Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I honestly was surprised by the reaction this got, and am a little sorry for not updating earlier. Only one chapter, but it got a lot of reviews and favorites. I'm flattered. And a little embarrassed that the thing I started to break writer's block has more fans than some of my more serious stories. Even so, the mob has spoken.
Anyway, I'm still willing to accept votes on who Saito will end up with, but I've mostly made up my mind already. It just isn't going to happen for a long time yet. I've also decided who I'll be shipping Louise with, which I'm pretty sure hasn't been done before. Or at least, not done very well. But shipping isn't going to happen for a while. Start looking for it around chapter ten or so, I estimate.
I'd also like to assure my readers that this is not going to just copy and follow the original Familiar of Zero plot. I've seen too many stories where nothing actually changes except the names and some bad-assery, but the plot is essentially the same. I will completely derail cannon at a certain point, and you will know it when you see it, but I have to build up to it first. And to be honest, I've done some reading, and I'm shocked no one else thought of it first.
But I'm gloating instead of letting you read, so I'll stop now and leave you to the story. As always, I don't own Familiar of Zero or anything else this story references. If I did, it wouldn't be so trite and repetitive, and the main characters would actually get development. Also, Devastator is a reference from The Measure of a Titan by General Havoc. Try it. It rocks.
"Wake up you lazy dog!"
"Mnah, master," Saito complained, raising a hand to halfheartedly block her attempts to kick him, "is this an appropriate way to treat your familiar?"
"You said to treat you as a commoner, so I shall," Louise replied archly. "And noble or not you are still a headache. Where were you last night when I was preparing for bed?"
"Familiarizing myself with the castle," he replied, rising to his feet. If he were a loli, Saito would have to admit that Louise looked rather fetching in her demure, white nightgown. Considering how cute she is, it's probably for the better that she's violent. If she'd woken me up with some cutesy baby-sister routine I probably would have gone into insulin shock.
"Didn't you spend all afternoon familiarizing yourself with the castle?"
"It's a rather large castle," Saito replied, and remembered to add on, "master." Louise humphed.
"Regardless, in the future I expect you to be present and aid me with such tasks as you can fulfill. There's laundry for you to wash in the corner," she added, pointing. "Now dress me."
Saito raised an eyebrow, seeing her pull off her nightgown. "Is that entirely appropriate, master?"
"How could it be inappropriate? You are my familiar—my servant. A noble will never robe themselves if there are servants to aid them."
"I am still a guy," Saito replied, but he moved to help her dress anyways. If this is the norm, I might as well. It still seems a bit odd, though.
"You are still my familiar. What have I to fear?" Louise replied, slipping into a blouse. "It is not as though you will be overcome with lust for my body, is it?"
"Of course not," Saito answered without thinking, "I've seen much better."
Rubbing the mark Louise had left as they exited a few minutes later, he reflected that he had to start thinking more. It would save him some bruises.
There were three other doors in the hall besides Louise's. Just then, one of them opened, and a girl stepped out.
Exotic, Saito thought to himself. I wonder if she's naturally tan, or if she's descended from someone on a different continent. The girl was tall, with dusky brown skin and brilliant red hair, and was very well endowed. He swept his eyes up and down briefly, and settled back on her face. I've seen better, but not much.
"Louise, good morning to you," the girl called with a grin. Instead of answering back politely, Saito noted, his master grit her teeth and replied shortly.
"Von Zerbst. Good morning."
"And this is your familiar? Well, it really is a human. How odd," she mused, stepping to the side of her doorway. "A proper familiar is like this. Flame!" A brilliant lizard waddled into the hallway, appearing to smile eagerly at everyone.
"A salamander," Louise grunted, impressed despite herself. It was larger than most dogs and produced a wave of heat just by walking into the hallway.
"Yes, and do you see its skin and the flame on its tail? This is a salamander from the Fire Dragon Mountains, no less. Breeders can't even put a price on a specimen like Flame. Fitting for a mage like myself, no?" she boasted, sticking out her considerable chest with pride.
"Why don't you sell it then, Kirche?" Louise retorted sharply. Saito's eyes focused on the redhead at the mention of her name, realizing she was Tabitha's friend. "You're a fire element, aren't you?"
"But of course," Kirche laughed. "Do you suppose the von Zerbst flame that flows within my body could allow for anything less, Louise? I have to wonder, though, what element could be signified by a human familiar? None at all, perhaps?" She laughed and continued down the hall.
Louise growled after her.
"It's just occurred to me to ask, master, but how many elements can a person be?" Saito queried.
"One, of course! Who ever heard of someone being two elements at once? Using two, of course, but not being. What kind of question is that?"
"A misunderstood one, master. I meant, how many possible elements could a person be. You said that Miss Zerbst was fire, but what else could someone be?"
"Fire, water, wind, and earth," Louise explained, exasperated. "Those are the four elements of magic, along with the lost element of void that was possessed by the Founder, and none other. If you don't know that, I can't believe you were a noble at all." They began walking down the hall, hopefully towards breakfast.
"My homeland uses a different system of categorizing elements, master. That's all. Where do plants fall in the elements?"
"Earth, though sometimes with a little water."
"And lightning?"
"Wind, sometimes with fire as well."
"Sound?"
"Air as well."
"Metal is earth?"
"Obviously."
"What about living beings?"
"Mostly they don't fall into the categories, but healing is water," Louise answered.
"Huh. What about psychic phenomenon, like seeing the future or reading minds?"
"Don't be ridiculous," Louise snapped. "No one can do those things!"
"On the contrary, master, I knew several seers and empaths at home. They had limits, but their powers were the real thing."
"Really?" she asked surprised. "I shall have to hear more about your homeland sometime. It sounds interesting. But here we are." They stepped into a large hall. There were three large tables laid out parallel at which various students were gathered, and a fourth table perpendicular to the others where the teachers sat. "The Alviss dining hall," Louise told him.
Add another table and it would be just like Hogwarts, Saito thought to himself. "Alviss?"
"The name of the dolls around the edges," Louise told him, moving toward the center table. All three were decked out decadently. "They're enchanted to occasionally dance around during the night, and for special occasions. We don't just learn magic here, you know. 'Nobles achieve nobility through magic,' is the school motto, and we're trained in all arts of nobility here. The dining hall, and the rest of the school, reflects that. Most people—commoners—wouldn't set foot in here their entire lives."
"Then should I be here?" Saito asked. "I don't see very many familiars."
"Mostly they eat out in the courtyard," Louise told him. "The tables are for nobles only."
"Then unless my master wishes me to accompany her, I will find my own meal," Saito answered. The kitchens should be well stocked this time of day.
"Go on," Louise said idly, waving him away.
Saito spent a few minutes eating quickly, and then stood up and offered to help.
"Here, let me get that," he said, seeing a young woman struggling with a platter of cakes.
"Ah! You're Mr. Hiraga, right?" she asked with a bright blush. He smiled warmly.
"Just Saito is fine. And you are?"
"My name is Siesta," she answered. "Really, I can handle this. No need to trouble yourself."
"No trouble at all. Especially for a pretty lady like yourself." He paused, but unlike Louise she smiled instead of whacking him one. I like her already.
"I'm no lady, just a maid," she said with a smile.
"Where I come from, a lady is not born, but one who acts with beauty and poise. I think you count."
"T-thank you!" she squeaked. "Um, this way, I'm passing the cakes out to the nobles." They walked out the door.
I'd wonder if the stupidity of people would ever cease to amaze me, but this doesn't even make my top five list. It's nine, or maybe eight at the highest, Saito thought to himself as he stood in the courtyard. A crowd of chattering nobles surrounded him, eagerly waiting the beginning of his impromptu duel with a blonde playboy. What was his name? Quiche, maybe? This place does seem a lot like France.
He idly fingered the three sharp kitchen knives he'd palmed before coming here. Louise, in between yelling at him for getting into this mess and failing to convince him to apologize, had explained the basics of the dueling etiquette he'd have to adhere to.
As the challenger, Quiche could name the time and place of the duel. He was also in charge of bringing any witnesses if he desired, declaring whether or not they required seconds, and arranging a referee if one was going to be present. Before they began, he would repeat for the witnesses his reason for calling the duel, and offer Saito the chance to apologize.
'To grovel,' Saito had corrected his master when she'd gotten to that point of the explanation.
'Yes, and grovel is what I want you to do!' she'd screamed at him as they headed towards the courtyard. 'I want you to apologize, grovel, beg and plead on your knees to keep Gramonte from killing you!'
'Do you really think he would?' Saito had asked, bemused, which brought her up short. When she'd demanded he explain, he'd continued, 'He's a teenager, Master. Like you, he grew up in luxury and plenty. In a life without struggle. And he's clearly a pleasant enough person that he attracted two girls to him in the first place. Do you really think he would kill me in cold blood, in front of all his classmates, for something as silly and stupid as this? At worst, I'll get a little roughed up and need some healing.'
The strawberry-blonde had reluctantly conceded his point, but hadn't let up on her insistence that he surrender. In fact, when they'd stopped by the kitchens to get the knives he held, the other servants had encouraged him to do the same, acting terrified on his behalf. Louise had used this to pour on the pressure.
'You are my familiar, and I order you to apologize to Guiche!' she'd shrieked. Oh, right, that's his name. I knew it sounded like quiche. She'd been gob-smacked when he refused. 'You…you what! No! You are my familiar, and you will obey my orders!'
'I am your familiar, and I act in your interests,' Saito had responded, taking the wind out of her sails. 'Tell me, Master…you already get teased by your fellows. How much worse do you think it would get if your familiar, already odd for being human, showed himself a coward as well. For your sake, master, I have to fight.' Louise had just stared at him, the kitchen completely silent as Saito walked at the door, before hurrying to catch up and continue her explanation of dueling etiquette.
Saito, as the challenged, had the right to set the terms of the duel. He could declare whether it was to end with first blood, unconsciousness, declared victory by a referee, disarmament, surrender, or death. He also could choose what weapons other than magic were to be used.
'But I can't make it a duel without magic?' he asked. It had been his first thought when learning that he could set the terms and choose weapons.
'No, they closed that loophole so that nobles would always have the advantage when dueling a commoner, although a duel between nobles might have them both agree to forgo using it. But it would be an unofficial agreement, not a rule,' Louise had answered.
'Nobles and commoners can duel?' Saito had asked, surprised.
'What do you think Guiche just did?' Louise had deadpanned back at him, earning a laugh.
When asking if Guiche's magic was anything special, she'd simply said that he was an earth element and dot mage, which was the lowest level a mage could be.
Currently, Saito's plan was simple. Declare that the duel would be to first blood, and then try to nail the blond ponce with a thrown knife. If worst came to worst, Saito could simply take a small hit and bleed, and Guiche would be declared the winner. Honor would be satisfied, he'd have made a stand, and everyone could move on.
"Well, I see that you are no coward, commoner!" Guiche stepped through the crowd and into the clearing in the middle of the courtyard. "Still, it does not change that you are knave and a fool. I cannot forgive one who makes a lady weep!" He brandished his rose-wand dramatically, but most of the crowd paid more attention to the black eye Montmorency had given him for his philandering. The handprint on his cheek from the other girl in question had already faded.
"I did try to keep it from happening," Saito objected mildly. "When you said the vial wasn't yours I began asking other people instead."
"And yet when Montmorency confronted you, you felt it prudent to disturb her delicate emotions by naming me as the one who had dropped the vial. And what's worse, she recognized you, and trusted your word over mine!"
"You're only digging yourself deeper," the blonde with the frog called from the audience, scoring a round of laughter as Guiche quailed.
"I make no apologies," Saito said simply, shrugging. "After all, 'no lie shall pass my lips in a lady's presence'." Guiche glared when Saito quoted the same line he had used in an attempt to pacify Montmorency.
"Well then, commoner, if you will not apologize I shall have to take my compensation through arms!" he announced, and everyone quieted down as the duel was about to begin.
"As the challenged, I can set the terms and weapons, correct?"
"That is so," he agreed stiffly.
"Do you have any objection to the use of blades and bare hands in addition to your magic?"
"None, though I shall not have need for such boorish means myself."
"First blood?" Guiche smiled smugly, and waved his wand, which let drop a single petal.
"First blood is quite sufficient, commoner. I am Guiche de Gramont," he announced, "but my runic name is Guiche the Bronze."
Bronze? As an earth mage, I suppose he specializes in metal, then. Will he conjure weapons and armor, orrrrrr-ohnoohnohnoohnoohnooh merciful bloody mother moon!
"As such, this bronze Valkyrie shall be your opponent. I wish you the best of luck in making it bleed," the noble proclaimed smugly. The rose petal had floated to the ground, and from where it touched sprang up a metal figure shaped like an armored woman.
A golem! He made. A bloody. Homunculus! In three seconds! That's freaking high-level magic, and he did it without blinking! It was only years of experience that kept Saito's poker face from breaking at the almost impossible sight before him. Even so, he'd grit his teeth hard to hide his shock, and bit the inside of his mouth on accident. The coppery taste of blood brought him back from his mental hiding place as Guiche waited for the commoner's response.
Either he's secretly a genius like none I've ever heard of, or this thing is different from the golems and homunculi back home. Maybe I can do this, but…I'll have to hit hard and fast. He focused on the comforting weight of the bracelet on his left wrist. And I'd been wanting to save those for real trouble. Hell! Saito took a calming breath and passed all three of the knives into his right hand, idly rubbing his right wrist. Then he raised his empty left hand, feeling the bracelet jangle against his wrist, and clenched it into a fist with a false smile on his face. I'll have to completely cow and impress him before he rips me completely apart with his spells. Wonderful. Well, at least I can put on a good show.
"If a knife won't cut it," Saito said mockingly, "then I'll just have to destroy it by hand, milord." He bowed flamboyantly and made a 'come-hither' gesture. Everyone laughed, even Guiche, though the ponce's was more mocking than humorous. With a flourish of his rose the statue charged forward with shocking speed.
I'll need to time this perfectly, and go for overkill, Saito thought in the two seconds he had before it was on him. He slid his feet into a stance and reared back his left hand. Then he punched forward as the Valkyrie thrust its right hand toward his chest.
There was a flash, and simultaneously the audience heard a sickening crack and the scream of tortured metal. Everyone winced.
Then they opened their eyes to see the golem go careening back across the courtyard, landing halfway between the two humans. The crowd was deathly silent. Saito was hunched over slightly, grimacing in pain, but he managed to straighten up. It was clear that he was favoring his left side, and kept that arm and hand curled against his chest, but he smoothed his face and gazed at his shocked opponent and the downed golem.
The Valkyrie had a hole punched all the way through its chest, the edges of which were slightly melted.
Guiche's mouth moved but he couldn't say anything; he simply looked from his statue to Saito in shock. Then Saito took a single step forward, and Guiche jerked back in panic.
"R-Rise," he called, summoning another six statues from dropped petals. Saito froze, changing his expression from an instinctive blanche to a scowl, and then to a passive smile.
"No need for that, Lord Guiche. I'd like to make a gentleman's agreement."
"A g-gentleman's agreement? What kind?"
I can't get close enough to tag him with a knife, I'm hurt, and those things will rip me apart in seconds. But I think I can make his pride even the odds for me, Saito decided.
"Your valkyries are very beautiful, milord," he said admiringly. "Truly, to destroy such beauty would be a greater crime than the one I committed that started this."
"O-Oh?" Guiche replied, calming down now that he wasn't about to be destroyed by some incomprehensible spirit in human flesh. His color returned and his breath evened out. "Yes, they are very beautiful. My greatest work as of yet."
"I bet you'll make much better ones soon. I couldn't live with myself if I was responsible for…sullying such art, however. I'd like to suggest that the match simply be between you and I, and our skill at arms. On my honor I swear that you will walk away in excellent health."
"Skill at arms?"
"Do you know swordplay? A man as noble as yourself must have skill in it," Saito suggested. "A simple fencing match to first blood would alleviate our differences, I think. They say you can tell a lot about a man from his way with weapons." The noble's eyes flicked between the downed golem, the confident Saito, and the other Valkyries between them. "I only mention this because if I have to fight your art as well, I'll have to fight all out. And I might not be able to… control myself," Saito threatened.
"Y-yes, quite," Guiche agreed magnanimously, conjuring a blade for himself.
"Excellent," Saito said with a cheerful smile, but Guiche didn't appear to be stepping any closer, even if the Valkyries had stepped to the side. He flicked his right wrist and the three knives buried themselves near the downed statue. One on each side of its neck, and one in the ground beneath the hole in its chest. "Now, I don't suppose I could impose upon you to loan me a blade? I seem to be lacking?"
Guiche nervously laughed along with the crowd, and one of his golems removed a sword from its hip and laid it at Saito's feet. The familiar bent over slowly, gritting his teeth at the effort, and drew it. "Will that suffice, commoner?"
"It's—" It's a little heavy, Saito had been going to say, but the instant his fingers touched the hilt, everything changed. A new wave of energy and excitement flowed into him like warm water, and suddenly Saito felt as light as air and as fresh as new snow. The pains across his body had faded into an annoying buzzing, unimportant at the back of his mind. Almost casually, he swung the blade twice, and the golem that had donated it fell to pieces. "It's wonderful," he said simply.
What is this? Did someone use an enchantment on me? Louise? Or maybe is the sword enchanted, and Guiche feels the same way. His eyes fell on his left hand, which felt only a little tight instead of agonizing, and saw the glowing runes. So those are doing this? Interesting. I'll have to explore a little later. But for now… He turned his eyes back on the surprised noble facing him.
"Please take care of me," Saito said with a polite bow, reciting the traditional phrase spoken at the beginning of a match. Then he ghosted forward with incredible speed and locked blades with the blonde. The first impact was enough to throw Guiche off balance and force him to stagger back, and while Saito could have ended the match there, he wanted to show off a little.
The familiar stepped to one side, swatting Guiche's blade twice, leaving gashes on the metal with lyrical ringing. Guiche swung in a wild counter, getting his feet under him, but Saito just stepped outside of his range, and then back in it once the blade had passed. He swept his own sword up along Guiche's elbow, arm, shoulder, and neck, before cleaving off a few hairs from his head. Where his blade had passed, cloth parted, but not a single mark was left on the skin.
Guiche reversed his arm's momentum with shocking speed, stepping into Saito's range so that the familiar could not step out of his swing like before. Instead Saito ducked under it, dropping to his knees on the ground as the sword passed over his head. He sprang back up instantly, cutting an X on his enemy's shirt without drawing blood as the blond tried to stumble out of range.
When Guiche tried to stab, Saito didn't dodge, instead locking blades and forcing the noble's to the side, leaving another gouge in the sword.
As slash earned Guiche the loss of his left sleeve.
A thrust carved another gash on his sword.
An attempt at retreat let Saito even up the haircut he'd given him.
An attempted twist to disarm Saito merely left another gouge in the blond's weapon.
All of this happened in shocked, dead silence, except for breathing and the ring of metal. The audience did not move, did not speak, did not blink, as the two matched wits and wills. And then, the endgame.
Guiche stabbed desperately at Saito's face as the familiar stepped back from trimming his bangs. Instead of a dodge or a parry Saito passed his sword from his right hand to his left. His now free hand reached up in a blur and grabbed the mangled sword, stopping it cold an inch from his nose. Guiche just stared in shock.
"It has been an honor to match blades with you, milord," Saito said politely. Then with a twist of his wrist he snapped the mangled blade in half and opened a small cut on the noble's cheek with it. "I believe first blood is mine," Saito announced, and bowed.
"What are you?" Guiche asked, so awestruck that he didn't even flinch from the cut.
"I am a familiar," Saito said to Guiche, and the assembled crowd. "And after all, a familiar reflects their master's skill, right?" Then he turned and walked towards the strawberry blonde he had a pact with. Taking her arm, he escorted her away from the courtyard as the first few people began clapping. "Now if you excuse me, my master and I have an appointment elsewhere."
"Wait, what?" Louise asked as the clapping increased to a roar. "How did you do that? Where are we going?" she yelled over the cheers behind them.
"The infirmary," Saito muttered. "Hospital, doctor's office, healer—wherever you go when you get hurt. Which way is it?"
"Left," she answered automatically. "But why are we going there?"
"Because I broke my hand when I hit the golem," Saito hissed through gritted teeth as his battle-high wore off, "And when the valkyrie hit me it broke my ribs."
Wherever Saito was, he was warm and comfortable. His eyes were closed, but there was daylight shining through the lids, causing him to wrinkle his nose and yank the covers over his head. It was soft, he was warm and comfortable, and he was d*** tired. He was going to sleep.
"Not now," he slurred when he felt someone's hand. "I'm not in the mood for rope burns."
"I'm sorry?" an unfamiliar voice asked. Saito tensed. His eyes did not snap open, which would be a giveaway that he was awake. Instead he slowly cracked open the eye closest to the mattress to figure out where he was. Unfamiliar room, though I may have been here once or twice. Feminine comforter and bedspread, really soft. Stone walls with glowing crystals as lamps. Stone walls? Then the past two days came rushing back to him and he opened his eyes. My master's room. Louise.
"Siesta, right?" he asked the maid who had nudged him awake. She eeped and blushed.
"You remember!" Then she clapped her hands over her mouth nervously and looked around. "Sorry," she whispered much more quietly.
"Why are we whispering?" Saito whispered back, and stiffly swung himself out of bed and onto the floor. Thankfully, there was a rug between his feet and the cold stones. Siesta pointed behind him.
In the corner, propped up in a chair, was his unconscious master
"She's going to have a crick in her neck when she wakes up," he observed. "Why she sleeping there?"
"Miss Louise brought you back here and paid for the catalyst the healer used," Siesta said quietly. "She didn't want to leave your side and fell asleep like that, I think." Saito smiled softly.
"Let me fix that, then," he murmured. Soft as a cat he slipped over to the corner, scooped her up in a single smooth motion, and tucked her in soundly.
"Mm…cat-cat," Louise grumbled to her self, burrowing into the covers. Saito made a quiet motion and he and Siesta stepped out into the hall.
"How long was I out?" he asked, closing the door behind him.
"Only most of yesterday and last night," Siesta answered softly. And then she drew in a deep breath. "That was amazing!" she squealed with stars in her eyes. "I was terrified when you got into that duel, but you actually fought a noble and won! I've never heard of that happening before! It was incredible. I was so scared, but you were so brave, and you made it look like the easiest thing in the world! How? Did you learn how to do that when you were working as a spy?"
Saito's eyes focused in on her with laser-like intensity. "What?" he hissed. "What made you think that?"
"Think what?" she asked innocently.
"That I was a spy? Where did you get that idea?" he asked calmly.
"You said so two days ago, when you were in the kitchens telling everyone about your homeland," she answered. Saito blinked and cast his mind back, doing his best to keep from grimacing.
Ooooooh crud. I did, didn't I? What was I thinking? He rubbed his right wrist nervously. They were right. I really must have been close to burning out if I just told people that. What was I thinking!
"I think," he said contemplatively, "that we have a language problem here."
"Language?" she asked.
"I don't speak your language," he explained, "my master just used a translating spell on me. I think it made a mistake and used the wrong word. What's the word for someone who goes on ahead of people and looks around?"
"Um, a scout?" He smiled brilliantly and she blushed when he took her hand.
"Scout. Thanks a bunch. I was a scout, not a spy." He laughed nervously. "Sorry about saying the wrong thing. But yeah, I learned some of that when I was a scout. You have to learn how to move, and what to do if other people find you while you're looking around." He paused and glanced at the door. "Do you think my master will be okay where she is? I'm hungry, and I feel the need to clear up what I meant to say. It wouldn't be very nice to let people think the wrong thing, huh?"
"She was awake when I dropped of another candle before I went to bed, so I think she'll sleep for a while," Siesta told him. He took her hand. "Eep!"
"Could you do me a favor," Saito asked. "Just in case she wakes up while I'm gone, could you leave her a note from me?"
"Um, yes," Siesta fidgeted, producing a small pad of paper and a piece of wrapped charcoal. "Here."
Saito pushed them back to her. "Can you do it for me? I can't write."
"You can't write! I know there are people who don't, but even I know how to do that!" Siesta looked shocked by the admission, and it took Saito a moment to figure out why.
"Ah, I can't read or write your language," he corrected. "Translation spell. I'm perfectly fine with my own."
"Oh. Oops." Siesta relaxed and scribbled down the message, which Saito slid under the door.
"Now. To the kitchens!" Saito cheered, linking arms with Siesta, and the laughing pair headed down the hall.
Carefully balancing a tray for his still sleeping master, Saito maneuvered back up the stairs towards her room. Marteau had been hesitant to let the 'hero of the hour' take back a meal for a noble, but had caved when Saito pointed out that Louise was one of the good ones, since she'd let him take her bed and had stayed up half the night until she fell asleep in a chair.
I wonder if she's woken up by now. If she hasn't, I'll have to wake her up myself. It would be bad for her grades if master suddenly turned nocturnal. He squinted as light from the almost-setting sun got in his eyes, and all the warning he had was the rapid pounding of footsteps behind him. Then—
"Darling!"
—the torpedo hit. The metal cover over the plate went flying and crashed to the floor, and Saito only barely kept the bottle from doing the same as something smashed into him, grabbed his chest, and spun him around enthusiastically.
Saito only noticed that the hallway had stopped spinning when he noticed that all the lights were out, and that he was having a hard time breathing. Something was pressing against his face and mouth, as well as covering his eyes. It was soft and rubbery, and comfortably warm.
Where have I felt this before? He wondered, hoping the tray was steady. Then he grinned goofily. Oh, I remember. I'm in a marshmallow hell. Then he realized someone was talking.
"-nderfully brave I began to get so hot that I swear my blood was boiling, darling! The sight of you and your sword has stoked fires in me like I've never known before, and I want to spend all evening and night and into tomorrow tending it! What do you say, darling? Let us go and enjoy the warmth of the fire together, fanning it into the flames of true love!"
"I'm sorry, who are you?" he asked, prying himself loose. Kirche stumbled, giving him a chance at glorious freedom. Freeeeeee!
"It's me, darling! Kirche von Zerbst, better known as Kirche the Ardent!" she cried, resuming her imitation of an octopus. Noooooooo!
"Right. Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to go see to my master."
"Pish-tush," Kirche chided, clinging tighter. "Don't waste your time on that midget Zero! Let me show you the wonders of a real woman, and together we will explore the deepest recesses of romance and desire," she purred.
"As attractive as that is," Saito squirmed, only to find that Kirche was very good at adjusting her grip, "I'm afraid that I really must insist. Louise is sleeping like an angel and-"
"von Zerbst! Cease that infernal racket!" a voice shrieked, his master's door slamming open.
"-awake and angry like a bull at a matador convention," Saito corrected smoothly as the strawberry blonde stormed at them like a one-woman avalanche.
"Familiar! What are you doing with that woman!"
"Darling and I were just affirming our eternal love for each other, and about to ride off into the sunset of happily ever after!" Kirche announced proudly.
"Familiar! Is this true?" Louise asked archly, her voice low and dangerous. She'd produced a riding crop from somewhere and was tapping it absent-mindedly.
"Completely!" Kirche affirmed.
"Actually," Saito corrected evenly, "the lady has apparently decided to up the ante of her rivalry with you by kidnapping me. However, I've been assured that she'll ransom me back in exchange for forty harem boys dressed in nothing but leather loincloths."
The hall went silent as Kirche and Louise both audibly blinked.
"Um, what?" the strawberry blonde asked.
"I was bringing you dinner when she jumped me in the hallway, master," Saito told her, gesturing with the tray.
"Oh," Louise said simply.
"Leather loincloths," Kirche giggled. "I wonder how darling would look in one of those. And how he would look out of it." Had Saito been able to turn around her lecherous smirk would have had him running for the hills—or possibly for her bedroom, depending on his mood. "Well, at least I can answer one question soon enough. To the bedroom!" she cried, but Saito dug in his heels successfully.
"Von Zerbst!" Louise shrieked. "Cease your attempt to steal my familiar through such perversions!"
"I don't want to steal him," Kirche pouted. "I only want to borrow him for a night or two."
"That's completely unacceptable!"
"I have to agree," Saito interrupted mildly. "I'm afraid, milady, that I'm already spoken for."
"You're what?" Louise asked. Kirche frowned.
"Well, I don't care if you don't," she replied cheerfully, and resumed her attempt to drag him away.
"But I do care, Miss Von Zerbst."
"Please, call me Kirche," she said throatily. "For two lovers such as we, such formalities are unnecessary." Saito blinked and took a deep breath as another attempt to squirm away failed.
"Actually, your passion and dedication have moved me deeply," he announced in a dramatic change of opinion, turning to meet her eyes. "Would you be at all offended if I gave you a pet-name in the language of my homeland?"
"I would be delighted, darling," she purred.
"It pleases me to hear that, calamari," he whispered back. Kirche smile brightly.
"Calamari!" she cried, rolling the word around her tongue. "Such a beautiful name, and a tremendous symbol of our love. Come, let us be together, and let me hear that name from your lips in the throws of passion. Calamari!"
"Familiar! Don't give that woman a pet name!" Louise screeched.
"No worries master," Saito objected. "I'm giving her the name, and nothing more." Kirche paused her attempts to drag him away for ravishing and frowned.
"Nothing more, darling? Why ever would that be?"
"Because in addition to the fact that I'm spoken for, I'm just not interested," he said bluntly. Had this been an anime, a breeze would have blown a tumbleweed through the halls. Louise began to crack up as Kirche drew herself up haughtily.
"Not interested. How could you not be attracted to this?" She gestured down at herself, especially emphasizing the expanse of cleavage. Saito bit his lip to keep from grinning and shrugged with false nonchalance.
"Some men are attracted by breasts. Some like bottoms. Some men go for legs, and wise men prefer a good personality," he said sagely, inching away slightly.
"All of which I have!" Kirche objected, latching back onto him like a lamprey.
"Yes, my dear calamari," he said drily, "but my own tastes run towards what's called Lolita, or loli."
"Loli! I can be loli!" Kirche vowed. "For my darling I will make myself more loli than every other girl on campus combined! I will be a goddess of loli!"
"I'm sure that would be a sight to see," Saito said drily. "Nevertheless, I fear I must turn down your gracious proposition. My loyalty must be to my master."
"That's right!" Louise added haughtily.
"Such fidelity," Kirche purred. "I look forward to the day I can convince you to give all that loyalty to me, and me alone darling. Come, let me give you a taste of what I can offer in return. Flame!" She began dragging Saito towards her door, and with her salamander's assistance she was succeeding.
"Von Zerbst!" Louise squawked.
"Ack! Master, grab the tray, will you," Saito requested, managing to shove it into the strawberry blonde's hands before he dropped it. This, incidentally, kept Louise from grabbing her wand or riding crop. Then Saito squirmed, turned around in Kirche's grasp, and managed to tap her slightly.
"Calamari," he called softly to get her attention. Kirche turned towards him and Saito covered her lips with own.
She stopped in her tracks and moaned into the kiss as Louise's jaw dropped. A second of rearrangement later and Saito leaned Kirche back into the traditional dip position, his arms supporting her body weight while she played her fingers through his hair. Kirche twisted into the kiss, and Saito returned it, their tongues dancing lazily.
Then he dropped her.
"Hurry master, and lock the door!" he yelled over Kirche's squawk when she hit the ground, bustling the shorter noble into her room as fast as he could. Slamming the door behind them he promptly turned the deadbolt, braced a chair against the door to be safe, and braced the dresser against the chair to be certain.
"She won't burn down the door, right?" he asked nervously. Through the door they heard Kirche pull herself together and try doorknob.
"Darling," she purred, "won't you let me in? Darling? Oh, pooh!" There was a thud as she presumably kicked the door ineffectually. "You haven't heard the last of me, darling! That little taste you gave me just poured more fuel on my fire. And Kirche the Ardent never gives up on a guy!" she announced. "I will make you mine or die trying, darling. Just you wait and see!" Her footsteps moved down the hall until Saito heard her close her door behind her. Only then did he relax.
"Talk about out of the frying pan," he muttered. Louise burst out cackling.
"Hahahahahahahahaha! You, you, oh Founder! Hahahahaha! I can't believe you did that! And the cow still wouldn't take no for an answer! Bwahahahahahahaha!"
"Your sympathy astounds me, master," he deadpanned, taking the tray and setting it on her bed.
"You j-just dropped her-ahahahaha!" Louise had curled up on the floor and was kicking her heels in mirth. After a few minutes she finally calmed down, hiccupping slightly. "That. Was. Wonderful! I wish I could have seen her face when you did that, familiar." She giggled again. "I'll never be sad again. I just have to remember what you did, and I'll burst out laughing."
"Glad to be of service," Saito responded evenly. Louise snorted.
"Still, familiar, as far as I'm concerned you've entirely redeemed yourself for being caught in that woman's arms and then some." Further laughter was staunched by a sound like two dogs snarling before a fight. Louise blushed. "Eh, heh. I suppose I should head down to dinner."
"I brought it up to you, master," Saito reminded her, motioning towards the tray. Louise smiled brightly and jumped onto the bed, tearing off a chunk of bread.
"Excellent work," she complimented before stuffing her face.
"I felt a display of gratitude was in order, master. You didn't have to give me your bed or stay up to watch me." Louise looked away.
"You're right, I didn't," she snapped. "If you ever do something so stupid again I'll dump you in the corner on the cold stone floor. Honestly, picking a fight with a noble. What were you thinking?"
"Actually, I'd like to ask my master about that. Something during the fight caught me by surprise, and I want to ask some questions."
"Humph. You may ask," Louise said magnanimously, before shoving more food in her mouth.
"That spell he used—the Valkyrie. Was it a particularly powerful spell? I seem to remember you thinking that Guiche was not too powerful a mage."
"It was nothing special," Louise answered. "Golems are some of the most common magic used by earth mages. Granted, Guiche's were rather well-made by most standards, but that's most likely do to his use of a catalyst."
"I've heard that before. Siesta said you paid for the catalyst for a healing spell for me. What is it?"
"A catalyst is an item or substance used to increase the efficacy of spellcraft," Louise recited immediately. "There are four main ways one is used. To add or use an element the caster cannot normally use. To increase the potency or longevity of a spell. To add a characteristic to a spell that would not otherwise be present. Or to make a spell's effect more specific or targeted toward a certain thing or purpose."
"So…you mean that Guiche used something to make making those golems easier than usual."
"Precisely," Louise agreed. "In fact, now that I think of it, that may be why he styles his wand like a rose. Rose oil is an effective catalyst for animating constructs."
"Thank you master. I must admit that the golems had me worried."
"Why?"
"It's another difference between our homelands' styles of magic. Where I come from, making and animating golems and homunculi is some of the highest-level magic there is. Any mage back home who was capable of making golems like that would be capable of killing me in half-a-dozen quicker and easier ways without blinking." Louise chewed this over and swallowed her mouthful.
"So…basically, you got into a fight with someone you thought of as a dot mage, and were worried when they opened up with what you were used to thinking of as a square-class spell."
"Eh, I guess. Remind me what the differences between dot and square is." Louise rolled her eyes and sighed, setting down the morsel she'd been about to gobble.
"It's how many elements is involved. Dot is one element, so for instance a dot class spell would make the golem like Guiche did. It only involves one element: earth. Line is two elements. At that level you can mix different elements, such as air and water to make ice, but it's more common to use the same element twice: two earths would make a bigger, stronger golem. Triangle is three and square is four."
"Okay, I get it," Saito nodded. Louise resumed stuffing her face, almost half-done at this point. "What level are you, master?" Saito had heard the rumors, but going to the source got the best information. Louise paused and then continued eating. "Master?"
"Smuf ut anb ho abay."
"You'll have to answer eventually, master. I can wait." He waited as she kept eating. "I might even be able to help," he added. Louise's hands stilled and she swallowed.
"You can't help. Nothing has worked," she grumbled bitterly.
"Only one way to find out, master."
"…There's a reason they call me Zero," she muttered. "Louise the Zero: zero elements; zero spells; zero success; zero chances; zero hope; zero future; zero worth!"
"They're all idiots," Saito said bluntly. "Everyone has worth."
"Not me!" Louise shrieked, producing her wand and pointing at a pillow. The syllables of the chant flowed from her lips flawlessly, and then, "Harden!"
In such a small space, the explosion was almost deafening. The shock wave threw Saito against the wall, and when his head cleared a rain of mangled feathers was falling. Louise had blasted herself off the bed and was lying on her back on the floor, staring glumly at the ceiling.
"See? Zero," she whispered hoarsely. "I was trying to make it hard like stone, and look. Zero remains, zero hope, and zero future." Her voice choked off. Saito moved over and knelt down beside her. He took her hands in his and leaned over her, forcing her to look at him.
"Louise," he said softly, and smiled. "I can help."
First there was no change. Then his words trickled into her ears. First disbelief. Then suspicion. And then the unshed tears receded and Saito saw the slightest glimmer of hope.
"How?" she whispered softly.
"Finish eating, and then we'll go down to the forest and I'll show you," he assured her. Her stomach rumbled, cutting off the rebuke that she wanted to go now. Louise sheepishly hopped back onto the bed and began to clear her plate.
"You can really show me how to cast spells?"
"Possibly. The first thing I need to do is figure out what's wrong, and I can work from there." Louise grinned.
"Oh, I can't wait to see the look on von Zerbst's face! She'll never call me a Zero again!"
"Speaking of nicknames," Saito mused, "Do you remember mine for her?"
"Ca…Calamari, right?"
"Do you know what it means?" Louise shook her head, and he told her.
Louise's burst of hysterical laughter could be heard from three floors away.
The words flowed like honey through the air, thick and sweet. Power slowly curled around the short figure in the glen as she waved her wand in time with the rhythmic chant. Then there was a crescendo as she pointed her wand at a distant tree.
"Feather Breath," she intoned. A moment of silence and then the spell took effect.
The explosion annihilated one of the tree's largest branches, peppering the surrounding area with splinters. After the first time, though, Louise and Saito had learned to stand out of range.
"Three elements down," Saito said clinically, glancing down at his scanner. The readings were interesting, but not conclusive. "Can you try water now?"
"I'm telling you, it won't work," Louise groused. "It never works!"
"Even so, it's important for me to see how it fails," Saito reassured her. "The first step to solving your problem-"
"-is figuring out what it is," Louise finished grumpily. He'd only said it half-a-dozen times by now. She glanced at the sun, which was barely touching the horizon, giving them another half-hour at the least. "Fine, I'll do it."
"Just a moment, I need…start." Louise began chanting, power flowing through the glen, and then pointed her wand at another poor tree.
"Fountain." Once again, another explosion. "You see?"
"Yes, I do," Saito told her. "I've got two or three guesses now." Louise perked up.
"Really? What?"
"One more test," he told her. "Those were all dot-class spells, right?"
"Right. Harden, Feather Breath, Fountain, and Spark."
"Do you know any higher class spells? Line or triangle?" Louise bit her lip.
"I've tried a bunch of those, just on the off chance they might work," she admitted. "Even with catalysts, they all blew up."
"Try one of them again. Whatever is the highest level, most draining spell you know," Saito encouraged her. Louise bit her lip, nodded, and turned towards the already maimed tree.
"Right! This is a triangle-class wind spell I learned from my mother." She began to chant calmly, and continued on for longer than any of the previous times. "Spiral Spear!" A sideways cyclone was supposed to burst from her wand and pierce the tree in front of her, tearing it apart. Instead, the trunk simply exploded.
Violently.
"Ugh, more splinters in my hair," Louise groaned when the rain stopped enough for her two look up. She was surprised to see that Saito was grinning. "What?" she groused.
"I have two possibilities," he told her proudly, and she snapped to attention.
"Out with it, please!"
"The first," Saito told her calmly, "is power."
"You think I don't have enough magic to make the spells work," Louise guessed dejectedly.
"Nope. Wrong," Saito told her. "If you didn't have enough magic it would be like a commoner trying to cast a spell. Nothing would happen. Instead, I think you have so much power that you're overcharging the spell. Time for a test!" Louise would have groaned, but was too excited at the possibility of an answer.
"What do I do?" she asked eagerly.
"First, master, do you feel your magic when you're casting a spell?" She nodded. "What does it feel like?"
"It's like…" Louise trailed off, having never had to verbalize the feeling. "It's like I'm a bottle of water, and my willpower is an air bubble floating inside. Only the bubble is actually bigger than I am, so have to pull it in when I'm cast and then channel it to my wand."
"And can you feel how much you use when you cast?"
"Eh…I can't really measure it in cups and tablespoons," she admitted. "I can tell if I'm using a little or a lot, or more or less than with another spell. Why?"
"How much would you say you used when you were casting the dot spells?"
"Um…" Louise bit her lip. "Remember when I said my body was a bottle and my magic was an air bubble? It was a bubble about twice the size of my fist."
"And the triangle spell?"
"I don't know, a lot more. The air bubble would have been bigger than my stomach and chest."
"Not saying too much," Saito mumbled, and Louise whacked him.
"Stupid dog," she grumbled. "My chest is just fine the way it is! And if it isn't, I'll grow!"
"I'm sure you will," he assured her. "Well, I said I thought you were using too much power. So try casting a dot-class spell using as little magic as possible. A bubble the size of a joint in your finger."
"You think?"
"It might work," Saito said with a shrug. "If not, another test." Louise nodded stiffly, targeted a new tree, and began to chant.
Where before her face had been relatively serene while chanting, this time she quickly scowled in concentration. Her smooth chanting became stuttered and broken, and by the end of the incantation she was gasping for breath through a cold sweat. "Spark!"
The tree branch exploded, and Louise doubled over, sucking in air.
"That. Was. Horrid!" she wheezed. "It felt so *gasp* wrong to try and *wheeze* pinch off my magic like *gasp* like that. Never *gasp* again."
"Sorry, but you're going to have to try again," Saito said with a shrug. "If you want to find an answer, we'll need at least one more test. Probably two or three."
"I'm not sure I could do it again. I didn't even use as little as I was supposed to this time."
"You don't need to try it so small. How about a full finger's worth, and then fist-sized," Saito told her. She glared at him, but nodded briskly. Another moment to even out her breathing, and then she selected a tree and began to chant. This time the explosion was about the same, but there was less backlash in the way of gasping and wheezing.
The third time there was very little backlash, aside from beads of sweat on Louise's forehead. "Are we done yet?" Louise asked wearily.
"Just one more test," Saito told her, grinning at her growl. "This time I want you to try and blow something up."
"What do you think I've just been doing!" she snapped.
"That was when you were trying to cast something else and it blew. This time cast a spell that's supposed to blow something up."
"I don't know any explosive spells," Louise complained. "They're almost all triangle level, and not something you'd usually teach to second-year students! Besides, I bet they'd just blow up, too."
Saito didn't quite manage to censor himself fast enough as he rolled his eyes. "Your brain's supposed to be bigger than your chest, Louise. Think about what you just said."
"Knave!" Louise jumped at him, pounding away with her fists. And feet. And- Great, I think she just bit me!
When Saito finally managed to pull her off he put what he'd meant in context.
"So most spells that cause explosions are triangle-class."
"Yes," Louise grumped from beneath him, in a suppression hold. "Now let me up so I can finish beating you!"
"And all of your spells cause explosions on accident?"
"Yes, mangy dog! Did we not just spend the past evening demonstrating this!"
"So in effect, master, you've spent your entire life doing triangle-class magic on accident," Saito summarized. Louise froze as it clicked. "Do you get it?"
"I…I never considered it like that," Louise whispered.
"Can I let you up now? Are you only going to hurt the trees and not me? Please?"
"Yes, yes," Louise mused absently, and made no motion to get up after Saito let go. "But the triangle-class explosion spells I've seen aren't at all like mine."
"They aren't?"
"No…" she mused. "Most of the spells that cause explosions use fire and air elements. My explosions don't produce any flames."
"It just blows things apart," Saito said, examining the mangled trees around them. Nothing immediately recognizable as a scorch mark was apparent.
"Yes, so it couldn't be the same thing," she said. "Now, why did you want me to blow something up?"
"Well, I don't think you have a problem with your magic, master," Saito told her.
"No problem! Why can I make nothing but explosions then, familiar?" Louise raged.
"Because you have two problems," Saito told her, and she deflated. "The first is that you have a lot of mana. Or willpower, as you call it."
"And the second?" she asked worriedly.
"You're just really good at blowing things up," he said with a shrug. A breeze blew through the clearing.
"Just. Good. At explosions."
"Yeah. Don't mages have specialties within their elements? Some water mages are better at healing while others are good at fighting? Some earth mages are good at golems while others just build things, or change them? That kind of thing."
"So what element would I be?" Louise asked shortly. Saito shrugged.
"Explosions? I don't know. But aren't mages supposed to practice with their best element before they learn the others? So you need to practice with explosions, and then you can start learning other elements."
"That…that might work," Louise mused. "But it seems sort of pointless. What can explosions do, anyway?" Her familiar frowned.
"Horrible things," Saito said darkly, and looked away towards the sunset as memories surged up.
"Familiar? What is the matter?"
"Just things from my past," Saito said quietly. "I'd rather not share them."
"My father once told me that the best way to deal with bad memories is to talk about them, because it bleeds off the poison," Louise said sagely. "Speak, familiar." She waited in the growing silence, and then, "Please tell me, Saito," she added quietly.
"…I told you I was in the army. One of the enemies I once saw was a being known as Devastator. Its…his, I suppose, only power was to cause explosions. But he was so horrifyingly skilled and powerful that entire battalions had instructions to run if they saw him."
"With just explosions? How big were they?"
"Not just size," Saito correctly softly, "but number. He could make large explosions, yes, but worse was when he made lots of small ones. He could make something explode with a glance. Imagine him just glancing at the men in a formation, drawing his eyes across them one at a time. And each one…" Saito trailed off.
"I can't really imagine," Louise admitted with a shudder. The possibility of such carnage was beyond the scope of her sheltered upbringing.
"Good," Saito said simply. "So," he continued, blatantly changing the subject, "I want you to try and blow up a tree intentionally so I can get a good idea of what the differences are."
"Very well then," Louise said stiffly, and turned away to target a tree. Then she turned back. "Familiar, what happened to him?"
"Who?"
"This…Devastator being. What happened? How did they finally beat him, or was he still alive when you—when I summoned you?"
"Ah. Everyone needs to sleep," Saito told her simply. Louise nodded uncertainly and turned towards the trees. Then she turned back around, sheepishly.
"I don't know any spells that are supposed to make it explode, remember."
Saito rolled his eyes. "The spell is basically just you telling the magic what to do, right? Just say, 'Bang,' or 'Blast' or 'Blow up,' or 'Explode.' Even just 'Go boom,' would work."
"It's more complicated than that! You need to chant the runes first—"
"Do you?" Saito asked. "Can't mages cast a spell without a chant?"
"Well…sometimes," Louise admitted. "If it's a very powerful mage, or they are using a spell they are very skilled with. But I don't think I could."
"But my master is a very powerful mage. And she is very good at making explosions," Saito said simply. "That's the point. Try. The worst that can happen is that one of your spells doesn't make something explode for once," he added drily. Louise snorted, struggling between whacking him one and hiding a grin, and turned back around.
"Very well then. What should I say?" she asked.
"Explode? Go boom? Bang? Blast?" Saito suggested. Louise closed her eyes and reached deep inside herself for her magic. Her wand snapped out.
"Blast!"
There was a moment of silence as they both looked at the tree on the far side of the clearing—the most distant target available. Louise's face had just begun to droop in self-recrimination when the moment ended.
Even from the far side of the clearing, the explosion was deafening. The shockwave threw them both off their feet and Saito winced as a rain of splinters, sawdust and soil drizzled down on them. It took a while for their heads to stop ringing before master and familiar stood up again.
"I believe we can call that a success," Saito said with a grin.
"Siesta," Saito called, flagging down the maid in the hall.
"Ah! Mr. Hiraga," she chirped blushing slightly, and slowing down so he could catch up. "Are you feeling well?"
"I'm fine," he assured her. "I just got caught by some of my master's spell work. And didn't I ask you to call me Saito?"
"She used her spells on you!" Siesta squawked. "That's—that's so cruel! How could she do such a thing to you, Mr. Hiraga?"
"Huh? No," Saito assured her. "She used her spells on a tree, not me. In fact, if you think I look bad, she actually looked much worse before she cleaned herself off and fell into bed."
"Oh. Well, that's good," Siesta told him. "But shouldn't you be in bed as well? It's late, and you were hurt fighting that noble yesterday."
"It's late. Shouldn't you be in bed?" Saito countered. The maid blushed.
"Ah, um. I missed a shift looking after you, so I'm taking this one to make up for it," she explained. Saito smiled.
"That was very kind of you. After I finish my task, perhaps I could thank you by helping out."
"Helping me. You. Us, alone?" Siesta blushed harder. "Yes, please! But, uh, what task?" Saito lifted the pile of cloth occupying his hands.
"I need to do my master's laundry, and I was wondering if you could show me the way," he explained. "I'm not very experienced with this type of thing, so any help would be welcomed."
"Of course," she chirped, and led him down the halls. The laundry room was on the ground floor in an out of the way corner, but not wholly underground, as there were windows to let in light and air. Several pumps were along the wall, and there were a number of basins and tubs used for the washing. "Um, usually there would be people here you could give the clothes to, but they're not on duty until tomorrow morning."
"It's fine. I think I can figure it out," Saito told her.
"I can stay and help you, if you wouldn't mind," Siesta offered.
"No, it's fine, I couldn't ask that of you," Saito replied, knowing full well-
"I insist. I won't be missed and it's the least I can do for someone like you," Siesta said sternly, trying to hide her fidgeting and blush.
-that it would only make her more adamant to stay and help. It looks like someone has a crush, Saito mused with a smile. Good. I can work with that.
"Well, I'm really glad for your help," he said, shifting the load of laundry to one hand and taking her hand with the other. She blushed when he laid a courtly kiss on it. "Where shall we begin?"
…Highlights of the next half-hour are as follows…
"Oh, my! I never knew nobles had something so racy! It looks like Beatrice's outfit from The Viscount, the Viceroy, and the Vicar's Daughter!" "Siesta, for the sake of my sanity, please don't tell me anything about that book."
"Oh, dear. I'm afraid that this blouse is ruined. Completely unsalvageable. Perhaps you should take it to the kitchen and be torn up for rags." "But there's only a small hole in it. I could patch it in a minute if I had a needle." "No, my master ordered me to do her laundry. She must trust my judgment on the matter, and I'm judging that this must go." "But these two pieces are riddled with tears and you said they were fine!" "Yes, well, I don't know much about clothes. But if master orders me to do her laundry then she must trust my judgment on these things!" "Oh…I see...Look, there's a loose thread on this skirt!" "Put it in the rag pile."
"Merciful moon, what is a sixteen-year-old doing with something like this?" "Oh! I saw an illustration of something like that in The Duke's Daughter and—" "Illustration! No, stop, don't say anything. I got too much of this stuff back home." "But it's nothing dirty! Everyone reads the series. You see, in this one the lady Annabelle—" "La la la la la! Oh, look! We need more soap. I'll just go get some!"
"Stop! You can't use that brush on delicates! It's too coarse. You need to treat them delicately." "Maybe you should handle these, then. I'm not too comfortable, being a guy and all." "Alright."
"Out of curiosity, Siesta, how do you think you'd look in this?" "What! No, I couldn't." "Why not? I think it would look good." "It would be indecent!" "I won't tell if you won't." "No!" "It's not going to hurt anyone." "It's a noble's cloak! With a pentagram! That's how you can tell they're noble! It's not just indecent, I think it's illegal!" "Fine, fine."
…And finally, it was done.
"Thank you, Siesta," Saito said as they hung the last of Louise's clothes on a rack to dry. "You've been wonderful. Now, I think I said I'd help you finish your shift?"
"Oh, thank you," she squeaked. "Um, Mr. Hiraga?" He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "Saito! Saito. You aren't really going to turn those into rags, are you?"
"Well, no. Granted, my master could probably replace them without blinking, but it might be one straw too many. I'll just put them off in a pile to the side. But she won't know that until after I've proven my point."
"Point?" Saito smiled wolfishly.
"I don't mind doing things for her, but I'd rather she ask than order. My master needs to learn to start thinking about other people than herself, and I'm going to drum that into her head."
"But, won't you get in trouble?"
"I just did her a big favor earlier today, so I think she'll be too happy to hold much of a grudge. And since I'm not really turning them into rags Ican put everything back when I'm done. No harm, no foul. Actually…" Saito paused, considering, and pulled one pair of panties off the rack. A few moments of fidgeting and he'd snapped the elastic around the waistband. "There," he said, putting them back, "if that doesn't get her attention, nothing will."
"Are you sure it's—"
"I'm sure," he assured her. "Now, I believe it's my turn to help you."
He rounded the corner, heading to bed after helping Siesta finish her shift and walking her to her room, and nearly bowled over Tabitha.
"Sorry about that," he apologized. Tabitha just nodded. "Were you looking for me?" She nodded and motioned with her staff, turning and walking away. Saito followed her through the corridor and out onto a balcony. He barely heard her whisper, and then felt the whisper of wind as the spell wrapped around them.
"Privacy," she'd said, and turned back to face him. The red moon was full and bright, casting an odd light down on them. "Summer," she said simply.
"Summer?" Saito echoed. Then it clicked. "Oh. That's the next time you're going to be home?" Tabitha nodded. Saito bit his lip, but nodded back. "I probably won't be able to make it home, so I can wait until then. But first, I want to try something." Tabitha blinked and tilted her head a little.
"Hold this, please," Saito asked, and handed her the tiny computer. Tabitha looked down at it and then back at him. "It's in your language, right?"
Tabitha looked down at the screen and blinked slowly. Then she nodded once.
"I scanned some of master's books and changed the settings. That means that you'll be able to use it to help your mother even if I'm not there. Touch the one marked scanner, please."
Tabitha did so, but asked, "Not there?"
"I want to try something that might let me get home. If it works I'll try to come back, but if I can't it's only fair that you still have the scanner, to help your mother. If you don't mind. Does that still meet our deal?" Tabitha didn't move for several seconds, and then slowly nodded.
"Luck," she said simply, pointing it at him to scan. Saito nodded once and flourished his left hand. Pure white light wrapped around him like a cloak, and then shattered. He frowned.
"Well, I didn't think that would work, but it was worth a try," he admitted. He held out his hand and Tabitha handed it back, taking a moment to squeeze his hand consolingly. "So, summer break should be enough time for me to read up on potions. I've already looked through my master's book on them, but it's very basic. I'll try to find some others." Tabitha nodded.
The silence spell that kept their conversation private worked both ways, blotting out outside sounds, so Saito didn't have any warning. Sylphiel's descent took him completely by surprise, earning a yelp of shock as the flying lizard pulled out of a dive and settled on a railing. He stumbled back, and the gust of wind knocked him off his feet.
"Onee-chan! Irukukuu saw a bright light! And a silence spell! Is nee-chan okay?" the dragon asked in a teenaged girl's voice. Saito blinked. Tabitha hung her head and sighed.
"Talking," she said simply. The dragon blinked.
"Oh, Irukukuu is sorry!" the dragon chirped. "But it's okay! Nee-chan is inside a silence spell, so no one can hear that Irukukuu can talk!" Tabitha didn't raise her head, but pointed her staff at Saito. Sylphiel—apparently named Irukukuu—blinked. "Uh-oh…oops? Pay no attention to the dragon on the railing," Irukukuu intoned, waving the tip of her tail hypnotically.
"What dragon?" Saito asked, his lips quirking. Then, "Wait. Onee-chan?"
"Yes! Tabitha-nee-chan is Irukukuu's onee-chan, just like Irukukuu is her imouto!"
"It—" Tabitha began, only for Saito to cut her off.
"It means big sister and little sister," he said. Tabitha blinked. "It's my home language," he explained, and turned back to the dragon. "Nihongo o hanashimasuka?" He'd found, as his nickname for Kirche showed, that he could switch back to Japanese or another language if he focused.
"Nihongo? Ryuugo o hanashimasu," the dragon responded easily.
"Huh. Who knew," Saito commented. He cut off Tabitha as she opened her mouth. "My lips are sealed. Your secret's safe."
"…thank you."
"What are friends for?" Saito answered. Tabitha pulled a book out of her robes and handed it to him.
A book? Hidden Worlds: Tales of other worlds. Wait, this looks like…
"You found a book to help me get home? Thank you," he said sincerely.
"Fairy tales," Tabitha corrected, shaking her head. "Might help."
"It might. So thank you. Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?"
"Good fight," she congratulated, and then hopped onto the railing and climbed up onto her familiar's back. The dragon took off into the air. Saito turned and walked back into the castle.
And nearly tripped over Flame.
"…Let me guess," he said to the salamander, which he swore was grinning at him, and wagging his tail like a happy dog. "Your master told you to drag me back to her room for ravishing." It smiled and its tail wagged faster.
Saito sighed and prepared for evasive action. First the laundry, then my transport spell fails, and now this. I guess when it rains, it pours. Well, annoying my master in the morning will be fun. I wonder how long it will take before she gets my point? A week? And then his game of tag with the salamander began.
So after this, now that he's begun working on her magic, Saito is going to begin working on Louise's manners. Basically, just think about all the stuff that happens at the beginning of Book 1 chap 2 of the light novels ( Baka no Tsuki) and imagine it being done by a guile hero for a good cause. Or just wait a week or two, and you'll see for yourself.
All reviews are welcome. Also, I'll address some previous reviews as well, and I'd like to thank all the reviewers for their words.
LegendaryGamer: As you can see, the fight with Guiche did occur. I felt obliged to include it since it's something of a tradition among most fics. I'll consider your make idea-I just need to figure out how to do it justice when I have a spare moment.
PEJP Bengtzone V2: No, Saito will not be able to use mana or magic on his own. If an object is enchanted he can use it (not like Myognitnr) but you won't see him throwing around spells or anything. That being said, has anyone ever thought about the mechanics of the Gandalfr enhancements? How the sword from Guiche could cleave through a Valkyrie like butter? I have, and I've come up with a ridiculously simply answer that Saito will figure out as well.
Silver Winged King: You are absolutely right, and I'm a little surprised that you are apparently the only one who noticed this. That was stupid of Saito, which I slightly addressed in this chapter and may discuss more later. It won't be a major plot point but it will be there. The familiar runes are already working.
Chosen-One-92: Sorry, but Saito will not be as awesome in the way your hoping. He'll take shit, but he won't get angry-he'll get even. In very quiet and subtle and nasty ways if he's upset enough. Or he'll just turn the other cheek, smile, and screw you over when your back is turned.
Jarjaxle: Saito won't have the full harem (at least he won't reciprocate it, though most of them will still want him) but I might make him go through one or two failed relationships before he settles down. And the fact that he's a familiar, and his first loyalty should be to Louise, is going to be a problem.
Fingers crossed for the next post!
