"Codardo Verme? Is that correct?" a rather elderly teacher fussed over the paper in front of him. He looked to be around sixty, either about to retire of die, I couldn't tell. I was in no mood to discuss the life of an old guy. I was just about ready to set the room on fire but I'd refrain. If I made myself a most wanted criminal right of the bat I'd miss Japan's wonderful selection of fish. Which I hated. Fuck, it might have been worth it to set the whole country on fire. But that would be a dead give away to my identity. Surprisingly enough, keeping my name as Verme was quite the genius move. My family knew I hated the label more than anything and that I'd destroy an entire continent just to change it. But, then again, an Italian girl sticks out like a sore thumb in Japan. I hated this already. I'd spent over a day on a plane what with all the delays and runway congestion in the most uncomfortable clothing that existed just to be sent to a world of technology and short people, who still towered over me much to my resent.
It was the farthest most populated place I could think to go to but I was still easily recognized as different. I had hair roughly the same shade as blood and eyes that had been specially engineered to maintain a scarlet tint. My family's doctor happened to be somewhat of a medical genius and I'd been slaved over like a feast in the womb to make sure I could perfectly represent the Finas. And, I did. When one looked at me, they immediately thought of fire. Or at least my parents liked to think that, really it was more a 'Look at that freak' and then a short scoff. The second I got out of this dreaded school I'd dye it black and chop it all off. I'd buy myself a pair of brown contact lenses and make a new identity.
"No... That's just my nickname. I'm... Panda Orso?" I wanted to die the moment the words left my mouth. Exactly how stupid was I? My name was now Panda Bear instead of Coward Worm, how fucking fantastic. Glad to know the Finas missed having such a genius boss. I simply wasn't cut out for such a job; I was never destined for such huge responsibility. The simple pressure of killing someone was nothing compared to ruling over throngs of important men and women and having to make painstaking decisions for the well-being of my family. No, I'd much rather die a runaway than a mafia don. Even if it meant I had to be a panda for the rest of my life it was better than being a flame. I looked at the file beneath my toes, the feeling of a thousand eyes digging into my chest. A part of me hoped they were glaring straight at me, but the decent majority of my mind wished them to be staring through me and at the notes on the whiteboard. There was a tiny chunk of me that enjoyed attention and intensity, but it was far overtaken by the part that compelled me into the shadows. I knew a few people who loved being gawked at; however, I'd never learned anything from them. I was in no way mafia material.
The teacher gave me a confused glance, as if to say 'You're name's Panda? Seriously?' so I marched to my seat to avoid actually being asked that. I had been positioned in a desk next to a very smiley boy with spiked black hair. He looked amazingly airy, as if distracted by nothing but also everything. I still wanted to die. In fact, I wanted to kill myself now more than ever. But it would always be a fruitless endeavor what with my invincibility and all. Surprise everyone! I'm Jesus! I must be to be able to survive all the shit I've done to myself. One look at my wrists would make the strongest man lose his lunch. Every inch of me is covered in scars, the most noticeable of which being the gnarled remains of a slit throat. How does one live through having their throat slit with a straight razor?
Their name is Codardo Verme, or now Panda Orso. I've even attempted the ancient Japanese form of suicide; I tried to cut my entrails out with a sword. But that only ended in a two month, medically induced coma and me receiving some dead chick's liver and a piece of her intestines. She was a suicide victim; she actually died instead of just forcing her body further down the shitter like me. I jumped off a building once and escaped with nothing more than a gash because of a conveniently placed garbage truck. I'm the luckiest person when it comes to dying which means I'm completely unlucky. It's like good fortune is just fucking with me for the sake of entertainment. I've lived through things that would kill a cockroach, true story.
And, right now, that open window is giving hope to the hopeless. No garbage trucks, no dumpsters, just cold, hard cement. If I go head-first I'll die! And then I won't have to run anymore. I won't have to put knives in toasters and shove forks in electrical sockets anymore, I won't have to slit my wrists again or cut the femoral artery a second time. I'll be dead and no one will ever be able to force me to have responsibilities again! No, I couldn't let myself fall for it the billionth time. I'd just jump out the window and break my arm or snap my leg and give myself a nasty concussion. But the weaker I make my body, the less it can withstand. It would definitely be worth it, right? Of course. Then, in the hospital, I can electrocute myself or overdose on something in one of the medicine supply rooms. Maybe I'm just a bit smarter than I give myself credit for! I could feel a smile creep across my cheeks. This would work perfectly. I'd probably die upon impact anyway! I stood from my desk with a strange sense of bravery and valiance. Relief, most of all, because I'd never have to look at another fire again if I did this. The spikes haired male gave me a strange look and I thought maybe the teacher said something. But who fucking cared? I was going to be dead soon enough. Ha! I climbed up on the sill, pushing the glass further open to see the rainy day just in front of me.
And, despite the loud screeches that attempted to discourage me, I threw my body out into the chilled reality.
Only to find that I'd lied.
Well, well. I finally got my shit together and managed to put this out here! Maybe I would have been more inclined to finish with more reviews *coughcough*. Sorry for the shortness as well, maybe they'd be longer if I had some inspiration *coughcough*. X3 Just kidding(Not at all joking), thanks for even reading this! Leave some love, mooncalves!
~DNS
