A/N: This chapter was a bit harder to write, surprisingly. I always imagined that Byakuya would be more difficult to write than Renji but I found it to be quite the opposite. I did my best to try to keep him in character while sticking to the theme of the story; I hope I did a sufficient job. If not, tips on improving would be greatly appreciated! I hope to try to write more Renji in the future to help myself with effectively writing different personality types.
Sword skill training – my favorite of the field training days with the squad. Today was good, the new recruits are getting the hang of things and our seated members are making steady progress.
I walked into the office after training; I knew I was a mess so my greeting to Taicho was quick and simple. He didn't respond so I rushed to my desk to get started on today's paperwork. It still bothers me that he doesn't even greet me half the time that I see him. It's like I'm not even worthy of his words or attention, just like the dirt under his feet, still. He doesn't even bother to tell me I've made mistakes most of the time now. He just expects me to notice them and correct them myself. The heat today wasn't helping my attempt to behave properly for Taicho.
Sure I could have went and took a shower and changed clothes, but then I'd have been late. I could feel the heat pooled around my head, held in by my hair. I leaned back in my chair, relishing in the cool breeze from the window. I pulled my hair tie out and took off my bandana to shake the heat from my head. The release felt so good I forgot where I was for a moment and wiped some of the sweat from my chest with my bandana. I turned to drape it over the back of my chair and noticed Taicho, displeasure clear on his delicate features.
I sat up straight and got to work in an attempt to remove that reaction from his face. I wondered how he kept it together so easily when this heat seemed to have the power to break anything down. That I can't even begin to comprehend how he keeps his composure probably has something to do with why I behave like nothing more than the stray dog that I am. Taicho must hate me, I thought to myself.
I am nothing like Taicho, he's graceful, delicate, gentile, and beautiful, all in his own unique way. He's the personification of the word noble. Everything about him is centuries beyond me. I often wonder if Taicho will ever see me as a human, or at least as more than a wild animal. Sometimes I even wish he would…
He alone has filled my thoughts and desires for decades. Maybe I wouldn't have let my desires morph into something entirely different than what they began as, if only I has his level of control. If I could control myself, like him, I wouldn't allow myself to let my goal to waiver, fade, and change.
I can picture him on a moonlit night, in a perfectly manicured garden, stealing all the glory from his surroundings with a natural ease. I can see myself breaking into his scene of serenity and defiling his perfect garden, his perfect nobility, his perfect body. This is what I have been reduced to. My desire to surpass him is no longer limited to the battlefield. I want to make him whimper in defeat, scream my name, and quiver beneath my touch.
My thoughts are raw, feral, wild; I can feel the heat building in my body again. I pull at my collar a bit to let some of the heat out while I attempt to reign in my thoughts. He gasps quietly from where he's sitting, looking at me out of the corner of his eye, almost as if my thoughts had been projected across the room for him to hear. We both return to our work, me trying to hide the slight blush creeping up on my cheeks, him as if he'd never stopped to begin with.
Moments later, I can hear the shuffle of paper, and then I feel his presence behind me. He leans over me to place a small stack of papers on my desk. He lingers for just a second, long enough for me to deeply smell his sweet, unique scent. Senbonzakura is not visible on his body, in the way Zabimaru is on mine. Still, the sweet scent of cherry blossoms follows Taicho everywhere he goes; it's practically fused into his reiatsu. His own natural scent combined with Senbonzakura's scent is teasing to my senses. I remain as still as I can in an effort to allow him to linger a bit more, like a doe in the forest, I don't want to scare him with movement.
I can't hold back a small sigh when he finally stands, I already miss his presence. I can almost feel him smile slightly behind me, as if he were teasing me, rubbing it in my face that I'll never be worthy of him. This fills me with a newfound rage; I must continue to try to be stronger than him. Maybe he'll acknowledge me then…
