A/N: Alright then, so I loved all the reviews! Thank you guys for giving me your opinion, and such positive feedback on this. The first chapter was a sort of prequel thing; this chapter is the introduction. The next chapter will switch to Nicole and Chibs after he's been State side for a few months, and has patched Sam Cro. While it's never made clear in the show, in this version, Chibs was a member of SAMBEL, and as such, he wouldn't have to go through the prospect-period; he'd simply be a transfer, the same as Happy and Kozik were.
Also, the biggest question I was asked was about the age difference. When they first met, Nicole would have been 17, and Chibs 29. I've always figured about ten years age difference between Chibs and Jax, and since Nicole is two years younger... Anyways, there will be NO statutory rape. There will also be NO graphic sex in this story. There might be suggestive themes, with suggestive endings, but that will be as far as it goes.
Again, thank you for reading, thank you for reviewing. : D
Letter from Jonathon Thomas Teller, to Maureen Ashby, Spring of 1992
Dear Mo,
I'll be heading back within the week. I feel like a horrible father for leaving my children, but I can't spend one more minute around Gemma. Her cold eyes watching me like a hawk, waiting for me to slip up, and just give her an excuse. I don't know exactly when things got so cold between us, but whatever warmth was once there has went from icy indifference, to raging hot hatred. I know the kids have noticed, but I'm at a loss as to how I explain it to them.
I wish I could bring them with me. I know they would love Ireland, and grow to love you, as I have. Especially Nick; I know you two would become best friends, something she's never had with her own mother.
It's her I feel worst about, every time I leave. I know Gemma loves Jackson, and I know she tries her best with Nick… But it's almost as painful for me to watch them try and interact, as it is to watch Gemma and I together. I don't blame Gemma; for some reason, since the day we brought Nick home from the hospital, she just couldn't attach herself to our daughter. She tried; Lord knows how hard she's tried. But at this point, Nick wants nothing to do with her mother, and Gemma is either unwilling or unknowing of how to repair that relationship. I feel my heart breaking at the thought of my little girl, all alone in a world she's too young to understand, while the only person who cares about her is thousands of miles away.
Jackson tries his best with his sister; but she makes it difficult for others to love her. She wants no one but me, and –while heart-warming –I fear for her if anything were to ever happen to me. The realization that I'm that little girl's whole world, and nothing else matters to her is staggering; the responsibility, back breaking.
And Gemma uses that against me. As soon as I come home, the first words out of her mouth are always about how depressed and mopey Nick has been; how many days she's locked herself in her room. How she does nothing but tinker in the garage until I get home.
I find myself at a loss as to what to do. I can't stay here; since Thomas's death, I've realized it's only a matter of time before Gemma or Clay murder me. I've watched them grow closer over the years, and they no longer attempt to hide it from me, which scares me. They no longer worry about what I'll do, which I fear means that I'm not meant to be long for this world.
But if I leave, I rip apart my daughter's world. I tear away the only love she has ever known. I would take her with me, but I know Gemma would refuse out of spite. She knows how much Nick means to me, and I fear she intends to use that to lure me to my death.
What will happen once I'm gone? The thought of my only daughter growing up alone, surrounded by people who don't love her, people who don't understand her, rips my insides to shreds. She doesn't belong in the MC life, and I fear for her sanity if she's forced into The Life. She will never make it as an Old Lady; she has too much independence, too much free spirit to live that life. But without the benefit of a husband to stand for her, she will be under the rule of Gemma and Clay for what I know would be a short, miserable life. For how long can a child survive without love? She won't find it from her mother, and Clay; Jackson will, I have no doubt. I've already seen Clay grooming him for the MC way of life, and 'Jax' is the apple of his mother's eye.
But as I glance at the members of this club –the men I used to call my brothers –I know my daughter will find no happiness with men like these. While not mean-hearted, none of them will ever love her. She's too different from what they think an Old Lad y should be. Even at the tender age of eleven, she is already so full of wonderment at the world. There's a kindness about her that I fear would not survive the process of becoming an Old Lady. And I know that no other man will tolerate her tinkering; a woman has few places in the MC life, and working as a mechanic, or repairman is not one of them.
I've asked Piney to keep an eye on her while I'm gone. In the midst of it all, he remains my rock of unshakable faith. He's the only one I trust completely anymore, and I know he loves Nick like his own daughter. I had hope for her and Harry –Piney's boy –but after Mary took him away, we haven't seen him, which I know breaks Piney's heart. I think watching out for my daughter will be as good for him, as it is for Nick and I.
But I have to end this now, Mo. Gemma will be back from 'errands' soon –as if I couldn't smell the mechanic shop on her, or Clay's aftershave, as if I'm blind to the messy hair, or smudges on her jeans –and I know she'll snoop through my belongings later. So I must finish, and get it ready to mail. Later, after she's settled in for the night, I'll sneak out to run my own 'errand'.
I can't wait to hold you in my arms again, Mo. Know that I miss you with all of my heart.
Yours forever,
JT
