Dearest Diary

July 7th 1975

Well today is my first anniversary, but it didn't go as I had planned. I have been having trouble getting pregnant and Lucius is mad at me. He's blaming me. He says that it's my fault that I'm not pregnant.

Also I woke up this morning and looked over at Lucius' side of the bed and he wasn't there, so I got up and went to find him. I found him slumped over his desk in the same clothes he had on yesterday. He didn't even come to bed.

The only good thing is that I officially became a Death Eater today. Yes I have the Dark Mark on my forearm.

So all in all everything is pretty bad. My marriage is falling apart, because I can't get pregnant and today I found out why Lucius' is so upset. Because when I became a Death Eater the Dark Lord said that my first son will be the heir. Basically he will be forced to become a Death Eater. Oh God, I can't let that harm come upon my child. Maybe it is a blessing that I can't get pregnant. But if I don't, I'll lose Lucius. I don't know what to do. What if I lose Lucius over all this? What if he leaves me because I can't have a child? I don't know what I'll do. I love him so much, but right now I don't know if he loves me.

He is getting angry with me. He is yelling at me and demanding things from me and he has even hit me. I never thought I would say that my Dear Lucius did those things to me. This shouldn't be how our first anniversary goes. We should be celebrating one happy year together but really it wasn't happy. About a month after the honeymoon Lucius started to ask if I was pregnant, and when I said no he said then I would be soon. But after a few months he started to get angry at me. Oh Dearest Diary what am I going to do. I want a child so desperately but then I don't because I don't want him to have to become a Death Eater. I don't mind it for myself, but that is myself. What if he gets hurt or worse killed. Oh I can't even think about that. So if I can't get pregnant I lose Lucius and if I do get pregnant I might lose the baby when he is older.

This shouldn't be how this day should go. I'm sitting out under a large oak tree in the back garden. As far away from the house as I can get because I don't want Lucius to hit me again. How could he have changed so much in a year from the loving kind person that I once new and loved.

Oh no he's coming this way, I've got to go…

Narcissa Black Malfoy as much as I don't want to sign Malfoy but that is who I am

xxx.:.x.:.xxx

a/n why isn't anybody reviewing. Does nobody like it. I know people are reading it from the hits I'm getting, but please take the time to review. Please.

Flames, Praises, Ideas, Hints, Suggestions, I take them all. So just please review.