AN: This is really more of an excuse to write about my beautiful trash OC, Agent Bors. You can read more about him in my work "Paper Faces on Parade," which can be found on Ao3 under the same username. I also recommend listening to the song "Something For the Weekend" by The Divine Comedy to fully understand what I've written.
"All right." Merlin surveyed the trio of Kingsman agents who had just been sent to him for details on their most recent assignment. "As Arthur explained to you earlier, there are three tasks that must be accomplished during this mission, one for each of you. Those tasks would be retrieving the information we need, standing guard, and distracting the hostess. I'll let you divide the tasks amongst yourselves, and then we can get to business."
"I'll retrieve the information," Galahad spoke up before anyone else could. Though that was undoubtedly the most important task, neither of the other agents tried to bargain with him for it, likely because they understood that Galahad's prowess in the field greatly rivaled theirs.
"I shall distract the hostess," Bors said primly, a wickedly smug gleam in his eye. "I believe I'm suited for-"
"No, no, no," Kay interrupted, sounding rather cross and more than a bit fed up. "I'd best handle that one. No offense, Bors, but we don't need a repeat of what happened last week."
"Excuse me?" Bors exclaimed, and Merlin suppressed a sigh. Here we go.
"I handled myself perfectly well last week. That woman leaping on me was none of your concern."
"You nearly had to be dragged off of her," Kay countered testily. "I'm sorry, but for such a highly-praised agent you seem remarkably eager to take the obvious bait. At least when it's pretty and blonde."
"Not everytime," Bors bit back.
"Really?" Kay laughed. "We allremember the woodshed incident."
"She was a damsel in distress!" Bors protested. "What's a knight to do? I was just trying to help her out."
"You were just tryingto get up her skirt, Bors," Kay said, gritting his teeth.
"That wasn't even the first time you were tied up by a woman," Galahad broke in, with a voice that sounded controlled, but also held a note of can we PLEASE get on with it.
Bors' smug gleam spilled across his face. "And it won't be the last!"
Galahad promptly eyed Merlin. His mouth didn't move, but Merlin could clearly read the help mein his eyes. He hid his amused smirk with his clipboard.
"Gentlemen, if you would please stop fussing. Now, do you want me to divide the tasks for you, or can we all get along like rational adults?"
The expression in Galahad's eyes quickly transitioned to thank you.
Later, after work, Galahad was able to verbally voice his complaints. "Of course I immensely appreciate their help, but- only in small doses. I don't enjoy having to be the mediator when we're working together. I can't fathom why Arthur always pairs them up when all they do is bicker all the time."
"When they're not bickering, they tend to get the job done," Merlin reminded him. "And remember, Harry, it could have been a lot worse. You could have had Bors and Erectogether."
Galahad's eyes hit the ceiling as he contemplated the prospect. "God save me from the both of them."
"I don't think He'dbe able to do that," Merlin muttered.
"Very well then. Merlin save me?"
Smiling a bit, Merlin reached across the space in the shuttle to take Galahad's hand. "Don't I always?"
