Chapter 2: Time Will Tell

Lights on Coruscant weren't scattered or far between, but instead wreathed the skyscrapers as if every day was a holiday. This extravagant illumination made nighttime visibility almost parallel to daytime, and as Danni Quee sauntered slowly across the rooftop flat at dusk she was more than able to see the muscle tension in Jacen's back. He had been spending more and more time here, at the new Jedi Temple, of late, and it was easy to trace his Force-signature once she was inside the building. "Jacen," she breathed finally, just loud enough for him to hear. He looked over his shoulder at her, throwing her the lopsided smile that had once-upon-a-time made her stomach turn over on itself.

"Hey," he grinned, extending his arm for her to come watch the sun set over the skyline with him.

Danni didn't move, but instead crossed her arms over her chest. "I've picked a date."

"A date for what?" he asked nonchalantly.

Danni swallowed hard, raising her chin. "Our wedding."

Jacen's smile faded, and he turned away from her. "Why can't you be happy with what we have?"

"Because we don't have anything," she snapped, hands clenching into fists.

"We have each other," he argued softly. "Why do we need to get married?"

Danni looked at her feet, wearied from the argument they had had too many times to count. And yet, he never seemed to understand. "I love you, Jacen Solo. I love being with you, and I want nothing more in this world than to spend the rest of my life at your side."

He turned a soft expression to her, one that she knew was specifically aimed to mollify her anger. "We can do that without getting married."

"But I have other dreams, too," she pressed on, resolute. She would make him understand. "I want a family, not just a lover. I'm not as young as you Jacen, and in a lot of ways I think I carry my age more heavily. Thirty is so close I can smell it. I don't want to have my children that late in life, and when I have children I want to be able to tell them that Mommy and Daddy made a commitment to each other and are married. Can you give me that?"

He studied with great intent the pattern of ferrocrete dust trampled by dozens of Jedi feet. "Some day, yes," he said finally. "But I don't want to burn any bridges. I love you, and right now I feel like I'll love you forever, but nothing is sealed in the stars. Look at my sister: had you ever seen two people more in love than she and Jag? But I haven't talked to her in months when she hasn't told me that she grieved for her wasted youth. I don't want to feel that way. I want to live and experience and know that this is what I want before I make a commitment to you that we both regret."

Danni bit her lower lip against the tears that welled in her eyes. She hugged herself closer, and Jacen came to her, pulling her against his chest and kissing her head softly. "I do love you, Danni. Can't you wait until I know?"

Danni pulled away, wiping furiously at the tears. "I already know that you're what I want, and if you don't then this problem is bigger than I thought. What do you want me to do, Jacen? I can't wait for you forever."

Jacen looked slightly indignant at the comment. "If you loved me you would wait until I was ready."

Anger flared in her chest, and she felt her face flush in response. "If you loved me you would let me go! Don't hold me back, Jacen. If you don't want me, let me move on. I love you more than words can say, and I know that I'm never going to be able to leave you when you keep begging me to stay. And yet I'm digging my own grave because I know that you'll never give me what I need or want. So tell me, Jacen: is this 'freedom' so important to you that it takes precedence over me? Because if you can't look me in the eyes right now and tell me that we'll get married within the month, I'm leaving while I still have the strength of will."

"Would you force me into an alliance I didn't want?" Jacen asked back heatedly.

Danni felt the blood drain from her face, and eventually away from all her extremities, making her go cold all over. "No," she whispered hoarsely. She nodded slowly, the emotion of only a few moments ago completely unreachable in her numb state. "Thank you. Thank you for the past four years, and for making it so easy for me to walk away tonight."

The firelight was a gentle glow, the soft illumination casting a shadow over Jaina's bare silhouette. The flickering flames danced over her hair and skin, casting it a burnished gold in the darkness. Even with the hearth as the only source of light, he could easily make out the curve of her body, the sinewy muscles of her back moving with fluid ease as she shifted on the soft rug in front of the fire. Jag bit the inside of his cheek, wondering what had ever possessed him to get up and leave the comfort of her embrace. The wine glass in his hand sloshed as he stepped forward, reminding him: thirst.

He sat down softly beside her, wordlessly offering the drink in his hand. She took it without looking at him, sipping the burgundy liquid thoughtfully. Jag couldn't help but admire the subtly sensuous way her lips curved around the rim.

The vacation on Corellia was the first they had had since...well, he supposed it was the first ever. They both had been loath to leave one-year-old Hanna behind, but in the end had faith in Luke and Mara's ability to take care of her in their absence. The other hang up had been Chak, but he was still mostly unresponsive to their attempts at getting to know him. Dr. Banks had assured them he would be fine while they were gone, and Jag guessed that it wouldn't make much difference to him whether they were there or not, considering he still lived in the clinic.

Jaina sat down the chalice and turned a delicate smile on him. "This place has a way of making the galaxy look so much simpler."

Jag looked up towards the ceiling, which was made of panels of transparisteel, offering a fantastic view of the stars outside. "I could live here," he stated finally.

"Do you think, if our marriage had never been arranged, that somehow we would have ended up together?" she asked, picking the glass up again, taking another sip, and handing it back to him.

Jag considered as he took a drink himself, savoring the rich, aged-sweet flavor. "If my father had never joined the Empire, and your father had never become a smuggler, we both could have been raised right here. Could have grown up in the same city, the same street. But that's a lot of big ifs."

"Yeah," agreed, turning fully to face him, "but what about destiny? Do you believe in it?"

For a minute, all he could meditate on was the fantastic way her face was lighted by the fire, the way her eyes glowed like melted amber and gold. Then he blinked, and forced himself to focus on her question. "I think," he began slowly, "that love has a way of finding you. You can search for it all you want, but in the end you have no control over who your heart picks for you. And at least in my experience, my heart was a lot wiser than I could ever be."

She smiled fully then, the grin making her look much younger than he knew the woman he had spent the last two hours loving was. Her arms snaked around his neck and she pulled him close, and he was obliged to lean forward. "If there is such a thing as destiny, I have no doubt that no matter what other lives we could have led, all paths would lead me right here, into your arms."

They kissed, fully, passionately; and eventually lost themselves in the heat of the fire and their own desire.

Jag awoke with a start, in the full throes of a cold sweat. His ears rang, and irritatedly he smacked the side of his own head. It was a few seconds later that he realized the ringing was coming from the comm unit. Dazed and visibly upset, he crawled from between the sheets of the bed. Reaching the station he slapped the button aggravatedly. "Fel."

"General, we've entered the Csilla system," an emotionless voice came back.

"Ready my shuttle," he instructed.

"Yes, Sir."

Jag remained sitting. The dream had been almost as real as the actual event. He could still smell the mixture of wine and Jaina's perfume, the blue and orange flicker of the fireplace.

That had been a long time ago. A time when he had still been sure that his marriage was unbreakable. When Jaina had been happy. When he could still make her happy.

With a wistful and slightly painful sigh, Jag pulled out his personal comlink and said, "Chak?"

After a few seconds of waiting, his older brother's voice replied groggily, "What?"

"Get dressed, it's time to go."

Csilla looked much the same as Jag had remembered it. Still snow white with streaks of ice-blue, the planet was ringed with battle groups and defense platforms, fortifying the Ascendancy's capital world.

Chak sat in the copilot's station, boots propped lazily on the control board as he watched Jag maneuver one of the Valorous's many shuttles towards their mutual homeworld. "Did we really live here?" he asked.

"For our early childhood, yes," Jag replied stiffly. He still hadn't rid himself of the discomfort inflicted upon him by the dream the night before. "We were taken early to the training academy, though, and often shipped off world. But this was always the place designated as home."

The comm crackled and a Chiss voiced exploded from its speakers. "Shuttle Deviant, identify your crew and intentions."

"Csillian Control, this is General Jagged Fel of the GFFA and Imperial Remnant. I carry one passenger, my brother Chak Fel, and we are here with the my flagship the Valorous on a strictly personal matter. Family reasons only."

There was a pause. Then, "Instruct the Valorous to retreat to the edge of the system and remain in a strict orbit. Then proceed to these landing coordinates."

A stream of numbers scrolled across his display. "Understood." Quickly he switched frequencies and said in Basic, "Fel to Valorous. Retreat to very edge of the system and await further instructions."

"Yes, General."

After weaving his way through the capital ships and battle cruisers, the shuttle finally broke atmosphere. The icy plains glistened wildly in the morning sun, and Jag felt a excited thrill run down his spine at once again being home. "I wish Hanna could see this," he said partly to himself.

"Why didn't she and Jaina come?" Chak asked.

Jag chewed his lower lip, searching for an appropriate answer. "The Chiss...well, something happened a long time ago, and the CEDF don't want her here."

Chak threw him a sideways glance. "And these people are our family?"

Jag sighed as he pulled the shuttle in for a landing. "Don't worry. It's not as bad as it sounds."

The apartment was oddly quiet, unsettling Jaina. Hanna had went to bed over an hour ago, but Jaina remained awake, watching the Holonet. She and Jacen weren't as close as they had been as children, but their bond remained intact enough for her to know his moods when they were on the same planet. And at the moment, her twin was as full of anxiety as she had ever felt him. She expected that any minute now he would be calling...

And there he is, she smiled as the comm begin to sound. Bracing her feet and clutching the sides of the sofa, Jaina forced her pregnant girth out of the chair and over to the unit. After flicking a few switches, her brother's haggard face appeared from the shoulders up in front of her. "Jacen," she sighed, feeling like a mother scolding her child.

"She left me," he began without preamble.

Jaina sighed, but the turn of events was not unexpected. They had all seen Jacen's relationship with Danni Quee deteriorate, and it seemed Jacen was the only one who hadn't seen it coming. "Well tell me what happened," she said, more because it would be therapeutic for him than that she wanted to know.

"She wanted to get married this month," he said, expression anguished. "I told her no. And she left."

"Did she just leave, or did she say she was actually breaking up with you?"

"We're over, Jaina," he said, sounding like he himself couldn't believe it.

"Jacen, I really don't understand why you're so upset. I mean, either you want her or you don't. You basically told her you didn't. What's wrong with her wanting to move on?"

"I love her, Jaina," he stated. "I do want her. I'm just afraid."

"Afraid of what?" she asked softly.

"Of ending up like you."

That set her aback. Jaina blinked a few times, then leaned away from the screen. "What?"

"You know," he said uncomfortably. "Stuck. You tell me all the time how you wish you could have been a fighter pilot, but how you can't because you want Hanna to have a mother like we didn't."

"I do wish I could have lived a little, sometimes," Jaina admitted. "But I love my family. I love my children, and Jag. I don't want to get out of it."

"Jaina, I know all that. That's not what I meant. I'm just saying that I know there are things in life you want to do but can't because you're married with kids. I don't want to sacrifice that."

"Forgive me, but that's a little selfish, Jacen," she said. "You can't have it both ways."

"I'm selfish?" he scoffed. "I think taking on the responsibility of marriage when you can't commit to or be happy with it is selfish."

More than a little put off, Jaina scowled at the image of her brother. "Is this a pity party or a Jaina-bashing match, I'm a little confused?"

"I'm sorry," he said, sounding sincere. "I'm just so torn up. I don't know what I want."

"Well I suggest you decide, and then do what's right," she told him stiffly. "But I really am sorry about you and Danni. But I'm also tired, and the baby's wanted to go to bed for hours. I'll come by in the morning," she promised.

"Okay," he said reluctantly. Jaina cut the connection irritatedly. How dare he tell her she was unhappy? Maybe she had a tendency to dwell on the what-ifs, but that didn't mean she didn't want her family. No, she loved them all so much.

She supposed the problem was really that she was just beginning to realize what her mother had taken from her. She wanted the life she had, but resented the fact that she had had no choice in it. Even taking care of Hanna wouldn't have been enough to make her resentful, but to have to give up her job and her position in the military to take care of her brother-in-law...it had been a little much. And sitting every day for two years doing just that had been enough to allow her dwell on all the other things she could have done with her life. It was enough to make her feel utterly useless.

Having pulled herself into a weary depression, Jaina unhappily trudged off to bed.