A/N: Sorry, School is worse than I imagined. Not only do I have to study like a madwoman, but all my creativity gets sucked out in the process. So sorry for my slow writing ;( THANK YOU FOR ALL THOSE AWESOME REVIEWS. Sometimes I am discouraged thinking no one reads my stuff so you guys really helped me out with your kind words. Thank you so much! And sorry for the typos.
I still hope you like it. And maybe you want to check out my new Oneshot "Things we lost in fire"
Chapter 2
Forgotten were all those questions about the mysterious case of Blaine being responsible for someone´s suffering as Kurt lost his head when spending time with Blaine. With single Blaine, the one potentially having a thing for him. On some days questions were right at the tip of his tongue, waiting to be shared through touch and taste.
Do you like me? Do you really, really like me?
His lips remained sealed though, his mind remembering all the times he had been rejected and being afraid of repetition. At night he would promise himself to do better the next day, just to blush and giggle at everything Blaine said and going to bed with another promise. He´d have complained about himself if it weren´t for content he felt just being friends.
Over the span of a week they had gotten much closer, shoulders brushing while they watched movies, Blaine occasionally shedding some light on small secrets like his favorite song and the constant hand on Kurt´s shoulder or arm whenever they talked. It was as if Kurt had unwillingly built up a barrier between them that was now gone after Sebastian was out of the picture. While his boundaries were gone he could feel him tumbling closer and closer to the edge he would hardly be able to climb up again once tipped over.
Sitting in Blaine´s living room, on his own place while his head rested on Blaine´s shoulder, he felt rough hands, skin hard from work Blaine never talked about, knuckles red from activities unknown, drawing gentle circles into the skin of his knee. His touch was feather light, just like the way he treated Kurt when he was rough to the rest of the world.
Kurt snuggled closed, hiding parts of his face inside Blaine´s neck as the heat crept up his cheeks. It was embarrassingly easy to slip into this kind of friendship with the potential of more when it felt like this. The hair in Blaine´s nape tickled Kurt´s forehead and wave over wave swept him further into a state of total bliss.
"Tired, Kurty?"
"Yeah. Sometimes I think school sucks out not only or energy but parts of our soul as well."
Blaine chuckled, his chest vibrating under Kurt´s hand. He was startled and wanted to scramble up when he felt Blaine lean back into the couch, but he was gently held back from that. Soft strokes on his back kept him in place while he relaxed into his new position. Habitually he tried to lessen his weight that was now pressing on Blaine's lying body until he was tired of it.
Through the thin fabric of Blaine´s shirt he could hear his heartbeat drumming like a clock, louder than the background noises of a rom com running on the TV. Kurt sighed, closing his eyes against the suddenly too bright screen.
"What was the Beatles song for?" Kurt asked in a hushed manner. Somehow the atmosphere seemed to call for that.
"What Beatles song? I heard one of their songs was supposed to be about an egg but the producers didn´t like it. Was it Yesterday?"
"While that sounds like an interesting story I actually meant the sheets for a song I found on your couch last week."
Kurt´s eyes were heavy when he attempted to open them so he gave up trying. Against the dark he drew shapes onto Blaine´s upper chest, from time to time letting a heart slip into the otherwise thoughtless scribbles.
"Oh. Oh those were for- school. Uhm we had this assignment-"
Kurt smiled despite the disappointment that settled in."You are such a terrible liar, it´s not even funny."
"Am not!"
"oh-ohm-oh yes you are." Kurt mocked him. His tired eyes opened right when they heard the deep laugh, as if straining to see it like they hadn´t before. He was pretty sure that his heart beat wildly enough that Blaine could feel it.
"Fine. If you make fun of me you will never hear the song I wanted to sing to you."
It had slipped out, that much was clear by the Blaine slapping his face right after. Through the spaces between his fingers his amber eyes peeked through judging Kurt´s reaction. Apparently he deemed himself safe because shortly after he freed his face of his hand and startled Kurt by singing.
Throughout the song their eyes never looked away, barely blinked because neither wanted to break the spell. It was "Can´t buy me love" and sung with such passion and emotion that Kurt certainly felt sad it ended so soon. His skin felt cold without the constant humming of Blaine´s chest.
"Blaine, your voice is beautiful. Why make me wait so long to hear you sing?"
When he felt a hand gentle settling his head back on Blaine´s chest he let it. This time his eyes closed and wouldn´t open up again. Not even when he heard him answer: "You will have to be patient with me. I am not an open book for anyone to read but you´ll get one secret at a time."
Kurt stirred. "Are they the good kind of secrets or the Desperate Housewives ´I-buried-a-corpse-of-the-man-I-murdered´ kind?"
"You´ll know when you get them."
Wanting to tease him into spilling his beans, Kurt started to tickle Blaine´s side. The body under his rocked and squirmed to make it stop.
"Tell me! Tell me now." He demanded. "I want to know all of your secrets."
He was prepared for their usual banter and teasing but not for the rather harsh words coming from Blaine that turned the situation dead serious.
"No! Just stop asking these damn questions!"
Kurt´s eyebrows furrowed and had it not been for the gentle gaze returning to Blaine´s hateful eyes, he would have gotten up and left. Instead he felt his stiff body and his confused mind be settled and relaxed by soft strokes through his hair. Maybe he really had overstepped his boundaries. He had known that Blaine was defensive when it came to himself, just not to which degree.
"Sorry. That came out wrong." Blaine apologized and Kurt closed his eyes once more. "Sometimes I am rather secretive about myself but I´m really trying with you."
"I know. I shouldn´t have pressured you."
"Shh. Let´s just forget this and go back to being awesome. Do you wanna hear another song? I mean, if you want to."
Kurt grinned, snuggling further into the warm and firm chest that was the best pillow he had ever had. The hands over his body made him feel save and loved.
"I´d love that."
Kurt woke up in the middle of the night. His body had not shifted, it still lay on Blaine´s like they were Lego pieces stuck together. The bright light of the TV pinched in his eyes so he averted looking at the ad about some kitchen device and at Blaine instead.
His usually cheeky or dark features were gone at sleep, leaving a relaxed face and a gentle half-smile. His long lashes fanned over his cheeks and through his nose soft snoring noises escaped that Kurt would use if he ever had to blackmail him.
In this state of peace, Kurt closed his eyes once more and let the warmth of another body drag him back into the world of dreams.
The next time he awoke it was too loud banging against the door and a muffled voice that hid no anger of whoever thought it was important to wake them on a Saturday morning. Not quite coherent in his thoughts, Kurt sleepily rubbed his face on Blaine´s shirt. It smelled like him and for a second Kurt forgot why he had awoken and just sniffed a bit longer to commit it to his memories.
A more persistent knocking ripped him out of his mind state and he wanted to make the sounds shut up in the only way he could. Blaine was sleeping like a log, not even stirring when Kurt awkwardly lifted himself off his body and walked over to the front-door. No attempt of ridding himself of his bed-hair or hand-ironing his shirt worked so he gave up trying and opened the door.
For a second the two men stared at one another, both confused to see a stranger, but then they were set in motion again. Kurt yelped quietly when the stranger strode in and pushed him a little in the process.
"Hey! How about you tell me who you are before entering this apartment?"
The man of Asian heritage looked at him long and hard before a smirk broke the sinister expression.
"I would if I didn´t know that it´s not very likely that I´m going to see you again. So I´ll just call you Thing number 44 and ask you to wake Blaine. We have something important to discuss, so the morning sex will have to-"He gave him a condescending look. "wait."
Taken aback and tired he took a few seconds to reply. He knew people like that, had faced bullies often enough to not back down. "I don´t know what you´re implying but I assume small brains only process carnal needs like hunting and sex, so you are excused."
He didn't see him do it, Kurt only felt it when he was pressed to the wall by his collar, knuckles pressing into his throat. His head throbbed where it had collided with the bricks and nausea swept though his body at the numerous painful sensations.
"You better shut up or I will show you your place by breaking your legs and making you crawl."
"I-"
"You have insulted the wrong man. Do I look like someone like you would have a chance against me? Huh? Why so quiet suddenly? Cat got your tongue?"
He tried to remain strong and yet he couldn´t help but feel tears brim in his eyes while he defiantly didn´t lower them. The knuckles only pressed harder into his neck, making him choke a little and causing the stranger to smile. Kurt struggled, trying to kick him where he knew the stranger wouldn´t recover quickly but all attempts were futile.
"Let go of him." Another voice said, no trace of sleep left the boy recently had had. It was the dangerous tone Kurt had expected of Blaine when he had first met him in the elevator.
"Why?" The man demanded while making no attempt of complying."You really have to show your new Thing its place. It has to learn to be submissive and quiet when men are around."
"I said let go!"
The next thing Kurt knew was that he could breathe normally again and that the fear he felt was not because of the stranger, but because of Blaine. He couldn´t recognize the man he had fallen in love with in the angry features or the sudden outburst. It felt like facing two strangers now. One was pressing his attacker against the wall, not unlike he had been seconds ago, the other having lost its superior stance.
"Come on, Killer. Why so defensive? It was retribution for insulting me. We both know you understand when things get a little out of hand."
"Don´t fucking touch him. Don´t!" Blaine screamed.
"Calm down! Look, I brought your pills and you will get them after tonight. You´ll have all evening to work off your pent up anger, just let me go alright?"
"I don´t care you fucker! Don´t touch him! Don´t even look at him!"
Kurt shuddered and backed up a little. He told himself he didn´t have to be afraid of Blaine, that he knew the real him. But how come he had never seen this side? This dangerous rage emitted from someone he thought off as fluffball? He just didn´t understand.
"Okay. I won´t! Now calm the fuck down, you are having this phase again and I think you are scaring this Th- him."
"Don´t even mention him you little fucker or I´ll forget myself!"
His voice was tinier than he wanted to make it when he said: "Blaine? It´s okay. I-I-I´m alright." When that didn't have the effect he had longed for he carefully approached them and gently tried prying off Blaine´s hands of the man. "Please let go."
"But he fucking threatened you. He dared to hurt you!" Blaine roared, not a tad bit calmer. Only now his rage was intended for Kurt was well. "After all you´ve been through he just came into my home and did that to you!"
"Actually he was the first to-" The man quipped in just to be silenced by another outburst.
"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!"
There they stood, silent and unmoving. Only the harsh breath of Blaine could be heard for a few moments until he set in motion, pacing back and forth and running his hands through his hair repeatedly. Kurt watched, his fear slowly vanishing until it swung right back at him when he watched Blaine hit the brick wall.
"Shit!" Blaine yelled. "Shit you fucking- shit."
While he continued screaming profanities and raising his fist to pounce it mercilessly into the wall, Kurt walked up to him on autopilot. His mind was screaming in fright but he just wanted Blaine to stop hurting himself and he was delusional enough to believe calming words and a gentle touch would make that happen.
He never found out if it had because the stranger grabbed his wrist and yanked him back. The quiet whimper that left his mouth snapped Blaine out of his mindset and right into another rage when he saw Kurt´s arm being held by the man.
"I said you are not allowed to touch him!"
"Get out of here, idiot." The man hissed at him.
He was thrust through the door hat was shut right behind him. His breathing was labored while he stared at the door, hearing the muffled yells and profanities. Between that and thuds he couldn´t comprehend yet, he heard his name being yelled.
With shaky legs he made his way over to his apartment, seeking a place he would feel save again. For now he couldn´t form a clear thought and his hands shook heavily when he tried to press the key into the lock. Somehow he made it inside shortly after, but not much further because his legs gave in right after. Not even the cool wood of his door helped calming his warm body. Especially not when the walls were thin enough to hear every word that was yelled by the two men.
He tried to make sense of the fight but he was not in a state to think clear thoughts. Soon words were replaced with silence, but it didn´t help his heart slowing down. Silence could mean very different things and he wouldn´t want his mind to go there.
He strained to listen, only met with eerie quiet until a loud bang made him jump. Loud steps indicated someone getting closer and they were followed by heavy knocks shaking the door and him right with it.
"Kurt! Kurt open the fucking door. I need to know you´re okay."
Torn between wanting everything to be alright again and actually being scared of this Blaine he didn´t know he remained sitting. He just couldn´t bring himself to open the door to a stranger.
"Kurt! Please just open the door! He is gone! It´s just me!" Blaine yelled, his voice getting more desperate with each word.
Another heavy banging on the wood.
"Open the door for me. Please! He won´t hurt you. I just- I really need to see you!"
"It's not him I´m afraid of." Kurt whispered. He pressed his face into his bend knees.
"Kurt, please! Kurt open the door."
The pleading went on for several minutes, broken once when a neighbor complained about the ruckus before back paddling inside after Blaine had snapped at him.
He heard the last attempt a bit later when the tears were already flowing down his cheeks.
"Kurt. Kurt just- please. I´m so sorry."
Then the steps retreated, down the stairs, making the silence louder than Kurt had ever heard.
He had never thought avoiding someone could be that hard. Not only did he have to get up earlier and alone, riding the elevator without Blaine was bleak. Even harder was convincing his heart that he was okay without him and that what he did was right.
But the hardest, the one thing that kept him awake at night, was not being scared anymore and having clear enough thoughts to know that Blaine wouldn´t hurt him. Stranger or not, Blaine would never hurt him, of that he was sure. One week passed with ignoring Blaine and the longing increased. Still, if it had not been for one of Rachel Berry´s rants about Blaine and school and love, he wasn´t sure if life had gone as it did.
While it did peak his interest and he was just about to finally listen to the rumor, someone knocked on his door.
"-and then he just cut me off. I have never felt that way and soon I-"
"Sorry, Rach. Someone is at the door. I have to go."
He could hear Blaine ask through the wood, this time almost a little too quiet. The protests of Rachel went unheard as he blindly pressed the button to end the call.
His hand remained on the doorknob for a long time and yet not long enough to make his heart slow its beat. When he finally brought himself to give in to the longing ache he was face to face with a basket with legs. His eyebrows rose in confusion before Blaine´s head emerged from behind the various gifts inside of the basket.
"Kurt, can I come in? Or could you at least take this as an apology, because I might drop it any second."
Kurt stepped aside to let him enter, watching a DVD fall from the pile. Blaine proceeded going into the living room section of his home, while he picked it up. It was Mulan, Kurt´s favorite.
"What exactly is this, Blaine?" He asked coming into the room. The things brought with Blaine now lay scattered on his couch table, Blaine behind it nervously rubbing his wrist. After such a long time not seeing him, Kurt still know any shade his eyes could have even if they were currently looking at the floor.
"This is my way of apologizing for being the biggest jerk. I didn´t know what to get you. Flowers seemed too simple, playbills too much. So I bought anything I remembered you mentioning you liked. M & M´s, Nerds, hot cocoa with whip cream- though I just bought the ingredients and I thought I´d make it for you while you relaxed with some wine and a good DVD. And yunno, Snuffle-" Blaine held up a little toy crocodile, it´s filling flattened with time and it´s green fabric darkened."I had him since I was three and he way with me when I was scared at the dentist or had nightmares and I thought-. I thought you needed him."
"Why do you do that?"
Blaine took a couple of steps forward, Snuffle pressed tightly to his chest. It was almost comical seeing a tough guy with tattoos and piercings cuddling with a toy. "Because I was an asshole and I scared you and I am so sorry for acting that way. I was not myself that day."
"No, I mean, why would you buy all these things when I all I want is an explanation." Kurt replied.
"I´m afraid it´s not that easy."
"It is that easy. I am here to listen and to understand and not to judge. Don´t you remember? All those people judge but we keep on shining. You keep on shining in my eyes. I just need to understand."
"I can´t tell you everything to be honest. Not yet at least."
"Well then what can you tell me? Apart from saying you´re sorry?"
Blaine´s eyes got wider and glistened with emotions he would never be able to express that vividly. Kurt understood though, his heart open and grieving, not letting him off the hook despite that.
"I am sorry."
"And what exactly are you sorry for?" Kurt took a seat, weighted down by the fight." For your outburst or me having seen it?"
"Both."
"I thought so." Not meeting Blaine´s eye, he picked on a muffin. He felt the burden of the next words clog him more than the pastry did ."If you don´t have anything to say, maybe you should leave."
It came out as a whisper. Blaine stood there, not moving and not talking either. Kurt suspected that neither of them looked at each other, avoiding the pain that would come with it.
He only realized how much he had yearned for that outcome when Blaine sat down next to him, prying off his hands from a plastic back. His knuckles where bloody and blue, swollen on most places and still he held Kurt´s hand as if it was made out of porcelain rather than skin and bone. As if he was the broken one.
And maybe they he was as well.
When Blaine started to speak he sounded the most vulnerable he ever had.
"I am in treatment for anger control, but sometimes I just flip out. I can´t remember details of that day but when I saw you in danger it was as if- as if someone had flipped the switch and I couldn´t control myself anymore. There was no point in trying to hold back because I wanted to keep you save."
"Are these issues what those pills the guy mentioned are for?"
"Sadly, yes." He admitted as if seeking help in medication made him weak when the contrary was the case. Before Kurt could ask why the stranger would provide him with those pills though, Blaine cut in. "But I swear to you, no matter how uncontrolled I get, I would never hurt someone I love. Never."
Kurt nodded, but couldn´t help but ask: "Have you ever hit Sebastian?"
"To be honest, I did. A year ago or so he said something really, really bad and I hit him. I wouldn´t say it was this- this uncontrollable monster inside of me though. It was my own decision to teach him some manners and he hit me right back."
"And how do you know it won´t happen with me?"
"Because you are different, Kurt." Blaine´s gaze was intense and Kurt was rendered unable to look away. Caught in a spider web of half-truths and feelings. "Because I´m in love with you. Have been for a while and you are the best thing that could have ever happened to me. And I say that in fear of losing you because of those feelings and in hopes you feel the same way. I love you. I am wrecked and wrong but I will try even harder for you. It is you who finally has set a goal for me to overcome this."
"Blaine, I-"
"I can promise you that I will never hurt you. Never! I know you think I´m lying to you but I am not. Someday you will be the only one knowing all of my demons if you want to. I know the water is rough right now but- I guess I should stop talking now."
"I don´t know if I can trust you yet." Kurt confessed. "Not after that."
"Okay." As if stung, Blaine´s hand let go. Kurt was lucky he remained seated long enough for him to explain.
"Hey. Stop moping." He gently raised Blaine´s chin with a finger."I would say yes to dating though. I want to get to know you even better and just because I am already in love with you, doesn´t mean we can´t test the waters first."
"You love me too?" Blaine asked. It broke something inside of Kurt to hear the disbelief and the joy. As if it was hard to fall in love with Blaine.
"I love you." He said with conviction. "It´s too soon for us to say that, right before our first date, huh?"
"Who cares? I´m in love with you, Kurt. Is it also too early to ask for a kiss?"
Kurt grinned."No!"
And then they both leaned in, not quite meeting their lips perfectly at first try, but at second and it was perfect. Kurt did not have many kisses to compare this one to, but he felt in his core that it was the first that felt this right. It felt surreal to have those hands, bruised by brutality, cup his cheeks. No one had ever made him feel this way and beyond all point of comprehension, he knew that Blaine would keep his promise. Whatever was to come, Kurt would never forget the taste and feel of his lips or the words that had been on them seconds prior.
Their first date was taking place right in Kurt´s apartment the same night. Together they stuffed themselves and the other with tons of sweets Kurt would regret eating the next day. How things could feel familiar and different, Kurt couldn´t grasp, but it was too good a feeling to not dwell in it.
"I feel ten pounds heavier." Blaine exclaimed. Currently he was lying with his head in Kurt´s lap, rubbing his stomach."Would you still love me if I was chubby."
"Do I really look that shallow to you?"
"Well, you are pretty concerned about you appearance, so who knows? Maybe you just fell for my awfully good looks."
He felt a mixture of being offended and happiness and went with the later one. Blaine had a point actually, he did look good and that contributed to his feelings. It was not the reason for his love though. It never would compare to how he felt about Blaine´s character and the chemistry that was right only when they were together.
"Wow. I never knew that I could smell exaggerated self-love but thanks to you I now discovered my new ability."
Blaine laughed, pulling him down to another kiss, as if there mouths were not swollen yet from the countless ones they´d already shared.
"You´re welcome." He whispered against Kurt´s lips. That led to another kiss, tongues tasting and wanting more.
Soon after, Kurt pulled away when the sensation was too much for their supposedly first date. "What now?"
"I can think of a thing or two." Blaine said seductively, his eyebrows wiggling.
Before he could give into the harmless try, Kurt stood up. A big smile appeared on his lips at Blaine´s yelp when his head landed on the cushion. Kurt leaned over, peering into the basket for the next thing they could do on their unusual date.
"Appears you have to live without my lap as your pillow." Kurt said over his shoulder.
"I´ve got a nice view in exchange for that."
Having spotted something very interesting he retrieved the devices and turned around. He took his time trying to understand what Blaine had meant until he followed his recent line of vision and blushed.
"I´m not sure if I should be flattered or offended by you for staring at my behind."
"It´s a nice ´behind´." Blaine commented with a smirk.
"You can thank Marc Jacob´s jeans for that."
"I´d rather thank you!"
Trying to divert the attention of his body, even though he did feel flattered to say the least, he showed Blaine what their next point of order was if he was up to it. In his hands there was a color palette and brushes.
"Ever been a tiger?"
Any face paint you want to see on Blaine? :D Maybe a duckling haha.
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