Kate had just entered Gillis Grocery in hopes to speak with Dobie, but she squealed in surprise when someone grabbed her arm from behind and pulled her towards the counter.
"Kate, boy am I glad to see you," Zelda Gilroy, a fellow classmate and girl obsessed with Dobie exhaled with relief. "I need your help and it's a matter of life and death!"
"Oh, Zelda, don't be so dramatic. What could be a life or death situation here at Mr. Gillis' store?" she replied, jerking her arm out of Zelda's firm grasp.
Zelda held up a package addressed to Dobie. "This. Dobie asked me to stay here while he ran an errand. While I was waiting, the mailman arrived with a special delivery."
Kate gasped. "You opened Dobie's mail? You could go to jail for that, you know,," she warned.
"I'd go to the slammer for my poopsie any day. But that's not the point; this is." With that, Zelda reached in the package and pulled out a bottle of pills. Kate looked at them and instantly recognized the name.
"He really ordered them? The advertisement fell out of his science book a few weeks ago. I put in my jacket pocket until I got home and threw it away. Oh, Zelda, I can't believe he ordered that quack's medicine. What was he thinking?"
"We have to do something, Kate. We can't let him take this medicine; in case it wor—I mean, in case Dobie gets sick," Zelda quickly corrected.
Kate caught on to why she really wanted rid of those pills, but decided to say nothing. Zelda was right; they needed to do something. "But if we throw them away or get rid of them, he could find a way to order more. Or he could ask the mail carrier why it never came. Oh, worms and snakes; what should we do?" she frantically began looking around the grocery store for wild inspiration. "Eureka, I've got it!"
"What? What is it?" Zelda queried.
Quickly, Kate rushed over and grabbed a few cartons of pill-shaped breath mints. "Here. You get rid of the pills and we'll replace them with these breath mints. That way, he'll believe the medicine arrived but won't have a clue that he's not taking the real thing!"
Zelda cheered. "Kate, that's brilliant! And once he sees they don't work, Dobie will be back to the unconfident nincompoop I love and adore."
"Okay, but we have to hurry. I'll put what we use on my account while you exchange the real medicine for the minty ones," Kate told her, watching as they put their plan into action.
The next day at school, Dobie had never felt better. He had only taken two pills and already, he felt more confident and sociable. Thankfully, the girls were taking more notice, as well. It was not even lunch and already, three girls (including Chatsworth's ex Gretchen) were swooning and giggling, following his every move.
"Oh, Dobie, you're so funny," Gretchen grinned, holding onto his arm. "I never knew you had such a great sense of humor!"
"Ah, yes, my Gretchen, it has always been a talent of mine to have a quick wit," he smiled before she gave him a kiss on the cheek.
A few minutes later, he managed to untangle himself from them long enough to meet Maynard at a picnic table in front of the school, where his friend sat on the table, bopping to some make believe beat in his head. "Maynard, those pills I ordered from Doctor Fritzbaum are amazing! Did you see how confident I was? I told a joke and everybody laughed."
"Hey, good buddy; I like got one for you. It goes Knock Knock."
Dobie eyed Maynard skeptically. "Uh, okay, Maynard. Who's there?"
"Like Kate and Zelda," Maynard continued.
"Kate and Zelda who?"
Maynard gave Dobie a weird look. "You know Kate and Zelda, Dobe. I don't think those pills are like working so well."
"Uh, never mind, Maynard," Dobie replied slowly as Kate and Zelda sat down at the table.
"Hiya, poopsie," Zelda greeted cheerfully, plopping down next to Dobie.
"Uh, hi, Zelda. Hey, Kate," he replied.
"So, my snookums," Zelda continued. "You ready for our big history test this afternoon?" With that, she wrinkled her nose at him playfully, in which Dobie involuntarily did the same.
"Zelda, cut that out!" he cried before a smile came over his face. "Actually, I am completely confident that this history exam will be a breeze."
"So, in other words, no," Kate teased, receiving a small chuckle from Maynard.
"See, Dobe? Now Kate was funny," he told Dobie, who shot him a warning look.
"Dobie Gillis! I would like a word with you!"
"Uh-oh," Kate grimaced. "Looks like my cousin found out his ex is your new main squeeze."
"Now, look, Chatsworth," Dobie began. "Gretchen broke up with you and now she wants to be with me. It was her own decision, so you have no right to be sore with me."
"Oh, believe me when I say I do! You somehow manage to learn that Gretchen broke up with me due to my lack of witty banter and now you are flaunting it right under my nose! Well, just know that two can play that game, Dobie-Doo. What I lack in hilarity, I more than make up for in looks, personality and my infinitely deep pockets. So, you just bide your time, Gillis baby; 'tis I that will have the last laugh!"
"I don't think I've like ever seen Chatsworth so steamed before," Maynard whistled.
"Well, he's not going to scare me. He's looking at the new and improved Dobie Gillis! I might not have deep pockets, but I still have my charm and humor." And even as Kate and Zelda exchanged a strange look, Dobie knew he was right. Those pills were going to make him irresistible to women everywhere, and Chatsworth would just have to spend the next few months at home alone with his infinitely deep pockets.
