A/N: Ack, I can't believe I lost this chapter! Thank you so much Shi-Koi!!! You rock! And thank you everyone who sent me a copy of this chapter. You are all life savers!!!


The Art of Drowning

Your Own Personal Boogeyman


"He's just trying to scare you, Lawli. Don't let him."

"B-but, Li-Light! What if th-th-the ghost -"

"LAWLI! There's no such thing as ghosts, stupid! Walter was just making it up to scare you!"

"I'm not scared!"

At least Light had riled Lawli up enough that he had gotten rid of that ridiculous stutter.

"Sure, you're not," Light replied easily.

"I'm not! And you and I both know that this building was converted into an orphanage from a sanatorium! There's been a plethora of mentally unstable people dying in and around this building throughout the years!" glared Lawli.

"Yes, but what are the chances that their undead souls haunt the rooms of eight year olds, Lawli?"

"Well, technically, I'm ten. You're eight. And according to Walter, it's pretty high!"

"Of course Walter would say it's high! He's a big, fat bully, and all he wants to do is scare you, and you know what? You're letting him! Where did your common sense go, Lawli? Up a tree?"

"Why would my common sense go up a tree, Light? That, in an of itself, is a contradiction to your statement. Common sense is a metaphorical concept that lacks the physicality to scale trees. Lawli 1,997 to Light 1,999. Ha, I'm catching up."

Light scowled at the smug look on his friend's face. He didn't want to lose his lead, but at least Lawli wasn't harping on about that stupid ghost Walter had mentioned at dinner.

It was quiet. They had been whispering to each other, albeit heatedly. Since they both shared the same bed, it was easy to stay up late and talk since they were in such close proximity.

It had been that way for as long as either of them could remember.

"Light?" asked Lawli, his voice sounding very small all of the sudden, even in a whisper.

Light was immediately worried at the abrupt change in mood the conversation had taken. He sighed. Lawli was scared again.

"Yeah, Lawli?"

"J-just in case there are gh-ghosts haunting this place, you'd protect me, right?"

Light smiled slightly. Even though Lawli was about two years older than him, he sure didn't act like it all the time.

"Well, duh, Lawli. I'll always protect you. No matter what kind of boogey man is trying to get you."


L felt his heart stop when he heard the scream. All he could think about was Raito standing over a bloodied and weak Watari.

However, he could not have anticipated the sight that greeted him after slamming into the room. Watari was standing in front of the monitors, perfectly healthy, and staring at the thrashing figure featured from several different angles on the rows of monitor screens.

It was then that L noticed that the screaming had not stopped, and that it was coming from the man on the screen. Raito.

"What?" he asked, dazedly. His shocked question was rhetorical, but Watari answered nonetheless.

"I haven't the faintest."

"How long has this been going on?" asked L, sitting in his favorite spin chair, knees drawn to his chest.

"Hurting himself like that? Only a few minutes. He just started screaming."

L's mind leapt from theory to theory on what could have caused Raito to act in such a manner. He had never seen the man act in such a way before, and it unsettled him.

"I should wait until he stops, before I go in there," suggested L, chewing madly at his thumb.

Watari hummed in agreement.

But the sobbing didn't stop and neither did the thrashing. Not for over two hours, and when it did, it was only because the man's voice couldn't scream anymore. The choked sobs still came. Watari had retired to bed, intent on getting a few more hours sleep before meeting with the investigation team on L's behalf. L hadn't the inclination to deal with them.

L quirked his head slightly, studying the gasping, withering figure on the screen. He hated waiting. It was so tedious.

"I can't stand it anymore," L murmured to himself.

He sat his tea down with a decisive clink. He desired nothing more than to find out what was happening. He just couldn't stand not knowing. At first he had postulated that this was a trick of Kira's, or that maybe Raito had regained his memories of his time as Kira and was having a very adverse reaction.

It could still very well be any of those reasons, but L didn't know for sure. The screaming had gone on for an awfully long time, and now it had dwindled down to gasping sobs. So instead of sitting around pontificating on the various reasons for Raito's sudden knowledge and subsequent breakdown, L was going to find out what was happening.

He opened the door to find Raito more or less in the exact position he had been in for the past couple of hours.

Raito looked up to see who had entered, and when he saw L, his quiet sobs stopped all together.

Raito stared at L wide eyed, as if he was seeing a ghost, with some sort of emotion that L couldn't identify, and had never seen within Raito's eyes before.

It most definitely put him on edge.


Light couldn't stop the sobs, and he didn't try. He had screamed for what seemed like days, but they had eventualy stopped coming. However, his sobs were never ending, just like the pain. He hadn't even noticed the degradation of his vocal chords until the door had opened and he was there, staring at him.

L.

Lawli.

What had he done? What had Light done to get himself in this mess? He was so confused, heartbroken, and happy at the same time that the emotional cocktail almost made him physically ill.

He was Kira.

But he was also Light, and had been Light much longer than he had ever been Kira.

Light hadn't spent so long screaming and sobbing just because he was upset. That didn't mean he wasn't. God, no, he was upset. Unbearably, painfully, indescribably upset. But he was also waging a battle within himself so violent that the screams of rage and pain tore out of him without censure.

Light vs. Kira.

Kira vs. Light.

And Light was terrified that he would be overcome by the darkness that resided within him.

It was like two different people were battling for dominance in the same body. On one side was Kira, the insanity and darkness that had twisted naïve, but noble intentions into the blackest form of blasphemy, helped along by Light's thirst for justice to be brought to Lawli's murderer, and his fear that someone else he may come to love would fall victim to the rotten people who commited such heinous crimes in this world.

Then there was Light.

Light was the one who had been so horrified at the atrocities he had committed when he had first come into contact with the Death Note that he had been physically ill. He recognized Kira's intentions as short-sighted and naive. Yes, the world was full of rotten people, but the world would always be filled with rotten people no matter what happened, and Kira's work would not last. He truly wasn't a god, no matter what his alter-ego believed. And Light loved his friend. He would never want to dishonor Lawli's memory by bending to the will of Kira.

But despite his intentions, Light had. He had dishonored Lawli in the worst way possible. He was too weak and had given in too easily, and the Death Note had amplified the subtle darkness within Light until it had completely eclipsed any of the good that still remained, creating Kira in its wake.

Kira had taken over. That dark part of his soul had completely drowned Light in its darkness in that moment of horror and weakness as Light fully realized the repercussions of using the Death Note so long ago. That was when Light had been lost.

Kira was a sociopath, a sick bastard riddled with megalomania and suffering from a severe Messiah complex, and he had wrecked havoc on the world.

But then Light had given up ownership of the Death Note. Kira had retreated to the dark recesses of his mind, and Light was once again free. Kira was not influencing him in any overt way, and for the first time in months, Light had been free of the insanity.

However, his memories had returned, and Kira had risen once again. It wasn't until Light had realized exactly who had been sitting across from him for months that Kira's power had faltered, and Light had seized the opportunity to gain control from Kira, his alter-ego who desired nothing more than to see L dead and the world bend to his will.

It was strange for Light to actively consider Kira as a different entity rather than a darker, more sinister reputation of Light's sins, but it was easier for Light to identify with Kira as if it was another entity, because Light was certain that no part of himself would want his best friend dead. For all Light really knew, Kira was a separate being brought about by the Death Note that just happened to share his mind.

And Light did not want Lawli dead. Not again. Not ever again. He'd be damned to the darkest circle of Hell before Light could ever harm his friend.

Therefore, Kira was a separate entity, an entity that must, at all costs, not win against Light's will. It was that simple.

But fighting the darkness within him was by no means simple.

The battle within his mind that had left Light a screaming, thrashing figure on the floor had been a close one. Kira had relented, escaping to the corners of Light's mind, slithering and caressing Light's mind in such a grotesque way that Light swore he could feel it. But Light was in control again. He was really in control for the very first time in months, and that was the important thing. He wasn't without his memories, and he was completely in control, just like it had once been before the Death Note had entered his life.

But with this thought, the darkness lashed out at his consciousness before slinking back into his mind once again, as if subtley reminding him that it was still there. No, maybe it would never be like it had once been, but it close enough that Light could control the darkness that resided within him.

For now.

And when Lawli walked into his cell, the darkness had shied away from the love that Light still carried for his long lost friend. Light embraced his feelings, relishing the way that Kira had all but disappeared. It was then that he could finally stop the broken sobs escaping his mouth.

Light gazed at Lawli in wonder. This was the boy, no, he was a man now, that Light had grown up with. They had spent years together. Up until what Light had believed was their permanent separation, Light had not gone one single day without somehow being in physical contact with him. He had quite literally spent almost a full decade with Lawli, and he had to protect him from Kira, at any cost.

The thought came from nowhere, but Light grabbed onto it like a lifeline. Hadn't that always been Light's job? He had always been Lawli's protector, and he would protect Lawli with his dying breath, even if it meant protecting Lawli from the thing that resided within himself.

A tentative plan began to form within his mind, and Light let it alone. He didn't quite grasp the details, but he knew that it would make itself known when the time was right. His plans always worked out that way.

Light lifted his eyes once more to the silent figure who had entered the cell, catching the detective's guarded gaze.

It was like Light was really seeing the detective for the very first time, despite how long he had spent in the man's presence. Knowing who the detective truly was had changed the way that Light percieved him. Light desperately searched Lawli's eyes for recognition - any recognition - but found none.

Lawli might have known he was Kira, but obviously that was as far as his knowledge went.

Either that, or Lawli was just a really good actor.

Light didn't know which one was worse.


A/N: tired. so tired. please review.