"Sexy no Jutsu!" Naruto shouted as he made a hand sign. When the smoke started to clear, about half of the contestants were knocked out with major nose bleeds, including Ebisu and Asuma. Kakashi couldn't believe what he was seeing (did Naruto really have this up his sleeve the whole time?) and Jiraiya was drooling. All others were staring and most of those had tiny nosebleeds.
"You can't be that Sas-gay!" Naruto yelled after dispelling the jutsu. "Who's up next?"
Gai, being youthful, couldn't help but jump up and down waving his hand. And in the thoughts of everyone who did know Gai, it went a little something like this: 'HO shit…….this can't be good. Must hide. Run!' All those who didn't stupidly stared at him thinking, 'What the hell is his problem?'
But Gai, ignoring the shocked and scared looks of most of the Jonin and Genin, jumped into the circle and performed the jutsu. He looked like a female version of himself. And everyone was a little more emo for a long time after that because it was apparent that Gai had no sense of beauty when it came to women. They should have guessed with the way he acted. To give it more detail, the woman had immense eyebrows over a masculine face, the same hair cut that Gai and Lee possessed, and was wearing green spandex. Not pretty.
Itachi made a move to go into the center, just to get it over with and leave. He didn't want to endure anymore torture and they had a Kyuubi to catch. But Sasuke noticed this and beat him to it, jumping into the circle and kicking Gai out on his butt in process. He focused his chakra and made the same hand signs as Naruto.
"Sexy no Jutsu!" he cried and as the smoke cleared, people ran for their lives. The thing before them, as it could only be described, was a hideous, naked fat lady.
(R: If you have seen Konohamaru's first try at the jutsu, this was much worse.)
Among those left were Jiraiya, who was trying to scratch out his eyes, Kakashi, who was hiding behind his book to make the badness go away, Itachi, Neji, Kisame, Shino, Kiba, and Naruto. Sasuke fainted from seeing a reflection of himself in Shino's glasses. No one moved for quite a time and some shinobi came back.
"Kisame. It's your turn." said a still shaken Naruto. Hopefully his performance would be infinitely better than Sasuke's.
Kisame walked into the middle of the clearing, mentally preparing himself for the jutsu. Jiraiya had calmed himself by reading his books and reasoning that he couldn't make any more of them if he didn't do more 'research' and get that horrid thing out of his mind. Kakashi was still mentally disturbed, twitching every so often and mumbling about hairy toads.
"Orioke no Jutsu!" The smoke cleared and everyone's anticipation melted into boredom, anger, and one single thought: Kisame is mentally retarded.
The aforementioned party had changed into a slender mako shark and was 'drowning in air' on the ground. Not only had he changed into an animal with gills, he didn't bring the necessary water with him and was dying because he couldn't get any 'air'. Needless to say, he lost all the respect he had earned from killing people and had the second lowest score.
At this point in the contest, all those that were awake were either disappointed, mentally scarred, or afraid of killing others on site via bad visuals. Not that they would, or that they showed it. But the fear was still there.
After regaining their composer (and courage), which took 30 minutes, they looked around to decide who would go next. All looked at Neji.
R: poor Neji-kun. This will hurt his pride.
Of course Neji had used his Byakugan(R: if I misspelled it, please correct me) to see how Naruto's chakra moved to help him repeat the jutsu. The hard part was what he was going to transform into. So he turned to his dreams……
(R: *evil smirk* hehehehehe)
"Orioke no Jutsu!" The smoke cleared to show a scantily clad Tenten. And it was actually quite good. But Lee always had to be a downer.
"Neji! Your flame of youth is being put to bad use! Your flame of youth will soon be as black as the Frog Hermit's!!!!" But no one really cared. At least they didn't feel the urge to kill themselves. Sasuke woke up then and they helped the Uchiha to his feet making him promise that he wouldn't ever use that jutsu, on pain of death, unless it was necessary to the survival of the village. Which was, hopefully, never.
"Well, well. What do we have here? A bunch of shinobi out in the forest practicing jutsu?" Orochimaru decided to speak up after watching the last contestant, vaguely amused at what the jutsu did, but, more importantly, was interested in collecting it. It had possibilities. Kabuto had assisted him in traveling and was standing just behind him, giving all the younger guys a once-over.
(If you guys don't get what I'm hinting at, you clearly haven't heard bunches of Naruto crazed fans discuss the series.)
"Hey, Orochimaru! Come join-uh, I mean, what the hell are you doing here?" Jiraiya asked, or shouted over the group of ninja. Most that had fainted earlier on were in varying degrees of consciousness and had jumped at the coming of the Sound nin (some fell back over).
"We've come to get Sasuke-kun back. He is, after all, an important asset to our plans." Replied Kabuto, slightly hurt that he wasn't acknowledged. He did everything for Orochimaru; spying, first aid, collecting people. People should recognize him.
Meanwhile, Itachi was inching away from Orochimaru as said ninja come closer to him. Unfortunately, or fortunately for Itachi, Oro-teme was just going over to talk to Sasuke, who was trying to kill Itachi. Again.
"Hello Sasuke-kun. We missed you at the base. We were just about to, uh, elevate your training." said Orochimaru with an evil grin. Kabuto was eavesdropping like always and getting a tad ticked off. He wanted 'elevated training' with Orochimaru. And poor Sasuke just wasn't getting exactly what Orochimaru was saying, just the same as before. And, just like before, he didn't get the hints dropped by Kabuto to stay away for Orochimaru. Hints like, say, poison in his food, snakes in his bed, or random kunai that appeared out of nowhere or almost hit him 'by accident'.
Itachi, being the cool, stone-cold family killing ninja that he is whipped out a bottle of holy water and started yelling " Back devil! The power of Christ compels you!!" while squirting said bottle on to Orochimaru and sheparding Sasuke away from him.
"Itachi. What the hell? You know Orochimaru?" Sasuke asked his older (and much sexier) brother.
"Yes." Itachi replied, when his holy water ran out. "He was also in Akatsuki. That bastard kept hitting on me and finally left when I threatened to kill myself. Of course, that was also when he found out that I had a little brother."
" …….You mean he's gay?"
"Very much so."
"Ohh……That explains a lot."
"Sasuke. You're an idiot!!!" Naruto laughed and pointed at the Uchiha, who has no sense of humor or, apparently, romance.
