came to earth?
Gritting my teeth I let my rambling thoughts go. They're only a distraction, an ineffective method of stalling from this inevitable moment in time. Licking my lips I screw my eyes shut as my hand slowly turns the handle and the door whispers over the floor as it opens.
I step inside, my heart hesitating along with my breathing. I look up, and nothing happens. A ridiculous urge to laugh assails me, and I take a quick breath to control myself. What was I expecting? A pat on the back for making it this far, an 'I told you so' from General Hammond? The world to suddenly explode or a lightening bolt to come down from heaven and strike me where I stand?
Nothing happened.
General Hammond hasn't arrived yet. The briefing hasn't started yet. I'm not late. Oh...
I quickly glance around the briefing room at it's occupants. A female, two males. That's all I allow myself to observe before I shuffle with my head downwards towards the table. I know they've all stopped talking, and I know they're all watching me curiously, but I don't care right now.
Someone's sitting in my chair. The realisation dawns before I make an idiot of myself. So instead of sitting on my chair, I'm left to sit on Teal'c's chair. A painful twist of guilt stabs me in the gut and the room starts turning suspiciously dark, despite the artificially bright lights that adorn all the walls and roofs.
"Sorry I'm late people..." General Hammond bustles into the room. I can feel his eyes on me, but I don't look up. I *won't* look up.
"Dr. Lawson?" He asks, and I want to look up. But I don't. Instead I keep my eyes firmly focused on the smooth, rich surface of the table. If I strain my eyes without moving my head, I can just see the marks Jack's put into this desk with his incessant doodling. Over that side is the slight blemish where Sam knocked over General Hammond's coffee mug when a spider made an appearance...this room is so full of memories. Every room is so full of memories...
"Dr. Jackson?" The room is waiting, poised in time as the occupants wait for me to answer.
"Yes Sir?" I mumble and I don't look up, slouching rudely over the desk. I'm acting like a three year old, but I don't care.
"This is Dr. Lawson, Dr. Jackson." His voice is getting to *that* stage, I should recognise it, I've heard it often enough when Jack antagonises him...antagonised him.
I look up slowly, raising my head as though it is far heavier than it actually is, and look half-heartedly at Dr. Lawson. Dr. Lawson is a female. A female who has dark, curly hair and blue eyes. I look away again. At least she doesn't look like Sam. Or Sha're.
"Dr. Lawson, let me just formally introduce you to Major Thomas." I also sneak a peak at my new CO, and my heart thuds painfully. This man is pale. His hair is straw blond and his eyes are a cornflower blue colour. I can tell he's tall; his reedy fram even longer than Jack's because he looks even more folded when he sits down.
"And First Lieutenant Mason." Mason is stocky, his eyes are also blue and his short brown hair is tufty, spiking up despite his obvious attempts to neaten it. I can see the same, mischievous spark in his eye that I used to see in Jack's eyes, but without the cynicism and world-weariness. Mason is still young, younger than me even, and he hasn't seen enough of the world or human life to realise what it's really like. Not like Jack.
"So people, you are now, officially, SG-1. Welcome to the SGC." The words condemn my soul.
~*~
I'm worried about him. Dr. Fraiser is worried about him too, but he won't let anyone near himself. During their first briefing as a team my heart felt torn in two directions. Let him suffer through this first, awkward and cutting debriefing in his own way, or bring him into line and make him face up to his rudeness.
I compromised, and only once called on him to participate.
Now, looking through the partition at the four of them, I can't help but feel a flicker of sympathy for the newest members of SG-1. Before Dr. Jackson arrived, they had been talking and getting to know one another. Granted, the situation had been strained, but now they were all sitting in a clumsy silence, stretching the tension so far I'm surprised Dr. Jackson didn't snap it when he pushed his chair back abruptly and left the room, leaving the other three people gazing after him with slightly confused, concerned and annoyed faces.
Dr. Fraiser appears next to my side, her pale face and tight lips the only sign that SG-1's disappearance has affected her.
"How is Dr. Jackson?" I ask her eventually as she tries not to fidget next to me, her pixie like form stiff with unease.
"He's...dealing with it in his own way." She says eventually, and a trace of guilt clouds her eyes for just the briefest of moments.
"How long do you think it'll be before he's...accepted it?" I try to chose my words carefully, but there isn't another delicate to put it.
"I don't think he ever will. I don't think I ever will." She sighs slightly and a sorrow-filled smile lingers on her lips.
"I miss them too." I admit, letting my own sigh escape as my gaze travels over the new members again, tentatively starting another conversation with each other. Dr. Lawson, the petite dark haired scientist is no Captain Carter, and Major Thomas definitely isn't O'Neill...but I know that over time these three new people will inevitably meld together in just the same way that the previous SG-1 bonded to become a family. I can only hope Daniel Jackson accepts his team-mates and that this new team will have the same completeness that the old one had.
~*~
"I'm...nervous." The slight woman the left of me admits, her stilted smile and strained little chuckle at her own confession confirms it.
"We won't eat you." Mason grins slightly, his freckles reminding me of a leprechaun. "Mind you, Dr. Jackson would probably..."
"Mason." I warn him. I understand Mason's irritation with the man, but I can understand Dr. Jackson's grief just as well. "Give him time." I glance over at the woman again.
"So...have either of you actually been through...gone on a mission yet?" Dr. Lawson asks, obviously trying hard to break the silence and keep an interesting conversation going.
"I've been on plenty of missions..." Mason immediately inserts, eager to try and impress the only female member of our team.
"Not through the Stargate though." I roll my eyes slightly. Mason is every CO's nightmare. A smart ass, someone with a mouth wide enough to eat an elephant and still talk at the same time. Someone who is after glory.
"Do you know each other from before...here?" She seems to be reluctant to say the word, to say "Stargate" or "Wormhole" or anything that all three of us once thought was completely science fiction, impossible, unable to exist.
"No. Fortunately." I can't help shooting a despairing glance towards the petition where General Hammond is talking to a petite brunette who I recognise dimly as being the base's CMO.
"So...where are you from then?" Mason asks, relaxing back into his chair and settling himself for a long conversation.
"Me? New York." Dr. Lawson gnaws on her bottom lip with her teeth. "So, Major Thomas...?" She hesitates, checking that she used my rank and title correctly.
"Yes Dr. Lawson?" I sigh. A scientist. One who's never been around the military before. A woman who just wants to talk the whole time. Could life get any worse?
"Am I allowed to leave?" Mason coughs slightly, his face turning red as he tries not to laugh.
"Of course you're allowed to leave." I try not to laugh myself, but fail miserably as a snort escapes.
"Oh. Well, would you mind if I left then...went home?" She gazes at me with her innocent blue eyes and I can't imagine that there is intelligence behind that gaze. Everything about her, her unsureness, her hesitancy, her wariness...she's scared of doing the wrong thing. She's not confident in herself, and I don't think you could hold a PhD in Theoretical Astrophysics unless you were confident in yourself and believed in your theories.
"Do you have any work to do here?" I ask her kindly, growing tired of picking faults with my new team.
"Uh...well, I have to get my desk sorted out. You know, just put things away and all that..."
"But nothing of vital importance?" I cut off her speech, not feeling like listening to her stutter on for half an hour.
"Uh...no. No I don't think so." She screws up her eyes and shakes her head slightly, curls bouncing over her shoulders. She does, I notice, have great hair. Long, falling halfway down her back in a long cascade of black curls.
"Have you sharpened all your pencils?" Mason asks guilessly.
"Mason, shut up." I order him, not even bother to look at him.
"Uh...no?" She blinks, confused.
"Look, just go home, okay?" I watch her steadily and she colours slightly.
"Sure. What time do I have to be in tomorrow?" She asks, licking her lips again. I can see her twisting her fingers together, her leg tapping in agitation against the desk. I can't believe she's been chosen to fieldwork if she can't even get through a debriefing!
"0800 hours." Mason offers, seriously for once. I can see the same thoughts as mine flicking through his eyes. Wasn't she paying attention during the briefing? Couldn't she even remember *times*?
"Oh. And how long will we be?" She stands up slowly, her hands nervously smoothing over the desk.
"It's a two day mission, Dr." I slump into my chair. Two days. Two days with a smart ass, a sulk and someone who wants to be the hero. Which gods were against me today?
"Oh." She heads towards the door, and pauses as if to check with me again that she really can leave.
"Yes, you really can go!" Mason squeaks in a preppy cheerleader voice. She blushes bright red with embarrassment and jerks the door open stiltedly.
"Oh, Dr?" I have to make one thing perfectly clear.
"Yes?" She turns around and I'm shocked to see her bottom lip quivering.
"You have to wear your hair tied up. It's the rules."
She nods mutely, and flees down the hallway without even shutting the door behind her.
How am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to follow in 'Colonel O'Neill's team's' footsteps when I don't even have a functional team? We'll go down in SGC history as the most dysfunctional team ever. I cringe slightly as Mason grins widely at me and follows Dr. Lawson down the hallway.
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
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