Chapter Two: What the hell happened?

It was morning, the sun was shining in making me wake up. I was leaned up against a wall, my head all fuzzy about what happened last night. Opening my eyes, I looked around the room. Holy Shit, it was messed up. Not to mention everything…and I mean everything even the lady parts….hurt.

There was a smoking chair, and behind it the indoor spa was filled with bubbles, beach balls, and an inflatable sex doll. Near it was a huge, and I mean fucking huge, house of cards. It looked like my handy work. Then came the bear bottle castle, and the bowling alley made out of champagne bottles. This room was fucking messed up.

I looked around to look where my accomplices in all this were. Alan was…well nowhere to be seen at the moment. Phil was snuggled up on the floor near the bathroom, with a blanket wrapped carelessly around him. I noticed a few condom wrappers next to Phil. Oh Shit! And the funny thing was…I was really close to him. Stu was laying on the floor, dry blood on the floor near his mouth. I scratched my head and got up, feeling tipsy on my feet. I looked down at what I was wearing: Phil's black shirt from last night. Umm…now I'm concerned. Fucking concerned.

Deciding I felt dirty, I got up and wondered into my room. I reached my room and decided to take a shower, and to try and remember. But before, I looked in the mirror. Hickeys and bite marks went down my neck and almost to my back. I took a pretty long shower, and the guys still weren't up. Ugh, fucking morons. But unfortunately for me, I still couldn't remember. Not feeling like your fucking hungover is good though. I slipped on my essentials, bra and underwear. I could not see the extent of my damage, but I didn't notice anything extreme; I was still loopy. Then my Godzilla shirt and skinny jeans. Slipping Phil's shirt over my own, I trudged back outside and sat on the couch. Stu was now up and awake, looking totally groggy. He didn't even notice me.

Alan finally woke, and he tripped over everything…and when I say everything, I mean everything. He dragged his feet into the other bathroom. I looked at a Monster on the table and took it, taking a sip. It tasted so good in my parched throat.

Screaming about a tiger, Alan ran out of the bathroom and tripped over Phil. He kept pointing towards the bathroom screaming.

"Control yourself man! God Damn would you put on some pants?" groaned Phil, clutching his stomach, a toned stomach I might add. I chuckled as Phil got up, totally disoriented.

"There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!" screamed Alan, covering up his…thing…with his shirt. Phil tried to calm Alan down. I noticed his hair was as disoriented as he was.

"Alright, chill. I'll go check it out." he said, trudging towards the bathroom. Alan was still muttering about the tiger. I looked over as Phil shut the door really fast. "Holy fuck. He's not kidding, there's a tiger in there." Phil laughed as he came and sat down on the couch.

"No there's not." groaned Phil, rubbing his face with his hands. I rolled my eyes and took another sip of the energy drink. Phil, after I was done, grabbed it from me and took a sip. I rolled my eyes and lounged on the couch.

"Man, what the hell happened last night?" asked Phil to no one in particular. I shrugged and stole back the Monster.

"Obviously we had a fucking good time, Phil. Look at this place, it's fucking trashed." I replied, reminding them I was there. The three looked at me, confused.

"Why are you wearing my shirt?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. I shrugged.

"I woke up with it." I replied. My eyes wondered to Alan, who still had no pants on. Obviously Phil noticed this too.

"Alan, will you go put some fucking pants on? It feels weird that I have to ask you twice." mumbled Phil, putting down the Monster and rubbing his temples. Still lounged, I looked around the whole room…again. I still couldn't believe it.

"This place is a mess, I am so fucking screwed." whined Stu, rubbing his head. I snickered at how ridiculous he was being.

"No, your not. We'll be fine." replied Phil. He and I looked at each other, eyebrows raised as Stu was groaning loudly.

"I am in so much pain!" he groaned. I rolled my eyes. Alan finally came out with a blanket wrapped around his waist. "Hey…am I missing a tooth?" asked Stu. I focused my eyes on his open mouth and instantly began to laugh.

"I don't-Holy shit!" laughed Phil. We were both laughing hysterically. I was clutching my stomach in pain because I was laughing so hard. Stu picked up the nearest object to give of a reflection and screamed.

"My lateral incisor!" he screamed, opening his mouth more to check the damage. I fell off the couch from laughing so hard.

"Alan, go find Doug." commanded, literally, Phil. Alan trudged off to look in all the rooms. I kept laughing at Stu's surprised face.

"STU! CALM DOWN!" I laughed. He glared at me.

"Oh god, what's Melissa going to say?" he whimpered. I regained myself and slid back on the couch. Phil and I glanced at each other.

"Who gives a shit. She'll probably just bitch about it." I replied, retaking my Monster and sipping it. "She is a bitch." Phil nodded.

"Doug's not in his room." said Alan, coming out and grabbing pizza that was on the couch. I almost threw up.

"Did you just grab couch pizza?" asked Stu, and Alan nodded. Phil smirked. I could tell he was about to say something smart assish…but we all heard a baby cry. I cocked an eyebrow and ran to the noise. Opening the closet, I saw a cute little baby looking up at us. He was wearing all blue.

"Was anybody in the room when you woke up?" asked Phil to me and Alan. We both looked at each other and shook out heads.

"What the hell is a baby doing in here?" asked Stu. I shrugged and picked him up. He was fucking cute! Cradling him, I walked away from everyone and sat back on the couch.

"Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone?" asked Phil in the background. I could barely here him, all I could focus on was how cute the baby was.

"No." he replied. I heard Stu yell furiously.

"What's it's name?" he asked. I turned my body to glare at him.

"Check it's collar or something." replied Alan. I glared at him now.

"Baby's don't have fucking collars, animals do. Like a fucking tiger! Shit, this is messed up." I stated, standing up with the baby. "And if we're gonna head out on the road, we're taking this baby." Phil groaned and shook his head.

"It'll only slow us down." he replied, shaking his head. I glared at him now.

"He…and there's a fucking tiger in the bathroom. We are taking him along, no matter what the hell you think, Phillip." I retorted, walking towards the door. "And let's go ladies, I want to get on this investigation on a roll." I was acting like a bitch, yes, but I would not leave a baby in the same room as a fucking tiger.

"Can I hold him?" asked Alan, stretching his arms out to hold the baby. I shook my head and slapped his hands away.

"Put on pants first. Then yes, you can hold him." I replied, carrying the baby to the couch. Phil looked pissed, of course, and stormed like a little kid into his room. Alan, slipped on pants and a bay carrier randomly found on the floor. He put the baby in the carrier and walked around proudly.

-/-

"Oh, he's so cute! What's his name?" asked an old lady who unfortunately stepped into the elevator with us. Phil and I glanced at each other.

"Ben." said Phil.

"Carlos." replied Alan proudly. The old lady looked at us as I smiled sweetly at her.

"His name is Carlos, but my boyfriend here," I began, patting Phil on the arm as I grabbed his hand in my other one, "likes to call him Ben for kicks." She nodded and smiled.

"Well, he's a cutie." she replied.

-/-

Stu went off to ask about Doug, while we were eating breakfast. I was satisfied with my Monster, while Phil got an all out breakfast. Alan was feeding breakfast to Carlos.

"Holy shit, this is totally messed up." muttered Phil. I nodded and rolled my head around.

"God, my neck hurts like hell." I said. He reached for my neck and began to rub it.

"Hey, look at this." said Alan, calling our attention. We both looked up, Phil still massaging my neck, and saw Alan mimicking the baby masturbating. I rolled my eyes. "He's jacking his little weenis."

"Pull yourself together man." commanded Phil. Alan pretended to chide the baby for what he was doing.

"Not at the table, baby Carlos." he chided. I sighed and shook my head, Phil still massaging it. I notcied him starring at some woman's ass. I flicked his head.

"What the fuck?" he growled, glaring at me. I shrugged.

"Stop being a fucking pervert." I replied, stretching away from his massage and smiling.

"No one's seen Doug. I checked the front desk, gym, game room…no one's seen him." stated Stu, sitting down with the worst fucking excuse of a ice pack I have ever seen. I rolled my eyes.

"Doug's a grown man, he can take care of himself." replied Phil, reassuring Stu. Alan laughed a little.

"Hey, look what I found in my pocket." he said, holding up a tooth. Phil and I laughed like crazy people.

"THAT'S MY TOOTH!" screamed Stu, grabbing it and caressing it. "This is so fucked up."

"No this is a good thing! Everyone turn out you pockets." said Phil, turning out his own. I checked the shrit pocket to find…a condom wrapper. I threw it on the table and checked my jeans, finding a Kanye West backstage pass.

"I fucking love Kanye West." I muttered, noticing the pass was signed. I checked my back pocket and found Doug's iPod with a camera. "And I found Doug's iPod."

"I found a receipt for over 800 dollars, I am so screwed!" screamed Stu.

"I got a valet ticket for 5:15 am." said Alan, throwing it on the table. I shook my head.

"We were driving?" asked Phil. I gave him a 'fucking duh' look.

"Hah, drunk driving, classic! Hey Stu! Look at this!" said Alan, pointing towards baby Carlos again. He was a fucking moron. Baby's can't masturbate! Trust me! I studied it! I rolled my eyes, but noticed something on Phil's arm.

"Phil, you were in the fucking hospital." I said, reaching over and taking his arm. He shrugged and looked over at the arm that held his.

"And you have a phone number." he retorted. I let go of his sleeve and looked at mine. On it was Kanye West's signature, again, with a phone number under it. Also some dude named Mr. Chow signed my arm. I check the other for good measure and found a series of gashes, bruises, and bite marks. "I think you got in a fight."

"No shit, Sherlock." I mumbled. I looked at his wrist once more and got the hospital name.

"Let's go look at this hospital, maybe they have a lead to last night." I said, standing up and grabbing Doug's credit card and iPod. They agreed.